Savor the Moment

by Dana Piccoli

  Maddy stood and opened her arms to the young woman, who rushed into them.

  “I’m so proud of you. I know you will make an extraordinary chef one day.” The young woman burst into happy tears, and it was all Nat could do not to follow suit.

  “By the way,” the young woman said, with wet tear tracks cutting through her foundation, “I made your Love Muffin recipe for this one,” she said as she motioned to the woman beside her.

  Maddy grinned, turning to the young butch. “And? What did you think?”

  “Well, I asked her to marry me before I was even done with the first one.”

  “School first, then marriage?” she asked, and the women nodded. “Good call.” She opened her arms again for a group hug.

  As they walked away, hand in hand, Nat leaned over to her and whispered in her ear. “You. Are. Spectacular.”

  Maddy returned the compliment with a kiss. More people came up for chats and autographs, and soon the festival was clearing out and the line trickled down to a few.

  A handsome older man with a gray and ginger beard walked up to the table as Nat and Maddy scribbled away at autographs, but he turned away at the last moment.

  “Hey, don’t be shy! Thanks for coming,” Nat exclaimed, waving him over.

  It wasn’t until she saw the ashen look on Maddy’s face that she knew something was amiss.

  He took a deep breath and looked straight at Maddy. “Hello, Madeline.”

  She stiffened. “Hello, Dad.”

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Nat didn’t know it was possible for the air to be sucked out of the outside, but that’s exactly what happened as she witnessed Maddy lay eyes on her father for the first time in seven years. She touched Maddy’s hand and found it trembling beneath hers. Maddy’s father looked visibly uncomfortable as he shifted on his feet before them.

  “Uh, do you think we could…that we could speak alone for a moment, Madeline?” he asked.

  “No,” Maddy quickly replied. “Whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of Nat. My girlfriend. How did you know where to find me?” Her voice quaked as she tried to push out the words and Nat felt helpless to ease her pain.

  He cleared his throat. “I have a Google alert set for you.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “What?”

  “I, uh, I’ve been following your career for years now. When I saw the video, and then the announcement that you would be here…I guess I couldn’t find a reason not to try and see you.”

  “Oh, I can think of a million, Dad.” She spat out the last word like a dagger, and it seemed to hit her father like a blow.

  “Listen, I can see this is a bad time. It was a mistake to approach you here, but I’d really like to talk to you. There’s a lot I want to say, and I just haven’t had the guts until now. I’m staying here at the Payne Inn. I’ll be there until tomorrow night, if you would like to talk. I hope to see you, Maddy.” With that, he nodded at Nat, tucked his hands into his pockets and walked away.

  Maddy fought her tears and squeezed Nat’s hand tighter. When he was finally out of sight, she crumbled into Nat, who ushered her away to a quiet spot where they could be alone. Maddy let out a sob against Nat’s chest, and Nat just held her until the crying subsided.

  She finally raised her tear-stained face. “Why? Why would he come here and ambush me like that?”

  “Oh baby, I don’t know. Maybe he realized how much he’s been missing out on?” Nat kissed her on the forehead and eyelids. “Sometimes people change.”

  She let out a bitter laugh. “Well, sometimes it’s just too late. I managed to survive the last few years without him or his approval, and I don’t need it now.”

  Nat suspected she wasn’t being honest, but decided it was best to keep that thought to herself.

  “My head’s killing me. I need to go back to the inn and take a nap,” she said wearily.

  “Let me get our stuff.”

  Maddy shook her head. “No, you stay here. There are still fans who want to see you. It’s a celebration. Plus, I could use the alone time right now, baby.” Maddy kissed her gently on the lips. “I’m going to walk, okay?”

  Nat nodded and watched her walk away like a wounded deer. She knew she had to do something. She pulled out her phone and typed Payne Inn into the search box.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  The Payne Inn was one of those moderately priced hotels where traveling businessmen and women stayed and got drunk from the mini bar while watching CNN in the comfort of their own rooms. When Nat walked in, the place was quiet except for the faux jazz Muzak that floated from the ceiling’s built-in sound system.

