by KT Fisher
While I sit and wait, I think over our date and a smile comes to my face. It was a really good night, we ate so much food and I probably consumed the most out of the two of us. Bomber can put away his food, but he doesn’t have my standards. When we were finished with our desserts, we moved onto drinks and a small club where we danced. That lead to our frantic behaviour just a few minutes ago but the night was so good that I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. Every time I thought about trying to bring it up, I just couldn’t. It would only ruin the night and I didn’t want to do that. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t tell Bomber my secret, I need to but it’s just knowing how to and the pressure is on because Tasha has planned a special night with the girls and I wanted Bomber to know before I told them all. Which brings me to my dilemma because I really can’t.
I stare at the door, hearing Bomber and Baby’s voices drifting through, not listening to anything that they say. I suddenly don’t want Bomber to come back in the room, I can’t tell him. I’m not ready to face this. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to tell him my secret and I begin to regret going to Tasha and asking her for help. I should cancel the girls’ night, and keep this hidden for the rest of my life.
I take a deep breath, calming my frantic state and I spot the DVDs in the corner. A thought comes to mind and I search or the Sons of Anarchy box set, these should cheer me up. I pop the DVD in place and lay back on Bomber’s bed, getting comfy before the comedy starts. I shouldn’t be so brutal to the TV series, but when you live the real life, this all just seems so fake.
To my delight, it does the trick and when Bomber returns, looking a little agitated, I feel better.
“What’s up?” I ask him as he throws himself down on the bed beside me.
“More drama.” He sighs. I freeze a little and Bomber must feel the shift within me because he quickly faces me and wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. “Nothing to worry about baby.”
I relax into his arms. “I hope you don’t mind that I started without you.” I motion towards the TV.
“I guess you’ll have to make it up to me.” He kisses me.
“I guess I do.” I look into his gorgeous hazel eyes, and I feel in that moment is right, I could tell him right now. I open my mouth, but then gun shots sounds and we face the TV to see what the commotion is all about. Bomber begins to laugh, criticizing the actors and my moment is gone.
Chapter Thirteen
Elise
Tonight is girls night and I’ve dreaded it all week! I still haven’t told Bomber and every day I see him and every night I spend with him, I feel worse than the last time I saw him. I feel shit for doing this to him and now I have to try and tell the girls. I didn’t want them to know before Bomber, he would want to know before them surely. He will be mad if I am able to finally reveal my deepest secret, to then discover all my friends knew before him and he was the last to know. The man who I love and want to spend my life with, was the last I told because I was too scared. I don’t think he would forgive me.
I drive to Tasha’s in silence, not even the radio is on. I have a sudden headache and the whole drive there I keep thinking if I should cancel and not tell anyone. I will ignore Tasha’ begging me and her advice and keep it all to myself. Besides, they don’t have to know. They haven’t up to now, it’s just me feeling bad about keeping it from all of them. Especially Tasha and Lauren, they were with me and we shared the same hell, only I know everything that happened to them and they have no clue as to what I went through. Tasha does now of course, but Lauren is still clueless and I don’t know if I should really be telling her in her condition. Will this horrible confession stir something and make her have some pregnancy problems? I wouldn’t put it past Demon to wreck everyone’s life from the grave, hell he’s still haunting me.
I pull up outside the salon and make my way to the apartment, hopefully I’m not the last one to arrive because I want some more time to prepare myself. I can already see how they’re going to take it all, only I feel as though this will be easier than telling Bomber and it’s not because Tasha is here to support me through this. These are my friends and family, they’re here for me whatever I do. I’m scared of telling Bomber because I fear his rejection and his change of heart. It’s not this same with the girls, I’m just worried how upset they will be with me at lying to them for so long.
Tasha lets me in and greets me at the door, once it’s closed she grabs me in a bear hug and whispers. “They don’t know why they’re coming, I just told them we needed a girls night and to get their asses here.”
I laugh as I stand back. “Got it.”
At least they weren’t told to come here because I have something to tell them. They would be looking at me with expectation and I really don’t think I could have done that. The longer this is dragged on the more pathetic I feel.
“Hey!” Drew runs up to me, a glass of wine in her hand. “You wanna drink?”
“I’m driving.” I decline but she doesn’t accept it.
“You can call a taxi or your brother.” She waves. “Better yet, you have a man now to come fetch you, so drink up!”
I take the glass from her, but she doesn’t leave me until I take my first sip.
“Yeah I heard about what happened at the party.” Maci laughs from the sofa as I come to join her.
“What?” Drew asks, eagerly joining the conversation.
“Oh gosh.” I cringe.
“Scrappy walked in on Elise and Bomber, they were dry humping and everything!” Maci giggles and when I dare to look over at Drew’s face, she doesn’t disappoint. Her mouth is open in shock and she’s staring right at me.
“How did I not know this!” She screams.
“Because it’s mortifying!” I take a gulp from my glass this time.
“And then Baby interrupted your date night.” Drew shakes her head in annoyance at her on brother.
“He interrupted her date night?” Asks Maci as Lauren joins us.
