The Great Treehouse War

by Lisa Graff

  “It never hurts to be prepared,” Uncle Huck explained.

  Winnie tucked the zip-line helmet in a cubby of her art station, next to her sketchbook, and when it was time for Uncle Huck to leave, she gave him another fierce hug. She appreciated Uncle Huck’s thoughtfulness—although she was certain she’d never need to use the helmet. Why would anyone ever want to leave the world’s most stupendous slumber party?

  A Sampling of Tweets about the Treehouse Ten

  Zepp Janzaruk @srsly_zepp

  Wow. U guys R awesome. Never come out!!!!!!!! #treehouse10

  146 380

  Ana-Karina Agriesti @AnaKarAg19

  #treehouse10, we ROOT 4 CHANGE! Stay in there as long as you can!

  1.2K 5.6K

  Charlie Horn @greathornspoon

  #treehouse10 what a bunch of stupid kids. so glad they’re not in our country anymore.

  201 335

  Adair Noll @AdairNoll

  #treehouse10 need a good grounding. We’re two EZ on kids 2day.

  21K 18.4K

  Tweet & Potatoes @tweet_n_taters

  I bet parents of #treehouse10 are glad theyre gone. #bunchofbrats!

  34 251

  Katya @ barakettKB

  #treehouse10 can i join you? send me an invite pleez?? will bring cupcakes!

  826 1.1K

  Urmi K. @1andOnlyUrmi

  I hope police & parents find a way to get #treehouse10 kids down soon. They must have a plan to force them out, right?

  677 400

  “SUPER JOEY VS. THE PARENTS!!!”

  (A COMIC ADVENTURE BY JOEY RAMUNDO)

  How to Fill the Perfect Water Balloon

  by Logan Litz

  1. Buy it!

  Real water balloons pop way better than regular party balloons, because they’re thinner. In a pinch, you can use regular ones, but in my expert opinion, they’re not as good.

  2. Stretch it!

  You have to stretch every balloon before you fill it with water. If you don’t, you’ll waste a whole bunch, because they’ll pop when you fill them. Blow up each balloon with air, the same way you’d blow up a regular balloon. Try to make a good farting noise with the balloon while you let the air out. (You don’t have to do that last part, but it makes the stretching step more fun.)

  3. Tug it!

  Next you have to stretch the neck of the balloon so it won’t tear when you put it around the faucet. Stick two fingers inside the opening of the balloon and tug a little. Super easy!

  4. Fill it!

  Carefully attach the neck of the balloon to a water faucet. It’s smartest to use a faucet over a sink, because if the balloon pops, all the water just goes down the drain. (Don’t bring a hose into the living room and try to fill the balloons over your mom’s favorite rug, trust me.) Hold the balloon at the bottom, and turn the water on LOW. Turn off the faucet before the water is all the way up to the neck. You’ll need a little bit of air space to tie the balloon.

  5. Tie it!

  Keep one hand on the bottom of the balloon, and pinch the neck with your other hand while you wiggle the balloon off the faucet. Tug on the neck a few times, and then loop it around the first two fingers of your pinching hand. Pull the end through the loop to tie a knot.

  6. Smash it!

  Store up as many water balloons as you can, and then throw them at whoever you want!

  Slumber-Party Fatigue

  8+ days after what happened happened

  As one week in the treehouse turned into two, one thing became very clear—none of the parents planned on giving in to the kids’ demands any time soon.

  At first, the Treehouse Ten were confused. After all, how hard would it have been for Tabitha’s grandma to give her a lizard? Or for Jolee’s parents to play a round of Scrabble with her? Didn’t their parents want them to come home?

  But the more they learned about the situation down on the ground (crowding around Uncle Huck’s phone during his frequent visits), the better they began to understand. This wasn’t just about them anymore. And it wasn’t just about their parents, either.

  “Sure, Maurizio Squizzato could agree not to ground his daughter over her excessive reading habits,” one journalist wrote. “But what’s stopping her from climbing back into that treehouse one week later, when she decides what she really wants is a trip to space camp or a pony?” (“I don’t even like ponies!” Squizzy exclaimed when she read that.) “It’s the principle of the thing, of course. If these parents don’t stand up to their children now, adults everywhere will be fighting this same battle for centuries to come.”

  So the parents weren’t giving in. Instead, they seemed to be focusing on making the kids return to U.S. soil all on their own. Every night, as soon as the sun set, the policemen on the ground below shined fiery yellow spotlights straight through the treehouse windows, blinding everyone inside with burning-bright light. Towering speakers were set up on Winnie’s parents’ lawns, too, to blast out ear-shattering music.

  “Tell me why!” the speakers blared, from sundown to sunup, the same hideous song, over and over in an endless, nightmarish loop. “Ain’t nothing but a heartache!”

  Night after night, the treehouse was unbearably bright and overwhelmingly loud. No one could sleep. And no one was happy.