  The agent at the front desk was entertaining herself with a round of Candy Crush. “Hi, this is kind of a weird question but I’m looking for someone. Well, a guest. His last name is LaDuke… He has graying red hair and a beard…mid-fifities?”

  The agent smiled her best hospitality smile and said, “I believe the man you are looking for is currently sitting at the bar.” She pointed to a sad looking wood bar with a too-small TV playing ESPN over it, and a red-haired man sitting with slumped shoulders.

  She thanked her, walked over to Maddy’s father, and quietly sat down beside him. “It’s club soda,” he grumbled, swirling his straw around the glass. “I gave up drinking a few years back but sitting at a bar still calms me somehow.”

  She nodded.

  “I just didn’t want you thinking that I was some kind of old drunk,” he continued, not yet looking at her.

  Her face flushed as she sat there, and the realization that this was a terrible idea washed over her. But here she was. “I’m Nat Chambers. I’m Maddy’s…errr…”

  “I know who you are,” Mr. LaDuke said, cutting her off.

  Well at least that was out of the way. After a moment of silence, he shifted on his stool and looked her in the eye for the first time. He had the same eyes as Maddy, not quite green, not quiet brown. Perfectly hazel.

  “I saw the video of you two at the rock club. The one everyone is making a fuss over.”

  Suddenly she felt very shy. “Oh.”

  He took a sip of his soda. “Maddy looked happy. She looked happy today too. I’m really grateful for that. So, I guess I should thank you.”

  “You don’t have to thank me, Mr. LaDuke. Maddy’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  “Aiden,” he grumbled.

  “Excuse me?”

  “You can call me Aiden. Let’s do away with the formalities, shall we?”

  She nodded in agreement.

  “So, Nat, why are you here instead of my daughter? Did she send you to tell me to get lost?”

  She shook her head. “No, I came on my own. I really don’t know why.”

  He laughed a hard, little chuckle. “Well, at least we’re starting off on an honest foot.”

  She bit the inside of her cheek. “The better question, Aiden, is why are you here?”

  “At the Payne Inn? For the competitive rates and the make-your-own waffles of course,” he said with a smirk. Now Nat understood where Maddy got her dry sense of humor.

  “The truth is, Nat, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen my child. I miss her. I miss her more than you could ever imagine.”

  She swallowed a lump that formed in her throat.

  “I’ve done a lot of things wrong in my life. Wasn’t the best husband. Put my pride before my family. I hurt my daughter in ways that I am still grappling with.” He motioned to the bartender to refill his glass. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to talk to her. To hear her voice on the other end of the line. But each time I decided to reach out, the shame of what I had done and the reasons why she ran… Well, they did a number on me. I simply wasn’t brave enough. Then when I saw you singing your heart out in that video, and the love and joy that filled her face…I decided that being a coward was no longer an option. I owed it to myself and Maddy to be brave.”

  Nat felt he was telling her hi
s deepest truth. He had lost a daughter and he wanted a chance to get her back one day.

  “What’s your plan then, Aiden?”

  He took another long sip of his soda. “Well, I think that’s entirely up to Madeline now. It may have been seven years, but if I know one thing about my daughter, it’s that she needs to be in control of her own destiny, with or without me.”

  The bluntness of his statement felt like a kick in the gut, but she knew he was right. If there was ever to be a real reunion, it would have to come from Maddy. He was in stasis until then, something he had long ago accepted. She also knew she had to get back to Maddy right away.

  “Aiden, I’m glad to have met you, and I hope we can do it again sometime.” She stood and held her hand out to him. He took it and shook it firmly.

  “I hope so too, Nat.”

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  When Nat returned to the bed-and-breakfast, Maddy was sitting on the small veranda watching dusk settle across the property. She walked out to the veranda and sat beside her.

