"We'll enough to go home, it seems. Are you going to answer my question?"
"Home? Are you sure you're all right? It's only been a week..."
"It's been nearly two weeks, darling. Linda will look in on me every day on her way to and from the office, and Krissy as well. I understand she's staying at the house for the moment."
Shit. What does she know? "Listen, Mom, can you put Dad back on for a moment? I'll talk to you when we're done."
"You and Krissy aren't having problems, are you? Your father has been so preoccupied..." her tone tells me she's glaring at him, "... and I can't get a word out of him. Please darling, I only want to help."
"I know that, Mother, and it's not what you think," I pull out my go-to preface. "Put Dad on. I'll tell you soon, I promise."
There's a shuffling and muffled words... I think she's telling him off. Yep, Mama Bear is back.
"Hold on, Dear. I'll be back in a few moments." A heavy door clicks. "All right, I've stepped outside."
A brewing storm of panic wells up in my stomach. This has gotten so far out of hand, and it's making an absolute pussy of me. "I'm not ready for her to know everything, Dad. Especially the... other things. About me."
My father sighs heavily. "I'm not sure if it's in me to tell her those things, Edward, but your mother and I don't make practice of keeping secrets from one another. That'll be something for you to reveal, if you choose, though it pains me. As for the legal situation... it's time she knew. And not only in light of the current living arrangements."
"But she was so upset about Krissy's surgery, I don't want to burden her further..."
"Son, stop. She's going to be told. And with Krissy around as well, things are going to come out. Why don't you come by the hospital, we'll sit down with your mother and give her a general rundown of the situation. Her doctor isn't in until four to discharge her, so we have some time."
I have the overwhelming urge to kick something. Instead, I grip the corner of my glass desk until it cracks. "God damn it!"
"Edward?"
"Yes, Dad, I'll be there. Give me twenty minutes."
I click the phone off and shove it into my pocket, striding out my office and past the PA desk. Taylor follows on my heels. "Andrea, hold my calls, tell Ros to go ahead with the brunch meeting without me, and I need a new desk."
~oOo~
"Oh God, Edward! Why didn't you tell me?"
"Dear, Edward and I discussed it, and we both felt it was better to wait until your health had improved," my father explains to her. "We didn't keep it from you for any other reason. It all happened so suddenly after your scare, there wasn't time to properly and delicately fill you in."
"Screw delicately!" My mother cries, turning on me. "Do you mean to tell me that the reason you and Krissy visited separately... but what about Krissy's surgery last week? You were able to see her then, weren't you?"
"Yes, but only under the supervision of an officer of the court," I tell her. "We'll likely have this resolved on Wednesday."
"And I'll make sure the Judge sees reason," Dad placates her. "Edward has done nothing wrong. The person responsible has already admitted that the allegations are false. It's just a matter of clearing up some circumstantial evidence. If there's no proof, there's no case. Simple as that."
"I can't believe someone would say that you... you... Oh, I can't think it!" She buries her face in her hands. I lean in and take her softly into my arms.
"My sweet, gentle boy," she murmurs. "Whoever could have said such things?"
Her assumption tears into my gut, and the question rips the tethers of my heart until I fear I'll bleed out. Oh, what she'll think of me. She'll never stop asking until she knows everything.
Everything.
She saved me, time and again. I owe her my life. I can't lie to her forever.
She raises her eyes. "You know who it is, don't you? Don't you?"
I clench my jaw.
"It's that horrible woman, isn't it?" She waits. I swallow. "It is, isn't it? Why is she stirring the pot now? Does she have something on you?"
"Mom, I..."
"Edward Trevelyan King, you tell me the truth this minute!"
And in those ten words, I'm reduced to half my stature and a third my age.
Oh, there's so much more to this story. Mom, Dad, please don't hate me.
~oOo~
My father has insisted on accompanying me to the interview. Krissy's was this morning. He won't say a word about it.
The truths of the last several days lie like splintered glass, awaiting the tenderest flesh of my feet to pierce. Mother isn't speaking to me. She only knows some... and if she isn't speaking to me now, she'll never want to see me again when the last shard falls.
