“Because you’re not here. Even W was gone. It was like some part of me was aware of your presence all that time. Maybe subconsciously I found comfort in W all these years. As sick as this sounds, the second I broke that camera, I felt like I couldn’t be here anymore. It was so lonely.”
She was turning me on. I pulled her collar aside and kissed across her shoulder. “You should talk to a therapist. Sounds like you’re obsessed.” I nipped at her skin with my teeth, when really, I wanted to take a bite. “Enabling stalking? That’s crazy.”
“We’re not okay,” she argued, rolling on her back to glare. “We can’t just pick up where we left off.” She shoved against my chest. “Plus, I’m on my period.”
“I know, Hallie.” Correction. Barely on her period. I counted in my head. She was probably on her fourth day, almost five. After all, what self-disrespecting stalker didn’t know everything about their obsession?
“Right. Stalker. Silly me.” Her eyes spun in the dark. Then she squared her shoulders. “Secret for a secret?”
15. DARK AND BEAUTIFUL
Hallie
My heart was in denial.
My mind had switched over into a place I wasn’t accustomed to. More distrustful and even emptier. A constant longing to move, to not be where I was five minutes ago; the longer I was in a position, the likelier someone would make me regret it. The more chances Wreck would run into me, or worse, he wouldn’t.
I’d tried to move on, but in forgetting something there was only remembering. My mind, body, and heart, had somehow rearranged around Cage. Apart, they’d scrambled, scattering in the sky like misplaced planets.
His gravitational pull was disastrous.
A half hour together and I was already rotating his sun. I’d meant every second of my refusal, but my heart hurt too much, and in the second he was pleading, and I was falling, I’d just wanted to give in.
“I don’t feel like me right now.” I traced his features in the dark, stealing memories to stow away for my next heartbreak. He’d hurt me a lot, in ways no one ever had, and hurt built expectations for more. The sadness that brought me was frightening. I sagged onto my back and put my arm over my eyes, trying—and failing—not to find extreme comfort beside him.
His smell alone was damaging.
His deep voice, deepened with his own pain and apologies, was destructive.
The feel of his long hard body putting off so much warmth made my bones ache to soften.
And his face, his stupid handsome face, was licking at my temptation. With his unshaved stubble, his messy hair, the red in his gaze, the pain of his walls—Cage was trying to knock mine down. I wanted to roll over and into his arms, feel his body heat closer, inhale the scent of his cologne and sweat. To hear his heartbeat. I wanted to share myself the way I always did around him. But that was unsafe.
I understood the need for his walls. I got why he hid behind them. Without them, my weak spots were terrified to be alone.
“You look like you,” he murmured, his palm flattening on my midriff. He rubbed my stomach in what I assumed was supposed to be comforting circles, but Wreck wasn’t a comforting guy, and it really only made me aware of how unfinished we left things last time. I felt his lips close to my ear. “I know you’re trying to make a point right now. The only reason I’m letting you is because I know you need it.” His hand changed paths, rubbing up and down my stomach, his fingertips grazing the bottom of my boobs. “But I get a feeling that you might mean what you’re not saying, and I missed you, Hals, so fucking much.”
My heart moaned.
My body wanted to give in.
But my brain knew how hard it had been for me. The missing him had turned me into a different person. A person less inclined to hurt again.
“Did you miss me?” His face wiggled into the crook of my shoulder as his hands continued to rub me slowly, up and down, down and then up. His large hand covered my entire stomach.
I kept my arm over my eye. Hearing and seeing him weren’t the same when they were separated. I shook my head.
“No?” His hand didn’t stop this time and continued up to cup one of my breasts completely in his palm through my shirt. “Feels like you did.”
I bit down hard on my bottom lip to staunch my moan of pleasure. Lust erupted so suddenly, it chased away all of my reasons. Because within that lust I wasn’t confused or hurting. I was feeling and pleasure. How did he do this to me? How did he feed my heart at the same time he stroked my lust?