  “When I was a kid, summer felt like this. It even smells the same,” Maddy said. “Sitting here, I can almost hear my mother’s voice calling me inside. It’s been nearly twenty years since she died, and I had forgotten what she sounded like. Being here triggered a memory, I guess.”

  “I’m guessing something else probably triggered it too,” Nat suggested, testing the waters.

  Maddy sighed deeply. “Yes, Natalia, you are probably right about that.”

  They sat in silence as a family of deer ran through the yard below, the little ones kicking their legs and jumping along their way.

  “How was the rest of the event?” Maddy asked.

  “I don’t really know. I left right after you did.” Maddy shot her a puzzled look. She licked her lips and prepared herself for blowback. “I actually went to see your dad.”

  Maddy didn’t say a word at first, simply blinking at her in disbelief. Then she stood and walked into the room. Nat joined her, ready for whatever was in store, which was more painful than what Nat was expecting. Tears welled in her eyes.

  “What gave you the right to do that, Natalia?” she asked softly, her cheeks red and wet with tears. “He is my father. There is a reason for all of this. I thought you understood that.”

  Nat nodded, trying not to cry herself. “I don’t know why, Maddy. I guess I just wanted to see if his intentions were true. I didn’t want anyone to hurt you again, especially the person who was the cause of so much pain for you.”

  “That’s not your goddamn job, Nat. You are my girlfriend, not my bodyguard.”

  Maddy was right. She had overstepped in a big way. “Baby, I’m so sorry. It wasn’t my place. I took away your autonomy and that was fucked up. Please forgive me.” She took Maddy’s hand and kissed it. She didn’t pull away, and instead she sat down heavily on the bed, and Nat followed her lead.

  Maddy wiped away tears, her cheeks soggy now. “Well. What did he say?”

  She was surprised but was quick to answer. “He’s never forgiven himself for pushing you away…and he misses you. He said he was so glad to see that you were happy now. I guess he wanted to know he hadn’t broken your spirit along with your heart.”

  “I… I can’t think about this now. Besides, we have a plane to catch in the morning.” Maddy pulled her clothes off the hangers in the closet and shoved them into her waiting suitcase. Nat did her best just to stay out of the way of the flying garments and went down to the lobby to give Maddy her space. She tried to occupy herself with some of the dusty books in the library, trying to tamp down the dread that she’d made another huge mistake with Maddy. When she came back in, Maddy was already in bed, clutching the covers. Nat climbed in next to her, and when Maddy’s body relaxed at her gentle touch, Nat held her tight until they fell asleep. Nat dreamed of the deer that night, the doe following the others in the gloaming.

  The sound of the blow dryer woke Nat up, and she could see Maddy dressed in a towel through the open bathroom door. She’d never seen Maddy actually dry her hair, so she knew she meant business.

  When Maddy reappeared in the bedroom, she locked eyes with the sleepy Nat. Maddy took a deep breath.

  “All this time, I’ve been protecting myself, but I’ve been changing and growing too. It never occurred to me that he might have changed too. I never let myself believe it. Nat, I need to see my dad today.”

  She kissed Maddy’s cheek and pressed her forehead to hers. “Whatever you need. Whatever you want. I’m here for you. Are you still mad at me?”

  “Oh hell, yes,” Maddy said, her eyes wet but dilated. “Come here.” They hugged each other tightly. “Reschedule the flight?”

  Nat nodded. “I’ll have Oliver take care of it. I’m sure we can stay another night here at the inn, too.”

  Maddy returned to the bathroom to get ready and Nat quietly slipped out of bed and got dressed. When Maddy returned, she looked pleased that Nat was buttoning up her shirt and wearing skinny black jeans and boots.

  “I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to be with you today. I figured I’d get dressed anyway,” she explained, securing the top button of her shirt.

  Maddy ran her hands through Nat’s hair, down her neck, and over her collar. “I wasn’t sure either until right now, but now I can’t imagine doing this without you by my side.”

  She took Maddy’s hands and kissed her fingertips. “I love you, Madeline. I am here and I always will be.”

