Playing For Keeps (Checkmate Series Book 4)

by Emilia Finn

“I said back up, Andrea! Fuck.” He shoves my hand off his leg so hard I hit myself and fall back onto my ass. “Why can’t you just listen for once in your life? I said I didn’t want you here. But you’re here. I said stay in my bed. You wouldn’t stay in my bed. I said back the fuck up, and you make me knock you over instead of doing as you’re fucking told.” My eyes itch as I watch him slam the glass on the counter and reverse the chair. “Maybe we wouldn’t be here, fighting, missing a fucking leg, if you’d just listen for once!”

  He grabs the whole bottle of juice and sets it on his lap. Backing up until his chair smacks the fridge, he turns in the small space and moves into the hall with squeaking wheels and an air of rage burning the oxygen in the room.

  Ninja’s heavy paws thump the hardwood floors, then Nacho’s exploratory snorts and clipping nails. When everything goes silent, the door at the top of the hall slams shut, and I find myself still on the floor with a racing heart and rapidly blinding eyes.

  I was so sure we were making progress. We ate breakfast together. We joked a little.

  But here I am, day two on this strange planet, all alone in his kitchen while he locks himself away in his bedroom.

  Riley didn’t come out of his room again that day. Or the next. Or the next.

  I brought meals to his room on a tray, left them on the foot of his bed, nodded by way of greeting, then excused myself to go back to the living room to live my solitary life.

  An hour or two after each meal time, I’d knock on his door and retrieve the tray, only to be met with harsh glares, or worse, nothing at all.

  The glares hurt. They sit heavily on my chest and squeeze my heart until it almost feels like I might suffocate.

  But the way he’d completely ignore my existence is so much worse.

  I’d come in, try for a little small talk, was it yummy? I’m glad to see you ate it all. I baked cupcakes; want one? only to be met with stony silence and the sounds of Wheel Of Fortune reruns on the television.

  Being hated hurts, but not existing is way worse.

  Kari has stopped by each day; same time, same routine, and each day, Luc would come and sit with me at the counter, but we don’t chat anymore. He just joins my silent vigil while Kari and Riley go to the room and do their thing.

  But this is my life now, because I went ahead and fell in love with a guy that used to deserve it. Each night that passes where I sit on his leather couch, while his fire warms my right side, and his ice-cream freezes my insides, I try to reason with myself.

  He’s hurting; give it time.

  He doesn’t want you; just leave already.

  He’s a good man inside. He’s grieving. A woman in love would never consider leaving.

  He basically said it’s your fault he was hurt. If he wasn’t distracted by your drama, he might’ve paid more attention that night. Things might’ve gone differently…

  Five whole days after his homecoming, when the snow is falling and sticking, and the Christmas lights are going up all around us, Riley’s door cracks open and Ninja bolts the hall the way she always does. She goes right to the laundry room and straight into the litter box, while Riley – who normally waits by the door for her to come back – steps into the hallway and sends my heart into a wild staccato.

  I’m wearing his sweatpants again – I’m not sorry – and an old sweatshirt I stole from Lindsi’s closet when I realized I’d need more clothes than I packed. Pulling the sleeves over my hands, I hide the pencil I was using to sketch with, slowly flip my notebook over to my roses and thorns sketch, then pick up my tepid mug of cocoa that I meant to drink an hour ago.

  Snow, Christmas lights, and a fireplace; they were made for drinking cocoa and drawing.

  “You’re still here.” Grunting, he crutches his way into the living room and shoots me a pitying glare. Like he feels sorry for me. Like he’s the school jock, and I’m the nerd that just asked him out to prom. He’s embarrassed for me. “Go away, Andrea. I’m all better now.”

  “No.” Pulling my legs tighter against my body, I sip my cocoa and hide the tremor in my voice. “I’m sticking.”

  “You’re stinking up my house with your inability to take a fucking hint. Christmas is a week away; it’s time for you to go back to your family.”

  “No. But we have that appointment with your surgeon tomorrow. It’s time to take your staples out. And then your prosthesis appointment is on Monday. Wanna go Christmas tree shopping with me after that?”

