Addict (Cravings #1)

by Rachael Orman

  I took more time than usual picking out what I was going to wear to work, eventually settling on a silk dress that I’d never worn before. I hoped the silk would be cool on the hot marks and help me make it through the day.

  Thankfully from the moment I arrived at work until it was nearly time to leave for the day, the phone never stopped ringing. The non-stop running around made it much easier to keep my mind off the night before and the marks still burning my flesh. Just as I started to close down my computer and get ready to leave, I remembered that it was one of the nights John came in.

  Sitting back in my chair, I waited for a few minutes and wasn’t disappointed when I saw Jennifer perk up at her post behind the desk. John stepped into view with his casual, lazy gait that was sexy as hell. He spoke to her for a moment and when she turned away, he tapped his fingers on the top of the desk before turning and locking eyes with me. It was like he knew I’d be there, waiting for him, watching him.

  One side of his delicious mouth tilted upward, but Jennifer returned and he turned back to face her.

  For the first time all day, I felt the nagging thoughts swelling up and taking over, pushing at me. I needed to slip my hand between my legs. I had to. The longer I fought to deny it, the harder it was to breath.

  As he continued to talk to Jennifer, I eased a hand up under my dress. Pushing my panties aside, I sank two fingers into my wet pussy. Angrily, I jabbed them in and out, lowering my eyes from John and Jennifer. I didn’t want to be doing it, but ignoring the thoughts and craving was nearly impossible. The faster I got off, the quicker I could move on. Roughly, I pinched my clit, biting down on my bottom lip to keep from shouting out at the pain that radiated from it, but the sweet, hot, burn that followed had me thrusting my hips against my hand. The welts on my ass and back, pressed harder against the chair, adding a new and delicious sensation to my forbidden play.

  Just as I had nearly reached an orgasm, I glanced up and nearly fell out of my chair when I found John standing just feet from my window that looked over the lobby. His arms were crossed over his chest and an extremely pissed-off look flowed over his handsome face.

  My hand pulled from my body and I wiggled my skirt down from where it had risen in my rush to ecstasy. My face flamed red as I tried to ignore the incredibly embarrassing situation. I’d been caught, no doubt about it. It was only a matter of time, I’d known that. Hell, I’d been fired before for masturbating at work and having sex at work, but that was before. I didn’t want to admit that my addiction was back to the same level it had been. It was too late; he would most likely tell management and I’d be without a job again.

  Fighting back the tears and guilt, I grabbed my purse from the bottom drawer and quickly locked my door before fleeing out the employee entrance. I would have to walk all the way around the building to get to where I parked, but I didn’t have to face John or anyone else he might be sharing what he’d seen with.

  Opening the driver door, I plopped down in the seat only to cry out from the pain that lashed through the welts on my ass. I was so stupid. How could I not have spotted it before? Not admitted how bad I’d gotten. Driving recklessly, I sped home as tears ran down my face. Sinking against the locked door, I finally let it all out. Screaming and crying, I slapped at my thighs angrily. It was my fault. My fault. No one to blame but myself.

  I slapped and punched my thighs until I was too tired to carry on, but the tears continued to roll down my cheeks as I sobbed. Memories from the past came rushing out of the box that I’d locked them away in.

  The cold, ruthless hand wrapped around my throat, his vile stench suffocating me while the weight of his body on mine made it hard to draw in a breath at all.

  Shaking, I drew my knees to my chest and dropped my head down as I cried for an entirely different reason than only moments before. My heart felt like it was going to claw its way out of my chest while my lungs burned for a good, deep breath. It’d been over three years since the last time the memories had surfaced — since they’d last held me paralyzed in their grip.

  My phone beeped in my purse next to me, but I couldn’t force my hand to grab it.

  Time passed while I sat there; my butt had gone numb long ago. Nothing was more important than sitting there, arms wrapped around my knees, comforting — protecting— myself. Numerous times, my phone beeped, but my hands and arms refused to move to get it. As I slowly managed to push the terrifying memories back into their locked box, my heart slowed, my breathing returned to normal and I regained the use and control of my body.

