"Do you think anyone else knew?"
"Why does it matter who knew?" I snap.
Flynn holds his hands up in surrender. "I just know where your mind usually goes. Saving face is your usual modus operandi. I suppose what I ought to ask is, who should know, now?"
Krissy. Kristina should know. My mother... though Dad's probably telling her as we speak, or rather, as I cringe here on the floor of my executive suite. Oh, if my contemporaries could see me now, a fucking blubbering mess, curled into myself on the floor, spilling my guts to the only man who will listen without flinching much. I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks. Oh, but I do. Stop lying to yourself, King. Your livelihood would go swirling down the toilet if anyone knew just how weak you really are.
"My mother isn't speaking to me," I blurt.
"I'm aware."
"You spoke to her."
"Yes."
I snort. "She talks to you, but not to her son."
"She asked me to be here for you today."
This grabs my attention. "She did?"
"Yes."
"What did she say?"
Flynn re-crosses his legs the other way. "Just that she felt you might need someone to help you sort things out. She knew your father wouldn't be up to the task, no offense intended... Carrick can handle quite a lot..."
"But he could never handle my shit."
"To put it mildly."
"I see."
He sighs. "Back to the point. You say you should have known. But you didn't, and we're here now. Things are the way they are, they've ended this way and only this way. Where do you want to go from here?"
I shake my head. "I don't know."
My phone buzzes in my pocket. I retrieve it with trembling fingers. Dad's name flashes on the screen. Oh God, please. I'm not sure what I'm asking for... just don't let it be bad.
I clear my throat and push the answer button.
"King."
"It's over."
I swallow. "Define over."
"The case is closed, Edward. Come get your family and take them home."
Every cell in my body collapses. The high anxiety of the past two weeks rushes out like air from a balloon.
"What about..."
"Her sentence is negotiable, depending on the extent to which we want to press charges. It would also be prudent to open a counter suit against Kane. We can talk about that tomorrow. Just enjoy your family tonight."
A sigh shudders in my chest. "Thank you, Dad."
"You're welcome." He hangs up.
"Good news?"
I nod. "The case has been closed. I can take Krissy and Ryan home."
I suspect he wants to be happy for me. Hell, I want to be happy for myself. But as the relief ebbs, the numbness has returned full-force. I don't know what to feel.
"I suspect they'll keep a little while longer. Why don't we chat a bit more?"
Another wave of relief, but this has the bitter aftertaste of regret. "Just a little longer," I agree.
~ KRISSY ~
"It's done, my dear."
My knees wobble a bit. I grab hold of a kitchen chair for stability. Ryan continues shoving animal crackers into his mouth, oblivious.
"Are you sure?" I dare not hope.
"Pending the charges against Miss Woods and our potential countersuit, yes. The injunction has been lifted. You and Ryan may return home whenever you choose."
I ignore my legs' threat to give way and rush at Carrick, my father-in-law and our hero in all this, wrapping my arms around his waist. This affectionate side of me is rather new, but I've welcomed it.
Carrick returns my embrace with gentleness, cupping the back of my neck. It hurts just a little, when his fingers brush my hair over the place where they inserted the probe. I don't complain. "Thank you," I murmur.
"You're welcome, my dear. I'll call Edward and give him the news. Would you run along and let Grace know?"
"Yes, of course."
Grace and I have done some considerable bonding over the last couple days. I wish her surgery had been as uncomplicated as mine, though the ailments were similar. I tap lightly on the library door, the threshold to her refuge.
"Grace?" I call softly.
"Come in, Krissy," Grace smiles, setting down her book. "Sit with me a while. Is my grandson through with his snack?"
"Almost; Gretchen is cleaning him up now."
"What is it, darling?" Goodness, if only my own mother could read me this well. Grace is the most perceptive person I've ever met. It's likely what makes her such an excellent physician. I'd like to think it's also something she'd passed through raising Edward; he's so damned observant. I perch next to her on the sofa.
"Carrick just got off the phone... he says it's all over. We can go home."
