by Britney King
“You’re the one who left in the middle of the night! I tried, Amelie. I begged you not to go. And you left anyway.”
“I wrote you! You’re the one who disappeared for two fucking years, Jack, That’s on you.”
“Yeah, well, we’ve already discussed that…” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t get your letters.”
“You didn’t think… not even once that maybe I needed you? Look at the condition I was in when you left… and then nothing…”
“You told me you didn’t love me that night, Amelie. What was I supposed to do?”
“Oh, I don’t know… how about be a fucking friend and find out where I was… how I was doing. How about not disappearing for two years! That would’ve been a good place to start!” she hissed.
Jack walked to her and kneeled on the floor below her. He rested his chin on her lap. “Amelie, I spent the whole night when I left the hospital going through every book I could find on mental illness. And the next morning, I took everything I’d found back to the hospital to prove those assholes wrong, that you weren’t mentally ill. I tried. I did. But you left. You were gone. I called your mom. I called several inpatient hospitals… but no one would tell me anything, no one would give me any information. At the time, I thought I’d tried everything.” He picked up his head and shrugged. “Looking back now, maybe I didn’t. But what was I supposed to do?”
She ran her fingertips along the bottom of her eyelids wiping the tears that had spilled over. “I don’t know. I just don’t understand why you’re doing this now. I was happy. I was fine. I’d gotten my life together… and then all of a sudden you show up and suddenly everything seems to be unraveling again.”
“I know. And I’m sorry. But I needed to be sure. I couldn’t walk down that isle and not be sure.”
She deadpanned. “You should have been sure the moment you asked the question, Jack.”
He nodded a sign of assent. “I thought I was.”
“Then what’s changed?” she asked half-heartedly.
“Everything.”
The next morning, Amelie and Jack met their guide, a middle-aged man in the lobby. He glanced back and forth between them as though he couldn’t believe the two half-asleep, apathetic creatures that stood before him could possibly be his charges. He checked his watch, ushered them toward the hotel entrance, speaking over his shoulder as he walked. “Better get to it, we’ve got a pretty full day.”
First, the guide drove them to a small fishing boat, which they boarded for Videy Island where Amelie was to capture Videyjarstofa, which was known to be the oldest stone building in Iceland. Upon arrival, she took several shots, which she seemed pretty satisfied with. She said she was ready to leave, but their guide insisted on taking a smoke break, so she and Jack agreed to explore a little and hiked the surrounding paths around the island. “I’m going to do it,” he uttered with confidence. “I’ve made up my mind, and I’m going through with it,” Jack remarked, and then studied her face.
Amelie jabbed him hard in the stomach. “That’s wonderful. Really, great news,” she said, brushing past him.
“Hey. That hurt, damn it,” he yelled after her.
She stopped and turned, her hands on her hips. “Yeah? Well, it was meant to.”
They stopped briefly for lunch before traveling on to Strokkur where Amelie was to shoot several time-lapse shots of the Strokkur Geysir erupting. They drove on in silence, sitting at opposite ends of the backseat, putting as much space between one another as was physically possible. For the remainder of their time, Jack watched Amelie work but did his best to keep his distance. He watched the crystal clear water pool at the surface, bubble, and then erupt. He marveled as it shot upward toward the murky blue sky and decided it was one of the most fascinating things he’d ever seen.
After an hour or so, Amelie appeared pleased with herself and motioned that it was time to go. He opened the car door for her and slid in beside her. He tread carefully as he spoke. “Get what you needed?”
She furrowed her brow and pursed her lips. “Always.”
She was being coy, he knew. “How long does it typically take you on average to get a shot you’re happy with?”
She turned her head and eyed him mischievously. “Oh… I got the shot I wanted within the first five minutes… the other fifty-five, I spent taking it all in.”
“So it’s gonna be like this, huh?”
She smiled, wryly. “I’m not sure I know what you mean,” she paused and held up her hands making quotations in the air, “when you say like this.”
Jack exhaled slowly. “I know you’re angry with me about what I said earlier.”
She didn’t miss a beat. “And I know that you’re trying to force my hand.”
The guide eyed them in the rear view mirror. Amelie, with all of her misplaced anger, shot him a go to hell look at which point he promptly focused his gaze back on the road. “Force your hand? Force your hand to do what?” Jack scoffed. “I swear… that has to be the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Amelie leaned forward and peered at the driver. She spoke calmly, her voice giving nothing away. “Excuse me, sir. Can you please pull the car over?” The driver slowed and did as she asked. She yanked at the passenger door handle, got out, and slammed it behind her. Jack followed out the opposite door. She lunged at him, but he dodged her by stepping back quickly. “Yes! Yes. I am fucking crazy. Is that what you want to hear? Well, guess what? I might be crazy, Jack Harrison, but you… YOU are full of shit.”
He laughed, clearly amused, which only seemed to fuel her anger. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah. Fuck you, Jack. I am not… I will not let you put this on me,” she spat. “I know what you’re trying to do. And if you don’t want to marry her, that’s all you. I will not be the one to call the shots for you!”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“Bullshit!” she screamed. “You want me to tell you not to marry her. Tell me that I’m wrong.”