  Tugging my purse to my lap, I slid my legs out and leaned my head against the door as I blindly dug around for my phone. Of course, it was at the bottom under everything else in there. I had numerous messages along with a missed call, but no voicemails. Swiping across the screen, I found that all of them had been from Master J. Without reading any of the texts he’d sent me, I sent one of my own.

  Can you meet tonight?

  I knew it was late, but before I could put my phone down I had a return message.

  Just tell me when.

  I can be there in 15.

  I’ll be there.

  Making a quick stop in the bathroom, I wiped the makeup from my face and pulled my tangled hair into a ponytail before heading to the club. There was no one waiting out front or inside the door. I left my purse on the counter. If someone wanted to steal it, let them. I didn’t care. There was no one around that I saw. It had to be near midnight though so I wasn't too surprised, when I broke down it took hours for me to recover. I went to the same room I'd been left at during previous visits. Opening the door, I was surprised to find the door to the inner room open. He was waiting for me. I could feel it in the air. Indecision filled me — was I still supposed to strip or go straight in since the door was open?

  "Come in and kneel. Now." Master J's voice came from the room.

  Averting my eyes, I walked straight to my spot and lowered myself down to my knees.

  "This is an unexpected surprise. What made you want to meet tonight?" His shiny shoes stepped into my view, standing shoulder width apart.

  "Nothing, sir." I swallowed hard. I didn't want to open that part of myself to him — to anyone, ever. Some secrets are better off never shared.

  "Don't lie to me, girl. You don't tell me you want to meet right away if there isn't something going on." Those shoes stepped out of my view and I strained to hear where he was going.

  "I just needed the escape you gave me last time. Sub space or whatever you called it. I need it, sir." I didn't know what else to do. When his name had popped up on my phone, it was my gut reaction. Obviously I didn't think it through because he was asking questions I didn't want to answer. I should've just waited a day or two before setting up another meeting.

  "What are you running from?" His palm smoothed over my head as he stepped behind me. "Don't say ‘nothing’ or I'll walk out right now."

  "The past, sir." I shivered as tears filled my eyes. I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to escape it. That was why I was with him.

  "What about today made your past come up?" he asked before gently pulling the tie out of my hair.

  "Sir, I don't want to talk about it. I just want to forget." I lifted a hand to wipe away the tear that escaped even though I was fighting to keep them back. I didn’t want to relive the embarrassment, the humiliation that came with the thoughts of the past. How undesirable I felt. The pain that had been pounded into me repeatedly by my rapist. The rapists that no one believed me about.

  "Oh, Precious. I'll help you forget. If you tell me what I'm asking." His long fingers ran through my hair, delicately untangling it.

  "I got caught masturbating at work by someone. That person will most likely tell my boss and I’ll lose my job," I sputtered out trying not to focus on it. It was the easiest, least painful answer.

  "So you are upset that you might lose your job? Or that someone saw you doing something you knew you shouldn't have been doing at work? Or do
you not care that you were risking your job for pleasure that you should've been getting from me?" His voice lowered an octave, letting me know he wasn't happy with me.

  "I hadn't been thinking at all, sir. Not about you or my job. It's an impulse thing. A compulsion." I dropped my chin to my chest in utter humiliation.

  He didn't speak. I could still feel him standing behind me, his hand in my hair. The silence filling the space between us was thick and choking.

  "I have a confession, sir," I blurted out before thinking it through. I wanted to air part of my dirty laundry I'd been holding onto for so long.

  "Go ahead." He removed his hand from my hair and stepped back, removing his warmth.

