by Britney King
“Surely, even you aren’t ignorant enough to mix business with pleasure in such a way,” she scoffed.
Jack frowned. “One would think.”
Amelie rolled her eyes as the realization set in. “Jesus.”
Jack stood for a moment considering how to respond. Instead, he perched himself up on the table in front of her and folded his hands in his lap. “We were looking to expand, I needed capital… and her family offered. I thought I would be able to buy them out. But then we got involved, then engaged, and well…”
“So you thought you’d solve the issue by marrying her.”
He laughed nervously, not exactly denying her accusation. “Well, it sure made getting a prenup out of her a whole lot easier. And hey, all is fair in love and war, as they say.”
“It sounds like the two of you share the same philosophy on the subject, so I guess you deserve each other,” she said, her voice cold, unemotional.
“What would you do… in my situation?”
She removed her legs from the table and scooted back in the chair, attempting to put as much distance as she could between the two of them. “What would I do? You want to know what I would do? Well, for one, I would hope that the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with wanted the same thing for the same reasons. I sure as hell wouldn't force someone who didn’t want to be with me to do so. I would walk away. But apparently, that’s just me.”
Jack frowned. “It’s not that simple. I wish it were. But it’s not. You’ll see… someday.”
Amelie stood and met his gaze head on. “Well, then. I guess there is nothing more that needs to be said here.” She took an envelope from her purse and handed it to him. “But I did want to give you these.” He eyed the envelope, confused. “It’s the letters I wrote to you while I was in the hospital. There are only a few of them. But I thought you might want them, nonetheless.”
He swallowed and then tucked them into the inside pocket of his suit jacket.
She looked him up and down once more before she walked to the door and placed her hand on the handle. His voice stopped her from turning it. “Amelie,” he paused before continuing, “I want you to know that I really am sorry.” He stood and walked toward her. “You’ll be all right, won’t you?”
Amelie smiled. “Of course.”
Jack put his hand on the door, keeping her from opening it. “I know it’s really a lot to ask… but… I was wondering if you might still come to the wedding? I know what I’m asking seems ridiculous… it’s just that… you’re my oldest and dearest friend… and I’ve been thinking so much about my mom not being there and all… and I guess there’s just no one who understands what that feels like the way you do.”
Amelie swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump in her throat. He might as well have punched her in the gut. She took a deep breath and stared at the floor, willing herself not to cry. When she thought she could finally speak, she did so slowly. Her voice broke, but she managed. “Sure. If it means that much to you, I’ll be there.”
“Thank you,” he whispered, visibly relieved. “Oh, and Amelie…”
She glanced up briefly.
“Just so you don’t think I’m a total ass… there’s something else you should know.”
“There always is...” she said.
“Elise is pregnant.”
Amelie did a double take. Another blow to the gut. Feeling off balance, she leaned against the door to steady herself.
Jack reached her quickly, grabbing her elbow. “I swear to you… I didn’t know before, I mean…” he said, his eyes pleading. She tugged her elbow away.
“You know what, Jack… it doesn’t even matter,” she said before she forced herself to open the door and walk out.
TWENTY
Jack shut his office door then slunk down at his desk. He rested his chin on his hand and gazed at the phone. He thought about picking it up and dialing her cell before changing his mind. He reached for the letter opener instead. Jack picked it up, hesitated, setting it back down before picking it up again. He sliced through the envelope, shook its contents free, and watched as the papers spilled out onto his desk. He picked up one of the folded notes and began to read.
Dear Jack,
I’m writing from the loony bin—literally. Ha! No, really, I’m here, in the insane asylum that is back at home in Austin, and I’m wondering why I haven’t heard from you. It’s been two weeks now and nothing. I’m sure you’re busy at school, but I also pray that you’re not too mad at me. Oh, and speaking of pray, yes, you read that right. I’ve taken up meditation here, which is a form of prayer in a sense, I guess. Anyway, it’s the most amazingly intense thing. I can’t begin to describe what it feels like to go inside your own head and look around—but that’s exactly what it feels like. Like floating. Like you’re an astronaut lost in the space of your own mind. It’s freeing, so freeing. And quiet in a world that is anything but. Especially in this place. Now, I really do sound crazy, huh? At least I’m giving them good reason, and oh!—a run for their money. There’s a lot more I’d like to say on that topic, but it’s probably best not to put it in letterform. Even though I pretty much hate it here, I am feeling a lot better these days. I’ve almost come to terms with the abortion in a way. At least now, I am able to say the words, anyway. I know what I did was wrong, and I’ve since learned that even though it was wrong, what I was feeling was normal—a part of grief that comes along with it. I guess I just didn’t feel like I deserved to feel grief or sadness or anything else, because well, it was my fault. I made the choice, after all. And so I tried to push it all down, to numb it out, and in the process, I caused a whole series of other problems. So, while I’m here, or for the remainder of my time anyway, I’ve decided to just feel. To let it be and deal with the emotions as they come.