  “Sleep deprivation,” Uncle Huck explained, during one of his visits. “They think if they keep you all from sleeping, you’ll be so miserable you’ll beg to leave.”

  “They can torture us all they want,” Lyle grumbled, his eyes red and bleary. (When Lyle was tired, he got very grumbly.) “We’re not coming down till they give in to our demands.”

  “Yeah!” Squizzy shouted out the open window to the crowd below. (When Squizzy was tired, she got very shouty.) “You hear that? Bring on your worst!”

  So the kids didn’t get much sleep. But they weren’t giving in, either. Just like the parents, they had lots of people cheering them on. Every day, a new stack of boxes appeared on the mailbox platform, filled with supplies. Water bottles and chocolate syrup, grape soda and instant oatmeal. A hot plate for cooking. A fire extinguisher, in case the hot plate set the treehouse ablaze. Packs of T-shirts and fresh underwear and socks. Earplugs and sleep masks. Hand sanitizer and deodorant. Even a hot dog hat and a Hello Kitty poster. (Those last two things weren’t especially useful.)

  During the day, the Treehouse Ten did their best to catch up on sleep. And when they weren’t dealing with mini disasters (like the time Joey clogged the toilet, and it took nearly two hours to fix it because no one knew how to use a plunger), they tried to do all the stupendous slumber party things they’d so enjoyed when they first climbed up the rope ladder.

  They played games.

  They sang songs.

  They told stories.

  Aayush experimented with the different foods they’d been sent, creating all sorts of interesting recipes on their new hot plate. On Sunday, he invented his best one yet, for marshmallow Cheetos treats. (Joey argued they were a waste of perfectly good Cheetos, but Aayush ignored him.)

  Aayush’s Extra-Gooey Marshmallow Cheetos Treats

  NOTE:

  Unless you live in a treehouse with only other kids around, you should have a grown-up help you make these, because the marshmallows get super hot on the stove and the Cheetos can be hard to stir. Plus, then you can make the grown-up wash the pot after, which is the worst part.

  OTHER NOTE:

  Winnie, this recipe is also real
ly good with Froot Loops instead of Cheetos!

  INGREDIENTS:

  - 3 tbsp butter (plus extra for greasing the pan)

  - 10 oz. mini marshmallows

  - 1 bag (8.5 oz) crunchy Cheetos

  EQUIPMENT:

  - 9x9 baking dish

  - very large pot

  - spatula

  - butter knife

  1. Grease the bottoms and sides of the baking dish. Set it aside.

  2. In the pot, melt the butter over medium-low heat, stirring often. When the butter is completely melted, add the marshmallows and stir constantly, until everything is totally melted and smooth (about 3 minutes).

  3. Very quickly, add the Cheetos to the pot. Mix them in until they’re evenly coated with marshmallow goo. Turn off the heat.

  4. Transfer the Cheetos mixture to the baking dish and smoosh it down evenly with a spatula. Let cool, at least 15 minutes, then cut into squares and eat!

  Logan and Brogan climbed out the windows whenever they got a chance. They swung from the branches and shimmied up to the roof, teasing the grown-ups below by pretending they were going to escape on the zip line. (Tabitha warned them they’d break an arm or something, but the twins didn’t listen.)

  For days, Squizzy read and read every book she could get her hands on—although by Monday, somehow even books didn’t seem interesting to her anymore. (Uncle Huck brought her new books from the library, but she didn’t crack open a single one of them.)

  Joey, as it turned out, had become a minor internet celebrity, thanks to the Super Joey comic he’d mailed to his hero, local comic book artist Nolan Blight, who’d posted copies of Joey’s work online. Joey spent his time churning out new adventures as fast as he could. (Squizzy, once she was sick of her own books, made lots of suggestions for new plotlines, but Joey didn’t like any of them.)

  On Tuesday, Greta ran out of embroidery thread for her friendship bracelets and got in a tug-of-war with Lyle over the last roll of dental floss. Jolee invented a new form of Scrabble, called Elbbarcs, which was exactly the same as regular Scrabble, except that you had to spell everything backward. (No one would play either game with her. Everyone was pretty tired of Scrabble.) And Tabitha made a surprisingly cool stuffed lizard out of the green toe socks they’d received the week before. (Buttons liked the lizard as much as Tabitha did, which led to the second tug-of-war of the day.)

  How to Make a Stuffed Lizard Out of Toe Socks

  by Tabitha Borchers

  Materials

  - one toe sock

  - scissors

  - safety pins

  - scrap of white felt (optional)

  - needle and thread

  - black marker or black embroidery thread

  - stuffing (scraps of old T-shirts or uncooked rice work great, too!)

  Instructions

  Cut off the toes of the sock, in one straight line.

  Snip apart each individual toe, and set them aside to use later.

  Fold the sock into thirds, and stick safety pins in the corners of each of the folds so you know where the thirds are when you unfold the sock.

  Unfold the sock. The bottom third (where the toes used to be) will be the lizard’s face, the middle will be its body, and the top third will be its tail.