Jack rubbed his temples.
“Tell me I’m wrong, Jack. I want to hear you say it.”
“You’re not wrong.” He relented. “Look, if you’ll give me a chance… I’ll explain.” He looked around. “But not here, ok?”
She didn’t budge. “Why not here?”
Jack looked at her as though she hadn’t heard anything he’d just said. He pretended as though she hadn’t just said the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. He gestured around them and spoke very carefully, slowly. “Because we’re in Iceland… on the side of the road… in the middle of fucking nowhere.”
She stared at him in defiance. He smiled, opened the car door, and motioned toward the backseat with his hand. “Get in the car, Amelie.”
She bit her lip and glanced from him to the car and back.
“Get in the goddamned car,” he ordered.
“Please.”
Reluctantly, she did as he asked.
The driver turned. “Lovers quarrels…” He sighed. “Why must I always get stuck with your kind?” he mocked.
Amelie rolled her eyes. “We are not lovers.”
Jack glared at her.
The driver pressed the gas pedal hard. He looked back and laughed. “The hell you’re not, lady.”
EIGHTEEN
Later that day, they took in an art museum, and then finally, what Amelie had been most looking forward to, The Blue Lagoon—one of the most visited places in all of Iceland. A man made lagoon, which had been turned into a spa that was fed by the water output from a nearby geothermal power plant. It was one of the most beautiful places she had ever seen, and Amelie continued taking pictures long after Jack had been in the water.
“You’re coming in, right?” he called.
Amelie nodded, finally putting her equipment away. She stripped down and tiptoed into the water before inching back out a little. It was warmer than she’d expected.
“What time is it?” he asked as he wrapped his arms around her and pul
led her in deeper.
“After midnight, I believe,” she answered quietly.
“It’s crazy how light it is. How it doesn’t get dark here...”
“Well, not in June, anyway.”
He kissed her bare shoulder and dug his face into her neck. “I’m sorry about earlier. You know, it sounds crazy, but even the worst of times with you somehow still end up being the best times of my life. I really am glad I came.”
“Oh, yeah?” She pulled back a little, smiled, and then playfully splashed water in his face.
“Yeah.” He grabbed her before she could gauge his next move and pretended he was going to dunk her. Instead, he pulled back a little and tucked a piece of hair, which had strayed from her ponytail, behind her ear. “You’re right. I did want to force your hand. But it isn’t just for the reason you think…”
“It doesn’t matter. Asking that of me for any reason is wrong. You have to see that.”
“I do. Now, I do anyway. It’s just that… well, I guess I wanted to know if you love me the way I love you. If you love me enough…”
Amelie let him pull her in closer. She wrapped her legs around his waist and traced her fingers along his back. “You… Jack Harrison… I could never love enough.”
“But what does that even mean? What I’m asking, Amelie… is could you see yourself spending the rest of your life with me?”
She swallowed. “That’s a lot to ask of a girl, you know.”
He pulled away and looked directly at her. “A lot… or too much?”
Amelie bit her lip. “I haven’t quite decided yet.”
They next morning, they ordered breakfast in their room. It would be their final day together, and Amelie had just a few more venues to shoot—another museum and national park were on her agenda, both of which she hoped to get done early in the day.
After spending most of the night entangled in each other, they spent much of the morning in silence—it appeared that neither of them had much to say, but what they lacked in spoken word they made up for with tension. Amelie toyed with her eggs as her mind drifted back over the previous night. She thought about how Jack’s hands felt on her body. The way all the best parts of him had fit so neatly with all the best parts of her. She thought about the way the words lingered on his lips as he whispered her name when he came. She recalled the low, smooth tone in his voice when he told her he’d love her forever as he simultaneously trailed kisses along her spine. She glanced up at him now, noting the way he gulped his coffee, and suddenly, found herself on the verge of exploding. She put her fork down, and swallowed hard, too furious to keep it all in any longer.
She picked up her glass and slammed it back down watching as the table shook and then her words spilled out. “What exactly is it that you want from me, Jack? How about we cut the shit, all right?” She picked up her glass once more and eyed him expectantly. “You’re not one to shy away from saying what needs to be said… so let’s have it.”
Judging from his expression, she’d caught him off guard. “What do I want from you? That’s what you’re asking?”
She flicked the remnants of her toast on the plate. “Watch it, Jack. Repeating the question… hmm. Is this one of your sales tactics… is this your way of buying time?” Amelie felt foolish as soon as the words were out, but she was too angry to worry about making any sense.
He peered at her over his coffee cup. “I see you’re in a pleasant mood this morning.” He took a sip, and then cocked his head and raised one eyebrow. “Guess I didn’t do my job well enough last night, eh?” He mocked, nodding at the bed. “Shall we give it another go?”
She stood up and pushed the chair, letting it tip forward against the table. “Fuck you.”
