Dance With Destiny

by Sloan Johnson

  “How do we explain it to our folks? My dad’s expecting me to help him with landscaping and your parents barely let you out on weekends. You know they’re going to freak if you tell them you’re going to a different state for a few months.” Brandon’s expression falters and I can almost hear the doubts in his mind. “Baby, it’s a great dream; I just don’t know how we’ll make it work. I can’t think of anything better than spending the entire summer making love to you at night, I’m just trying to be realistic here.”

  “Why do you have to be such a downer?” Brandon grumbles. “I know you hate having to hide out all the time and thought you’d jump on this faster than a fat kid grabs a second piece of cake. Guess I was wrong.” He storms out of my bedroom and I hear his car rumble to life a minute later.

  “We wound up doing it. I used to joke that the only reason we had sex so often was because that’s what you’re supposed to do with the person you love after you fight. He told me I was a tight ass and I accused him of being ashamed of me,” I choke out around the lump in my throat. It hurts to say, but there’s part of me that wonders if we would have stayed together forever like we talked about, or if the petty bickering would have eventually pulled us apart.

  “One weekend, he went home for a family reunion and was really upset when he came back. When I pushed him to tell me what happened, he said that he came out and his father threatened to put him in the ground if he didn’t leave that very minute, so he did.”

  Tony wipes the tears away from my face and I can hear him sniffling as well. “He came out because he felt like he had to; otherwise I’d find someone I could be myself with. Never mind the fact that I hadn’t come out either, but I wanted to. God, being with him at the cottage showed me what life could be like and I wanted to walk into my dad’s house with my arms wrapped around Brandon’s waist and tell my dad he could screw himself if he didn’t like it.”

  “See, you’re such a great guy that men practically jump out of the closet to make you happy.” Tony’s attempt to lighten the mood falls flat. “Is that it? Did Brandon wind up choosing his family over you?”

  “I wish,” I mumble. Before I finish my sad tale, I take a break to listen to Tony’s heartbeat, letting it remind me that he’s very much here and alive. “Four days later, we were out on the water with our friends, Jason and Deena. Brandon turned his head for a second to call me a chicken shit because I wasn’t racing across the lake with him. He kicked up the throttle as he turned his jet ski and wound up heading straight toward the path of a speedboat. It turned out the driver of the boat had been drinking all day and didn’t see Brandon in time.”

  “Oh, baby…” Tony struggles to find something to say to console me. The words won’t come, they never do, even to those who were there that day. ‘I’m sorry’ seems so inadequate when the person you’re talking to watched the man they loved bleeding out in the middle of the harbor before anyone could rescue him. “And twice now, I’ve said things that remind you of him?” he guesses. I nod.

  There’s a soft knock on the bedroom door. Cara pokes her head in and smiles when she sees the two of us cuddling on the bed. “Just wanted to let you two know that Mama and Gus are early. We’re still waiting on Nona and the rest of them. Take your time.” She doesn’t wait for a response before gently pulling the door closed.

  “I don’t want you to be afraid of saying the wrong things to me, Tony,” I assure him. “My buddy, Jason, said he’d help me find someone to talk to if I say the word. I think I’m going to take him up on it. He helped me see how much of my life I’ve spent trying to live for Brandon since he didn’t get to achieve any of his dreams. It’s time to start remembering my own.”

  Because I have the most amazing sister in the entire world, Cara leaves Dom and I alone until six o’clock, when Andrew’s youngest sister arrives. After he told me about Brandon, everything became crystal clear. Without realizing what I was doing, I placed him back in the mind of his eighteen-year-old self when he thought they’d find a way to be together forever.

  “Baby, it’s time to get up,” I whisper in his ear. Dominic grumbles as he burrows deeper into my side. I feel bad because he obviously needs his sleep, but he’s the one who wanted everyone to come over. If we knew one another better, I’d know how the best way to wake him without getting my nose broken.

