The Cost of Honor

by Stargate

  "If you think I fear for my own life, then you are a fool," Kenna spat. "I would trade it in an instant for-" He bit off his words and said no more.

  Jack cast a curious glance at the Commander. Trade it for what? Or more likely, who? As they walked through the building heat of the morning, he watched the man's face. He looked crushed, but beneath the despair there was fury, desperate fury. A volatile mix. It had you clinging to the edge of reason, and God knew Jack had been there a time or two in his life. It was something he could use. All he had to do was figure out how...

  Daniel woke from the nightmare to the concerned face of Fortus, the Arxanti doctor. His body felt stiff, muscles cramped as if they hadn't moved in an eternity, and all around baleful images pressed down hard, like black clouds that wouldn't lift.

  "Are you well?" Fortes asked.

  Stiffly Daniel managed to nod, but he couldn't speak beneath the oppressive weight of the nightmare. He'd seen Sha're, tortured and twisted into something unrecognizable. He'd seen his parents die, seen a lifetime of death and misery. And other images, barbaric deeds he could hardly comprehend. Images dragged from memories trapped inside his mind. A blackness, a place of utter darkness where the only light had been forever extinguished. Hopeless and desolate, it had felt like the future... He shivered.

  "Daniel Jackson?" Fortes again, sitting back on his heels.

  With huge effort, Daniel tried to give the man a reassuring smile. "What happened?"

  Fortes frowned. He seemed nervous and unsure. "Arxantia," he said quietly. "She fought our enemy as foretold, but..." He paused. "But you and Teal'c also suffered, as if you too were our enemy."

  "And Jack?" Daniel asked, rubbing at his aching temples. "Was he affected?"

  "No." Fortes replied. "He has gone out into Arxantia, in search of your friend Teal'c."

  At least that proved Daniel's theory. Somehow, Jack was connected to these people on a basic, perhaps genetic, level. If that was true, it suggested that not all the Ancients had ascended. Perhaps a few had survived long enough to witness - even encourage - humanity's second evolution? "I think Jack," he said, pushing himself upright, "might be genetically-" Fortus looked blank, and Daniel changed tack. "I think he might be Arxanti. Teal'c and I are not. We're... different. But not your enemy. We're-"

  A shadow fell across the doorway and Jack stepped inside, face flushed with heat. Behind him came a severe-looking Kinahhi soldier, and after him Teal'c. Thank God.

  Still shaky, Daniel stood up.

  "Hey," said Jack, swiping a bandana from his head and mopping his face. "You okay?"

  Daniel shrugged. "Been worse."

  For a moment Jack stared, measuring the truth of his words, then he gave a slight smile. Satisfied. "Looks like they were right about the city fighting back."

  "Must be some kind of automated Ancient defense system," Daniel guessed. "Designed to take out anyone who's not Arxanti." He looked over at Teal'c, who was escorting the Kinahhi soldier toward a pile of cushions at the far side of the room. Fortus was watching them with open hostility, but said nothing. "So, Jack... You weren't affected by it?"

  "Nope."

  Daniel lifted an eyebrow.

  "What?"

  He shrugged. "You don't think that's a little-"

  "Daniel, I'm not an Ancient!"

  "Ah, no. No you're not. But perhaps there's some kind of genetic link, or throwback to-"

  "Colonel O'Neill." Fortes approached, stiff with indignation, voice pitched low but heated with anger. "Why have you brought that... That scum into our home?"

  Unfazed, Jack glanced over at Kenna. The Kinahhi Commander was sipping from the cup of water Teal'c had provided but his mind was obviously elsewhere, trapped in some fear or memory that was twisting his features into hard lines of despair. "Because he can help us."

  Chin lifting, Fortes demanded, "How?"

  "He has a ship," Jack said. "And I plan on getting hold of it."

  "You will leave Arxantia?"

  "Yup. One of our friends is..." He faltered, searching for the right word. "She's a prisoner on Tsapan. We have to go back for her. And we have to get word to our own people, to warn them about the Kinahhi."

  "Then it is as Alvita Candra foresaw!" Fortes stared at Daniel with hope shining in his eyes. "You will lead us out of the desert!"