“Ok… Ok. I’m sorry. Sit back down.” He gazed out the window, his expression contemplative. “What do I want from you? Let’s see…”
She eyed him suspiciously, but she didn’t respond, nor did she sit back down.
Jack lowered his voice. “I… I want some sort of commitment. I don’t know… I guess I just want you to tell me that things will be different. That it’s possible for us to have a real relationship…”
She placed one hand on her hip. “And who decides what a real relationship is?”
“We do.”
“Ok.”
“Ok? Ok… what?” Jack asked, exasperated.
Amelie looked at him as though he had missed everything she’d just said. She sighed. “Ok, then. Let’s decide…”
Later that night, after they’d made love twice more, Jack rolled over and lightly kissed the tip of her ear, waking her.
“I’m not going through with it. I’m going to tell her the wedding’s off.”
Amelie murmured something inaudible in recognition.
He shook her slightly. “Amelie? Did you hear what I said? I can’t do it…”
Jack climbed over the top of her then, and put his face as close to hers as possible. She opened her eyes. He searched them, waiting for a response. “Hello? Say something.”
She thought for a second before responding. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
She inhaled then let it out slowly. “I’m sorry.”
“It probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. The success rates on these sorts of things are fairly low. It’s not a very smart investment, if you ask me,” he said.
“Oh, Jack,” she grunted.
He waved her off. “It’s ok. Or at least it will be at some point.”
“I know how much you love her. There’s history there.”
“Yes.”
“Which means it’s going to hurt like hell.”
He exhaled. “Telling her, you mean? Yeah… I’m thinking we should go somewhere afterward. That it would help if I got away.”
Amelie nodded slightly. “Sounds like a plan.”
The following morning, they flew out of Iceland together hand in hand. They each had a layover in New York before catching separate connecting flights, Jack heading back to Texas and Amelie on to Florida for another shoot. They stood in the airport terminal saying their goodbyes where Jack promised to call when it was done.
He kissed her once more, turned, and headed toward his gate when he heard Amelie call after him.
He looked back over his shoulder.
“Hey, Jack,” she repeated as though maybe he’d missed it the first time.
He lifted his chin in the air to signal that he’d heard her.
“Where is it you want to go? Now, that I’m gainfully employed, I’ll need to make plans.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I hadn’t gotten past the somewhere with you part of the equation.” He thought for a moment, and then winked. Surprise me, kid…”
She smiled and then handed the attendant her ticket and made her way down the ramp toward the plane.
NINETEEN
A week later, when the call Amelie had been so desperately waiting on still hadn’t come, she told herself there had to be a good explanation. She alternated between worry and fury. A thousand reasons crossed her mind as to why Jack hadn’t kept his promise. By day ten, she was so fed up that she hopped a plane bound for Austin—where she intended to find out for herself, once and for all, just what in the hell was going on.
Once home, the first stop Amelie made was to pay her mother a visit. Her mother put on a pot of tea as Amelie confronted her about the letters, about the real reason that her mother had placed her in the hospital, and why she’d lied for so many years. In the end, she did not get the answers she wanted, so she simply grabbed the letters and walked out. It would be a long time before she would speak to her mother again, and a very long time before they would be able to mend the relationship that had been so badly broken.
Her next stop was Jack’s office. Amelie waltzed in and demanded to see him without bothering to call. If he hadn’t given her the decency, why should she give it to him? Her intrusion wasn’t received very well, and after being led to a small conferen
ce room, and told to wait, a young woman finally appeared and asked Amelie to follow her. She was led down a long corridor and showed into a second, more spacious conference room where Amelie was asked if she would like anything to drink. Amelie shook her head and thanked the young woman, very aware of the expression on her face clearly marked as pity. Whatever it was, it made Amelie’s stomach turn. Approximately five minutes later, Jack appeared and was, needless to say, shocked as hell.
He closed the door behind him and crossed the room in two quick strides. “What in the hell are you doing here?”
She had been mistaken. It wasn’t shock. It was anger.
“You didn’t call.”
Jack deadpanned. “So you flew all the way here?”
She motioned at her surroundings. “It certainly appears that way, doesn’t it.”
“Amelie, this… I mean… now really isn’t a good time.” He ran his fingers through his hair, stared at her, and then exhaled loudly. “I really wish you just hadn’t shown up here like this…”
“You haven’t told her. Have you?”
Jack lowered his voice. “Look… I can’t discuss this here. Can we meet somewhere later?”
She took a few steps and stood directly in front of him, glaring into his eyes. He retreated. “Please, Amelie. I’m begging you… please keep it down. Let’s not do this here, ok?”
“It’s now or never, Jack. This is it.”
He crossed his arms. “I’d like a chance to talk… to explain… but… like I told you, this is not the time or the place.”
“Really? I’m pretty sure that somewhere within the past ten days or so, you could’ve found the time or place,” she hissed. Amelie pulled out a chair and sat, propping her feet up on the table. She leaned back and met his eye. “I’m not leaving until you give me an answer.”
He spoke carefully lowering his voice to a whisper. “She owns twenty-five percent of my company, Amelie. Which means that she pretty much has me by the balls.”