No One Is Innocent

by Gayle Tiller

  "I thought about moving the case to Oakland. Chances are that we would get at least a half dozen blacks on the jury. But that doesn't guarantee anything. You know how our people are. The brothers would probably resent Kristal for her cheating on her husband with a white man and want to punish her. And as for the sisters, they would use her good hair against her and want to punish her for the way she looks. And they would resent the fact that not only did she have a good black man but also she had a white boy on the side. Oakland wouldn't do her any better."

  "So you're saying there's no hope."

  "What I am saying we need to find something that will clear her. If Kristal is not the murderer, we must find out who is. As I told you before, I don't think Bill Roberts' disappearance is the answer, but you're free to look into it. The more I think about it; the bug might not be a coincidence. At this point, I don't know what to think except that Kristal at least will get life unless we find something to clear her."

  I was struck by his honesty. He was a man who wasn't into bullshit and that turned me on. I couldn't help looking at his hands and wondering how they would feel stroking my body. I wanted to stop feeling this way about this man. But the truth was I couldn't, because I wanted him.

  "Alright, I hear what you're saying. I will continue on with my investigation."

  "Let me know what you find."

  God knows I wanted to ask James out. Why can't I just say it? How hard is it to say how about coffee? God, give me strength and please 101

  don't let him say "no." With all my courage I turned to James and said,

  "There is one thing else."

  "What?"

  I felt my voice to begin to shake. I said, "I was wondering if we could get a cup of coffee sometime?"

  James stared into my eyes and said, "I don't drink coffee."

  I felt my body shrinking. I felt like a fool. Why had I listened to Sheila?

  This man was not even attracted to me.

  James smiled and said, "Jasmine, I do drink tea. How about we get a cup tomorrow around three."

  Yippee yi yay! Oh my God, I can't believe it. I don't know where this is going, but he said "yes."

  I smiled at him and said, "Sure tomorrow at three."

  * * *

  We met for tea and then lunch for the rest of the week. James asked me out to dinner for Saturday. I called Sheila to tell her the good news. "Hey Sheila, guess who I have date with for tomorrow night?"

  "James Colby Attorney at Law."

  "You got it."

  "Girl, we need to go shopping and get your hair done."

  "It's only a date."

  "And when is the last time you have gone out? Don't even answer that because I don't want you to get depressed."

  "Okay, maybe I will go shopping tomorrow."

  "Maybe? There is no maybe to it. I'll be at your house at 9:00. I am your personal shopper."

  "Alright."

  "By the way, have you made any progress on Kristal's case?"

  I could have lied and told her that I had found new evidence. But the truth was I was at dead end. I said, "No, I haven't found anything new.

  But I know that something will turn up."

  "Jazz, I have to get back to work. But I'll see you in the morning."

  * * *

  Sheila arrived promptly at 9:00 and took me to Darlene's Beauty Shop. She winked at me, "Now girl, you know how hard it is to get an 102

  appointment on a Saturday. I had to pull a few strings. So you better come out looking helluva good."

  By the time Darlene was done with me, Sheila beamed at me and said,

  "God, she has done a great job with your hair. You are looking fine."

  We went to the mall to shop for a dress. My heart was set on a knee length tailored navy blue dress.

  Sheila turned up her nose at the dress and said, "Now this dress is not going to work. You need to show off those nice long lean legs of yours."

  Sheila picked out a black strapless mini dress that said "look at me."

  "Sheila, I can't wear that."

  "Yes, you can. And with your legs, James will go crazy."

  "But there is not a whole lot to this dress. Hell, I have seen more material on a bathing suit."

  "Jasmine, you need to get over your old maid way of thinking. With your slim body and long legs, this dress was made for you."

  I protested, "But James will think that I am easy."

  "No, he won't. He'll just want to ease you out of this dress."

  "Sheila, I am not going to sleep with him." Well, at least not tonight.

  "Jazz, you don't fool me. Every time you talk about James, I see the animal lust in your eyes. You just wanna rip his clothes off. Don't you?"

  I blushed and said, "I am not answering that."

  "Sounds like James trained you to take the fifth."

  I said nothing. Sheila continued, "I just can't wait to hear the details."

  "There will be nothing to tell."

  "Yeah right. Anyway, girlfriend you are getting this dress. All we need to do is to pick up a couple of things at the make-up counter and we are through.

  I bought the dress, picked up bronze eye shadow, blush and mascara.

  Sheila wanted me to get ruby red lipstick. I reminded her that I couldn't wear lipstick.

  "Then get cherry flavored lip gloss."

  "Why cherry flavored?"

  "Because James is gonna be busting your cherry that grew back because you haven't had any in over a year."

  "Shut up Sheila. I'm buying the non-flavored lip gloss, because I am not getting any tonight."

  After we made the purchase of the non-flavored lip gloss, we drove back to my house.

  Sheila waited while I showered, got dressed, and did my make-up.

  When I came out, Sheila shouted, "Goddamn I have created a 103

  masterpiece. James is going to thank me. I am going to take off. Give me a call tomorrow and tell me everything."

  I hugged Sheila and waited for James.

