Addict (Cravings #1)

by Rachael Orman

  Once I had dressed, I noticed I was missing my necklace. I'd been so occupied with getting a glimpse of Master and finally getting to make him come, I didn't even think to try to find them in the mess the bedding had become. Tapping my foot, I debated going back to get them or leaving without them. It was a hard decision, it really was. Did I leave the one thing Master had given me that not only served as my link to him, but also was a symbol of his ownership of me? Or did I return to the room when I hadn't been instructed to? Then again, I left the room without him telling me to, so it couldn't be such a bad thing, right?

  Sighing, I put my forehead on the door. Finally, I gave in and opened it. To my surprise, the bed was empty. Completely. Not only was the delicious naked man that had been there only moments before gone, but so was all the bedding. The room was brightly lit and there was no sign that I'd spent an unknown amount of time in there with Master. I had to blink numerous times to let my eyes fully comprehend. Stumbling backwards, I slammed the door only to open it again. Still looked the same.

  Frowning, I brushed my hair behind my shoulders. They caught upon cold metal though. Jumping in front of the mirror hanging on the wall, I saw that I hadn't been left without a symbol of ownership or without something to remember Master by. I still had the leather collar wrapped around my neck with the metal chain hanging from it that he must have used as the leash. Running the tips of my fingers over the soft leather, I remembered what it'd felt like for him to put it on in the first place. A contented sigh left my lips as a smile brightened my face. Yes, it would be okay if I left without my pearls. I might prefer them since they caught less attention, but I could work with the leather collar for a few days until I managed to meet with Master again. Maybe he'd give the pearls back to me. Or even better, let me experience his special kink again. Never before had I known pearls could be used in such a naughty way, but I would never forget, that's for sure.

  Making my way back to the front, I picked up my purse before returning to my car. As I walked toward it, I heard footsteps behind me, but they didn't sound close or menacing since there were other people in the area. Once I reached my car, I turned to look over my shoulder to see if I could find the owner of the trailing footsteps, but there didn't appear to be anyone close by. Rubbing at the bumps that popped up on my arms, I closed myself in my car, making sure to lock the doors before I put the key in the ignition. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I kept my eyes open as I searched for someone that could be hiding or lurking, but there was no one. It had to just be me being on edge because of the night's experience. It always took me a while to feel “normal” again after time with Master.

  Once I got home, I stripped and fell into bed completely naked since I still hadn't replaced the torn panties, which only brought back to mind everything I'd experienced in one short night. Master had given me a collar, which, although slightly odd, made me feel calmer in a way. It's hard to explain what a small piece of leather did for my inner crazy — almost like it was our strange way of saying we were boyfriend and girlfriend or exclusive, although we'd always been.

  Groaning, I rolled onto my side, rubbing the cool sheets next to me. The collar was still around my neck along with the chain. I knew I should remove the chain so I didn't end up in a tangled mess as I slept, but I didn't want to remove anything that Master had given me.

  On top of the collar, I'd had my first experience with fisting, doing naughty things in front of a crowd that not only knew what was going on, but was blatantly watching. Then to add the cherry on top of the night I got to take Master's beautiful cock into my mouth, my hand, my soul. Okay, maybe that was a bit far, but it was an experience I wouldn't be forgetting any time soon. All that control. All that strength and determination. I had broken through it. Me. Plain, boring, strange me. As much as I enjoyed it and he had seemed to as well, I knew that he wouldn't be letting it happen again anytime soon since he'd fought so hard not to give in.

  My body craved getting him inside me. Feeling all that muscle and man on top of me, thrusting that large, hard cock into me. Everything about him was addictive, even the smell of his arousal leaking out of the tip of his cock. The musky scent of his sweat was more like a cologne made exclusively for me. It showed me just how hard he was working and how much he wanted me in return even if the words didn't leave his mouth.

  Laying nude in bed with thoughts of Master's hard cock plunging into me normally would've had my hand between my legs, sating that need that was pulsing between my thighs. Oddly though, I felt none of that desire. Mainly because I knew that I'd have to answer for breaking the rules. As often as I purposefully broke or pushed the limits, I was determined not to allow myself to fold on this one. I feared that he would take away all the pleasure he gave me if I gave myself any relief. Not like it was hard to get him to give it to me. He seemed to only ever be a phone call or text message away.

  Sighing, I rolled over and picked up my phone from where I'd tossed it on the nightstand when I'd entered my room. No messages. Damn.

  I lay in bed for long minutes debating on sending one to Master or waiting for him to contact me. I wanted him to make sure he knew exactly how much I enjoyed our time together, but I didn't want him to realize how much I was coming to need him. If he knew how much I thought about him and everything he did to me, I'm sure he would run screaming for the hills. No sane man wants a woman like that.

  Then again, I'd told him about my addiction and he'd handled it in stride, just like everything else. I wish I had a fraction of that control, that confidence in everything I did. Not once had I noticed a hesitation in anything he did to me.

  I still didn't know anything personal about him except that he had brown hair and a delicious body hiding under those extremely well-fitted clothes I caught glimpses of. I guessed it was time to start pushing for my questions that he'd promised me early on, but had stopped asking as I grew more comfortable with our situation.

