by Hannah Gray
Slowly, she pulls her arm away, wrapping both around her own body. As if she’s hugging herself. “I hate you. I fucking hate you.” She cries harder, to the point of hyperventilating.
And then she says something that I’ll never unhear.
“I wish I’d never met you, Cole. I-I wish I could erase every stupid memory I ev-ever had of you at all.”
She’s hysterical now, and I don’t reach out and touch her or hug her. Nothing. I simply watch as she comes undone.
“I hate you more than I hate my own mother.”
As she turns to leave, I don’t have the urge to run after her. For once in my life, no matter how much it hurts me, I let her leave.
I let my angel walk home alone … in the dark.
twenty-five
Cole
“Run it again,” I yell to my teammates, who all groan in obvious aggravation.
“Dude, I think we’ve got it down. We have run the same play ten fucking times now,” Dex calls to me, wiping sweat from his brow.
Turning toward him, I march up into his space, holding my finger up. “What the fuck did you say to me?”
He grits his teeth, and his nostrils flare. “I said, I think we fucking got it, Storm.”
“Oh, do you now?” I laugh. “Well, guess what. Coach left me in charge today, not you. Which means we can run it ten more fucking times if that’s what I say we need to do,” I growl like a fucking animal.
Looking around at my team, I hold my arms out. “Any other pussies want to cry about the plays I want to run? Speak now.”
I’m being a dick. I know I’m being a dick. I’m in a shit mood today. As a matter of fact, I have been for the past nine fucking days.
Nine days. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve seen Ally. Why I let her back in so easy is my own fault. The crazy part is, I’d do it over and over again too. And I’d do it with a fucking smile. Which is absolutely pathetic. But she’s going through something, and all I want is to be able to help her.
The boys can call me whipped, the world can call me dumb, but I don’t give a fuck. When you love someone, you love them through the bad times, and you love them through the good. You don’t give up on them. Good or grit, if your dumbass loves them, you need to stand by their side. Even if it’s in the shadows. Watching like a fucking creeper.
I know about most of the lowest points in her life. If you ask me, the girl is doing good to even get out of bed in the morning. I’ll never give up on her. But this being apart, it wears on me. And apparently, it turns me into a dick for my teammates.
“Hey, man,” Knox whispers, gripping my shoulder. “You good?”
“I’m fine. Why?” I shrug him off.
“Well, uh, you’re being a tad overkill. Actually, you’re being a dick.” When I send a glare in his direction, he holds his hands up. “And I can tell you that because we’re best friends.”
“Sorry, buddy.” Weston appears at my other side. “I respect the hell out of you, and you know that. But I have to agree with Knox on this one. These guys are busting their asses out here. We’ve run that play flawlessly all ten times. What’s going on with you?”
“I’m fucking fine. This next game isn’t going to be easy. We need to be prepared.”
Weston eyes me over before his mouth opens to speak. “And we are prepared, brother. If you want to run it ten more times, we’ll do it. But only if you think we need to.” He drops his voice lower, so only I can hear him. “And not just because you’re in pain.”
“I’m not in pain. I’m fucking fine,” I snarl at him.
Leaning into me, he pats my shoulder. “I know a man in pain, trust me. Just because I don’t talk about anything of substance doesn’t mean I haven’t felt some of the same shit you have. Man to man though, punishing your teammates isn’t going to help.”
I look around at my teammates and at Coach, who’s eyeing me on the sidelines, no doubt about to step in and take this practice from me. I’m sure this was a test, and I likely failed. He wanted to see how I’d lead my team solo during practice, and I ran them damn near into the ground.
Jerking my chin at my team, I wave them over. “Everyone, huddle up.”
They make their way over and form a circle around me, their body language far different than usual, and I can tell I fucked up.
Looking around at their faces, I pull my helmet off. “I’m sorry, boys. I know practice sucked ass. I know I was hard on you all. I can be intense when it comes to this game.”
I get a few snickers and a few grumbles.