  When I greeted James at my door, his eyes got big and he said,

  "Jasmine, you look absolutely stunning."

  We went to dinner and a play at the Paramount Theatre in Oakland. It was wonderful. We drove back to San Jose.

  James walked me to my door and stroked my face. He gently kissed me. He said, "Jasmine, I guess I should get going. I'll see you next week."

  See him next week. I didn't want to wait that long.

  I said, "James, why don't you come in so we can talk a few minutes."

  Of course, I knew if he accepted my invitation, the last thing we would be doing was talking.

  He looked straight into my eyes and said, "Are you sure that you want me to come in?"

  I wanted to scream that I wanted him and I had wanted to make love to him since the first day I went to his office. I wanted to tell him that I couldn't stop fantasying about him and my body was consumed with desire.

  But instead, I said, "James, I am sure."

  When we walked inside, James started to kiss me. We must have kissed for about twenty or thirty minutes. It felt so good. My body was on fire. My nipples were hard and I was wet with desire.

  James took my hand and led me into my bedroom and sat me on the bed.

  I unbuttoned his shirt. James' chest and abs were chiseled to perfec-tion. He skillfully removed my dress and stared at my bra licking his lips. He unhooked my bra and stared at my 34A breasts. He whispered,

  "They're beautiful and firm. Just like I imagined."

  He began to suck my right nipple like it was a lollipop. After it was satisfied, he moved onto my left nipple and sucked it until I cried out his name.

  James went down to my stomach and kissed it. He touched me through my panties that were drenched with desire. He slipped my panties off and removed his pants and underwear.

  His thighs were thick and well muscled and his ass- all I can say is what an ass. James had a beautiful body. And yes, the Lord had blessed him in eve
ry respect.

  James began to kiss me between my thighs and he buried his head between my legs and started to lick my jewel like it was ice cream and 104

  stroked my nipples. Goddamn, this man was good. He was better than Eric had been. My body began to tremble as I exploded and screamed his name. And then, he continued to lick me and I came again, again and again. Four times. I was in heaven.

  James stroked my face and said, "How are you feeling?"

  He just made me come four times in a row and he wants to know how I feel. No one had done that before. Goddamn fantastic. All I wanted to do now was to pleasure him.

  I said, "Really good." I started to stroke him.

  He whispered, "I have something to tell you."

  I said, "Baby, you don't need to say anything." I kissed him and stroked him even harder.

  He pulled his head away from me and he said, "Jasmine, we need to talk."

  I felt my desire growing again and I was flowing like a river. The last thing I wanted to do was talk. I wanted him inside me-now.

  "Baby, we don't need to talk right now."

  "Jasmine, it's important."

  God, what is it? I hope he doesn't tell me some bullshit like he loves me. He may have made me come four times in a row, but love was too soon for me. I mean we have only known each other for a short time and probably, what we have is pure animal magnetism. I haven't felt like this with anyone since Eric. And unlike Eric, this might turn into something permanent. I mean James had everything. He's an accomplished attorney, brilliant, financially secure, gorgeous, and a fantastic lover. What else could a woman ask for?

  And you know what? Since we have been dating, I have not craved a drink. James could be the answer to everything.

  I sighed and said, "Okay, James what is it?"

  James took a deep breath and said, "Jazz, I have herpes."

  Herpes! Goddamn! This beautiful and honorable man has herpes?

  How could he have such a filthy disease? No, this must be a lie. There's no way he can have it.

  "Jasmine, I got it three years ago. My last outbreak was a little over six months ago. If we use a condom, you won't get it."

  Condom-outbreaks. I expected him to use a condom anyway. This was the year 2005. With AIDS, you had to be careful. Herpes wasn't like AIDS, but who wanted to take a chance with getting a lifelong sentence of sores on their genitals? I'm sorry but I wasn't interested in playing Russian roulette with my sexual health.

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  And besides, I wanted to have a child. I know that herpes doesn't prevent you from getting pregnant. But what if I contracted it from James and things didn't work out. What was I going to tell a future partner whom I might marry? I just couldn't see telling him I had herpes and I wanted to have a child so he'd might get it. Would that be fair? And what man would want a woman with this disease? He probably would think that I was a slut or something worse.

  The truth is I am ignorant about the disease. I mean a lot of people have it. Right? Wasn't there a study that said 1 of 5 Americans has it and a lot of us don't even know we have it. But I knew I didn't have it. A year and half ago, I had a STD check after the condom broke with someone I had been with. I probably never should have been with that man in the first place. No, it wasn't like he was married or anything like that. Brian had been a client and I had made the mistake of getting involved with him. In the end, he refused to pay my fee and I had to take a loss.

  But Brian had given me something- a case of chlamydia. Okay, I lied about the condom breaking. That's the lie that I told my OB/GYN. The truth is that after a few times of hearing that he couldn't feel it, I gave in.

  Stupid-right? Well, I didn't think that at the time, because Brian told me that he had no diseases. And like a fool, I believed him.

  I then got a strange looking discharge. I went to my OB/GYN and lied about how I got it, because I was too embarrassed to let her know that I didn't practice safe sex.