  I had to do it on my own, without his support. "I'm a sex addict, sir. I can't help it. I get this feeling that can't be ignored and I have to masturbate. Don't laugh. God, please don't laugh. It's the honest truth. I can't help it. I fight it, I struggle with it and yet, my body gives in and does it anyway. I hate that I do it, I hate that it controls me. I've been through rehab and the twelve steps, the whole she-bang. Then my eye got caught by this man at work and even though I haven't given into compulsive behaviors or masturbating in years, it's like it never left. I know I need to get help. I will get help. It's just awfully embarrassing and everyone laughs when you try to tell them about it. They think it's a joke or that I just like doing it or the feeling..."

  "Stop." He cut me off as I continued to ramble with tears streaking down both cheeks. "I understand. Guess it's a good thing I didn't want to fuck you. Heaven only knows what you have or how many men you've slept with."

  His voice was harsh and cut to straight to my heart. My cheeks turned red as I bit down on my bottom lip, trying to hold back the anger that built within. I was angry at myself for being such a failure. Angry with the situation I was in and that I likely was going to lose my job. Angry with the man I'd thought to be so different for turning on me so quickly when I'd shared something so private. My tremors of fear turned to anger.

  "I'd bet you've slept with more men than you can count. Lost track because there are so many. Or do you just sit by yourself while you fill your pussy with fingers, dreaming it’s a guy since none of them will touch you?" he spat from behind me.

  My anger shot through the roof and I couldn't hold it back. I might be messed up five ways to Sunday, but I wasn't a doormat. No one talked to me like that. "Fuck you. You don't know what you’re talking about. You know nothing." I stood and reached for my blindfold. I wanted to see him as I tore into him, but his hand shackled my wrist and pulled it behind me as he yanked me back against his body.

  "That's better. There’s that fire I want to see. You aren't that weak, pathetic girl who came in here tonight. I don't want to see her. Addiction is addiction. I'll help you deal with it. I'm here to help you face your fears and come out the other side a stronger woman. Don't think I'm going to coddle you and let you wallow in self-pity. Not happening. Now back on your knees. Time to get to business." His voice vibrated the last of the fear from my body. My anger dissipated as quickly as it had flared up.

  Chapter 12

  John

  I knew from the moment she ran from her office like the place was on fire that she was having a melt down. Text after text went unanswered and I worried that she’d been shoved too hard so I broke down and called her. When there was no answer, I drove to her house. I couldn’t knock or ring the bell to see if she was there; I wasn’t supposed to know where she lived. Slipping into her backyard, I peeked in her windows until I got a glimpse of her leaning against her front door. She was a wreck. It had to be more than me simply catching her in her office. When she’d finally texted me, I’d watched as she slowly pulled herself together enough to drive. The vibrant, full-of-life beauty I knew wasn’t the one that was going to be showing up at the club. Leaving seconds before her, I parked behind the club and barely beat her to the room.

  When she started to babble about her addiction, it gave me an idea to make her mine in more ways than she would even realize. I hadn’t wanted to be an ass to her, but I wanted to shake her out of her pity-filled head. I knew a few harsh words would do it, anything to spark that anger I knew she held inside. It pushed back that weak, powerless part of her that the addiction preyed on. She'd nearly spit fire at me and my dick jumped and grew in my pants at her attack. Until she'd reached for that damn blindfold. I hated that damn thing and loved it at the same time. It would have to go soon because I wanted to look into her eyes while I fucked her senseless. There was still time for that. There were other more pressing issues than getting my cock in her tight pussy. I'd known she wasn't fucking around. I'd been watching her entirely too closely for her to be able to have a fuck buddy.

  First, she needed to learn her lesson for masturbating at work. Didn't matter that she'd been looking at me while doing it. She needed to learn to control the impulses and push past them without giving in. If she wanted to play with her pretty little pussy while looking at me, then she could do it while I watched.

  "Stand," I instructed her.

  "Then why did you just make me kneel?" she spat at me.

  Smiling, I grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her head back, causing a moan to slip from her lips. "You will not talk back to me."

  "Yes, sir." Her voice cooled to her normal, calm tone. I quickly slipped the blindfold over her eyes before I got too wrapped up and forgot to put it on.