  I spend a few more minutes trying to coax Dom out of a deep sleep before giving up. Carefully, I slide my arm out from under him and get out of the bed. He stirs as I’m getting dressed, but quickly curls his hands beneath his cheek. I dig my phone out of the pocket of my jeans and snap a quick picture so I can look back on this moment. After hurting him repeatedly, I know that I’m also the one who brought that content look to his face.

  “Welcome to the land of the living.” Andrew pokes me in the ribs, looking over my shoulder to see if Dom’s behind me. “Where’s the other one?” he asks quietly.

  “He’s sleeping like a frat boy the morning after a kegger,” I respond, drawing the attention of Mama Rossi and Nona. “Let’s go ahead and eat. He wouldn’t want a good meal going to waste. Then again, if Cara cooked, he may be the lucky one.”

  Mama Rossi bats my hand away when I reach for a piece of garlic bread. Other than a few bites of my bagel, I haven’t eaten since sometime yesterday. At this point, I’ll risk a case of food poisoning from my sister’s cooking just to have something in my gut. “You don’t give her enough credit, Tony. She’s spent many weekends at our house, learning how to prepare her husband’s favorite meals. Why don’t you make a plate for Dominic so he can eat when he’s feeling better? What happened to make him decide to stay here for Christmas?”

  She turns her attention to Andrew, waiting for him to answer. He stumbles, not knowing how much to share, so I chime in. “He’s been trying to sort through some things. He’ll have to tell you more when he wakes up, but I think he’s going to be just fine.”

  Cara smiles at me over the brim of her wine glass. When I shrug, she winks to let me know I handled the situation well. Perhaps I should be upset that she makes me feel like her son rather than her sibling, but I’m quickly realizing that I never spent time learning how to interact with others without all the fake bullshit. In our home, everything’s about being politically correct and proper, but surrounded by Andrew’s family I’m left a bit unsettled. The only thing they ask of anyone is the truth.

  “It seems you listened to this crazy old woman’s advice,” Mama whispers in my ear as I pile spaghetti onto the plate. I look down at the food and then to her, wondering why something so simple would earn her praise. Even in their made-for-television family, it seems a bit extreme. “Not that, you foolish boy. I mean it seems you’ve removed your head for your backside when it comes to Dominic.”

  “I’m trying,” I promise her. “Sometimes I think I fuck up more than I help, but you helped me see that he’s worth the fight.”

  Mama and Nona follow me into the kitchen and I hear Andrew and his older brother wish me luck with the two of them. Those guys don’t realize how lucky they are to have a mother who may be meddlesome, but uses that power for good instead of evil.

  “Tony, I’m going to tell you something similar to what I told Dominic years ago,” Nona begins. She’s a frail old woman, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t scare the shit out of me. She’s the type of woman who likely compensates for her stature by reaching for whatever’s close that can be used as a weapon.

  I stop wrapping Dom’s plate to give her my undivided attention. “Sometimes in life, we’re faced with difficult decisions. There are truths that make us question everything we once knew. What makes you a success in life isn’t what is or is not, but rather whether or not you can face those truths with grace. I get the feeling there are things most people do not know about you, and those who claim to love you may shun you when you stand up for yourself. The Rossi family does not operate that way. You are Cara’s brother and because you’re her family, you’re our family. Whatever any
one else thinks is unimportant as long as you surround yourself with love.”

  I’ll be damned if the old woman’s speech doesn’t leave me a bit teary eyed. I wrap an arm around each of them, thanking them for the gift they’ve given me today. Between Dom and me, I’m beginning to feel like we’re meant to be the subject of a fucking Lifetime movie.

  “Ma, let the poor man come and eat,” Gus yells from the dining room. All of his children burst out laughing and the sappy, tender moment disappears.

  “Thank you,” I say to Nona as she kisses both of my cheeks.

  “My son is right. We need to fatten you up a bit,” she chides, pinching my sides. “Our Dominic needs a man who can keep him warm at night, not this bundle of skin and bones.”

  “Hey now,” I protest. The women lead the way to the dining room, where everyone is snickering at Nona’s criticism of my physique. “I’ll have you know I try to spend an hour at the gym after work every night and my grocery bill would say I’m not going to starve any time soon.”