  “No.” He stops at the fridge and swings it open. “You’re not invited to my appointments. Any of them.” Reaching in, he grabs a pink swirl cupcake and takes a messy bite. Crumbs fall to the floor I mopped only a few hours ago, and his teeth glisten with rainbow icing. “I don’t want you here anymore, so unless you wanna step forward with next month’s mortgage, you should fuckin’ skedaddle.”

  “Why are you so mean?” So much for my cool indifference. I set my mug down with a loud plonk and stand. “Why are you mean to me? We were getting along! We laughed, I made you an Andi special, we joked about sugar growing your leg back. What did I do that flipped everything?”

  “You won’t listen; that’s what you did.” He tosses the paper cupcake casing onto the counter and spreads more crumbs. Shoving the rest into his mouth, he chews like a cow and balances on his crutches. “You won’t leave when I ask. You wouldn’t stay before, so you sticking now doesn’t interest me.” Moving forward when Ninja pops her head out of the hallway, he nods as though she summoned him back to the room. “I’d like for you to do as you’re told. If there is just one time in your life, make it tonight. Go away, and never come back. I. Don’t. Want. You.”

  He moves along the hall without a backwards glance, much smoother on his crutches than he was earlier this week. He never tells me how he’s feeling; if he’s in pain, if he’s taking his pills the way he’s supposed to, if he’s hungry or thirsty. He just lives in silence, and if he’s in pain, he suffers in silence, too.

  When the bedroom door slams shut and Nacho’s scared snorts make me jump, I lower back to the couch and curl up. I haven’t cried in a few days, but I let the tears come tonight.

  13

  Riley

  Five Days Earlier

  “You need to be nicer to her, Riley. She’s trying to help you.”

  I grunt when Kari’s gentle hands accidentally tap my stump and rivers of bile fill my throat. It hurts so fucking much. Everything hurts – right down to my heart. “Be quiet. Put my bandage back on.”

  She rolls her eyes, but does as she’s told. “She’s not going anywhere. She’s stubborn as a mule, so you better get used to your new housemate.”

  “No, she’ll get bored soon. It’s what she does; she’s flighty and immature. She’s crazy and is always going off on her new adventures. I’m this week’s adventure, but she’ll be gone before Christmas. You’ll see.”

  “She’s not leaving.” Kari wraps my leg; slowly, methodically, gently. And yet, it still hurts like a motherfucker. “A woman in love doesn’t pack her shit up just because times are tough.”

  I scoff. “A woman in love. You give her too much credit. Andi’s in love with herself. She’s in love with adventure and silliness.” But my heart still races with hope. “Andi’s here because I said no. Because I set the challenge. She’s not in love.”

  “Really?” Reaching into her back pocket, Kari takes out her cell and unlocks the screen. Tossing it into my lap, she goes back to wrapping my leg. “Go to my messages. To my group chat. Me, Britt, the twins, Lindsi, and Andi. The twins aren’t talking, but you can bet your ass Andi is. Read what she says about you, then tell me she’s not in love.”

  Lindsi: We’re having pot roast for dinner. Want in? Livi misses you.

  Andi: No thanks. I’m making fried chicken. Riley has a recipe taped to the inside of his pantry, so I’m gonna make that tonight.

  Lindsi: But we want you here! Ask him if he wants to come to dinner here. It’ll do him good to get out.

&
nbsp; Andi: There’s no way in hell he’ll say yes to that. Not a chance. I’m staying here.

  Lindsi: The kids miss you, Andi! I miss you.

  Andi: Don’t use the babies against me, Linds. That’s not fair. Would you leave if it was Oz?

  Lindsi: No, but Oz is my husband. It’s different.

  Andi: It’s not different. It’s exactly the same. My heart won’t quit on him, so I’m staying. I’m sorry you can’t understand that.

  Kari’s green eyes come back into focus. “Now flip to the chat between me, her, and Luc.”

  The time stamp says just last night. Eight p.m.

  Andi: Thank you for doing this, Kari. I appreciate it. I need help, and since you’re qualified…

  Kari: It’s fine! I’ll be there at ten on the dot.