"Oh Krissy, that's wonderful news!" Grace wraps me in her arms. She's surprisingly strong, but ever so soft. "Is Edward on his way?"
"I think so. Carrick was about to call him. He asked me to come tell you."
Grace smirks knowingly." I suspect the men in my life are a little afraid of me at the moment."
I'm puzzled. Edward is in the dog house, quite naturally, by the looks of things. But Carrick? "Why would you say that?"
Grace laughs. "It's the complexity of a gentle warrior. Yes, I'm upset with Carrick and Edward both, but more specifically, I'm hurt that they believed I wasn't able to handle certain things about Edward's life, the things you and I cleared up the other day," she reminds me. "It affects my family deeply when I'm upset with them. I'm well aware of this, and it's so fulfilling to know that I mean so much to each of them, to each of you," she squeezes my hands. "But Carrick and Edward, especially... When they fall out of line, often the way to keep them from repeating a mistake is to stay mad just a little longer."
I'm floored by this. Sweet, selfless Grace plays mind games?
She smirks. "You'll see what I mean when Ryan does something that throws you for a loop. It'll happen. You'll forgive him, of course. You won't be able to help it. And you'll love him, no matter what. But you'll hold the strings that straighten him on his path. Once in a while, you have to tug that string just a little longer, to remind him what he ought to do, even if you aren't really mad anymore."
I sit on that for a moment. "That strangely makes sense," I admit. I'd never thought about it before. Ryan doesn't really need discipline yet. It sounds a little unorthodox, but I tuck it away for future perusal. This whole mommy thing is still fresh.
"It's actually a little something I picked up from one of Edward's first therapists," Grace continues. "She was a little too subtle for Edward, and female therapists just didn't jive well with him... it didn't work out between them, but the advice sure has helped. With Elliot as well... though don't tell Kate I said so."
I smile at this. "I guess I should go pack..."
"Nonsense, darling, Gretchen can do that, when you're ready. I'm not ready to let go of my first daughter in law yet." She hugs me again.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course, Krissy."
I work the courage around my head. "Do you think Edward and I will make it if I never remember?" My voice chokes on the last word, surprising me. It wasn't clear just how worried I've been about the subject until I said it out loud.
"Oh, sweetheart... Edward will love you with all his heart until the day he leaves this earth, and with any luck, even after. I've never, ever seen him as dedicated or as passionate as he is when he's with you. He'll never give up on you." Grace pulls me in close, and a rush of emotion blubber to the surface... all the pent up anxiety, worry, frustration and anger pouring from my soul in racking sobs.
"Shh, darling. It's all right now."
"I'm... sorry..." I murmur between heaving breaths. Grace clicks her tongue and shushes me.
I'm not entirely sure how long I cry, but Grace has managed to wedge me in next to her, my head resting on her shoulder. My own mother never really soothed me this way. The feeling is foreign, but so wel
come.
I don't realize I've fallen asleep until I feel warm fingers at my face.
"Mmm..."
"Wake up, beautiful."
My eyes crack, and staring down at me is the man I love. He looks as tired and worn as I feel. Still, my heart blooms at the sight of him.
"Hi."
"Hi, baby. Ready to go home now?"
I nod. Edward shifts to kiss his mother's cheek, and whispers, "Thank you," before helping me up.
Grace just nods. She isn't ready to let go of the string yet. In a few days, perhaps, I think.
Edward carries a napping Ryan to the SUV and straps him into his car seat. We ride in silence. If it weren't for his hand gently holding mine as he drives, I'd wonder if I'd caused him ire somehow.
"Welcome home," Gail pulls me in for a hug. She has tears in her eyes. "Are you hungry?"
I shake my head. Ryan has woken, and he and Edward share a father and son moment on their way to the great room sofa... that sofa. Edward sinks into it with his miniature in his lap and waves for me to join them. Gail offers us a smile and disappears.
As I sink into my husband's side and curl an arm around Ryan's back, Edward pulls me fiercely but gently against him. I can feel him trembling.