I roll my eyes. “All right, you win. I was a complete dick.”
“That’s more like it,” mutters Dex.
“Yeah, yeah.” I look down at the grass and back up at the eyes on me. “The game this weekend, against Texas”—I shake my head—“I won’t lie; we have our work cut out for us. So far this season, a lot of the wins have come easy. This team won’t be like that. I promise you,” I tell them the truth.
This team was my dream school. They have a quarterback who’s a junior this year. One of the best I’ve seen. He’s part of why I didn’t go to Texas. I knew I wouldn’t get any playing time. Of course, there were other reasons. But that did play a small part in my decision.
“Anyway, get your ugly asses on out of here,” I joke. “See you tomorrow, bright and early.”
I’ve got to get my shit together for the game in a few days. Coach chose me to be his starting quarterback, and I can’t let him down. Not after he trusted me to do this job and I promised him I could handle it.
I told him I’d help him lead this team to a championship, and that’s what I’m going to do.
I just need to figure out how to get my mind off of Ally.
twenty-six
Ally
The last few weeks, I’ve kept myself so busy that I don’t even have a split second to stop and think about Cole. Or any of my problems.
I miss him—so fucking much.
But on a positive note, I don’t have to constantly keep dodging his questions or lie to him. Which is a relief.
Between working at Lenny’s, classes, and homework, I haven’t been much of a friend to Sloane. But when she asked to go out tonight to dinner, I was all for it. I have grown to really love her these past few months of knowing her. I trust her, which is a hard thing for me to do.
“We just can’t go to King’s Pub again,” I tell her. “That’s his competition, and Lenny will kick my ass.”
Her forehead wrinkles, and she makes an odd face. “We’re not going to King’s Pub. We’re going to a steak house, and they have pasta too. But I don’t get it. Lenny’s is, like, a mom-and-pop restaurant. King’s Pub is just that—a pub. Why would they be in competition?”
“Because weekend nights, they steal all the business. And now, they’re doing shit like milkshakes and trying to mimic Lenny’s burger. He’s pissed.” I laugh. “I told him I’d go over there and put a bag of flaming dog shit on the doorstep.” Shaking my head, I recall his face when he heard my ridiculous offer. “He definitely contemplated it, but he said no.”
“I swear, you like Lenny more than me sometimes.” She pouts. “It’s like he’s your old-man bestie.”
“I do not.” I giggle. “I love you both. But just in different ways. He’s sort of like the grandfather I never had.”
Her face looks remorseful. “Ally, I’m sorry. I didn’t even consider that. I’m a bitch.”
“Oh my good God, it’s fine. I know it’s weird that I have an old-man friend.” I smile. “Coming to Georgia, I’ve met so many great people. You, Carla, and my old-man bestie, Lenny. It’s been really nice, having people. I finally am experiencing what it’s like to have a village.”
“And Cole …” she says curiously.
“Yeah, and Cole. But I had him before I came here, and I know he’ll always have my back. It’s just … I don’t know, Sloane. I hate that he always wants to rescue me. You know?”
Before Cole, I neve
r needed anybody to protect me. I got through life all on my own. Even as a toddler, I didn’t die from malnutrition. Yet I made it even though I have no idea how. And then there’s Cole, constantly trying to save me like I’m some damsel in distress.
I wish he’d see me for how strong I am. I went through hell my last day in Charlotte’s Falls. I thought I was going to die that day. Yet here I am, alive.
“It could be worse. He could not want to rescue you. He could be a guy who didn’t give a shit. You know?”
She speaks the truth. That would be much worse, and I’m aware of that. But how can I explain what the hell my deal is when I barely understand it myself sometimes.
I’m a fucking confusing, weird, temperamental creature.
Putting my lips in a straight line, I roll my eyes. “Oh fuck, girl. Why you gotta go and make me feel like a gigantic bag of dicks?”
She smiles. “Because, sometimes, it’s easier to see things from the outside instead of from the inside. And I know I don’t know your whole story, or his, or yours together, but I know he loves you. And I can tell you love him too.”
Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. But I attempt to laugh it off. That beats diving into the real nitty-gritty shit.
“All right, Dr. Phil,” I tease her. “I want carbs. Let’s roll.”
Cole
“Thanks for the meal, Cap. It was A-fucking-one,” chirps Knox as we sit around the large table at the steak house with most of the entire team.
“Eh … my steak was a bit overcooked. But it’s all good,” Weston grumbles.
“Dude”—I look at Weston—“your steak was fucking bleeding. In what universe is that overdone?”
It was barely cooked to even be considered rare. It was nasty. Don’t get me wrong; I’m all about having a pink center, but if there’s blood pouring out, fuck, that shit’s just nasty.
“Whatever. You’re clearly not a steak connoisseur.” He rolls his eyes.
Ignoring him, I turn toward Knox. “Hey, why did you thank me? Who the fuck said I’m paying?” I frown.
I have money that Jenn and Matt gave me. They have more money than God himself, so I know they wouldn’t care. But I still hate using it. Nothing in life is ever free. Eventually, they’ll want some sort of reimbursement.
“We won that game last night that you’ve been running us ragged over.” Knox hits me in the side. “That means, you buy us dinner.”
“Fine, I’ll buy your fucking dinner, you cheap fucks.”
That game was tough as hell, and I worked them like dogs the practices before. Mostly because I wanted to win, but partly because my mood was sour after my fight with Ally.
Winning against a team like Texas did brighten my mood—for a little while anyway. They are highly ranked, yet we beat them. It wasn’t all me either. Our team has the potential to go all the way.
Throwing some cash on top of the check, I stand up, stuffing my phone into my pocket. “Let’s roll.”
Ally
Shutting the car door, I follow Sloane toward a restaurant I have yet to go to. The way my stomach is growling though, they could feed me cow balls, and I’d probably still eat it.
“I’ve heard this place has the best pasta.” She sighs. “I loooove pasta.”
“I think I’ll have a salad, no dressing,” I say, keeping my face straight.
“What?” She whips her head toward me. “A damn salad? In a place that is known for delicious steaks and pasta?”
“I’m just playing. If I ever order a salad, check my temperature. And if I ever order it without dressing, go ahead and check me into a mental institute. Because I’ve gone and lost my damn mind.”
She laughs. Just as she reaches for the door, it flies open. Revealing Cole, Knox, and Weston as they walk outside.
“Hey, gorgeous.” Knox winks as he looks at Sloane. “Long time no see.”
Nervously playing with her hair, she gives him a small smile. “Yeah, uh, how have you been? Still undefeated, I see.”
“Oh yeah, baby. That’s how it’ll stay too. We’re going right to the top.” He grins, showing his perfect teeth.
I glance at Cole, taking in his black hat pulled low on his head and his black T-shirt. As he stuffs his hand in his pocket, he fishes his keys out.
“Let’s go, boys,” he says coolly, not so much as sparing me a glance. “We’ve got early practice tomorrow.”
Knox holds his hand up to his ear like he’s in the fifth grade. “Call me,” he says, winking at Sloane.
She blushes and turns toward me. “Ready to get our table?”
“Yeah,” I say, looking in Cole’s direction as he walks into the parking lot, not even looking back. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
Pushing the restaurant door open, Sloane heads to the hostess station and gives the pretty brunette standing behind the counter her name. Shortly after, we follow her to our table.
As I plop my ass down in the booth across from Sloane, she gives me a look of sympathy.
“What?” I say, leaning forward on my elbows. “Get on with it. Say whatcha need to say.”
“So … he was frosty …”
“Cole?”
“No, Weston.” She rolls her eyes. “Yes, Cole!”
“Yeah, well, I told you we didn’t exactly leave on a good note the other night.”
I told her everything I said, everything he said. I told her how I’d never seen him look at me that way, with that kind of anger and hate. Because I hadn’t. Even when I had pissed him off before, he always looked at me with love. The love was gone.