  "Now, stand and strip." I let go of her and stepped back so she could fumble through undressing alone. Once she'd undressed to her panties and bra, she lowered her hands to her sides and waited for further instructions. The strand of pearls I’d given her rested against her chest. The sight of them made something in my chest squeeze tight. "I didn't say to stop undressing."

  "B… but..." She hesitated. After a moment of not getting a response from me, she sighed and slipped out of her bra and panties. "There. Happy?"

  "Are you sassing me?" I asked, and landed a palm firmly against her red, welted cheek. She jumped, but didn't make any other outward response to the slap. "I asked a question."

  "No...sir." She curled her lip, earning her a firm slap to the other cheek. Again, no reaction. "Do you like making me hurt, sir?"

  "Yes. And you like when I do it." I pressed against her back, letting her feel the hard ridge of my erection. "I bet if I slip a finger in your pussy it's dripping wet for me."

  "Why don't you find out?" she challenged.

  Moving quickly, I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to the bed. I let go of her a few inches above the mattress, making her feel like I dropped her. Climbing on top of her, I pushed her arms above her head, clasping both her tiny wrists in one hand while shoving her chin up with my other. "You want to play rough? Let's play rough."

  I had intended to take it easy on her since she'd already had a long, tough evening. Obviously that wasn’t what she wanted or needed and that was perfectly okay with me. Using the straps that were already attached to the headboard, I restrained her wrists above her head before moving to restrain each ankle. I paused to admire her fully nude body as it was stretched out on the bed. Straddling her hips, I leaned forward and planted my lips on hers.

  Her soft, pliant lips parted instantly, accepting my kiss. Unrestrained, her tongue and lips ate at my mouth.

  I pulled back, both of us breathing fast and hard. How easily a soft, tender kiss had turned into a fiery exchange. Leaving a trail of kisses down the column of her neck, I made my way down her luscious body until I made it to the swells of her breasts that heaved with her rapid breaths. Her pebbled, pink nipples begged for attention and I sucked one into my mouth, giving it all that it could handle.

  Alix moaned and rotated her hips under me. Pleas for more filled the air, but still I teased and tormented the little bud. Pulling a little metal clamp from my pocket, I placed it on her nipple, clamping down hard on the pleasure-filled bead. Instantly, Alix arched her hips and threw her head back. Repeating the same to
rment on the opposite nipple, I left it only after placing a twin clamp on it. A thin chain linked the two silver clamps.

  Her breath was sawing in and out of her lungs as she tried to handle the pain that came from the clamps. I used the distraction to slip farther down her body, pushing her thighs apart so I could look down upon her beautiful, wet pussy. Dragging a finger up the slit in the center, I bit down on my bottom lip.

  Her scent assaulted my senses. I wanted to rub my face all over her pussy and never bathe again. It was the most sensual and delicious smell I'd ever been gifted with.

  Dropping my head, I used my tongue to mimic the same path my finger had just taken. Straight up the center of her.

  Alix treated me with a gulp as she tugged at her restraints. Twisting and turning my head, I pushed her swollen lips open and buried my face in her pussy as I lapped up her delectable juices that were waiting for me. Using my fingers, I dipped two into her pussy as I flicked my tongue over her little clit. My fingers thrust slowly, deeply as I continued to tease her clit. The more I teased it, the more swollen and needy it got. Sitting back, I continued to let my fingers work her pussy as I looked down at her.

  "Like that, do you?" I asked as I clutched one of her thighs in my free hand. I could already imagine holding her thighs in my palms while I pounded into her. Damn it. I craved this woman more than my next breath.

  "I... I don't know how this helps, sir," she breathed as I crooked my fingers and found that special little hidden spot that made her hips jerk and her whole body clench.

  "That is your G-spot. Ever come from playing with that?" I continued to nudge that spot, over and over.

  "N… no." She panted as her body tensed, revealing she was getting close to her orgasm.