  Before being with Brian, I had never had a sexually transmitted disease in my life. The thing that bothered me the most was that Brian hadn't been up front with me. But a decent human being would never give another a sexually transmitted disease. Of course, Brian wasn't a decent human being. After being with him, I decided that I would wait for someone who was. I had been waiting for a year and half for that person and look what I wound up with- a man who had another filthy disease.

  I pulled away from James.

  James looked me in my eyes and said, "Jasmine, if I use a condom, you won't catch it. I promise."

  God, a part of me felt sorry for him. He had just given me the best sexual experience in my life. He also had leveled with me about having herpes. He could have not told me. Maybe I should give into him and take a chance. I mean if we use a condom, I guess the chances of getting it are very low.

  But my body was screaming "no." I had dried up and I had no desire to be with him. No, I couldn't go through with it.

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  I said, "James, you're a special man. I need some time to think." That was a lie, because I knew that I could never have sexual intercourse with him. I just couldn't be with him.

  He dressed himself and handed me my clothes. He kissed me lightly and said, "Take all the time you need. I'll be waiting."

  He walked out my bedroom and into the living room and said, "I know you'll change your mind."

  James then left.

  I wanted to run after him and say I wouldn't change my mind and he should find someone else. Someone who was more liberal than I was.

  Someone who didn't want children and someone who would love him the way he deserved. I knew that I would never be that someone.

  I felt the urge to drink so I could relax. But I knew a drink wouldn't be worth it, because I just couldn't stop at one. I had been sober for 152 days and a failed date was not going to make me drink again. It just wasn't worth it. Besides I didn't want to wake up with a hangover. I hated that feeling.

  I then took a hot shower and went to bed.

  * * *

  Some fool was calling me at six in the morning on a Sunday. Whoever it was, I was going to cuss them out. I groggily answered the phone and said, "Hello."

  "Jasmine, is he there?" It was Sheila. She was so nosey.

  "Sheila, why are you calling me so early?"

  "To see how you feel."

  "How do I feel?"

  "You did get some. Didn't you?"

  Did oral sex qualify as getting some? According to a lot of folks, it didn't. So why should I say yes? Besides if I did tell her, she was liable to spread my business.

  "No, nothing happened."

  "What? You all went to dinner. You wore that sexy black dress and nothing happened. Is something wrong with him like he's not into women?"

  "No, the man is fine."

  "You got that right. Is his dick too little?"

  "Damn girl. What is your problem?"

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  "How come you didn't get any? I know you wanted it. Hell, it's been so long, there are probably cobwebs up there."

  "I don't go for every man who I go out with. We just don't have chemistry." Which was true, because as soon as James told me he had herpes I was turned off.

  "There must be something wrong with him."

  No way, could I tell her about the herpes. That was James' business. I wasn't into gossip and hurting people.

  "We are just not compatible. End of story."

  "I've never met a man that I wasn't compatible with."

  "Yeah, that's you. Anyway, how's Kevin?"

  "Kevin?"

  "You know the mixed dude you picked up at the Brick House."

  "Oh him. Girl, he is history. He wanted me to meet his mama. I told him that he had to go."

  I chuckled, "Sheila, I would like to go back to sleep."

  "Okay, you can go back to sleep if you do me a favor."

  "What?"

  "The next time you go out with a fine brother who has intelligence, money and integrity, give
him some. Just do it for me."

  "Sure Sheila." Along as he is STD free.

  I hung up the phone and went back to sleep to dream about Mr. Right who was STD free.

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  15

  Chapter

  New Chapter

  It was Sunday morning and I was tired as hell from the night before. My head was throbbing from the lack of sleep. I went into the bathroom and looked at my laundry basket that was filled to the brim. God, I hated doing laundry. I know I should do laundry at least once a week. But hell the truth was that I was lucky if I did it twice a month. Which meant that I had a month supply of panties, bras, and linen.

  When Keith and I were first married, we used to do it together at the laundry mat. It wasn't like it was romantic or anything like that; but it was a bonding experience.

  After Keith and I divorced, I hated the feeling of doing laundry by myself. It was like reaffirming that I was alone and had no one.

  Why am I babbling about laundry? Oh shit, Kristal's case. Ralph's note said, "Do laundry." How could I forget to follow up on that clue? I had spent too much time lusting about James and not focusing on the case.

  Now, that James was history, it was time for me to do my real job and save Kristal.

  I took a quick shower, put lotion on my legs and arms and threw on pair of cotton shorts and a tee shirt. I then jumped into my car and headed to my favorite place-Elmwood Jail.

  * * *

  Kristal's hair needed a good conditioning. It was totally limp and devoid of any shine. Her skin was ashy and she looked like she needed some rest. I said, "Kristal, remember I told you about Ralph's note."

  "Yeah, it said to contact Bill Roberts. Did you find out any new information?"

  "No, I haven't. But do you remember that the note saying to do laundry?"

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  "Yeah, I remember. I don't know why Ralph would write that down."

  "Where did you and Ralph do your laundry?"

  "Well, we had just bought a washer and dryer for our house."

  "What about before that?"