by Britney King
“Oh, shit.” Jack chuckled interrupting her. “You? Thinking? That’s pretty much guaranteed trouble.”
Amelie frowned and then bit her lip. She straightened and shifted to face him. “Are you going to let me finish or not?”
He chugged his coke. “Finish.”
“So… I’ve given this a lot of thought. And… I think you and I should just have sex and get it over with.”
Jack swallowed hard and choked as it went down the wrong way. “Um. No,” he managed when he finally recovered.
She glared at him with a determined expression written across her face. “So… what you’re saying, Jack Harrison… is that you don’t want to fuck me?”
Jack looked away. Never look away, he reminded himself. “No. Amelie. I do not want to fuck you.” Other things he thought, but not fuck.
She dumped what remained of her coke, carefully removed his drink from his hand, and placed it on the ground. She stood up, pushed him backward, and climbed on top, straddling him. Jack didn’t resist. He was too amused and maybe even a little powerless to stop the train wreck which was surely about to happen. She pinned his arms above his head, and he let her. Don’t let it go this far, he warned himself.
Amelie searched his eyes before a wide grin swept across her face. “Whew! Well. I’m glad. Actually, that’s the best news I’ve heard all day, Jack! Because I was worried that we were about to find ourselves in real trouble here.”
With one fell swoop, Jack flipped her over on her back and climbed off the hammock. “You’re insane,” he called over his shoulder, letting the trailer door slam behind him.
Several hours later, Jack froze when he felt the bed dip. Amelie pulled the covers back and crawled in beside him. He hadn’t been sleeping, but his best defense he decided at that moment was to pretend that he was now. “Jack.” She shook him. “Jack?” He mumbled and scooted further away. “Jack! Wake up! I can’t sleep.”
She wasn’t going to give up, was she? Some small part of him was satisfied with the answer. He rolled over and faced her. “And? What is it you want me to do about it?”
“I want you to talk to me… please?” She sounded so meek that if he weren’t so busy forcing himself to be annoyed, he might’ve almost felt sorry for her.
Jack shifted. “Fine.”
She scooted toward him and curled her body around his. He stiffened.
“Tell me about her.”
“About who?” He knew exactly whom it was she meant.
“Your mom.” Amelie replied softly.
“What do you wanna know?” he asked with as much exasperation in his voice as he could muster. It had been so long since he’d spoken of his mother that he wasn’t sure where to even start. He was also afraid that if he started speaking he might never stop.
“Whatever you want to tell me.”
Jack took a deep breath. “She was beautiful and happy. And then one day she got sick. From there, she just got sicker and sicker… until any sign of the mother that I’d known was gone. It was as if she’d just faded away.”
“I’m so sorry,” Amelie whispered in the dark. “I’ve never really thought of it this way but… I guess I was pretty lucky.”
“That’s bullshit, Amelie. You weren’t lucky.”
“I really was, though. One day he was there. And the next he wasn’t. At least, I can remember him the way he was, you know.”
“Yeah, well… At least I got to say goodbye. I got a thousand goodbyes.” Jack was lying. Although he wasn’t sure why. He’d never said goodbye. Even though he knew he should have said it, even though there were a thousand chances, he hadn’t had it in him.
“Sometimes… I feel like I can’t picture him anymore. Like I’m forgetting him… I forget the way he looked when he smiled. The sound of his voice. The way his hand felt wrapped around mine. And it hurts so badly, Jack. It hurts so fucking bad. Sometimes, it’s so painful I can’t breathe. Like the pain just sucks all of the air out of me… until there’s nothing left. I don’t want to forget. I really don’t. But I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make it stop. It hurts to remember. But it hurts even more to forget.” She paused briefly. “Do you ever feel that way…?”
Jack pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her. He let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Every single day.”
SEVEN
Click. Click. Click. Jack opened his left eye, just barely peeking out. He knew that sound well. He pulled at the covers and yanked them over his head.
Amelie laughed. “Wake up! I got some really great shots of the sunrise. Oh... and I have an idea!”
“Do you ever sleep?” Jack grumbled.
“Hardly. If you must know, it’s one of my best qualities.”
He pulled the covers harder and tucked them under his head for good measure. “I’m sure.”
Amelie toppled over him with a thud. “Well? Do you want to hear my idea or not?”
“So there’s a choice?”
She slapped his back and pulled at the covers. “Of course, there’s not. But you could at least play along. Anyway, so… I’m about to turn fifteen, and I’ve never seen a beach.”
Jack peeled back the covers. “What? You’ve never seen a beach? Ever? How is that possible? You live in Texas, for god sake...”
Amelie shook her head. “Never.”
“So you want to go to the beach?”
She smiled. “Yeah, but that’s not all.”
Jack sighed and pulled the covers back over his head. After a few seconds, he changed his mind and decided to hear her out. He tossed the covers aside and sat up. “And why am I not surprised?”
Amelie searched his face as though she were trying to place something.
“What?” he demanded.
“Nothing. Anyway… here’s my idea… You said you had two days before you had to be back home, right?” She didn’t wait for a response. She didn’t even pause to take a breath between words. “Ok, since we have two days, and there are two of us, I say each of us should get to pick where we want to go. And what we want to do with our time.”
