by Bella Jewel
He shoots daggers down at me, and I quickly close my mouth. “Don’t tell me what I do and do not want, Cricket.”
I turn my eyes away from him, and watch as he argues with the nurse. She finally gives in, and gets a doctor, whom he also argues with. In the end he gets his way, and I find myself dressed after a few hours and hobbling down the hall. Axel has a hand full of medications, and a hard, angry look on his face.
The minute we get outside, I turn to him. “Tell me one thing; why are you keeping me around when we both know you’ve got what you want?”
He doesn’t answer. He just unlocks his car and shoves the door open, looking at me expectantly.
“Goddammit, Axel, can you at least do one thing for me, and answer my question?” I cry, crossing my arms.
He leans down, so we’re nearly nose-to-nose. I can smell him, and something inside my body sparks to life. “I’m not going to let you get shot, no matter what I feel for you. Now, get in the fuckin’ car.”
I narrow my eyes at him, and I know he can see challenge in them. With a low rumble in his chest, he leans down and scoops me up, putting me in the car before slamming the door and turning away, walking around to the other side. When he climbs in, we sit quietly, neither of us saying anything for majority of the trip.
Finally, I get up the courage to be the first to break the ice.
“Who were they?”
He glances at me, and then stares at the road again. “The enemy.”
“Really? That’s all you’re going to give me?”
He sighs with frustration. “They’re someone who wants the information on that drive as much as I do. They’re someone who has been chasing you for as long as I have, but I’ve constantly been saving your ass by stopping them. They want you as leverage now, and they’ll do whatever they can to get to you.”
He’s been saving me?
I don’t understand.
“You’ve...been saving me?”
His face hardens, and he doesn’t answer me.
“Axel?” I push.
“What I did doesn’t matter. All that matters is what we do now.”
I growl, and turn and stare out the window. He refuses to budge. It doesn’t matter what I do or say. Nothing will break down that wall he’s built so high.
Nothing.
CHAPTER 12
AXEL
Don’t try to break me, unless you’re willing to take me.
“Put her back in the room, don’t lock her up. If she runs, she’s signing her own death certificate,” I snarl, pushing Meadow toward Jax the minute we step inside the clubhouse. “Put everyone on full alert. We’re on lockdown.”
Jax nods, and Meadow glares at me. She got my point, and she got it loud and clear. She runs—she dies. It’s that simple. I turn my eyes away from hers, and walk into my office where Cobra and Colt are waiting. “What do we know?” I ask, kicking a stool back and sitting down on it.
“We know they’ve been keeping track of her, my guess is through something that’s person of hers, likely her phone. They knew we would be at that bank,” Cobra says.
“Get her shit and burn it, destroy her phone. Lock this place down. I want no fuckers gettin’ information in and out. No one leaves until I deal with this shit once and for all.”
Cobra gives me a hesitant glance. “You sure you wanna do this, boss? You and Beast don’t have a good history...”
“That’s exactly why I need to fuckin’ end him.”
Cobra nods, and Colt stands. “What about Meadow? Is she in danger?”
“She ain’t your concern, boy,” I growl.
“Don’t get on the defense, boss. You don’t even fuckin’ like her. I, however, do. And I don’t want to see her shot down, because you can’t pull your stubborn fuckin’ head out of your ass.”
I stand, lunging toward him and wrapping my fingers around his throat. He gasps, and struggles. “Who has the authority around here, boy?”
“You,” he snarls.
“Then you know if you ever fuckin’ speak to me like that again, I’ll put you six feet under.”
His jaw tightens, and he jerks himself from my grip. The boy has balls of steel; it’s why I added him to my club. I got the world of respect for him, but that doesn’t mean I won’t put him in his place. He turns, and walks out of the room, slamming the door. I turn to Cobra, and he puts his hands up. “Don’t look at me, boss. I want nothin’ to do with what goes down between you and that girl, but whatever is there, it’s fuckin’ explosive.”
“There ain’t nothing between her and me except a whole world of hate.”