  "Ah, now, I didn't say anything about-"

  Jack's words were cut off by a bitter laugh; Kenna was watching them. "You seek to retrieve Major Carter?" he sneered. "It's a fool's errand. She is already dead."

  Jack went very, very still. When he spoke, his voice sounded like steel rasping against steel. "What?"

  "She is dead!" Kenna spat at him. "Her mind is gone, she's just a shell, an empty, rotting-"

  "Sonofabitch!" Jack was across the room in two strides, launching himself at the Kinahhi soldier. The water cup went flying, and Jack landed a solid punch on the man's jaw, sending him sprawling onto his back. "You sonofa-"

  "O'Neill!" Teal'c darted forward, hauling Jack off of the man. "Wait. He lies, to bait us-"

  "No," Kenna hissed, scrambling upright, fists raised. Blood seeped from a split lip. "It is no lie. I saw her. She is dead." There was a glint of madness in his eyes. He wanted this, Daniel realized. He wanted to fight. There was so much rage, so much impotent fury burning deep down. "You should have killed her when you had the chance," Kenna taunted, beginning to circle Jack. "Spared her the suffering. Allowed her to die as a human being, not an animal. Not screaming like an animal-"

  Pushing past Teal'c in a flash, Jack landed another blow, sending Kenna stumbling backward. He lashed out, but Jack was faster, grabbing the front of the man's shirt and slamming him hard against the wall. "You bastard," he snarled, breathing hard.

  He's going to kill him... "Jack!"

  "You goddamn sonofa-" He pounded Kenna hard against the wall again. "You're a coward. A miserable, stinking coward." He backed off, sucking in a shaking, furious breath. "You killed her." His words were molten with rage. "You killed her, and how many others?"

  Kenna said nothing, but his eyes... God, they looked like they were dying. Turning cold and gray and lifeless.

  "How many?" Jack hissed. "How many have you strapped into that damn machine? And for what? Thinking the wrong damn thoughts?" He grabbed Kenna by the shirt, yanking him closer. "How the hell do you live with yourself? You spineless piece of utter, utter-"

  "I had no choice!" Kenna spat, thrusting Jack away hard enough to make him stumble.

  "There's always a choice!"

  Kenna laughed bleakly. "You know nothing of Kinahhi!"

  "I know enough," Jack growled. "I know you've condemned hundreds - thousands - of people to death because you're too afraid to-"

  "They have my son!" The words cracked like a whip, plunging the room into rigid, shocked silence. The only sound was Kenna's uneven breathing. "They have my boy."

  Jack looked like he'd been hit by a truck.

  It was a strange sensation to be crawling around your own mind, oblivious to yourself, but that was the only way Sam could understand exactly what it was she was doing. It was cold and misty, the distance fading into hazy oblivion, while a shimmering presence dominated the center of the room in which she sat - the room of her own mind. She could see it, a massive force filtering through the minutiae of her consciousness, looking for something.

  The Mahr'bal.

  She knew nothing about them, certainly nothing about any connection with the Colonel. Just as well; if she had known, there was no way she could have kept it from the invader.

  Rising slowly to her feet, she turned around. There was nothing to see but mist. Who knew my mind was so dull? She began to walk, circling the iridescent force in the center. Does it know I'm here? Does it know I'm alive?

  She remembered the vicious blow that had sent her into oblivion. Perhaps I'm dead?

  Or perhaps not. It hardly mattered. She chose to put her faith in Descartes: I think, therefore I am. The gleaming pr
esence, like refractions from a cut gemstone, was the only movement in the room. Tentatively she reached out to it, as if touching the surface of a rippling pond, and-

  Fear. Danger all around. Invasion. Destruction.

  She pulled back her hand, startled. What was that? Koash? Or the collective mind of the Kaw'ree, or the sheh fet? Whoever it was, they were afraid, and she had been able to feel it. Know your enemy. Bracing herself, she tried again.

  Danger! A fragmentary image assaulted her; Colonel O'Neill with his head trapped in the Ancient device that had downloaded their repository of knowledge into his mind. Panic. Then another image, not one she had seen before. A projection, a nightmare - the Colonel again, but this time seated in one of the Kaw'ree chairs. Blood seeped across the floor in pools, fire licked at the walls, and crazed half-human creatures danced around him in triumph. The destruction of all things. The end of Kinahhi. Another image. An army of wild, sticklike creatures pouring through the Stargate, led by the Colonel. At least, she thought it was the Colonel. But he was dressed in rags, and somehow barely human. A feral grin split his face, growling and insane. The end of all things!