  I glance up and purse my lips. “Saving up for a wedding and a house? Or pulling strings at work and doing friends a favor?”

  “Both.” She grins. “I can do both at the same time; it doesn’t make either a lie.”

  Rolling my eyes, I go back to the phone while Kari works on my leg.

  Andi: It all feels so hopeless, guys. He’s so angry.

  Andi: Did you ever love someone that doesn’t love you back?

  Luc: Yes.

  Andi: Really? What did you do about it? Because this hurts so effing much.

  Luc: What did I do? I fought for her. Every damn day. Even when she hated me. Even when she swore it would never happen between us.

  Kari: I love you, Luc. Finish your shift and come home to me.

  Luc: One hour, Bear. I’ll be home in an hour.

  Luc: Andi; if you love somebody, you have to fight for them. Even when they don’t wanna fight anymore. Even when it hurts so much you want to carve your heart from your chest just so you don’t have to feel it anymore. I fought for a long time, but it all paid off in the end. I got my forever girl.

  Andi: So I guess I’ll just keep fighting. He’s worth it, I know he is. He has to be.

  Current Day

  I sit on the end of my bed and scratch Ninja’s ears. Her tail seems better. At least, she doesn’t hiss when I scratch her back. With my cell in my spare hand, I study the screen and think back to Kari’s first day working in my home. The day she broke my heart. The day I found out Andi thinks she loves me.

  She doesn’t. Andi has no fucking clue what she’s talking about, so I don’t put stock in what she says to her friends via text. But whether it’s true or not, she believes it to be true. So I need to fix it.

  I need to get her the fuck out of my house.

  Away from her cripple friend.

  And back on her side of the country.

  She has no future here, no future with me, because half a man doesn’t deserve all of Andi.

  I hear her putter around my kitchen. She’s like a puppy; I can kick her in the ribs time and time again, and yet, she’ll keep coming back.

  She got up this morning and started cooking again, like my asshole behavior this week is completely forgotten. She brought me a tray of breakfast – an egg white omelet full of tasty onions, peppers, and ham – and promised to be back in here at nine-thirty to help take me to my appointment. She’s cleaned my kitchen, started the dishwasher, thrown a load of laundry into the machine, and had a shower.

  I sat on my bed and listened to the water running. She was naked, in my home, singing under her breath, and probably washing her hair. I could imagine her tight body under the soap suds, her full breasts moving as she massaged the shampoo in, her perky ass sitting up tall because of all the time she works out, despite her claims that she doesn’t.

  I sat on my bed and touched my dick, and… nothing.

  How could I possibly accept her love when I can’t ever make love to her again? How could I expect her to stay once she figures out I’m broken in more ways than just my leg?

  I can never pick her up again. I can never fuck her against a wall, or chase her around my house and swing her around when I catch her. I can’t even have a shower with her, wash her hair with my own hands, or show her pleasure with my fingers; it’s dangerous, and showers are slippery. I can’t even lower to my knees and slide my tongue in, because seeing a guy’s missing leg isn’t going to turn a girl on. It’s just not what a girl dreams about when she’s thinking of her prince charming.

  Once upon a time, not so long ago, all I had to do was think of her and my dick would strain against my jeans and seep until there was a wet spot in the denim.

  Now… I’ve had her naked in my shower and given myself permission to touch my dick, and nothing.

  Somewhere, somehow since I was hurt, some wires in my head got crossed and now I can’t even get hard for her.

  How could I possibly expect to keep her all for myself, when I’m not even a man?

  So I ask her to leave, and when that doesn’t work, I shout at her to leave.

  No matter how in love she thinks she is, it won’t take her long to fall out again with the bitter asshole in a wheelchair. It’s just a waiting game at this point, and considering we’re getting uncomfortably close to Christmas, I figure she’ll crack in the next twenty-four hours.

  Not even the bravest souls can sit alone on Christmas day when they know they have a welcoming family just across town.

  Finally plucking up the courage – because no matter how rotten it tastes to ask for help, I can’t do this on my own – I hit dial on my cell and wait for my chief to answer. I can choose to not go to my prosthetic appointment. But I can’t choose not to have my staples taken out. They’ll probably become infected and finish the job Abel Hayes started a little over a month ago, and considering I intend to finally visit my mom soon, dying from infection right in front of her eyes just isn’t something I can do.