Cobra doesn’t look like he believes me, but he lifts his head in a nod and turns and leaves the room. Fuckin’ hell. This is all going to a place I never wanted it to go.
Nothing is ever easy.
~*~*~*~
MEADOW
I groan in pain, and roll to my side. Axel let me sleep in his bed, God only knows why. I guess he felt sort of sorry for me. He’s not in the bed, but it doesn’t matter, I wouldn’t be able to sleep even if he was. The ache in my leg is beyond anything I’ve ever felt, and nothing I can do seems to ease the pain. I just swallowed two pills, and I can only hope they kick in soon.
“If you’re gonna fuckin’ roll like that, then you really need to move from my bed,” Axel says in a deep, husky voice, walking into the room and kicking off his shoes.
“Excuse me for getting shot,” I snap.
“Doctor gave you drugs. Take em’.”
“They don’t fucking work,” I bark, using my good leg to kick the sheets off. I shift and sit up, getting off the bed. “Is there somewhere else I can sleep?”
Axel snorts, gripping his shirt and lifting it over his head. “Sure, plenty of rooms. If you like sharing, and being fucked senseless.”
Asshole.
I shake my head, and mumble a curse under my breath, followed by a, “Maybe I do.”
“What’s that?” he says, walking past me and into the bathroom.
I try to keep my eyes off his ass in those black jeans, but I can’t turn my eyes away, I can’t stop looking.
“I didn’t say anything,” I mutter, lying back down.
A moment later, I feel the bed dip beside me as Axel slides in. He turns and faces me, staring at me with that hard expression.
“What?” I ask.
“Do I need to cuff you?”
“Fuck you, Axel,” I spit, rolling to my side, and taking the pressure off my leg.
He says nothing, and we lay there in silence. This is more than a little weird for me. The man hates me, yet he’s letting me sleep in his bed. Why? I don’t understand. If he hates me so much, why am I not on the floor? I sigh loudly, and close my eyes. I hate to admit it to myself, but something about having Axel beside me brings me great comfort.
~*~*~*~
“Fuck!”
I slowly come to, and the agonized cries that fill my ears bring me around quicker than usual. I turn my head to see Axel tossing in his sleep. His back is arched, and his body is rigid. His hand is in his boxers, and he’s tugging angrily again. I feel my hands forming fists over and over again as I contemplate whether or not to touch him again. Will he shove me away? Or will he welcome me?
Something inside me screams that this is so wrong, but my body refuses to accept that. It begins to ache in places I didn’t expect it to ache. The idea of him allowing me to touch him again has everything inside me clenching with a need I can’t fully grasp. I feel guilt swell in my chest, and I know there’s something so wrong with what I’m about to do, yet I can’t stop myself from doing it.
I reach over, and I place my hand on his belly.
“Yes,” he rasps, rolling to the side. “Yes.”
His eyes are clenched shut, and his shoulders are so tight that tiny veins have broken out over his smooth, olive skin. I run my fingers up his bulging arm, and stop when I reach his neck. After a moment of hesitation, I slowly slide up, and stop when I reach the
stubble on his cheek. I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling of having my hands on him. I slide my fingers down over his lips, and a throaty growl leaves them.
Then his hand lashes out, and he tangles his fingers in my hair. I cry out, and he pulls me closer. Pain shoots up my leg.
“Axel,” I beg. “Stop.”
Then his lips crash down over mine, and all my fight dissipates into nothing. The kiss begins rough, and the stubble on his jaw scrapes against my flesh, causing a whole new level of burn. A ragged moan leaves my lips, and I open to him, accepting his tongue as it invades my mouth, consuming me.
I’ve never felt something so amazing in my life.
His lips move with force for the longest moment, leaving me with a bruising feeling, but then they soften, and his kiss becomes gentle, almost affectionate. His tongue dances with mine, and his hand loosens in my hair. A pathetic little whimper leaves my throat, and I forget about the pain in my leg. All I can feel is him, and the way his hand moves against my belly.
He’s still stroking his cock.