“I sort of figured you were blowing it out of proportion.”
My mouth hangs open. “Why in the hell would you think that?”
She shrugs. “Because that boy loves you more than he loves anything else. The sun rises and sets on your left asscheek in his eyes. So, yeah, I didn’t think he could possibly be that mad at you.”
“And now?” I ask her.
“And now, I see that you weren’t exaggerating. It’s clear he’s hurt. And I know you are too.”
I sit back against the wooden booth. “I just can’t see how I could ever be with him and deal with all the ruckus that is his life now.” I sigh.
Truth is, the closer he gets to me, the more I push away. Because there’s too much shit buried underneath. If I let him in, he’ll find out everything.
She gives me a sad smile. “Ally, he loves you; he wants you. You are the one who keeps finding excuses to run. You are the one pushing him away.”
I know that she’s right. I have so many secrets I’m not ready to open up about. And I know me sabotaging us is just me avoiding him finding out what I’ve worked so hard to keep hidden. In my mind, if I keep the truth buried, I’ll never have to feel the effects of it. If it stays in the past, I can try to move on and forget it.
“That boy let you use his truck—his sexy, very expensive truck,” she points out. “If that’s not love, I don’t know what is. Y’all need to figure your shit out.”
I shake my head and attempt to smile. I remember how much she oohed and aahed when I told her that he had done that.
What it boils down to is, I’m a coward. When you’re with someone, you have to be honest. And I’m not willing to be honest with Cole right now.
“I know,” is all I say. I don’t have any answers that I feel comfortable sharing out loud.
Changing the subject, I turn to make sure all the football players are gone. “So, are you and Knox off or on right now? Or do you even know?”
“Off … I think.” She sighs. “I don’t freaking know.”
“I don’t get you guys. At all,” I admit. “You talk, then you don’t talk, then you do talk, then you go back to not talking.” I pause, resting my hand on my cheek. “By the way, I’m aware that those who live in glass houses should not throw stones, so I should probably keep my mouth shut. But I’m just curious, I guess. About the two of you.”
Her fingers mindlessly toy with the napkin on t
he table. She seems so sad.
Dropping the napkin and her hands down in front of her, she shrugs her slender shoulders. “I don’t know. I just … we just … seem to not be able to get on the same page.”
The waitress comes and takes our order. We each get chicken Alfredo because I need carbs after that interaction with Cole. Badly. And then I need to polish this dinner off with cheesecake. Food is always the answer.
“What did you mean by that? That you can’t get on the same page?” I ask her.
“Well, when I want to give it a go with him, he backs off. Yet when I put my hands up and I have had enough, he comes back around. And the most pathetic thing is, I let him.” She looks at me. “He’s so damn wishy-washy.” She laughs once. “About like you with poor Cole.”
Well, shit. I guess she has a point.
“Have you guys … banged?” I mutter quietly.
I feel like if they had, she would have told me. Then again, she’s much more proper than I am, so maybe she’d keep that tidbit bottled up inside. Either way, I’m asking.
“What?” she says nonchalantly, having no freaking idea what I mean.
Sometimes, I wonder how innocent this girl really is. She told me she wasn’t a virgin and that she had sex with her ex-boyfriend, but she seems purer than I am. Which, let’s be real, wouldn’t take much. After all, I had sex in a restaurant break room and would do it all over again.
“You know, hanky-panky, birds and the bees, rode the donkey, bump and grind, bounce on the pogo stick, butter the muffin, ro—”
“Ally!” she hush-yells. “What is wrong with you?” she says, holding her hand up to her face to shield it, like she’s embarrassed, but I can see she’s trying not to laugh.
“Sorry,” I say, sipping my drink. “I was curious.”
“It’s fine,” she clips back.
“Well, did you though?” I try to keep a straight face.
She pretends to act mad but soon fails and laughs uncontrollably. “You are literally the worst!” She howls with laughter, wiping her eyes.