  Chapter 18

  John

  She'd run out after I came... right after. I'd barely rolled over when she'd opened the door to the dressing room. I tried my best not to let her know I was fully awake. Not a chance in hell would I fall asleep after something so amazing. Relaxed? Yes. Asleep? Please. I wasn't that kind of man. I had had plans to give her more to remember the night by — until she'd slipped from the bed and run out. As soon as the door clicked shut behind her, I snatched up her panties before retreating through the door on the opposite side to watch her in the cameras. Watching her, I pressed the button to let the cleaning crew know to clean the room. They moved quickly entering the room almost immediately after I pressed the button. Intrigued, I watched as Alix battled with herself before reentering the room. The cleaning crew had already slipped back out after removing all the bedding.

  I wasn't sure what she was looking for, but she'd seemed determined to find whatever it had been. Seeing that the room had been cleaned, she turned to leave. Quickly throwing on my jeans sans underwear, I stalked after her, pulling on my shirt as I went. I was only feet behind her in the hallway; she could’ve easily turned around and seen me, but she didn’t. Once we were outside, she tensed up and I knew she must’ve heard my footfalls. Dodging behind a car and following at a more discreet distance, I made sure she made it to her car safely. With her looking for something, I didn’t want her to go off searching around the club and ending up somewhere she shouldn’t.

  Peeking around a car, I watched and waited until she left the parking lot and turned down a side street, disappearing from my view. When I returned to the club, the woman at the front informed me that the cleaning crew found something in the sheets as they were putting them in the wash. As she held up a small, clear bag with Alix's pearl necklace in it, I immediately knew what Alix had been looking for. Pride flared inside me that she cared enough to look for them while at the same time thoughts of how I could return them to her started to fly through my head. Taking the bag from the greeter, I quickly returned to my room and gathered m
y things before leaving. I was half-tempted to drive by Alix’s house, but I talked myself out of it. Or I thought I had, until I found myself turning down her street. Slowing down so I could get a good look at the house, I assured myself that she had indeed made it home safely. Her bedroom light was on and through the sheer curtains over the window I could see her walking around in the room.

  Driving away, I fought with myself; I wanted to stay and watch her, but I didn’t. I went back to my apartment and threw my bag next to the door to be dealt with later. Pulling the bag with the necklace from my pocket, I went to my computer and turned it on. As it booted up, my mind drifted.

  I knew that if Alix ever found out about my habit of following her, it would freak her out. I knew I should stop, yet I didn’t. I couldn’t. I’d never followed a woman before. I’d never felt the compulsion, desire, need to make sure a woman was safe. Even though I knew it was wrong and creepy, I couldn’t fight it. In a way, it was why Alix and I were so perfect. We each had a huge character flaw, one that most people would probably have a hard time seeing past, but together we were perfect. I could help her with her addiction and she was my addiction. Having her in my arms every night, in my bed every morning, would calm the beast inside me.

  It was simply a matter of making her see the same logic. It was crazy. I was crazy.While I was in complete control of every other aspect of my life, this one woman was my weakness. The more I learned about her, the deeper in her mind I dug, the more I wanted to know, the deeper I wanted to get. It was never enough.

  Some of the things I did for her were illegal. I could lose my license. I could get arrested. It didn’t matter — I’d give it all up for her. What exactly it was about her that made me lose my hard-won control, I couldn’t put my finger on. Maybe that was why I was so obsessed. I wanted to know why she was the one woman who had found the way behind my walls. Maybe the obsession would fade once I figured it out.

  It was the same conversation I always had in my head after meeting with Alix. I wanted her. I hated myself for the level of want I had for her. I hated the obsessive need I had for her. I wanted to figure it out and get rid of it. Could I figure out my faulty mind and still want Alix? Or would I grow tired of her once everything came to light? Would she want me if she knew about me?

  The only way to find out would be to keep digging into my own subconscious while also finding out more about Alix. Every time I thought I knew who she was, she surprised me with a new, undiscovered layer she’d kept hidden. Just like I’d never suspected she was into the same kink I was. What a pleasant surprise that had been.

  What I really needed to do was get her to start asking her questions after our sessions instead of running out on me. The questions she asked revealed more that she realized. It wasn’t about her getting to know me. They let me see what interested her, what parts of me she wanted to know — or was it simply the BDSM aspects she wanted to know about? A question was never just a question.

  My computer beeped, alerting me to incoming emails. I had quite a few to read through. I had a secretary to help handle patients, but the current system wasn’t working well. I had more work than I could handle alone. I needed someone to handle incoming new patient calls and emails. Unbeknownst to my current secretary I’d put out word that I was unofficially looking for a replacement. I had a few applicant emails that I needed to sort through as well.

  It wasn’t a task I looked forward to. I needed someone who could handle odd requests without getting freaked out or sharing their personal opinion with clients. The last thing I needed was an upset client because my secretary told them what interested them was weird, gross, or who knows what else. Privacy was extremely important to all of my clients as well as my business.