  “I know, baby. I love you too,” Maddy whispered. “Now go finish getting ready, I have an estranged father to visit.”

  Chapter Forty

  “Can you please ring Aiden LaDuke?” Maddy asked politely at the front desk of the Payne Inn.

  A few minutes later her father exited the elevator, smoothing his thinning hair with a quick brush of his hand. Now that the two were in the same room again, Nat could see just how much Maddy favored her father. Of course, the hair and the eyes were similar, but she also had his full lips and square chin.

  Maddy and her father awkwardly greeted each other with a brief hug. He motioned for them to take a seat on one of the leather couches in the lobby. Nat and Maddy sat on one, while he sat opposite them, his hands on his knees.

  “I want to thank you for coming here today, Maddy. I know these circumstances aren’t ideal.”

  She simply nodded and took Nat’s hand, squeezing it tightly. He clearly noticed the gesture between the women.

  “That Nat’s a hell of a girl. She’s got cojones the size of Oklahoma. I hope you didn’t give her too much hell about coming to see me.”

  Nat opened her mouth to speak but thought better of it when Maddy gave her hand another squeeze.

  “So, why are you here, Dad?” she asked, her face stern but not entirely unyielding.

  He rubbed his palms on his khakis. “I came here to say I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t feel like enough. I know it isn’t enough. But that’s what I am. Sorry. A sorry man who has lost too many years with the daughter he loves. Maddy, when your mother died, I lost myself. She was the love of my life and I have never been the same. But that’s not an excuse for being a mean sonofabitch who smacked his kid when he found out she was gay.”

  Maddy shivered at this, and Nat could feel it through their held hands.

  He continued. “What I did…was terrible. I’ve done a lot of soul searching. I talked to preachers, to therapists, to God, but mostly, I talked to you. I know you can’t hear me, but I talk to you all the time and I ask your forgiveness.”

  She didn’t skip a beat. “It’s been seven years, Dad. Why now?”

  He nodded like he knew that this was coming. “Well, I’ve wanted to talk so many times, but honestly, I was afraid you’d slam the door in my face. I joined PFLAG two years ago—”

  “Really?” Maddy and Nat asked in unison.

  This made him chuckle. “Yes, in fact, I’m the current treasurer for our chapter.”

  Maddy sat back, a look of surprise o
n her face.

  “If I hadn’t had their support, I wouldn’t be here today. I also met my lady friend, Susan, at the group. She has a gay son, and she’s always waving rainbow banners and marching in parades. I think you’d like her.”

  “Susan sounds like a badass,” Nat exclaimed, and for the first time in the meeting, Maddy’s face broke into a smile.

  “She’s very special,” he said softly. “I’m a lucky man. She’s taught me a lot.”

  “Wow,” Maddy declared. “The tough as nails Aiden LaDuke actually learned something…from a lady?” There was a hint of bitterness in her tone, but she softened it with a half-smile.

  “I’ve changed a lot, Madeline, but I don’t expect you to just accept that at face value. I would like the opportunity to show you. Would you be willing to talk on the phone sometime? Whenever it’s convenient for you? I have a real cell phone now. Susan made me trade in my flip phone. I even text.”

  “Whoa, texting, let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Maddy said. He glanced at the floor in disappointment, but she said, “Yes. We could try a phone call sometime.”

  This made him grin, and for the first time, Nat could see the dimples that hid beneath his beard. He took out a piece of scrap paper from his pocket and scribbled his number down, handing it to her. She stood as she took it and tucked it into her purse.

  “Your birthday is next month. Maybe I can call you then.”

  “You remembered.”

  “Of course, I do.” She tugged on Nat’s hand. “We should be going. We have that lunch meeting.”

  He stood as well and stuck his hand out to Nat, pulling her in for a hug. “I know she wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t stuck your neck out,” he whispered. “Thank you.”

  “This was all Maddy,” she replied, giving credit where it was due.

  This time Maddy approached her father for a hug, and gone was the earlier awkwardness. They headed out, but Maddy stopped before they hit the exit.