Oh, sweetheart, I know. His cheek comes to rest on the top of my head. So many words we should exchange, but not in front of our son. Edward just holds us as though he'll never let go. Ryan clings to Edward without a word, not fussing or fighting. He knows something is amiss. I think he understands that, right now, his Daddy just needs to hold him and Mommy. And we're okay with that.
It's dark outside when I wake again. Long fingers stroke my hair, careful not to brush the back of my neck. Somehow, he just knows. I tighten my arm around... the emptiness is startling.
Ryan is gone.
"It's all right, love. Gail fed him and put him to bed. I didn't have the heart to wake you." Edward's eyes are soft but alert.
I sigh as the adrenaline seeps out. My throat hurts. It does that sometimes when I fall asleep during the day.
"Hungry?" he asks.
I shake my head.
He shrugs. "Me either."
I stretch, registering the stiffness accumulated from my curled position. "So, what do we do now?"
He smirks, his eyes not focused on anything in particular. He shrugs. "So many things, I don't even know where to begin."
I have no idea if the apathetic tone is relieved, a sign of burnout or some level of anger that I haven't yet seen from him, and I'm not sure whether he knows either. "What would you like to do?" I ask tentatively.
He shakes his head. "I haven't a clue."
"Maybe we should talk," I suggest.
He nods, still dazed. "Maybe."
"But you don't really want to," I supply.
"Not really," he admits, his eyes darkening. "But we should clear the air."
He straightens. "It's a beautiful night. Get some blankets and go out onto the deck. I'll dig up a bottle of wine and join you." He helps me to my feet, pressing a lingering kiss to my temple before trudging off toward the kitchen. That's the best word I have to describe his gait... trudging. It's as though he carries the weight of the world on his back, and it's taken its toll on him.
He passes me a glass of something deep red. The first sip miraculously takes the edge off, leading me to believe his choice of vintage may have been intentional. He passes me a square of dark chocolate a well. How appropriate... the sweet to counteract our collective mood.
"Where do we even begin," he muses after a few sips.
"I want to go first," I say. The wine is making me brave.
Edward shifts so he's facing me on the lounge, tucking a wool blanket around our twined legs. "By all means. You have the floor, Mrs. King."
CHAPTER 23
~ KRISSY ~
"They grilled me for over an hour."
"They?"
"Judge Matthews. That shrink lady from the evaluation. Some neutral observer from another district. Don't worry, your dad made him sign an NDA." I see his expression pass from something like panic to relief.
"Go on."
"Carrick and Sawyer had to wait outside. They got to watch everything on the monitor, but the judge didn't want me influenced, something about Stockholm Syndrome, as though they'd already decided that I wasn't in control of my own mind." I take a breath. Edward's face is already the picture of rage. He sees where this is going. Keep going, Steele... uh... King.
"They took turns asking me the same questions, over and over, trying to screw me up. Make me slip and say something they could use against you. But there was nothing. As far as I'm concerned, you've never hurt me. Never hurt Ryan. Those pictures came up, the ones from the hospital that day... I told them over and over that I didn't feel threatened, that I didn't believe for a second that you'd hurt me. They asked about the two times I got lost. Suggested that I did it on purpose, like I was trying to escape."
Edward's face is a mottled mix of fury and remorse.
"They wanted to know about our personal life, all the intimate details. Whether you'd ever touched me inappropriately. It was so uncomfortable, so humiliating." I feel the tears gathering. "I felt violated. Tainted. What we do, or don't do, rather... behind closed doors is none of their concern, but they made it their business."
Edward's fists have tightened. I'm glad he set down his glass, else it would be shattered and we'd likely be on our way to the hospital for stitches.
"Then they asked me about the memory loss. That neutral guy went as far as to suggest that I was faking it, and the episodes. I know it was just a tactic in the questioning, but it still hurt. I've never been deceptive, but they don't know that. They don't know me. I doubt they were the least bit interested in what I thought. And when they were done, they thanked me, with these fake smiles. I haven't seen your dad look so angry as when I met him in the hallway after, not even the day he rescued us at the police station. I think Sawyer wanted to punch someone."