Jack looked confused. That was her big idea? Seriously? “All right,” he said.
“Ok. Good. Now… here’s the kicker. If my day is more fun than yours, then we make our little road trip three days instead of two.” And there it was. He should’ve known there was more. She continued. “But if your day is more fun, you take me home. Just like we planned.”
“And how is this in any way beneficial for me?”
“Duh! For one, you get to have fun. Something I’m pretty sure you’ve never had.”
She had been wrong. THAT was the kicker. Right to his balls. She thought he was boring. “You think I’m not fun?”
Amelie’s smile faded, and her expression turned serious. “I wouldn’t know because you’re always so pissed off. Do you even know, Jack? What do you think? Do you think you are fun?”
“Yeah. I do.” Another lie. He half-heartedly threw a pillow at her, and then climbed out of bed.
Amelie cornered him at the tiny sink. She sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you mad. I was just trying to be honest.”
Jack looked down at her and smiled. She wanted to bet… ok. Fine, he could handle that. It was too bad for her she didn’t quite understand that betting was his forte. “Ok. But if I win, you have to promise me that you’ll keep your virginity for at least another year.” He paused and rubbed his hand along the length of his jawline. “Wait… you are a virgin, aren’t you?”
The look she gave him told him exactly where he should go. “Why would I promise you that?”
Jack smiled. “Because you want to go to the beach. And I have a car.”
She hesitated. He didn’t. “And because apparently, you have no idea just how fun I can be.”
Jack stuck out his hand. She smiled wryly and placed her hand in his. “Here’s to you, Jack Harrison, proving me wrong.”
He shook. “To y
ou, Amelie Rose, for not proving me right.”
Jack and Amelie took turns showering, turned in the keys to the camper, and headed south toward the coast. They’d decided day one would be hers (ladies first) since they were doing what she wanted to do anyway by going to the beach. They stopped to buy Amelie film and the snacks that she insisted upon—snacks that Jack was pretty sure would kill him before he turned of age. She forced him to at least try one of each of them, because it was her day after all. She also demanded that they stop to photograph every single thing that peaked her interest. She forced him to pull over so that she could photograph trees, bridges, cattle, and once a train. Come on, she’d said. “Someday we’ll have grandchildren, though not together, and they’ll want to see these pictures. It’s practically our duty to have as much fun as possible before we get old.” But Jack knew better. His grandkids would careless about seeing old photographs.
Since it was Amelie’s day, she’d informed Jack that she also had control of the radio. She played and sang aloud to music that Jack thought might be ok, if one were mostly deaf. Although, the way she sang without reservation, the way she giggled when she got the words wrong, made Jack hate it just a little bit less. And though he pretended otherwise, Jack was fairly certain he was having the time of his life. This must be as good as it gets, he told himself. That, and he found himself noticing things he might not have otherwise. If only he hadn’t made that damned bet. He noticed the way the sun reflected off her hair, the way the blue sky matched her eyes, and the way her pinky toe was just ever so slightly different from its counterpart. To clear his mind, Jack put the top down and let his mind drift to nothing but the road in front of him. They drove on for a very long time without speaking. She reached for his hand, and he didn’t pull away.
It was Amelie who broke the silence. “Jack?”
He glanced over and raised an eyebrow.
“Thanks for being my friend.”
He eyed her legs propped up on his dashboard but quickly looked away.
“The pleasure’s all mine, kid.”
Amelie leaned her head against the passenger side window and soaked up the sun. She could practically taste the salt on her tongue and feel the sand between her toes. She was so close, she thought. So close.
Jack pulled the car into a parking lot that read Public Beach. He parked the car and turned to Amelie, who seemed worlds away. “So what’s your plan?”
She turned suddenly and appeared confused. “My plan?”
Jack raised his voice but spoke slowly “Yeah. Your plan. Where are we staying? What are we doing while we’re here? Where do you want to eat?”
Amelie slapped her forehead. “Oh! Yeah, how could I forget? My plan! My plan, Jack, is to have no plan.”
Jack snickered. “That is quite possibly the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Somehow, I find that really hard to believe,” she said as she opened the door and climbed out. She was halfway to the water with her shoes off before he managed to catch up. She plopped herself down in the sand, dug her feet in, and turned to him. “I don’t get you, Jack Harrison. If you say you’re going to let me call the shots, then let me.”
Jack looked away toward the water. “I’m sorry. I thought I was.”
She picked up a handful of sand and watched it slip through her fingers. “Really? Hence the twenty questions back there.”
“Look, I’m just not all that great at giving up control. So sue me,” Jack said, glaring at her.
Amelie looked out at the tide. “It’s really beautiful, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is,” he whispered, not taking his eyes off her.
“Do you ever think of quitting, Jack?”
He studied her face, not quite sure what she meant. “Quitting what?
“Life.”
Jack shifted his whole body toward her then. “Amelie. What in the fuck are you talking about?” he demanded.