I groan desperately when his lips detach from mine, but instead they move down my neck and over my shoulder. Is he awake? Is this real? Or is this a dream?
His hand leaves his swollen, rigid cock and finds my hip. He jerks me closer until the hot flesh presses against my stomach. My pussy clenches, and I close my eyes, hating myself for wanting this with someone who’s been so cruel.
This isn’t how it’s meant to go.
So why aren’t I stopping it?
Am I so desperate? Have I got some sort of syndrome?
Axel’s fingers slide over my panties, and I can’t stop the whimper that escapes my slightly parted lips. He makes a rumbling sound, and I feel it vibrating from his chest through to mine. His fingers move again, running up the soft silk that’s now damp with arousal. His cock is still lying heavily against my belly, and I’m still wondering if this is all really happening.
He presses his fingers firmly against my panties, right where my clit is, and I feel pleasure shoot through my pelvis and up my spine. I clench my teeth, despising myself for wanting him like this. His fingers move again, and more pleasure fills my body. Then he begins to rub, making small circles. It’s a skilled move, too skilled, and I know he’s awake. He’s with me on this; no one is that talented while sleeping.
Now it’s my choice to keep going, or to stop.
If I keep going, I’m giving him a part of myself that I’m not sure I’m willing to give. He confuses me. By day he’s a monster, cold and deadly. I see nothing but darkness when I look into his eyes. But by night, he’s just a man desperately seeking something to fix the hurts that haunt him. When he’s lying against me like this, I know a part of him has found that something to fix the pain. But I know if I give myself to him, there’s no going back for me.
I won’t be able to let him go.
But for myself, and for everything I’ve fought for, I know the choice is already made. I can’t give Axel that part of me until he’s willing to give me a part of him. Something, anything to show me there’s a piece of the man I once adored still there. Until he can give that to me, then I can’t give him what it seems he’s so desperately seeking. I reach down, and take hold of the hand that’s gently massaging my clit through my panties.
He stills.
I turn my head away, and roll as quickly as possible away from him.
“I’m sorry, Axel,” I whisper into the darkness. “But I can’t give you what you want, because you won’t give me what I want.”
Then I get out of the bed, and I walk out, leaving him there.
Alone.
Again.
~*~*~*~
AXEL
This can’t be fuckin’ happening right now. It can’t be going through my mind the way it is. She’s not meant to be consuming me, she’s not meant to fucking matter...so what’s this aching feeling in my chest that won’t leave whenever she’s around? I close my eyes, and clench my fists by my side. What the fuck was I thinking, letting her in my bed?
I’m giving away everything I’ve fought hard to build.
I get out of the bed. It’s been more nearly two hours, and I haven’t moved since she walked out, spewing some bullshit about me not giving her what she wants. What the fuck does she want? She can’t stand me, she’s made that very clear, and she sure as shit doesn’t trust me. What the fuck could she possibly want from me?
I aint’ got nothing to give anyone, except a damned good time.
I get up from the bed, and I hear the music pounding from the living room. Fuckin’ bastards never sleep. I get out, and don’t bother to put a shirt on, then I tuck my gun in my jeans. I do nothing without it. I walk out and head down the hall. I catch a glimpse of two of the guys fucking the bartender against the pool table in the main dining area, and I roll my eyes. Those fuckers couldn’t keep it in their pants if they tried.
When I step into the living room, the music is roaring, and the men are all laughing, smoking pot, and drinking some serious amounts of beer. They go a bit crazy during lockdown. The only thing they can do is get high, and fuck.
I move through the room, scanning them for Meadow. Unless she’s hiding out somewhere, then she’ll be in here.
Then I see her. She’s on Colt’s lap in the corner of the room, laughing hysterically at God knows what.
I see red.
And I don’t know why.
My fists clench, and I feel my breathing quicken. What the fuck is she doin’ on his lap, and what the fuck is he doin’ with his hand up her fuckin’ dress? I don’t recognize my actions, because all I can see is his hand where it shouldn’t be, and all I can hear is my heart thudding in my head. I pull out my gun and I lift it into the air, pulling the trigger. A loud, piercing boom fills the room, and everyone falls dead silent. The only sound to be heard is the music.