  Nona gives me one last hug before sitting and I’m taken aback by how lighthearted the mood is. It makes me wish my own family would take some lessons from the Rossis.

  “Don’t mind her, Tony,” Andrew proclaims. “We all know you’re a chiseled god under those clothes, but Nona thinks everyone needs a healthy layer of insulation to get through the winter.”

  “Good to know,” I respond.

  Serving dishes start getting passed around the table in every direction and, more than once, someone’s left holding two dishes with a third being handed to them and everyone laughs at the chaos. The raucous conversation continues while everyone eats, and I’m not sure how any of them manage to follow what’s being said. As plates empty, Mama and Nona push seconds and thirds on everyone, determined to not have anything leftover.

  It’s not until the women are clearing the table that Dom walks out of the bedroom, bleary eyed with his hair sticking out all over the place. “You should have told me it was time to get up,” he pouts. Mama and Nona rush over to inspect him, making sure we weren’t lying when we said he’s physically fine.

  “Tony tried, but he finally gave up the fight,” Mama informs him. “From the looks of you, I’m tempted to shove you back into that bed for the night. You look tired.”

  Dom’s shoulders slump at the observation. If she thinks he looks bad now, I’m thankful she wasn’t here earlier. There are still dark circles beneath his eyes and the color hasn’t fully returned to his skin but he does look more rested than before.

  “I’m fine, Mama. It’s been a rough few days, but between Andrew, Cara, and Tony, I think it’ll all be okay.” My chest puffs out a bit hearing that Dom is including me in the group of people who will be able to help him heal. “Honestly, I think I’m going to need all of you. Can we move to the living room so I don’t feel like you’re all hovering over me?”

  “Of course, Dominic. Let me warm your dinner and I’ll be right there.” Dom leans into her hand when she caresses his cheek. I haven’t heard him talk much about his family, but it seems I’m not the only one who wishes the Rossi family was the one he was born into.

  “Mama, you go sit. I’ll get his dinner,” I tell her. All eyes snap to me, surprised by my offer. As far as I’m concerned, I made a promise to Andrew’s mother that I would take care of Dom if he’d let me and I fully intend to show everyone that I’m a man of my word. “Dom, do you want something to drink?”

  “Coffee would be great if there’s a pot brewed. Otherwise, water will be fine.” Before following the rest of the family to sit around the fireplace, Dom reaches for my hand. “Thank you, Tony.”

  Knowing what Dom is about to do, I need to figure out how I can show him that I’m here for whatever he needs from me. The pain must have been buried deep if he tried to keep it from his best friend for all these years, and that means it’s going to be hard for him to finally face. But he needs to realize that he’s not doing this alone.

  The entire condo is filled with laughter as I stand in the kitchen willing the coffee to brew faster. Dom strikes me as the type who would be fine with a glass of water and wouldn’t want anyone going out of their way for him, but that’s just one more thing that’s going to change.

  When I look at Dom, I see a man who’s scared to let anyone get too close for fear of them leaving him and adding to the scars on his heart. He’s right when he says that he’s damaged, but that means he needs to learn to rely on people that much more and I want to be the one to take care of him. I’ll dig and dig until I find a way to protect him.

  There’s a good chance I’ll wake up a little over a week from now regretting how much I’m allowing myself to get attached to Dom, but I’ll deal with that when the time comes. With the way just about everyone in my life seems to think our meeting is some sort of cosmic fate, I figure it won’t hurt too much to see what happens.

  Tony walks into the living room carrying a plate heaping with food and a steaming cup of coffee. He didn’t have to make it just for me, but as wiped out as I still feel, I’m grateful that he did. I slide closer to Andrew on the couch to make room for Tony because I need him next to me. When he sits, his hand lands mindlessly on my leg and he jerks it away. Noticing his uncertainty, I reach out to him because I’m quickly becoming addicted to the slight weight of his hand on my body.