  With a gasp, Sam pulled her hand away, nursing it against her chest. Her fingers were red raw, as if burned, and she found herself shaking. What the hell was that?

  The future.

  The words boomed, and Sam covered her ears.

  You see the future, if the Mahr'bal are not stopped. Help us... Help Inc. Koash. She recognized him now, talking directly into her own mind.

  "I don't know anything about the Mahr'bal," she shouted back at him. "You must know that by now. You can read my mind."

  There was a pause, and in that moment Sam understood the truth. He couldn't. At least, he couldn't read all of it, otherwise she wouldn't be standing here watching him sift through her memories. There was some aspect of her, some fundamental kernel of herself that Koash - and the sheh fet - couldn't access. Because they can't make it work, she realized. For some reason, they can't use it properly!

  Pulse racing with sudden excitement, she decided to test her theory. It would be a one-shot deal, and if it didn't work... Sam closed her eyes, focused her thoughts on what she was saying and built a mental wall around her true intentions. A shield, shimmering blue, standing between Koash and the truth she was hiding. Carefully, with utter concentration, she reached out and touched his mind.

  "These Mahr'bal... Are they monsters?"

  They are as you see them.

  "And the Colonel is one of them?"

  He is.

  Focus. Focus... "He abandoned me here." Cold. Angry. Afraid. "He could have saved me."

  Such are the Mahr'bal. Without honor

  "But you..." Warm. Insinuating. Grateful. "But you saved me from that place. You brought me out of the sheh fet."

  His mind shifted, glittered before her. Preening like a peacock. And I can keep you from it, Samantha Carter. If you will help us find him -find out all he knows of the Mahr'bal. Find out if there are others, beyond the Stargate.

  Flattery. Men were such slaves to their own egos. "He left me behind, I owe him nothing. But you saved me, Koash." His mind shivered at the use of his name, and Sam smiled. "Yes," she pressed, "I know you. I can see your mind..."

  And I yours.

  So you think. "Help me, Koash. And I will help you."

  A bargain?

  "An act of trust." If he could take what he needed from her mind, then he would have done so. But he couldn't, and they both knew it. "Release me from the chair, and I'll help you find Colonel O'Neill."

  In the silence that followed Major Samantha Carter held her breath and waited.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  ack could feel Daniel's eyes on him, watching for a reaction. Waiting for him to fly apart, perhaps. It had been a long time now, the pain was old and familiar. But every so often it jabbed like a knife, as fresh and appalling as it had been the day he died.

  They have my son! Damn him. Damn him to hell for having a reason.

  "How old is he?" It was a carefully calm enquiry, giving away nothing. But Daniel knew, so did Teal'c, and they were watching him with guarded concern.

  "Seven, now." Kenna whispered, his back to them.

  Just a kid, just a baby.

  Kenna's hands fell to his sides. "They took him three years ago, to ensure my cooperation."

  Bastards. Jack felt a new wave of rage break over him, directed at the smug, sanctimonious face of Damaris that hovered in his mind. He didn't doubt she was capable of it, he'd seen the ice in the heart of that soulless bureaucrat the first moment they'd met. We'll get her, he promised himself We'll make her pay -for the kid, for Carter for all of them...

  Into the silence Teal'c spoke. "My son, Rya'c, was once captured by my mortal enemy." His voice resonated with deep feeling. "It is an almost unbearable pain to suffer."

  Facts, get the facts. "Where's he being held?" Unlike Teal'c, Jack could offer no consolation from his own experience. There'd never been any hope for Charlie. "Have you tried to get him out?"

  Slowly, Kenna turned. "He was in a school, in Kinahhi. Well treated, or I could not have continued to- You don't understand. Had I tried to free him, they would have known it. To even think such thoughts..." He shook his head, "But after your escape from Tsapan, Damaris said she would send him to the Kaw'ree. I believe she sensed my ... disquiet." His face dissolved into remorse. "My weakness has condemned my son."

  Jack recognized it now, the bleakness in the man's eyes. It was guilt. He saw it every day in his own reflection.