“Oh I heard about that.” Lauren shakes her head and looks to me in pity.
“How?” I ask them all.
Lauren laughs. “Hun, you have to understand when there’s a new couple, people will talk.”
How could I forget that men gossip more than the women? No wonder my mum and Aunt Laura have all the gossip, they get it straight from dad and Franky!
“So?” Maci asks and Drew fills everyone in as Tasha takes the place beside her. I shake my head and Tasha shrugs her shoulders, laughing. Yeah, I should have at least expected this. I’ll let them enjoy themselves for a little while.
“You know, I was at the club the other day and Dallas was stalking Bomber like a lost puppy.” Maci admits.
“You’re kidding?” I ask.
Maci shakes her head. “Sadly not.”
“Seems you got to put that bunny in her place.” Drew advices.
As Lauren talks about her pregnancy problems I feel like a shit friend because I’m not listening to a word she’s saying, instead I’m sat absolutely shitting my pants as to what I’m about to tell them. Natasha keeps sending me supportive smiles, but she’s not the one doing this. I’m so scared of how they will take it, I’ve been lying to them all.
“Girls?” I interrupt them as they try and steal some information from Maci about any men in her life. They all look to me in expectation. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need to tell you something and if I don’t say it right now, then I’m afraid I never will.”
“Oh my god she’s pregnant.” Drew spills and everyone’s eyes open.
“No!” I shut her down, but everyone stays silent. “I’m not pregnant.”
“Ok.” Drew nods, tilting her head slightly as she looks me over. Something she always does when she’s worried about me. I look over to Tasha and she nods her head, encouraging me to continue.
“Tasha asked you all here because I need to tell you all something.” I take a deep breath and decide to look down at my hands. If I don’t have to watch th
eir horrified expressions, it should be easier. “I haven’t been telling the truth. I’ve been lying to you all ever since we came back from The Devils.”
I wipe away a tear as Maci scoots closer. “You can tell us anything Elise.”
“I know I can but it just makes this so much harder.” I begin to cry. Gosh I’m such a cry baby when it comes to this.
“Tell us.” Lauren pleads and I finally look up to them all and I can see the concern written all over their faces.
I release a huge breath of air before I begin. “I lied to you about Demon.”
Lauren’s eyes widen, and so does the rest but it’s Lauren who I watch the most, because this concerns her more than anyone. It does Tasha too, but I already told her and now I’m about to let Lauren know that all their efforts trying to save me back in our hell hole were worthless. Lauren was there when I was taken back to the room Demon kept us locked in. She saw how I was afterwards and I kept it to myself.
“Back there, you and Tasha helped me so much and you protected me against the worst situations I had ever come across. You were both badly hurt because you cared for me, from the moment I was thrown in there you watched over me and I can’t thank you enough but you couldn’t always be there to save me from Demon.”
Lauren gasps and I feel Maci’s hand clutch onto my knee but I carry on.
“Elise hunny, what are you trying to tell us?” Lauren asks.
I look her right in the eye as the others listen. “He raped me.”
As soon as the words come out, relief and upset consume me. All girls look horrified and Lauren begins to cry.
“No.” She sobs.
I nod. “He took me into his room and played his stupid games with me, he had learnt that I was a virgin and the fact that I am the niece to a club president seemed all the more sweeter for him.” I sniffle back my tears.
“He did that to you?” Drew asks. “That piece of shit took that from you?”
I nod and Maci wraps her arms around me. “Oh hunny.”
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Lauren asks. “After all this time, you have kept this to yourself.”
“I didn’t want to let you down.” I cry. “You and Tash looked out for me and if you had known what he did to me, you would have been so sad.”
Lauren frowns, shaking her head and standing. She crosses the room and kneels down before me, her pregnant belly the only thing between us. “Yes I would have been sad, but only for your sake. I’m pissed too actually but again, that’s for you. Don’t you ever think that I would be let down that my job looking out for you was endangered by that fucker.”
Her rage is obvious, and so is her upset. Lauren grabs me in a tight hug, and we let our feelings out. Drew joins us over on the sofa and Tasha watches, wiping her eyes.
“Wait.” Lauren says, breaking away from me. “Was it when you were brought back and were so silent? I can remember you looking so distant and you didn’t talk for ages! I don’t even think you knew I was there.” Tears run down her cheeks as I nod, I remember it all too well and she’s right. I didn’t know Lauren was there when I was taken back, but I can recall her breaking through my fog and even though we were in chains, she tried her best to comfort me.
“You shouldn’t have kept this to yourself.” Drew cries. “You stupid girl!”
At that I laugh, wiping away my tears. “I just thought it was easier, but it wasn’t.”
“It eats you up.” Tasha nods knowingly.
“Come over here you.” Lauren holds her arms out to Tasha and with a sheepish smile, she joins our group hug on the sofa.
The girls keep reassuring me that they only feel for me, and wish they could have injured Demon before he died. Me? I’m just glad he’s dead. It’s bad enough living through memories of my rape, I couldn’t cope if were still alive and kicking.