Edward is about to blast off.
But I'm not quite done. "I know it was all necessary to convince them, but I don't remember ever being treated so disrespectfully in my life."
"Don't you dare defend their actions." His voice is deadly quiet.
"Hey, it's still my turn," I remind, gently. "Just before I left the room, I let them have it."
Edward turns pale.
"To quote you, it's not what you think. I didn't give them anything to use against you," I tell him. I mean that I got mad, and I told them exactly how I felt about this whole thing. It was off the record, the camera was already off... but I told them that they ought to be ashamed for treating a supposed victim so badly. If they'd really been concerned for my well-being, it was a concept lost on me. I said I have little confidence in their justice system, and that my votes in the next election would reflect this." The corners of my mouth turn up, just a little. "Judge Matthews had the good manners to look a little scared."
I'd have expected Edward to climb into orbit by now, but instead, he bursts into laughter. "You... threatened him... with losing your vote?"
"Don't make fun, what else could I do?"
"No, no baby... You misunderstand," he calms. "I can picture you stomping your little foot, I've seen it, and it's quite empowering," his eyes are bright, with reverence, I think? "That was actually a very powerful threat, coming from you. All you'd have to do is say in casual conversation at a benefit or dinner or somewhere that you'll be supporting another candidate, and he's toast. Finished." He leans in and kisses me, softly, but with a fire that curls my toes. It's brief, and when he pulls away, I'm left wanting. "I'm so damn proud of you." His face turns a little darker, and he takes a long breath. "But I'm... appalled... so fucking angry at the way you say they spoke to you."
"That makes two of us," I say, a touch of bitterness on my lips. "You really think they took my threat seriously?"
"Oh, yes. But the election will be the least of their worries. My father a
nd I will be suing the county and Mr. Kane for a number of things."
"What about she-who-shall-not-be-named? If it weren't for her..."
"I'd like to deal with Miss Woods personally."
I frown. "Meaning what? Carrick mentioned that we should decide whether to press charges, and that it'll resolve how harsh her punishment is. I mean, she did this to us. Sure, Kane is a dickhead, and the police and courts should never have let things go this far, common sense should have prevailed way before this..."
"Damn right," he interrupts.
"But she did this to us. To you and me. I feel personally victimized by her. She and Mia are friends, right? Does Mia know about any of this?"
"Not yet. I'll need to sit down with her as well and explain."
"What about explaining this to me?" I say, hurt. He's avoided talking to me about any of it, the few times we were actually able to talk, he turned the conversation away from the woman's motives. "I deserve to know why she did this, Edward. You know, and you don't want to tell me, I can see that. But I deserve to know."
Edward's lips are a flat line. To say he looks conflicted is an understatement. He looks as though he's halfway along a tightrope, and it's about to be cut. I bring my hand to his cheek.
"Talk to me."
His Adam's apple sinks and rises with a deep swallow, and his expression melts from one of anger to deep sadness. "You're right," he says finally. "You deserve to know everything. But I need your promise first, that you'll stay. I only just discovered some details myself. I haven't had time to fully process them yet. I need to know you won't run when you know everything. I need your help. I'm not even sure how I feel about it all yet."
He wants my reassurance that I won't leave him. I don't know if I could, even if I wanted to, but this sounds bad, whatever it is.
I take a long swig of the wine, draining my glass, and set it aside. Taking his balled fist in my hands, I stare him deep in the eyes. "I promise."
He nods. "I don't know where to start. I should probably come out and say it, but doing that won't give you an accurate idea of where I was mentally back then." He shifts a bit under the blanket, and pulls me in, tucking me under his arm. "I told you my early life was unpleasant, and that reflected in my behavior throughout my teenage years. I had little regard for others." I feel him swallow. "Lily and Mia were friends for as long as I can remember. I've only just come to realize that perhaps the only reason Lily hung around Mia, who is, incidentally, several years her junior, was because she was... infatuated with me."
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