“Feels like your body missed me.” He pinched my nipple through my shirt, the hard, wanting bud so his in that moment I felt my body give in. “Feels like your body needs me as much as I need yours.”
“Cage,” I argued, but it really sounded like I was begging. My body had control of my mouth and all it wanted to do was succumb to him. My core was on fire, wet and wanting as he palmed and fondled me in the dark. “I’m stronger than this. I’m supposed to be stronger!”
His free hand removed my arm, his dark gaze immediately trapping mine. The lust in his gaze looked like want and love. I gave up the moment I saw it. Desire shot through me as quickly as his hurt. But this time, it didn’t crush me. It made me feel alive.
“You’re strong, Hallie. You’re so strong you’ve kept fighting for eighteen years. You never lost yourself. It’s such a turn on, how strong you are.” His lips came for mine.
I had a moment to refuse him. The truth was, I didn’t want to. I wanted him, tonight, tomorrow—I wanted to feel and not regret it.
I touched his face, cupping his jaw. “Please don’t hurt me again. Please, Cage. You make me feel so much good, and the bad kills me every time. No more secrets.”
I saw it in his eyes too. The feral unleashed lust pairing with the burning consuming love. We were done for. Any fight left would be a pathetic attempt at nothing. We’d end up together, but right now, with our hearts wide open, we both wanted it that way. We both wanted the other.
“None,” he promised, his voice gruff. “But we’re having sex before I tell you. Trust me, Hallie. I want to be inside you like this. When I know you want me to be.”
“Will the secrets hurt me?”
“They may. They’re not my secrets, though. I don’t have anymore. Well, none as bad as what I did with Illa. I promise.”
My hands got impatient, drifting to hold his shoulders. I didn’t know if I believed him completely, but I did know that Illa was probably his worst, and there was no point in denying what would happen tonight. I wanted him inside me as badly as he wanted to be.
What turned me on the most was that he’d come here himself. A chunk of my heart—he owned way more than a slice—had hurt for this. The waiting, the refusing—the fight was as hard as the lies.
I gave up the moment his lips came down on mine. My misplaced pieces could breathe. All they wanted was him.
I wrapped my arms around him and moaned into his kiss. The feel of his lips shocked me after this long. So hot and soft. I lost it in seconds. He lost it right after. We got as close as we could. His weight settled on top of me completely. There was no holding back tonight. No deals or secrets.
In the darkness of my bedroom, our tangled limbs told the truth.
My fingers dug into his back, tracing the hard curves of his shoulders and down his spine. His hands cradled my face as our reverent kiss transformed from passion to dirty. His tongue found mine a moment before mine could find his. He tasted so good I whimpered. “Cage,” I moaned, kissing him as deeply for a second as he kissed me. My fingers dipped below his shirt and the heat of his body was barely contained flames.
I’d imagined our first time plenty of times, but I always thought it would be something I wanted and something he fought himself over. But he wasn’t fighting himself tonight. He was giving himself every single thing he wanted. And I wasn’t even naked yet.
Our lips paused so I could lift his shirt over his head. He didn’t give me a chance to admire his body before they were back o
n me. I’d take it. I drug my fingers across his back and down, feeling him arch to my touch. The rough material of his denim scraped against my inner thighs, giving the ache between them more of a reason to erupt.
“Cage.” He was killing me with only kissing.
But he didn’t care. He kissed me deeper, harder, like every stroke of his tongue was a warning of what he was going to do with the rest of his body. Finally, when he’d had enough, and my lips were kissed raw and tender, his hands tore my shirt over my head and his lips moved over my chin, across my jaw, and down my neck.
I had no time to catch my breath before his lips closed around my nipple. The sensation shot straight to my slick core. I’d never been so wet in my entire life. I could feel the soaked material of my panties rubbing against his jeans where his erection pressed teasingly against me.
I just wanted him naked already.