  If you’re using white felt for eyes, cut out two big circles. (You can trace a quarter if you want the circles to be even.) Attach the circles to the face part of the sock with safety pins, then sew them on with your needle and thread. Using your marker or black embroidery thread and a needle, add pupils to the lizard’s eyes.

  If you don’t have any felt, you can just draw eyes directly on the sock.

  Grab the four smallest toe parts, and fill them with a tiny bit of stuffing. These will be the lizard’s feet. Attach the stuffed feet to the middle part of the lizard’s body with safety pins, then sew each foot in place with your needle and thread.

  Use a safety pin to mark a spot in the exact middle of the topmost part of the sock. Then, with your scissors, make a cut from the safety pin just above the lizard’s back right foot to the top safety pin. Make the same cut on the other side. You have now formed the shape of the lizard’s tail.

  Remove all of the safety pins, and turn the lizard inside out. Use your needle and thread to sew shut the tail on both sides. Turn the lizard right side out again.

  Fill the lizard with stuffing. Make him as smooshy or as flat as you want! Then take the last toe part and place it between the lizard’s two lips, so that about ¼ inch is stuck inside. This will be the lizard’s tongue. Secure the tongue and the two lips together with a safety pin.

  Use your needle and thread to sew shut the lizard’s lips. Now you have your very own stuffed lizard!

  As for Winnie, she did her best to finish up her local history report, with the help of Uncle Huck’s laptop for research. But just as the deadline drew uncomfortably close, the grown-ups on the ground below shut down all internet access to the treehouse, in yet another attempt to force out the kids. Winnie had absolutely no idea how she was going to finish her report and pass fifth grade now. Her friends tried to help, but it wasn’t like they could dig up much useful information for a local history report about a tree, even if the tree was the very one they were currently living in. (To tell the truth, though, Winnie’s friends were being a little too shouty or grumbly, or too focused on whatever they were doing to be very helpful anyway.)

  Things were looking bleak.

  On Wednesday afternoon, twelve full days after she’d first climbed into her treehouse and refused to come down, Winnie turned her Artist Vision on her friends again, observing them in the shifted light.

  Their bleary eyes.

  Their mumble-hissing arguments about everything from dirty dishes to Go Fish.

  The way everyone’s games and songs and stories were seeming just a little less fun, a little more tiring.

  The slumber party, Winnie observed, was getting old. But unlike at a real sleepover, no one could simply go home when they felt like leaving. There were too many people watching, wondering, waiting for the Treehouse Ten’s next move.

  So the war raged on. And all over the world, kids and grown-ups held their breath, hardly daring to guess who would break first.

  As it turned out, it wasn’t a who that broke.

  It was a what.

  The DOs and DON’Ts of Climbing Winnie’s Linden Tree

  by Brogan Litz

  Do! squiggle yourself out the window when you want some fresh air or just feel like throwing water balloons at some grown-ups.

  Don’t! forget to hold on tight.

  Do! either squirm out onto the largest branch on your belly or grip it hard with your legs as you slide on your butt.

  Don’t! try to stand up without holding on to something!

  Do! keep your body low—that’s the best way to balance.

  Don’t! throw all your water balloons at once—you’ll be sad you used them all up, and your brother will probably refuse to fill any more for you, so you’ll have to go back inside the treehouse and do it yourself.

  Do! climb up the rope ladder along the side of the treehouse to the roof. The roof is the best place to launch water balloons at grown-ups.

  Don’t! forget to bring your backpack outside with you, so you can pack all your water balloons in there.

  Do! sit in the zip-line seat on top of the roof. It’s a great view from up there, and it will really freak out everyone on the ground!

  Don’t! forget to stay alert when you’re in the zip-line seat!!!!

  Definitely Don’t! accidentally push yourself forward on the zip line when you’re reaching for a water balloon in your backpack!!!!!

  Absolutely, Positively Don’t! freak out when you start zooming down the zip line, and try to jump off onto the roof instead of holding on to the handl
ebars above you!!!!!!!!!!!

  Seriously, No Matter What You Do, Don’t! fall off the treehouse roof!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  The Worst Night

  13 days after what happened happened

  It was awful when Brogan fell off the roof on Thursday morning. Inside, every one of the Treehouse Ten heard the sickening thump! Outside, parents and policemen and reporters shrieked in terror. When Winnie and her friends watched the news footage later, it was hard not to feel freaked out all over again—Brogan on the ground, with his arm snapped out beside him at an angle an arm should never be, howling in pain.

  The worst part was the minute right after the fall, when no one was sure what to do. The police didn’t think they could cross the barricade to reach Brogan, and the Treehouse Ten were paralyzed at the window, worrying about climbing down.

  It was Logan who saved the day. He scrambled down the rope ladder like a monkey, and dragged his brother across the barricade to the cops. He tried to go with Brogan to the hospital, too, but Brogan pushed him back so he’d stay in the treehouse.