I can't even see myself in the mirror. My haunted past infects those I love most.
Flynn told me yesterday to focus only on the present. Fucking Flynn. He's here today as well, claps me on the shoulder rather roughly... or it could be that I feel so incredibly weak.
"Mr. King, Judge Matthews will see you now."
My pulse takes off like a rabbit. I've left the panic scale, bounding away from the fight-or-flight level, leaving what familiar realms of unpleasantness regularly grace me with their presence.
"You're the master of your universe," Flynn murmurs. Our eyes meet for one, two, three seconds, and I straighten, square, and carry forward.
~oOo~
"Now what?"
"Now we wait for the judge's official ruling." Dad's face is worn, tired. "Son, go home. There's nothing more you can do for the moment."
We robotically shake hands. He stares at me for a moment. I don't think he knows quite what to make of me. I don't know what to make of me, either, but I'm far too exhausted to fret over whether he still loves his youngest son. Too numb. Too thrown from the revelations of the past two hours. Dad turns and heads for the door… the plate glass flashes my reflection over his back, and then he's gone. Probably back to the office for another few hours. That sounds like him. Bury yourself in work to keep the demons at bay. This is where I get it from.
Perhaps, that's what I should do as well. Bury myself in work. The time won't pass any less unhurriedly, but I may as well be productive.
"Sir." I vaguely acknowledge Taylor's standard greeting with a dip of my head.
"King House."
I can't stop my thoughts from drifting. The tangents that take me for a ride, some entertaining, some shocking, others seemingly irrelevant but leading to other forks and paths and things I would otherwise not consider. One in particular takes me back to the beginning, and I wonder what things would be like for us, had I been the one to lose my memory. Would I have been as understanding, as willing and receptive as Krissy has been? Or would I have been the same cruel bastard that I was before we met? Would I have fallen in love with her again, or would I have resisted, turning my back on the other half of my soul?
Would I fear her touch? Desire her, just the same?
"Sir, Ms. Bailey would like to meet with you at your earliest convenience, and Mr. Flynn is waiting in your office." Andrea blinks at me expectantly.
"Excuse me?"
"Mr. Flynn… his standing invitation, per your instructions… would you like me to tell Ms. Bailey you're unavailable?"
Thank God for Andrea… she's never irritated me sufficiently to fire her, and usually assumes correctly what I'd prefer. And she's always here. Always. Always fucking here. "Yes. Do that. And then take the rest of the week off."
"Sir?"
"Vacation, Andrea, it's called vacation. I don't want to see you again until the week after next. Go!"
She scurries away. There's a tiny part of me that relishes the ability to strike fear into the hearts of my employees, and it pings gleefully as the scare-counter clicks over a digit. Then the numbness sets in again. My fingers grasp the cold steel of my office door handle, and I pull it open. Let's get this over with.
"Who called you, John?"
&nbs
p; He turns from the panoramic window. "How did it go?"
Oh, the deflection. I'm far too tired for this shit. "It went. Who called you?" I insist.
"Doesn't matter." He waves a hand toward the long sofa.
I gesture for him to sit first. It's my office, after all. I sink onto the cushion after him, the weight of the situation pinning me, and though my seat is strategically higher than Flynn's, I could be on the floor. Exhaustion sucks the pretense out of me.
He waits.
"I'm fucking tired," I say.
He nods.
I swallow. "I want this to be fucking over."
He nods again. "It is, almost. Your father seems to think it'll go in your favor."
So, it's Dad who called him. It figures. Flynn blinks at me. I'm too tired to call him on it. Too tired to play my own game, not that it's ever worked on him. I pinch the bridge of my nose.
"Have you slept?"
I sigh. "No."
"Do you want to sleep?"
"No."
I'm not sure how long I rest my face in my hands, or remember how I even got into that position. When I look up again, he's still watching me, passively. "I'm fine, Flynn. You can go."
He shakes his head, brow furrowing slightly.
"Why are you here." It's almost a whisper, and nothing of a question.