His head shook between my cleavage to my unspoken groaning as he switched sides. “I waited too long for this to waste it. I want to taste every inch of your body.” His lips kissed down my stomach, nipping at my ribs and side along the way. “So shut your horny ass up and be patient.”
My response got lodged in my throat when I felt his hands on the waistband of my panties. His chin scraped over my pussy through my panties and a second later I felt him kiss me there, right where I wanted him most.
It was then I remembered I was on my period. My lust shattered into painful embarrassed disappointment. I wanted his tongue there too. Yearned to feel the silky hotness on mine.
“Uh…, Cage? We can’t do that.”
In response, he grabbed the waistband on my panties and gave them a rough tug down my ass and thighs, pulling them off my legs and tossing them in the dark before I could protest.
“You have a tampon in?”
The cool air on my skin made me shiver. “A panty-liner.” Which was somewhere in the dark with my panties. “Light month.”
He settled between my legs. “Then we can do that.” I felt his scruff on my thigh before his fingers found me.
I gasped from both mortification and desire. They were amazing felt together. Being exposed and turned on. I’d never done this before. “You’re about to take my oral sex virginity.”
“Good,” he rumbled before his tongue parted me.
My back arched off the bed and my gasp got stuck on the way out. His tongue was hotter inside of me than it was in my mouth. It slid like silk between my slick folds. My hands fumbled in the dark to find his head; I wrapped my fingers in his hair. The moment he found my aching clitoris, I was a woman loving every single inch of her cage.
What did I need freedom when this man took me everywhere I ever needed to go?
His deep groan vibrated off my thighs and against my clit. His tongue felt like it had control over us both. The pressure built in my belly, pooling inside of me. I felt my orgasm start at the top of my head and travel over my face, across my aching breasts, and south, burning a path as it took me down with it. I’d never orgasmed so hard in my life. It had control of my body, tightening every muscle there was. My mouth was open in a soundless gasp and my eyes were impossible to open as stars exploded behind my lids.
I lost my mind. The fist I had in his hair fell apart. The doubt I felt in my heart was gone. I’d never let it in again. I was a woman with her man and freedom started inside of us. When my brain started to turn over again, I pried my eyes open to find him kissing his way down my legs to my toes. He bit down on my big toe and then kissed the bottom of my foot, moving on to my other.
Cage Wreckmond worshipped my body. Not because he wanted it. But because it was his.
He disappeared and returned with a clean white towel. He dropped it on the bed and then took off his jeans and boxers. Leaving him completely bare to me. His abs seemed to shimmer in the dark and I couldn’t wait to feel him on top of me, his hard muscles digging into my softness.
“Up,” he ordered gruffly, tucking the towel under my ass when I managed to push up a few inches. He settled on top of me, nestling himself between my legs and rising onto his elbows on either side of my head. He rested his forehead on mine, expression intense and burning. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I’m going to. I’ll go slow until you want me to keep going or you want me to stop. This is about what you’re ready for.”
I didn’t understand my tears, but they were there anyway. I kissed him instead of answering, nodding against his lips.
“Ready?” he checked, the tip of his cock easing inside of my opening.
The feeling of having him so close was both scary and intoxicating. “Yes. I’m ready. Are you?”
His lips rose in one corner and the look in his eyes was as encapsulating as his body was. I was engulfed in warmth and emotion. In real love my father could take but never own. “Yes, my little star, I’m ready.”
I wasn’t afraid at first. The first few inches were pure perfection. I was so wet he slid in without much resistance. The feeling of having him inside of me for the first time drove me crazy. But his eyes watched mine, seeking something I didn’t understand until he pulled out and pushed back inside deeper. It was like my first time all over again, but worse. The instant burn was like turning out all my lights. It was dark and scary.
“Shh,” he whispered in my ear when I cried out. “Breathe.” I tried, I really did, but there was something about pain and sex that always ruined it for me. I didn’t want it to hurt. I wanted it to feel as good as all the other things he’d done to my body.