Which brings me to you. I know I said it in my previous letter, Jack, but I truly am just so sorry for everything. You have always been such a great friend to me, and I have done nothing but cause you misery. I realize that I’m not the easiest person to get along with, and well, I just want to thank you for always being a friend when I so desperately needed one. Obviously, there are other feelings there. I’ll address those too, but first, I want to say how very grateful I am to you. No matter what, you’ve been my rock. You’ve always been the type of person I knew I could call on. That I could count on to be there for me. And I don’t think our society gives enough credit for that. There is nothing more important in this world than having a friend, Jack. Nothing. I want you to know that no matter what, I will always do my best to be that for you. Maybe I haven’t done the best job so far, and for that, I’m truly sorry. But from here on out, it’s my promise to you that I will try to make you proud. I want you to know that it is thoughts of you that truly keep me going while I’m in here. Thoughts of the things we can do together, thoughts of the places we’ll go, thoughts of being anywhere but here as long as it’s somewhere with you. These are the things that keep me focused. Thoughts of you and of all the possibilities of what could be. So… I want to say thanks for that, too. Anyhow, I’d better sign off for now. It’s time for “group.” Remember how much you always love that at Camp Hope? It’s like a billion times worse in here. Anyway, bye for now.
Miss you tons and hope to hear from you soon.
In the meantime, here’s to possibilities.
xoxo,
Amelie
Jack folded the letter, placed it on his desk and quickly typed an email before he could change his mind.
To: Amelie Rose
From: Jack Harrison
Subject: Longstanding Friendships
Dear Amelie,
I’d like to apologize for the way things unfolded in my office today. Actually, I have a lot of apologizing to do regarding the way things have unfolded outside this office, as well.
Anyway, I don’t really know what to say—other than, I’m sorry.
Forgive me,
Jack
Ameli
e flew in a day before the wedding and made sure to put as much space as possible between her and where the wedding party was staying. She fell in love with Hawaii from the get go. Knowing she would, she arrived with a list in hand of places she wanted to see and shoot, which is what she did right up until an hour before the ceremony. Having lost track of time, she was forced to race back to her hotel, to shower quickly, and throw minimal makeup on. She dressed in her finest silk dress, which happened to be black, of course, because, in her opinion, black seemed to fit the occasion.
She grabbed a taxi and arrived at the church with just fifteen minutes to spare. At the entrance, she straightened her back, tilted her chin, waltzed in, and took her place in a pew at the rear of the church. For two weeks, she’d dreamt of being the person who stood up and objected as the preacher asked if there were anyone who would like to object to the marriage, and all she could think of now was getting this over and done with. She planned to let herself be seen by Jack, congratulate him, and then bolt immediately following the ceremony. She took a deep breath, and then focused straight ahead before remembering that she hadn’t silenced her cell phone. As she reached into her small purse, she felt a tap on her shoulder. “Are you Amelie Rose?” the man asked.
She nodded knowing exactly who this man was even though they’d never officially met. He stuck out his hand. “I’m Jack’s father. He asked me to come for you. I believe he’d like a word before we get started.”
“Oh, dear,” she muttered before she could stop herself.
He nodded in recognition and took hold of her forearm. “Whatever you do, Miss Rose, I implore you not to let my son make a fool of himself and our entire family here today,” he urged in a hushed voice, not quite a whisper, as he led her up the aisle and around to a hallway where doors lined both sides.
Jack’s father stopped in front of one of the doors and turned to face her. Amelie felt her hand instinctively go to her throat. “Now, please hear what it is I’m about to tell you. I know that a fine young lady such as yourself can understand the gravity of what’s happening here. Whether this marriage is right or not, or even whether or not Jack wants to go through with it—is not the question we should be asking ourselves at the moment.” He looked from side to side before continuing. “The fact of the matter is that we’re here. Along with three hundred other people—many of who have spent a great deal of time and money to be here today. People such as the bride’s family, for instance. My son… is many things. But he is not a coward. Nor will I allow him to act like one.”
Amelie stepped back and eyed the man from head to toe. The way she felt was written all over her face. “I beg your pardon. Your son happens to be one of the finest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” She turned, opened the door, and slipped inside.
Jack was sitting in a leather chair staring at something in his hands. He did not look up when she closed the door. Amelie slowly made her way to where he was sitting and lowered herself to the floor in front of him. She reached upward and grabbed the tip of his chin with her finger forcing him to look at her. “You wanted to see me?”
He eyed her cautiously and held her gaze for a moment before he spoke, his words slow and careful when he did. “They’re all waiting, huh?”
She nodded slightly. “Let them wait. I’ve yet to attend a wedding that started on time…”
He handed what he’d been holding to her. She took the envelope. “From my mother. For my wedding day. Only I can’t bring myself to open it… I thought… maybe…”
“I could read it for you,” she said, finishing his sentence.
“Yeah.” He didn’t take his eyes off hers. “But I also wanted to apologize in person.”
