"I remember…"
"You remember?"
"Yes…"
"What do you remember?"
My breaths aren't enough to stop the sparks in my brain. "Everything," I whisper.
And then, as the flood of everything regained washes through, the tears rip sharply from me.
His arms band around me, dragging me to him, into his lap as a high, keening wail dribbles up from my soul and spills over. I remember… oh, I remember…
…
"Mrs. King! Mrs. King, hold on, help is coming!" A hand grasps mine… cold, wet… "No… don't go to sleep! Mrs. King, Krissy!"
…
His face… so sad…
No, Edward, don't be sad, I'm here…
His fingers are warm. I'm so tired. What happened, Edward?
My voice echoes, as though from another body… "Who's… Mrs. King?"
Edward turns white. No… Edward, don't be scared. Don't leave… please don't leave me…
…
"We have a son, Krissy."
"A son?"
"Yes."
"I have a son?"
"Yes."
"I'm a mother?"
"Yes."
How could I not know him? How could I forget my precious Ryan? Oh, I feel sick…
…
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For humoring me."
He gasps, shocked. "Is that what you think I'm doing?"
I shrug. "I don't know."
"Why the hostility, baby?"
I don't know… I don't know… I don't fucking know… but I want to cry. And cry. And cry…
"Oh, baby, no." He pulls me into his arms. "Shh... Krissy, it's all right. I'm sorry, so sorry, baby. Tell me what I can do. I'll do anything. Please, baby. I need you to tell me."
"Make... me... remember..."
…
"Theodore, no!"
My son is crying, and I missed it. "What happened?"
"He tried to swallow a pebble, Ma'am."
"Maamaamaaaa…"
He could have choked… he could have died… God, I'm unfit…
…
"You don't want me…"
"Oh, but I do… it's just not the right time."
"You mean, it's not the right time… for you."
"Baby, it's not what you think… I'm afraid."
"You're afraid of me?"
"I'm afraid I'll hurt you."
"So you won't touch me."
"What do you want from me?"
"Just go away. Go! Get out! I don't want you near me!"
The knife twists.
…
"Say it. Hurt me."
"I'd rather hurt him." Oh why have I returned to this?
"Well I'm him right now. Hurt me."
"I can't!" He's been through so much. I've never wanted to hurt him before, ever. How could I have felt such malice?
"Perhaps not. Perhaps you're no good for him."
"How can you say that?" Because it's true. Admit it.
"Is it true?" Yes. I've never felt like I was good enough. But … he tells me I am, every day.
"No, I…"
"Then what's the problem?"
"I don't know!"
"Yes you do. Stop hiding behind your excuses and say it."
"I don't want to remember him!"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm afraid!" Damn right. And never more than right now, watching this unfold again, from the other side.
"Why?"
"Because I love him!"
…
"Krissy, go back upstairs."
"Mrs. King, we need you to come with us."
"What?"
"Krissy…"
No… don't take me from my family… don't take me from my Edward…
"Mommy?"
"Shh, Ryan, I have you. It's going to be okay. Edward?"
Two uniforms move to surround him, effectively cutting him off from me. My feet regain their purpose and find the landing in seconds.
"Krissy! No, this is illegal! I'll have all your jobs for this!"
"Mr. King, I have a warrant and my orders. Please stand aside."
"What's going on?"
"Mrs. King, we need you to come with us. We just have some questions."
"Ask them here, now."
"We have our orders, Mrs. King. Please."
"Edward!"
"Krissy! No, let go of me!"
…
Edward's softly sobbing plea pulls me back to reality. "Christ, Krissy… my Krissy… I thought I'd lost you forever."
~ EDWARD ~
She sighs my name, and my heart bursts. "I love you, Kristina."
Wrapped in each other, moving inside her… inside my wife… nothing compares. Nothing in life is as precious as the bond between us. Oh, she feels so good… it's going to be over far sooner than I'd like, but her panting, little breaths and the grip of her fingers assure me that she needs me as desperately.
I drive her to the precipice, and as she falls, I go with her.