  “Rook?” Alex’s voice – wary, but excited at the same time – comes through the line and makes me nervous. “I’m glad you called me. How are you feeling?”

  “Fine. Are you busy this morning?”

  “Ah… I don’t have to be.” I hear doors close, then the sounds of cars in the street. “I have nothing going on that can’t be changed.”

  “You on shift right now?”

  “Yeah, but everything’s quiet. Oz is on, I’m on. Libby’s on nights this week. What do you need?”

  “I have to go see my surgeon today, but I can’t climb into my truck on my own. It’s too high.” And admitting that burns me up. “Can you come get me?”

  “Sure. Where’s Andi? She’s being good, right?”

  “She’s not my nurse, X. And she’s not invited. In fact, who do I speak to about removing a squatter from my home?”

  He thinks I’m playing. He chuckles, and lets out a relieved breath like he thinks I’m back to making jokes.

  I’m serious.

  We’re the fucking cops, but no one will remove the squatter from my home.

  “I don’t know who you gotta talk to about that, Rook. This is a unique case, and seeing as she has ties to the cops…”

  “You are the cops!”

  “Right, but she’s basically sister-in-law to my deputy, plus she’s dating my rookie, so I’m thinking this is more of a civil case that needs to be worked out in private. Oz warned you about her. He told you to watch your back. She’s a wildcat.”

  “We’re not dating,” I hiss through my teeth. Her shower finishes, then the creak of the shower door conjures images of a naked Andi in my mind. And yet… “Can you come and get me? I gotta be at my appointment at ten.”

  “Yeah, I’ll come get you now. You’re ready?”

  “Yup. I’m dressed and ready to go. Knock on the front door, but don’t come in. I don’t intend to hang around.” It’s funny how something like losing your leg gives a guy perspective. Alex Turner is my chief – was my chief – and as such, I possessed a healthy dose of respect for the guy.

  I took his orders and looked up to the guy who is a few years my senior and more badass than he’ll let anyone think. But when you’ve faced death – an
d worse, had to contemplate sacrificing Andi Conner – nobody intimidates me anymore. I’ve reached a point in my life where I just don’t give a fuck.

  So I tell him not to come inside my fucking house, and ten minutes after he hangs up and stomps up the wooden ramp out the front, I blow past Andi on my crutches and slam the door closed before Alex can even say hello.

  “Let’s go.”

  “Excuse the fuck me, Rook, but I was here to check on Andi, too.” He doesn’t help me down the ramp. He stubbornly stands at the door with his hands on his belt – on his gun – and stares. “Oz is my best friend, and it’s my duty to check in with the family on his behalf.”

  It’s cold as fuck out here, and the ramp is slippery despite the salt I see on it. Looking out at my yard, I add another brick of guilt to my load; Andi has shoveled and salted the walkways. A light dusting covers where she shoveled, and looking up, I scowl at the soft flurries shitting on us and threatening to toss me on my ass when I slip.

  It would be mother nature’s way of teaching me a lesson for being a dick.

  Spout off mean shit to Andi – fall on your ass.

  Physically hurt her again – take a stick of dynamite up your ass and watch yourself splatter.

  “You don’t have to check on her.” Arguing quietly, I take a slow step after slow step. The front door creaks open – because the whole world knows Andi Conner is incapable of taking a hint – but I keep moving. “See? She’s fine. Unless you’re here to evict her, you don’t have to come in or speak to anyone inside.”

  “He’s a grumpy fuck, huh?”

  Andi scoffs. I turn for a brief second to find her in skin tight jeans and a pair of fur lined boots that stretch up to her knees. Her top is baby pink and three-quarter sleeved… and intended to be worn beneath a coat. She stands at the door in too few clothes, with her arms folded over her chest, chattering teeth, and wet hair. “He sure is, Chief. I’m not sure why you’re here, since I told him I’d drive him today, but the whole grumpy fuck thing might have something to do with it.”