She waved him off. “It’s ok. Really.”
He searched her eyes suspiciously. “Is it though?”
Tears filled her eyes then. She bit her lip. “It will be.”
“I don’t know if I can do this,” he whispered, as a stray tear slid down his cheek.
Amelie leaned forward and wiped it with her thumb. “Yes. You can. You’re going to be a daddy, Jack,” she said, her tears spilling over. She smiled a little and wiped her nose on the back of her hand. “You know how much you’ve always wanted that.”
He nodded. “I know.”
“You’re going to be fine.”
“And you? How will you be?”
Amelie inhaled, and then let the breath out slowly. “Me? I’ll be fine...”
Jack searched her face. “Amelie, I need you to be honest with me. No bullshit, all right?
Amelie thought about what he’d asked and paused for a second before answering. She willed herself to make this the most convincing lie she’d ever told. “You know, Jack, I’ve really given it a lot of thought… and the truth is it never would’ve worked between us anyhow. Even if things hadn’t happened like they have. There’s such disparity in what we want out of life right now. I have my life… and yours is here. You want a wife and children. You want to settle down. And let’s just say that’s not what I want. But look around you, Jack. You’re getting everything you want here today.”
“Not everything,” he interrupted.
She looked at him with understanding and continued. “With us, there were always too many false starts. I believe that what’s meant to be usually has a way of working out… and with us, it never did. Call it timing, call it fate, call it what you want. It is what it is. Sometimes in the end, the girl doesn't always get the boy—and that's ok. Life goes on. You know better than anyone that some love stories never get their happy ending… but it doesn't make them any less of a love story though, does it? It doesn't make the love the two shared any less relevant.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“So, you see, this is really all for the best,” Amelie cheered, forcing a smile.
Jack glanced at his watch and reached out, touching the letter in her hands. “Will you read it? Please.”
She drew a deep breath. “I’d be honored.”
Amelie carefully opened the envelope, removed the letter, unfolded it, and began reading.
My Dearest Jack,
Wow. Here we are on your wedding day. I have imagined this day so many times—starting from the day I found out I was pregnant with you. It’s an occasion I guess every mother dreams about. And even though I can’t be there in person to tell you myself, I want you to know that I am so over the moon happy for you today, on this day, the day you make the most important commitment of your life.
I’m sure that most mothers who write to their children on their wedding day probably give some sort of list telling them which steps to take (or not take) for a successful marriage, or some advice of that sort—but not me. I’m not going to give you the secrets to a long, lasting, happy marriage—after all, by now we know that I never got the chance to have one. But what I will say is this: love each other immensely—prepare for the “what ifs” in life but never stop taking it day by day. I think too many people get caught up in focusing on either what’s happened in the past or what will happen in the future—without giving much thought to the present. Don’t be one of them, Jack. Love your wife every single moment of the day. Stay focused on what’s right in front of you, not what comes next—or what came before. Don’t ever take her —or anything of it—for granted. Be grateful every day for the life you have and the love that you have found.
You are about to enter into one of the most meaningful relationships one can have as a human being. So make the most of it—not just today—but every day. Don’t get complacent, thinking “I Do” is somehow crossing the finish line—that the work stops there. “I Do” is merely the beginning of one of the most difficult and yet one of the most beautiful races that you will run in all your life. Cherish it. Work hard at it. Always remember that it will be whatever you decide to make it.
Lastly, when the road gets rough, and it will—never forget the value of what it is you’re fighting for. There is noth
ing more delightful in this world than knowing that there’s someone out there who has your back, who is fighting the same battle you are fighting with you—and yet sometimes alone—but always for the same cause. And while there will be days where it doesn’t seem as though this could possibly be the case, I want you to pause, breathe, and remember that beyond the hurt and the pain and the frustration, that there is a person in there who deep down really, really loves you. I want you to look at this person and remember that she is the same person who held all of the same wishes you’re holding now, on this day—your wedding day. Come back to it from time to time, think back on where you’re standing now, and remember all of the hopes and the dreams—the possibilities—that you two held today when you stood before each other and spoke your vows. Consider how far you’ve come and let that be a guide on the days, weeks, and perhaps even months, when it will feel like it’s all too much. There will be days where it will seem like there is still so far to go. On those days, vow to wait it out—to enjoy your life together—taking it day by day. If you do that, then the mountains will seem like only hills. Hills are a lot easier to climb. And the view from the top is spectacular, I promise.
I love you so much, son, and I wish I could be there today to celebrate with you. But I want you to know that wherever I am—I’m smiling and raising a glass and toasting you and your new bride. I am so proud of you, son. Today and always.
I love you more than words could ever possibly convey.
Love always,
Mom
Amelie wiped her tear-stained face and tucked the letter back in its envelope. She wiped Jack’s tears and hugged him tightly. They stood there that way for some time before there was a knock at the door. Amelie stepped back and looked at Jack. “It’s show time. You ready?”