“You know, doesn’t it all feel like too much sometimes? Like it just takes so much effort… and you’re not sure you have it in you to keep going. I think maybe I just feel too much. I feel so much all at once sometimes that it’s overwhelming. So much joy. So much pain. And I just want to tap out, you know. To numb it. Or make it go away… I don’t know. For once, I’d like to know what it would be like to feel nothing at all.”
She seemed so despondent that Jack took her by the shoulders, pressing harder than he intended. He stared her straight in the eye. “No, Amelie, I don’t. I’ve never felt that way. Never. You do know that this isn’t normal, right?”
She gave a half-hearted smile. “What’s normal, anyway?”
“Well, not giving up for starters.”
“Then make me want to live, Jack. I’m telling you this because I need you to make me want to live. Because I’m honestly not sure I can do it on my own.”
Jack exhaled and ran his fingers through his hair. “Ok. Just give me some time,” he said. Even he could hear the desperation in his voice. Finally, he added, “You’re right. We should do it your way. You’ll call the shots. And the plan is that we have no plan. How does that sound…?”
She looked down at the sand and then back up at him. “Fun. It sounds like fun.”
EIGHT
Amelie watched Jack as he studied the IHOP menu. It might as well have been the Sunday page of the Times, she commented more than once. “We’re at the International House of Pancakes,” she said grabbing for the menu. He leaned back, keeping it away. “What could possible be taking you so long to decide? It’s really pretty simple, you see. We’re here. You order breakfast.”
Jack dropped the menu just a tad so that all she saw were his deep green eyes peeking over the top. She decided a long time ago that he had kind eyes. Although, she would never tell him that. Jack wasn’t the kind of person who wanted anyone to think of him as kind. That much about him she knew. “It’s the middle of the afternoon,” he remarked. “Maybe, I don’t want breakfast.”
She scowled. “I just don’t understand how anyone could not want breakfast. That’s crazy.”
Jack sighed. And she thinks I’m the crazy one…
Amelie lowered her voice, leaned forward, and crept halfway across the booth. “I think we should check into a hotel,” she whispered. “A really fancy one. You know… the kind with room service.”
“Ok,” Jack answered, his mind halfway focused on what she was saying, the other half clearly somewhere else. He organized his silverware in a neat line and picked up the menu. He just needed to think. Why wouldn’t she shut up and let him think?
Amelie snatched the menu from his hands. “Well… aren’t you going to ask how? I mean… we’re not even old enough to get a room.”
Jack knew that didn’t matter. People can always be bought. He didn’t tell her that though. He simply stared for a really long time until she broke the silence. Which was another valuable lesson Jack learned that summer—when you’re dealing with women, it’s best not say everything that’s on your mind. The less you say, the better it is for you. He learned that women do not think like men. End of story.
She leaned in closer, further invading his space. “I have my mom’s credit card. Don’t worry, she never checks the bill.” Amelie waved her hand around in the air as though she were swatting at something. Jack’s eyes followed her hand. “Her accountant deals with all of that. So, anyway, I’ve seen Home Alone enough times now… I’m pretty sure I know how this stuff works.”
He frowned, looking back at her. “I can pay for the room, Amelie. We don’t need your mom’s money.”
“That isn’t the point, silly. A credit card makes us look official.”
Jack massaged his temples. Let it go, he told himself. He was tired and hungry and emotionally spent. He ordered pancakes and decided it was time to tell her his secret.
Jack parked in the lot adjacent to the hotel where Amelie had insisted upon reserving a room. He watched her as she got out and went in all the while thinking what a terri
ble idea this was. He leaned across the steering wheel and rested his head on the steering wheel as he contemplated what telling her the truth about him would really mean. On one hand, she would likely leave him alone for good this time, but on the other, she seemed so unpredictable, who knew what she might do. He was lost in thought when Amelie suddenly appeared out of nowhere, put her face next to his ear, and shouted boo. Jack jumped causing the horn to blow. He leaned back, which she clearly took as an invitation to stick her body half way through the driver side door. He looked at her, puzzled. Had she lost her mind? Amelie grinned from ear to ear and waved a key card in this face. “I did it! I did it! I did it!” she exclaimed, over and over, her eyes wild.
“You did it,” Jack said, matter of factly. Honestly, he wasn’t sure she could do it. So much so that he’d already planned what he would say to the front desk when he hit up the hotel across the street once she’d come back, and her (non!) plan hadn’t worked out. Much to his surprise though, she somehow had managed to pull it off.
“Come,” she said tugging on his arm. “I scoped out a back entrance you can take. I’ll meet you at the room.” She glanced at the key card and inspected it. “It’s number… 420.”
Jack put his palm on the top of her head and gently pushed it back through the window. He opened the door and stepped out. “I don’t need to take the back entrance. They really don’t care that much in these kinds of places.”
She leaned against the car, looking deflated. “Maybe they do, Jack. How sure would you say you are about that, anyway? Ninety percent sure? Eighty-five percent?”
Maybe it was her smart mouth, maybe it was the fact she was talking to him in percentages, maybe it was the setting sun or the salty air blowing across her face, or maybe he would never know what made him do it, but Jack leaned forward, grabbed her face with both his hands and kissed her harder than he’d kissed anyone, ever.