A feathery memory brushes by, a connection, a recollection of the first time we were joined so intimately. I suppress a chuckle. Our first time couldn't hold a candle to what we've just shared. I only worshipped her then. Now, and forever since, I've loved her, with every last whisper of my soul; the soul my precious girl gave back to me.
Krissy's gone limp beneath me, as she so often does, her soft breaths against my cheek. I press soft kisses to her cheeks, her nose, her lips. "I love you, Krissy," I whisper.
A tiny, familiar pinprick jabs me in the gut… uncertainty.
"You okay, baby?" I call gently, as not to frighten her. Her breaths remain even, eyelids unflinching. The pinprick spreads rapidly. "Krissy?" I push away from her, if only to give her room to breathe… my dick protesting the sudden withdrawal. Fuck him, he's done this to her. I've done this… I've hurt her, somehow. Again. Oh, God… "Krissy!" My hands are at her forehead, her cheeks, trembling fingers without purpose or plan, worrying over her still body. "Oh, God… baby, please!"
What the fuck have I done? What the fuck have I… oh, Christ… I came so long and hard, it's difficult to say how long she'd actually been out before I bothered to notice. I'm such a selfish, sorry excuse for a husband... "Don't do this… baby, please don't do this to me…" I cry. "Wake up, baby, please wake up…"
I reach for the phone.
"Hmm…" a small groan rumbles from her throat.
Oh, thank God… "Krissy?"
Her eyes open slowly, slightly unfocused, and she looks up at me? "What's wrong?" she murmurs.
"Oh thank God." As though I'd just finished an ultramarathon, the adrenaline leaves me and my body gives out, relief spiraling through me. I gather her into my arms, and my heart gives a small leap when I feel her curl into me.
"Edward? Was it a nightmare?" her voice pulls.
I shift a bit to look at her. "What?"
"What's wrong?" she asks.
"Baby… you blacked out again."
"Blacked out…"
"Yes."
Something passes over her features. A thought… a memory, perhaps? I'd prayed her episodes were over. It isn't fair... she deserves so much better.
"I remember…"
"You remember?" I parrot. I'm still stuck on what to do... she'll obviously need more tests. More time with her doctor… oh, Christ…
"Yes…"
"What do you remember?" I ask, gently.
She pauses again, her features awash with… realization? She turns to me.
"Everything."
CHAPTER 25
~ KRISSY ~
I wake in darkness to the sensation of fingers softly caressing my face.
"Edward?"
"I'm sorry, baby." The caressed move to my shoulder and down my arm. "I didn't mean to wake you."
The glow of predawn light reflected in his expression holds me. "How long have you been awake?"
He swallows. Blinking, he opens his mo
uth to speak, and them closes it again.
Ah. "You didn't go to sleep."
He shakes his head.
Oh, somehow I expected this. I rise onto my elbow and turn until I loom over him instead, resting my hand over his heart. He blinks up at me. "I'm still here. I know that's what you were afraid of. I didn't go anywhere."
"But what if..."
I bring my fingers to his mouth. "Don't do that. I'm here, I'm back, and I love you." Our eyes connect for a long moment, and then I settle over him, resting my ear over his chest. His heart thuds steadily. Just like always, he's my rock. My mind starts to wander as his fingers comb through my hair.
And as the significance of everything that's happened comes crashing down on me, I begin to cry.
Edward doesn't shush me as he often might; he hates to see me cry. Instead, he shifts me gently up his chest so that my head tucks into his shoulder, my legs straddling his thin-shirted torso... he wants to hold me without trapping me. The gesture makes me cry harder.
"I'm here, baby. I'm here," he whispers over and over, his fingers gliding and rubbing over my back, my shoulders and arms, moving my hair out of my face. He's such a good man. I have with me now the clarity of all he's been through these past months, all he's had to bear on his own, and it breaks my heart. And to think I almost left him and Ryan in the beginning... how could I have even considered it? I'm a terrible wife.
I think the last thought may have slipped out in verbal form, because his arms tighten around me, and I hear his soft words in my ear.
"No, Krissy, never. You've been remarkable."