"I'm just… here."
Yeah. He's 'here for me.' How sweet. Too bad I'm too exhausted to care. "You know what I want?" I say, finally, considering the recessed light fixtures around the ceiling. "I want to go back to before the accident. Change things so it wouldn't happen. But then I'd still be in this predicament, so that's no good. So let's go further back. What if I'd cancelled the interview when Krissy and I met? I was about to, that day… though I knew, or I thought I knew, that it would just delay the inevitable and supremely irritating clash with one now-sister-in-law. One way or another, current predicament stands. Further back… no, keep the subs, nothing to do with them… ditch Elena, she's guilty, but not of this… ah, yes. Lily Woods. Lily. Fucking. Woods. If I'd not given in. Just. That. One. Time."
My head reels. The numbness has given way to a replay of the stabbing revelation, that little, elusive tidbit that's the cause of all this. It's my fault, after all. I'd harbored so much anger toward her, so much hatred. But in the end, it was All. My. Fault.
I hate those damned lights. If I look at Flynn, I'll hate him too. Flynn already knows I occasionally hate him on some level; the lights don't fucking care either way. I think I'll keep my focus on them.
"Edward," he calls me back from wherever the tangents have taken me.
"What."
"I'm a little lost."
"Yeah? So am I." And I hate myself for it. I haven't hated myself this much since… since…
"Get up and walk," he instructs.
"What?" My eyes meet his.
He waves his hand at me. "Walk. Pace. Just move."
"Fuck you and your fucking ridiculous coping strategy!" I launch myself off the couch, driving through the fatigue and powering over to the opposite wall, running my fingers through my hair. I turn and march toward my desk. "Why the fuck didn't she try harder to tell me? Why didn't I listen?" I swipe some thick, leather binder from a shelf and lob it in no particular direction. It skids to a stop, open and upended, pages bent. I don't give a shit. "She's going to jail because I didn't listen!"
"Edward, Miss Woods may serve time because she lied. The authorities don't take that kind of thing lightly."
"Yeah? Well I don't take what she did lightly either!" God, I can't believe what she did to me… what she did to herself… and…
"I'm getting the feeling we're thinking about two different wrongdoings," he says calmly. Calmly, because he's trying to keep me calm. Keep me from destroying things. Then why the fuck did he tell me to get up and walk? And why the fuck did I listen?
"Edward?" he prods gently.
I feel like I'm on fire. The anger… it's hot. White hot. God, it hurts. It hurts…
"Edward…"
John stands before me, hands behind his back. It's a very non-threatening stance, one I recognize from hundreds of hours over the last several years. He wants to help. I know he does. I could wrap my fingers around his neck if I wanted to, and he'd not have time to react. But I don't want to hurt him, not really.
I want to hate myself.
I sink to the floor.
"She killed it."
"What?"
I shake my head. The numbness has returned. "I don't understand why it bothers me so much. It was so long ago…" I swallow. "At the time, would I have been this upset about it? I don't know. Would it affect me like this? I don't know. Would I have made a different choice if I'd known? I don't know. I'd like to think I would. But I'm afraid that I wouldn't. I'm afraid I'd have reacted as I'd expect of myself at that age, in the place I was." I inhale slowly, and blow the air through my lips. My head spins a bit.
"You… got her pregnant," he assumes.
I nod. My heart squeezes.
"And she terminated."
I nod again.
"Then you have every reason to feel exactly how you feel."
"I feel… horrible."
"I know." I don't know when he joined me on the floor, but there he sits, John Flynn, cross-legged before me, when I return from my daze.
"I feel responsible."
"I imagine you do."
"I'm so fucking angry."
"At who?"
"At her. At myself. At you. At my parents. At Elena Fucking Lincoln. She beat the shit out of me when she found out about my little indiscretion, did I ever tell you that?" You wanted full disclosure, Flynn? You've got it.
"You lost me again. Time frame it for me."
I blow out another breath. It's another one of his distraction exercises, forming a timeline in order to remove myself emotionally from the event. Whatever works, it's actually dulling the pain somewhat. For now.