Colt sees me, and his eyes widen. His hand moves quickly from Meadow’s dress, and he grips her hips, lifting her and moving her off his lap. She’s still giggling, and her eyes are glassy. She looks high. No one gets eyes like that off just alcohol. I turn to the room, and through clenched teeth, I snarl, “Who fuckin’ gave her drugs?”
No one speaks.
“You fuckers. You filthy fuckin’ scumbags. If I find out which of you fuckers gave her drugs, I’ll put you in the motherfuckin’ earth where you belong.”
No one moves.
“Didn’t give her nothin’ boss, you know we don’t run anymore more than weed through the club, and she didn’t have any. I’ve been watching her,” Cobra says, finally speaking.
I turn to Meadow. “Get the fuck over here, now.”
“I didn’t take drugs,” she says, grinning.
“You’re fuckin’ lying.”
She shakes her head. “I’ve never had alcohol before, this is my first time,” she almost sings. “But I don’t do drugs.”
“Just get the fuck up.”
She rolls her eyes, and gets to her feet, hobbling toward me. “Bossy,” she mutters, leaning against a table.
“You fuckin’ stupid? You don’t know any of these guys!” I growl, gripping her shoulder, and pulling her out of the room.
“Probably. According to you I’m stupid, a waste of space, a loser...”
“Shut the fuck up, Meadow.”
She snorts, but she moves, and lets me lead her into my room. I slam the door behind us, and turn to her. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Me?” she says, throwing her hands on her hips and pinning me with a determined gaze. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Why the fuck did you go out there and get drunk when your leg is the way it is?”
She shrugs. “Why did you put your hand on my pussy when you apparently hate me so much?”
I smirk at her. “Maybe I just needed to fuck.”
She lashes out, taking hold of the lamp beside her, and yanking it harshly, hurling it at my head. I duck and snarl as it smashes into tiny pieces
on my floor.
“What the fuck!”
“You’re a piece of shit, Axel. Why do you have to treat me like this? Like I don’t matter? Like none of this matters? Why come in there, and pull Colt away from me? I’m not yours. I don’t belong to you. I’m nothing to you, isn’t that what you’ve reminded me of so constantly?”
I walk over to her, taking hold of her shoulders and shaking her. “What do you want from me, Meadow?”
“I don’t fucking know,” she cries. “I just want something. I want to be let in, just a tiny bit. I want to know why you hate me so much. I want to know what I did wrong. I want to know how I can fix what’s broken. I want to know what the fuck happened to you to make you this monster? I just want to understand, just a tiny bit. I want so much, I don’t even know where to start, but for some sick, strange reason, more than anything, I want you, Axel.”
I let go of her, and reel backwards.
What did she just say? She wants...me?
No fucking way.
I shake my head, and back up toward the door. “You’re way out of your depth Meadow. You can’t fix something as broken as me, and you sure as shit can’t love it. I’m the meaning of damaged, and you’re not going to put me back together, so stop fuckin’ tryin’. Just stop.”
Then I turn and charge out the door, slamming it so loudly I hear the wood crack.
~*~*~*
MEADOW
He doesn’t speak to me for four days after that. He finds a way to avoid me. Even though I’m still sleeping in his room, I’ve not seen him. He’s been sleeping somewhere else. He’s avoiding me, and I hate him for that. If all this meant nothing, he’d have no reason to avoid me, but he is. I brood on it for too long, and finally I break. It’s on the night of day four, and I’ve had a few drinks with Jax and Colt out at the main bar. I decide I’m tired of being ignored, and I head off to seek him out.
I know he’s here.
My head spins as I walk down the halls, and my judgment is way off. I shouldn’t be having a conversation with Axel when I can’t control what comes out of my mouth. My mind isn’t where it should be, and I know it, yet here I am, walking around like a desperate woman. I plant my hands against the wall as I navigate through the halls looking for him. I’m a little tipsy.