  "Kaw'ree?" Daniel prompted softly, a gentle distraction from the man's overwhelming despair. He always knew the right thing to say, it was a goddamn gift. "It means leaders, right? I thought the Security Council led your people?"

  Kenna threw him a dark look, sucking in a steadying breath. "So they did, before the sheh fet. But now, even they must bow before the Kaw'ree."

  "Their own fear has enslaved them," Teal'c observed coolly.

  "Literally," Daniel agreed, a gleam in his eye. Do you get it? he seemed to be asking. Jack didn't. "The sheh fet was created to counter the threat from the Mahr'bal, right?" Daniel carried on, scratching through his memories. "There was an attack? On an outpost?"

  "Libnah," Kenna replied. "You are correct, Daniel Jackson." His gaze moved to where Fortes stood watching the exchange with curiosity, and his face hardened. "Hundreds of thousands of my people were massacred at the colonial outpost of Libnah. After that, the Cordon was constructed and-"

  "And thousands of my people were massacred. And have continued to die, from starvation and disease, in the fifty years since." The voice came from the doorway. It was Atella, leaning against the doorjamb, bright anger in his eyes. "Do not listen to the lies of this Kinahhi. His words are poison."

  Kenna stiffened, bristling with generations of hostility. "Do you deny what happened at Libnah?"

  Jack had seen the same reaction in countless hotspots around the world and blew out a weary sigh.

  Atella languidly strode into the room. "They were on our land."

  "Peacefully."

  "Stealing our heritage," Atella countered, helping himself to a cup of water. "Stealing the gifts of our ancestors. Destroying our holy sites." He shrugged, circling Kenna as though he were prey. "You witnessed last night the anger of Arxantia. Libnah was no different. All this land is ours, and our ancestors protect it."

  Kenna returned his attention to Daniel. He was tired, Jack real ized, and a couple of decades older thanAtella. Like Jack himself, Kenna had seen enough of the world to trust little beyond his own experience. "Libnah was not destroyed by ghosts, Dr. Jackson," he said. "Its people were poisoned: men, women, and children - my own grandparents among them."

  With a grunt, Jack turned away from the entire conversation and paced to the far side of the room. Shades of gray, good and evil so entwined that no one was right and no one was wrong. And so many injustices perpetrated and suffered, on all sides, tha
t no one could forgive or move on. A poisonous quagmire of ambiguity.

  Behind him he heard Daniel speak. "It's possible that the city at Libnah had created some kind of bio-specific poison, to rid it of enemy occupation."

  Possible. After what he'd seen last night, he'd believe anything. Jack leaned against the wall, relishing its cool feel against his back. The heat was rising, outside and in. Too bad the Ancients hadn't invented air conditioning. "What about the bombs?" he asked, drawing Atella's attention. "Does your city send them to Kinahhi too? To kill kids?"

  "Bombs?" Atella shook his head, confused.

  "Explosive devices," Daniel explained. "Designed to harm the people of Kinahhi."

  "We are not responsible for any such attacks." His gaze slid to Kenna. "More is the pity, but you see how we live. We have no weapons, beyond Arxantia."

  "Well, someone's planting them, Atella. And the Kinahhi seem to think it's you guys."

  "It is not."

  To Jack's astonishment, the answer had come from Kenna. "It's not?"

  For an instant, the Kinahhi met his eyes. There was boldness there, daring. Almost a sense of wild relief. But then the Commander looked away, as if ashamed. "My unease with the direction in which our government has moved began some years ago," he said. "The sheh fet, you must understand, was introduced shortly after the atrocity at Libnah. It was welcomed, because our people were afraid. We had never seen such destruction, and feared that our own city would soon become a target."

  Fear can be a formidable weapon. Hadn't Kenna said that himself?

  "But there were no more attacks. The people became complacent, and the sheh fet was soon seen as an infringement upon their freedom." He grunted in disgust. "People have short memories, and no mind for strategy. Ten years is but a heartbeat in a war, Colonel. The Security Council knew as much. They refused to allow the sheh fet to be dismantled. I agreed with them, but the protests became more vociferous, the calls became stronger even from within the Security Council, and so..." He took a deep breath, lifting his chin. "The decision was made by a few in the Council to demonstrate what might happen should our security be compromised by the withdrawal of the sheh fet."