"I was just out of high school. It was about a week before my eighteenth birthday… I remember because Elena came back from a two week holiday on my birthday, and that's when she… well… Happy Birthday, Edward." I shift uncomfortably. Lily and Mia were always friends. I'm not sure why; Mia's a few years younger. Lily was always over at our house… oh, God…" my heart sputters as it dawns on me.
"What is it?"
"She wasn't there for Mia. She was there for me."
Flynn's brow furrows.
"It makes perfect sense. Why the fuck would a girl four years older want to hang out with Mia? I mean, I love my sister to death, but she's the most annoying person in Washington."
Flynn snorts, covering his mouth. Go ahead and laugh, you fucker.
"What? You've met my sister enough times, you know what she's like. I don't know why anyone Lily's age would have wanted to hang around her. The thing was… and I can't believe I didn't pay attention… Lily spent every opportunity bothering me. Ending up in the same room with me. Sitting next to me when Mom and Dad had her over for dinner. They thought she was grooming Mia for society or some shit… God! She tried to sit at the piano with me once, and I just about lost it."
"Okay, so we've established something of a motive. You believe she was infatuated with you?"
I raise an eyebrow. "May I label her obsessed? I think it's more fitting," I say dripping sarcasm.
"Whatever floats your boat." Fucking Flynn-ism.
"As I said, Elena had been gone a while, and I was used to having an… outlet… every other day or so. In walks Lily one night while she and Mia had a sleepover, offering herself to me. Practically begging me. And so…" I wave my hand with a flourish.
"She was an outlet for you."
I shake my head. That night comes flooding back. God, I was such a shit. I held her hands down. I didn't kiss her, rather, I kept my eyes closed for most of it. I didn't see her face when I… I shudder at the memory. "I didn't know it was her first time until after… and I saw the blood."
"I s
ee."
I lean back against the side of my desk. "I told Elena immediately that I'd screwed up; thought it would be better if she heard it from me than if she found out I'd hidden it from her. And she made me pay dearly for it. I swore I'd never again be someone's first. It's why I was so shocked and upset when Krissy told me she'd never…" my eyes widen as the epiphany blooms. "It was because of that night, because of… her… that I took Krissy's experience so seriously. I could have screwed that up so badly."
"So in a way, Lily helped to prepare you for a future with Krissy," Flynn rationalizes.
"Don't go all cause and effect on me," I warn.
"Fair enough. Then what happened?"
"After Elena beat the shit out of me?"
"You seem pretty focused on that particular event; I'll put a flag on it and we'll delve into it another time."
Shit. He means it, too. His recognition of my return to that point is a trick he uses to keep me from anchoring myself to particularly bad memories, but it also gives him tidbits to talk about. I pay him well enough, might as well throw him a bone now and then.
"In the meantime, move forward to your next encounter with Miss Woods."
This is the part that hurts. The part where my chest begins to ache. My pulse pounds. "She tried to tell me. She sent me at least a dozen letters over the next month. I threw them away, as I did with all the ones before. Well, all but that one… but we've been over that." I swallow. "She even came by the house a few times. I was good at disappearing. I thought it was an attempt at a repeat performance. I avoided her at all cost." I sigh as my mind travels. "So I went off to Boston. Came back at Christmas, saw her once… she was so bitter. I thought nothing of it. Never did. Until now." I fist my hair in my hands. "I didn't know. I didn't fucking know. I should have known. I should have listened!"
Flynn is quiet for a while. "Did anyone else know? Mia, perhaps?"
I shake my head.
"Her parents must have known. They would have had to give consent for the... procedure. Do you think she would have told them about your involvement?"
A laugh bubbles forth from my lips. "Oh, if they knew, they knew better than to breathe about it. Lily was the perfect debutante. The elite of the society girls. She was the ringleader, and they knew it. Their shining star would fall into obscurity and ridicule in an instant if anyone were to find out." And an innocent life never came to be. Another child of mine who never knew life. My heart shatters.
The Billionaire's Marriage: A Romance Novel Page 44