  “It’s okay, Tony. You don’t have to worry about hiding anything in front of them. They’re good people,” I whisper in his ear, allowing my lips to linger there a moment before turning my attention back to the rest of my adopted family.

  Mama and Nona are staring at us with that stupid, love struck look that normal moms get when they realize they’re seeing their child with someone who loves them. Whether Tony’s said the words to me or me to him makes no difference. It’s still premature to voice the feelings, but I think both of us feel them budding. “See, look at them. I don’t think it’s your mom you have to worry about trying to get you married off at this point.”

  “Mama, you’re going to scare the poor guy,” Cara scolds. “You and I have talked enough times about my family and this is likely overwhelming for Tony. But Bobo, you need to know that Dom’s right. Nona, Gus, and Mama are three of the best people I know as long as you don’t hurt one of their kids. Consider that a friendly warning.”

  She winks at us before curling onto Andrew’s lap to make a bit more room for three grown men on the couch. My stomach flips as I notice everyone growing quiet, waiting for me to tell them why I asked them over tonight.

  “It’s okay, Dom. Take your time,” Andrew assures me, patting my other leg.

  “Gus, Mama, everyone, I owe you an apology or ten,” I begin, pulling my feet up onto the sofa beneath me. “I’m not even sure how long it’s been since you all made me feel like I’m a part of your family. You never judged me or looked down on me for the man that I am and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to thank you enough for that.”

  “Dominic, you don’t need to thank us,” Mama fusses, moving her chair closer to mine. She places her hand on top of mine and Tony’s. Again, he goes to jerk away, but she’s the one stopping him this time. “I loved you as one of my own the moment Andrew brought you home. And when your father was cruel to you, my heart broke and I told you that day that nothing would change how I feel about you. I meant that as much then as I do now. You owe us nothing.”

  “Thanks, Mama, but I really do,” I lament. Andrew was the one who pointed out how unfair I’ve been to the family by not allowing them to help me face my demons. He nods when I turn to him and I continue.

  “Something happened, over a year before I met your family and I never told anyone. Not to sound overly dramatic, but the summer between high school and college was one that shaped every bit of my life since then; both good and bad.”

  Without having to be asked, Tony hands me my mug of coffee and I take a sip, trying to alleviate the dryness in my mouth. As hard as it is, I spend the next fifteen minutes telling
the entire Rossi family about Brandon. When my voice falters, Tony is there to steel me. As soon as tears start to fall, he reaches to the end table for a tissue and dries my cheeks without fanfare. It’s as if he’s honed in on everything I might possibly need and he provides it without being asked.

  Surprisingly, the hardest part of the story is no longer Brandon’s death. It’s like I’ve talked about it so much, with so many people, in the past few days that I’m numb to that pain. Today, it’s admitting to the Rossi family that I don’t know who I am or remember what my aspirations in life were before the accident. As soon as Brandon died, I took on his dreams as my own.

  “I’m not sure what’s going to happen, but I think I made a huge mistake when I moved to Phoenix. Brandon is the one who talked about finding a way to combine the degree that would make his parents happy with his need for the next adrenaline high,” I admit.

  “You guys all tease me about how I’m not happy unless I’m taking risks, but I wasn’t always that guy. Brandon’s the one who got me to try things that scared the crap out of me. He’s the reason I learned to take risks. And after he died, that was the one way I could stay connected to him. Now, I’m realizing that, as much as I enjoy what I’m doing most of the time, it was never my dream. It’s time to come home.”

  Looking around the room, I see every female dabbing tears from their eyes and even Andrew’s older brother seems affected by my story. They aren’t pitying me, it’s more like they’re grieving the loss of a man they never met; two if you consider the fact that I have never allowed them to get to know the real me. “Fuck, Dom,” Andrew’s brother, Alex, exhales. “That’s some intense shit, right there.”

  “Alexander Rossi, you will watch your language,” Gus admonishes. He turns to face me. “You say you don’t want to go back to Phoenix. Where does that leave your business? Surely, you can’t simply walk away.”