  Leaning back in my chair, I started browsing through some of the applicants. I really needed someone to handle the phone calls. A lot of my appointments were being scheduled for out-of-the-office meetings, but I needed someone that had all my in-office and out-of-office appointments in one place so they didn’t overlap or have me running all over town.

  Two hours passed as I filtered through résumé. I'd narrowed it down to my top ten. Normally I skipped the name portion of the application as sex and race didn't matter at all to me. What mattered is what experience the person had and if I thought they would be a good fit based on previous work experience. However, once I narrowed it down, I glanced at the names just to see whom I might be dealing with. When my ex's name came up, I froze. I hadn't heard from Mariah in a very long time. Our relationship had ended amicably, from how I remembered it; however, I didn't expect to find her applying for employment with my practice. She knew exactly what type of practice I had. I was just starting my business when we'd been together, the same specialty I still practiced. It had bothered her that I was in the middle of other people's sex lives... literally. Initially she thought I exaggerated or made up stories about exactly what I did when I was with clients.

  Until one day I was running really late for lunch with her. She was in the waiting room along with two of my clients who were waiting for one-on-one sessions with me. The two women had been sharing what the sessions with their significant others were like. Needless to say Mariah wasn’t so happy about it. I’d never lied to her, never kept the truth from her, but she felt like I had because she hadn’t believed what I had been telling her. Not that I physically got involved with my clients, but it didn’t matter to her. She couldn’t handle the fact that on a daily basis I saw other women (and men) nude and doing sexual things to one another.

  It didn’t take long from the time that she found out until we broke up for good. She’d begged and pleaded multiple times for me to give her another chance. A few times I actually had. She was a good sub, and at the time that was all I needed from a woman in my life. Sadly, every time ended the same way — with a huge fight full of accusations that were all based on bullshit. Like that I had to be cheating because I smelled like other women or I always took phone calls in private. Yet another reason why I rarely dated and let women get to know any part of me. They just couldn’t handle what I did for a living.

  Trying to set aside the personal connection, I carefully analyzed her résumé and surprisingly found that she had the experience that would make her quite a good fit. I knew her personality, so that would be a benefit and make it an easier transition. She definitely would know what type of job she was getting into since she’d seen and heard a lot about it when we’d been together. Then again, throw in the fact that we’d had sex quite a few times and the fact that she knew all about my BDSM side — and it wasn’t such a great idea. Still, I starred the email figuring that at least if no one else worked out I would have her to fall back on or get to fill in until I found someone better and less personal. Plus, I would have to deal with the possibility that she was looking to rekindle our relationship after all this time. That was a bridge that I would only cross if I needed to.

  As much as I hated wasting time with secretary applicants, I had to. I needed more free time. I wanted more time to spend with Alix, not just at the club, but outside of our room — without the blindfold. I needed to find a way to gently get away from this looming secret. She would find out one way or another. Secrets never lasted forever and my identity wasn’t one to just have her stumble upon. It could wreck everything, make her run, if it didn’t happen just right.

  Just as I was about to close my laptop, my email dinged with a different tone than normal. It was Alix. She was looking to talk to her counselor. I figured after the busy day she’d had, plus the time we’d spent together, she would be fast asleep, but she was looking to talk to someone. That wasn’t a good sign. I would much rather have left her too exhausted to stay awake once she got home.

  Opening the chat window, I settled in and hoped the chat would go better than the last time.

  Counselor21: Good evening. How are you?

  BadKitty2: How do you think I’m doing? It’s the middle of the night on a Saturday and I’m h
ere talking to you.

  Counselor21: Anywhere else you’d rather be?

  BadKitty2: Of course.

  Counselor21: And where would that be?

  BadKitty2: Naked in bed with my master.

  Counselor21: So things have been going well then?

  BadKitty2: Somewhat.

  Counselor21: What is keeping you from being with him tonight?

  I had to know what made her run out of the room like it was on fire. She didn’t know it was me behind the computer, but it gave me the chance to find out what she wasn’t willing to talk to me about in person.

  When she didn’t respond for a few moments, I tried again.

  Counselor21: What makes you say that things are only somewhat going well? Have you ventured farther into the BDSM world since the last time we talked? Did things not go as you’d expected?

  BadKitty2: I have explored more. Surprisingly, I discovered that it is much more than I first thought.

  Counselor21: How so?

  BadKitty2: Well… I haven’t masturbated in quite a while. I don’t even think about it.

  Counselor21: Do you think about your next meeting with your master? Or the next time he will give you release? Does he do that? Is there a sexual aspect to your relationship?

  BadKitty2: I think about him. Sometimes I try to anticipate what will occur the next time we are together, but not specifically the release he may or may not give me. He has brought me to the edge of release, but not allowed me to have it when I have done something that doesn’t please him.

  BadKitty2: That’s not how it might sound. It’s always little things. He makes me want to be better. The way I feel when I’m with him is so freeing. I don’t have to think, don’t have to worry about the little things in life. I know that he is going to take care of me, he is going to make sure I get everything I need right then.