“Cage,” I whimpered, when he pulled out and pushed even deeper. His body was so tensed he felt like a rock as I clung to him, eyes squeezed shut as he stretched me painfully.
“Stop focusing on the pain.”
There’s no reason to have a penis this big. I glared into the crook of his neck. “How?”
“Focus on mine?”
“It hurts you too?”
“No.” His tongue lapped at my earlobe. “It’s hurting not to fuck the shit out of you right now. I want to spread your legs apart and slam into you.”
His dirty truths kicked up the embers of my lust.
“Does it feel good a little bit?”
“A little bit,” I agreed.
His warm, dangerous chuckle kissed my shoulders and his hips changed their motions, like he knew that’s what I needed. “A little bit more?”
My teeth dug into my bottom lip. “A little bit more.”
I focused on the burning in my core. There was so much of it I loved. The weight of him, the idea of having him inside of me bare. I felt my inner muscles clench in excitement. I relaxed enough for him to enter me deeper. With the deeper penetration came more burn, more pain, but it also came with more of him, and the deeper he entered me the more of him I wanted inside. His patience began to spark my desire.
He must’ve felt the difference because he increased his speed, his heavy breathing kissing my ear and shoulder. I hadn’t realized how deeply my nails were embedded into his back until I released him and slid my hands down to his waist. I knew without looking that he was bleeding. And for some reason, that turned me on. To create pain within our pleasure and still want it more.
“Mmm.” I slid my hands down to his taut ass, urging him closer.
“You sure?” he asked, but he was just being nice. He wanted it rougher too.
Deeper.
Painful.
His hips came closer, his knees slid apart on my bed, planting himself. He found my lips and then he thrusted so incredibly deep I felt what was left of my hymen tear. It hurt worse than my first time. I’d been generous. Tristan wasn’t even half the size of Cage. The pain was so close to being too much, but I was so full to the point of being too full. It was us. Pain and pleasure—love and danger.
“Fuck,” he hissed, fucking me harder. “Is this really happening?”
To show him he wasn’t dreaming, I found his lips and kissed him desperately. I knew an orgasm was out of the question. I was in too much shock
from both the good and the bad to find release, but he was close. His muscles were corded, and his sweat joined mine, making our flesh slick and hot. I wanted him to cum hard, to rearrange his heart until it didn’t know up from down.
“Harder,” I ordered, knowing that’s what he wanted. I put my mouth over his ear. “You feel so good inside of me, Cage.”
He growled into my opposite ear and his hands slid to grasp my ass, pinning me in place as he lost himself on top of me. His nails dug into me as he thrusted impossibly deeper. Like he knew what I was doing, punishing me for thinking I wouldn’t orgasm.
“We’re coming together or we’re not coming at all.” The one hand he had on my ass slipped between our sweat coated bodies. He found my clit and massaged it as he worked me to submission.
My breaths deepened. My clit pulsed, taking the magic that he wove and turning it into my fantasy. The crash of my orgasm was sudden and dismantling. One minute I was lost in him and the next I was lost in me. But I still managed to witness his fall as his body tightened and his hips stilled. I felt the rush of his end filling me, mixing with the pulsing of my orgasm and sending me into a second fall into heaven.
This dark and beautiful perfect kind of heaven.
“Hallie!” he shouted, joining me in bliss.
There was a moment when I was unaware of everything. The buzz of my orgasm still ringing in my ears. The weightlessness of good still weakening my bones. It was so beautiful, I felt tears burn in my closed eyes. To be content, that didn’t exist in my world. To want what I had and see nothing more, was a gift I never thought I’d have.
I hugged him once I found the strength, using all of mine to hold him to me. He was still inside of me. When he began to stir, I held his head to my chest and wrapped my legs around his waist, wanting to keep this moment for a second longer.
Wrecked_A Novel Page 20