I don't feel remarkable. I feel railroaded, and ashamed, and... sore. My muscles clench, and I wince. We didn't use protection last night. I don't know how I feel about that, with everything else crashing down around me. I didn't seem to mind the idea last night, in fact, I welcomed it. I wonder… Suddenly, I have the urge to see my son, to make sure he's safe in his bed, and offhandedly wonder if this is how Edward feels sometimes, whether it's the sudden shift of thought that sets him on an opposing course. I push up off of his warm body and roll out of bed.
"Baby?"
I'm a bit wobbly, but I stumble forward toward the door, dashing the tears from my cheeks with my fingers.
"Krissy, what is it?"
"I need to see Ryan," I mutter.
He's between me and the door in a second. "You might want to put on some clothes first."
I look down at myself. Clothes. Of course. My underwear lie in a heap of discarded things on the floor. I yank them up my legs, and when I stand again, Edward is behind me in his boxers, holding my robe open. I allow him to dress me. I'm not sure about anything at this point, but I can let him do this, at least.
He grasps my hand, preventing me from walking away, and reaches for the landline.
"Taylor... Sorry to wake you, we'd like Ryan home with us. Yes. Fine, I'll meet you at the side door."
I'd forgotten that Ryan wasn't in his room tonight; this is how jumbled I am. And now I've deprived some of our best people a good night's sleep. I burst into tears again.
"Shh, baby... Taylor's bringing him," Edward soothes, pulling me into his chest. Thinking better of it, he swings me gently into his arms and carries me from our suite and down the stairs. He nudges the living room light panel with his elbow and moves to deposit me in my favorite spot on the couch. That couch. I don't think I can get up, and the need to see my son grows desperate.
Edward reads my thoughts, as usual. "Stay here. I'll bring him to you."
~ EDWARD ~
I don't know what's wrong with her. Last night was... there aren't words. My love had returned to me, by all the blessings of this earth, the powers that be deemed fit to give me back my wife, to give Kristina her life back. I don't think we've ever been so connected, in body and soul.
And now I look at this woman, crying inconsolably, and it's the beginning all over again. I don't know what to do. I just hold her; it's all I know.
And now she has the sudden desire to see our son. Completely understandable. Something I expect, I can work with. I redirect Krissy from roaming the house unclothed and dial the Taylors.
"Sir?"
"Taylor... Sorry to wake you, we'd like Ryan home with us."
"Of course. Is everything all right?"
"Yes."
"Very good, Sir. I'll bring him right over."
"Fine, I'll meet you at the side door."
I hang up, and Krissy's crying again. "Shh, baby... Taylor's bringing him," I tell her. Oh, this isn't going well. I scoop her into my arms and carry her downstairs, nudging the lights to their dimmest setting and depositing her on the couch.
"Stay here. I'll bring him to you," I instruct. I have no idea if she'll listen. I pull a chenille blanket from the arm of the couch and throw it across her lap. She blinks up at me. "Be right back."
Taylor is coming up the walkway, my sleeping son chimpanzeed in his arms, when I disable the alarm to let him through. He carefully transfers Ryan's warm, limp body to me.
"Thank you, Jason. You and Gail take the weekend off."
"Is anything the matter, Sir?" he asks, his voice low.
My expression must be giving me away. You're slipping King, get it together. But on the other hand, part of Taylor's job is to detect my state of mind and anticipate my actions... Ryan shifts in his sleep and I rub his back to soothe him. "Krissy's memory returned a few hours ago," I say softly, as though I'm admitting it to myself as well. "She's having a rough time of it."
"I see," he sighs heavily, but there's relief behind his eyes. "Let us know if we can do anything, Sir."
"Thank you. Until Monday."
I reactivate the alarm and carry Ryan down the darkened hallway to Krissy. She's curled into herself, but lifts her head when I enter the room.
"Here's your son, Mrs. King," I murmur. It strikes me suddenly that those were my exact words as I lay our newborn son in his mother's arms on the day he was born. While quite accidental, it seems fitting now, as I transfer his sleeping form to her lap. She cuddles him close.