“Have you told Bomber?” Maci asks the question I’ve been dreading the most.
“No.” I sigh, finally taking some more from my glass of wine.
“Why not?” Drew asks, “he will understand.”
“I know.” I nod. “Which is the worst part.”
“I’m not following.” Drew frowns.
“He will understand, but he won’t like it. He will look at me in disgust and will want nothing more to do with me.”
“Bullshit!” Drew shouts.
“She’s right.” Maci nods.
Tasha leans in closer. “Look, I can sympathise with you. I didn’t want Devlin to know about my scars. I was terrified that he would take one look and run for miles, but he didn’t.” She smiles.
“Bomber loves you. Everyone can see it, he will be hurt more because you haven’t already told him.” Lauren rubs her hand on my back, soothing me. “He needs to know.”
“I tried to, but it wasn’t the right time.” I argue.
“When will it ever be the right time?” Tasha asks, and she’s right.
“I don’t want my parents’ knowing, or anyone else.” I clarify.
“There isn’t a reason to tell anyone.” Maci nods and once the girls all nod, I’m flooded with relief.
We still cry together as we sip on our wine, my cheeks are sore from all my tears and my throat feels rough from the sobbing, but I feel so much better. I just wish I would have confided in them sooner.
When it’s time to leave, we all cry once more and promise not to keep anything from each other again. Especially on my part.
“Speaking of secrets.” Drew announces. “Tasha has been planning on moving out and only told me yesterday.”
I look over at Tasha’s shocked face and giggle while the others ask if it’s true. All the while, Drew sits there laughing.
“I wasn’t planning on moving out.” Tasha answers. “Devlin wants to get our own place.”
As soon as she speaks everyone is cheering and congratulating her.
“He has the house bought and everything. Thank god I like the place.” Tasha laughs. “Otherwise he’d be dead.”
And just like that, we’re all laughing and the atmosphere has lifted.
“We will have to help you move in.” Maci adds.
“And decorate.” Drew squeals.
As they all gossip about the new house, my phone alerts a text and as soon as I see it’s Bomber, a smile appears.
Bomber: How’s your girls night? I’m missing you. I want you in my bed, sleeping next to me.
“There’s only one person who can make a girl smile like that.” Drew giggles and I look up to see they have all stopped talking and are watching me.
“It’s Bomber.”
“Well derrr.” Lauren laughs.
I send him a reply, letting him know I’ll get a taxi to the clubhouse in 30 minutes but twenty minutes later I get another text letting me know he’s outside and an even brighter smile appears, to which the girls joke about again.
I’m so happy I told them the truth, which means I have to now tell Bomber more than ever.
Chapter Fourteen
Elise
Three months later
These past three months have been horrible and I feel so shit with myself. Bomber looks as happy as I’ve seen him, but that’s because I haven’t told him anything. I know I need to and the girls keep pestering me but I just can’t bring myself to do it.
“Stop looking at me like that.” I frown over at Drew, whose watching me from across the table.
We’re here for the family Sunday dinner that has been planned by my mother and Auntie Laura. Not everyone can make it, but the members and their families that could, are all here to spend some quality time with each other. I came here to have a nice time, not to be interrogated by the girls.
“You were supposed to tell him last night.” Drew whines.
“I can’t do it.” I bury my face in my hands.
Lauren bumps her shoulder into me. “The sooner you tell him the better.”
“It’s easier said than done.” I grumble, watching Bomber as he laughs as whatever him an
d Baby are talking about.
“We’re here if you need us.” Maci adds, sending me a loving smile.
“Thanks, but it’s probably best to do it alone.” As much as I appreciate her offer, and would be grateful for their support, I can’t have them with me when I do eventually tell Bomber. I think he would take it worse if that were the case.
“Dinner will be ready in ten minutes girls.” Auntie Laura’s harsh tone makes me jump. I look up and see her angry eyes pointed directly at Drew.
“Do you want some help?” Drew asks her mum.
“If you’re not too busy.” Laura snaps back and stomps back into the kitchen, then men she passes smartly give her a wide path.
Drew huffs as she stands, Maci and I follow her and Lauren stays put at the table. Pregnancy gets you out of helping out around here.
“What’s wrong with your mum?” I ask Drew.
Drew cringes. “She discovered my new tattoo.”
I stop in my tracks. “You got another one?”
In the past year, Drew has gotten more tattoos than I have had haircuts. At first it started with her crush on Sketch, but now I think she just wants as much as she can fit onto her body. Most of them are able to be hidden with her clothing, but I know she wants a sleeve and she would have one already if her mum wasn’t so against her having them.
“Why didn’t I know about this new one?” I ask her.
“Wait.” Maci interrupts. “Is this the one on your ass you were telling me you were planning on having?”
“You have a tattoo on your ass?” I ask her.
“Shouldn’t we be asking how her mum saw a tattoo on her ass?” Maci adds and we look to Drew in question.
Drew leans in closer. “Alright, yes I have an ass tattoo and yes she saw it.”