He stirs. "Mommy?"
"I'm here, baby. I have you."
~ KRISSY ~
I wake to a comfortable, all-encompassing warmth. My eyes feel puffy and tired, and it's hard to open them. Somehow I manage slits, and blink to adjust to the brightness. Before me lies my sleeping baby boy. He breathes deeply, his chest against mine. Morning sunbeams shine on his auburn curls... they've darkened a bit since summer. Hmm... the warmth at my back completes our circle. Edward's arm lies draped over both of us. I've never felt so comfortably entrapped.
Ryan stirs, stretching, and nearly takes out my right eye with his fist. I capture the rogue hand and kiss his fingers.
"Morning, sunshine," my voice gravels.
His little face crumples to finish out the stretch, and he brightens. "Bafoom, Mommy."
YES! Progress, finally. We'd been working on potty training all week in Bellevue. "Well, we should get up, then," I tell him. He scoots off the bed, and Edward retracts his arm; he must have heard us. And without warning, everything comes flooding back to me again.
The accident.
The baby.
Our baby.
Oh God...
I run past Ryan into our bathroom and make it just in time to retch into the toilet.
Gentle little hands are at my back. "Mommy?"
I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. Ryan looks at me with concern. Edward hovers in the doorway.
"You okay?" He mouths, frowning. I nod.
"I'm just sick today, Ryan. Go along and potty for Daddy, okay?" I croak.
"Come on, buddy," Edward holds his hand out. Ryan takes it hesitantly and Edward leads him away, leaving me to rest my forehead against the cool porcelain. I feel his eyes on me for a few more seconds, and then he's gone. How could I forget everyone? My own son, my children... one here and one gone. I haven't mourned her. Not in the way I should, not in the way she deserves. I didn'
t even bother to see her, where they buried her... what kind of mother does that? I heave again, but my stomach is empty.
A cool cloth presses the back of my neck.
"What can I do?" Edward asks softy.
I shake my head. "Where's Ryan?"
"Carter has him. He's eating breakfast. He instructed me to tell you that he, and I quote, did it all by himself."
The declaration unsettles my funk a bit. "He did?"
"I don't know how you trained him so quickly. Mom said it could take a while."
"I bribed him," I mutter.
"You... what?"
I hold up my hands in surrender, my confession not really fazing me. Nothing really could at this point. "Get mad if you want, but it worked. No more diapers."
Edward presses a glass of ice water into my hands and I sip it slowly. "What sort of bribe are we talking about?" he asks, one eyebrow raised.
I cringe. Okay, so maybe he has the power to stir me, but only a little. "Don't be mad."
His face brightens a bit, I'm not sure why. "Krissy..." he warns, but he sounds more amused.
I don't have it in me to fight the rising admission. He's going to find out the next time he walks into the kitchen pantry. Or the deep freezer. "I'm sure there's a way to get more..."
Edward goes pale with realization. "Not my cookies. Tell me you didn't."
"Well..." Wow, he's really upset about this. Edward found these delectable hazelnut cookies when we visited Sicily last month, at a small local bakery. I assume he paid the owner handsomely because we returned home with a dozen or so packages and I was instructed to forget they even existed.
He sighs. "The freezer as well?"
"Oh, there might be a box left in there. And don't be mad at Luke for snatching them for us. He was following orders."
"One box? Might be left?" He's still stuck on the remaining quantity.
"Oh, stow your twitchy palm, King. Put some of your billions to work and send someone for more if they're so important to you."
I'm in his lap in an instant, his arms tight around me, face buried in my neck. It's a long moment before I feel his tears. "I missed your smart mouth... so very, very much," he whispers.
~ EDWARD ~
I peeled Krissy off the floor and got some breakfast into her. She's showered and dressed... she wanted to be alone for that... and went out back with Ryan and the dogs. That's been the norm for them of late, spending mornings in the yard. I can't blame her for wanting to keep some kind of routine to ground her in all this. Ryan is blessedly oblivious to such things. He has his mother, and that's all that matters.
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