Chapter 10
The drive to Palm Springs was an easy one. Two hours, no traffic to speak of, and I was pulling into the driveway of Gran and Grandad’s country club home. Although it was most definitely the desert, their home sat in an oasis of bright green grass and palm trees, on the 12th hole of a world class golf course. September was still a summer month in California, and this was most true here where temperatures can climb to 118. Happily, Gran had informed me they were expecting a cool 95 degrees, perfect with the dry heat for tanning poolside. When the high temperatures invaded in July and August, I would visit them in the mountains, their cabin sat right on a lake with its own dock. My grandparents had a pretty wonderful life.
As I got out of the car, Grandad came pulling up in his golf cart, and Gran came out the front door. Greeting them happily, I threw my bag in the cheery room that belonged to me and joined them out on the patio for lunch. After bacon and tomato sandwiches with avocado, made by Gran because they were my favorite, I changed into my bikini and spent three hours lying in a lounge chair by the pool. I jumped in the water every twenty minutes or so to stay cool. I had always been lucky, I tan easily and quickly even through the sunscreen Gran insisted I wear. While I lay there, letting the sunshine deepen my already golden brown tan, Gran, protected from the sun by the brim of a large hat, pruned her flowers and cut rosemary and basil for our dinner. The orange, lemon and lime trees were picked and she planted a few annuals she had bought to fill in some empty spaces along the borders of her garden. It looked perfect, and on a much smaller scale, reminded me of the garden she had in our past life.
Later, after I had showered and dressed, I sat at the granite island in the kitchen and talked to Gran while she began her preparations for dinner. Grandad had taken his golf cart back over to the driving range and I knew this was my opportunity to talk about Charming, if indeed I was going to do it. Feeling his presence at my side gave me courage and I carefully began.
“Gran, there’s something I need to talk to you about, but it has to be kept just between us.”
Gran’s brown eyes widened and she wiped her hands on her apron, waiting for me to start.
“Remember the gypsy on the train in Italy?”
“Of course.” I could see by the tightening of her expression she remembered perfectly.
“Well, I have talked to two other psychics since then and they saw the same thing that she saw. They saw someone standing next to me. But Gran, not just someone, they saw the boy I’ve been drawing all my life. They saw Charming. They both described him perfectly.”
“How can that be?” Gran asked, her voice quieter than usual, almost whispering. I worried about shocking her or scaring her, Gran was getting older after all.
“There’s more. I’ve seen him too Gran. His real name is Charlie and he was my fiancé in a past life. My name was Lily then. And Gran,” I decided to just jump right in and tell her everything, “you were there too. You and Grandad were my parents, not my grandparents. We lived on a beautiful plantation. Gran, the most amazing thing, is that your ring was my engagement ring. Charlie had it engraved for me.” I was talking too fast, letting it all out while Gran stood there, still as a statue, listening.
“Gran, Charlie had a sister named Charlotte. The thing is, she is with me too, she’s Rylee! We were each other’s best friend in that life too.” I stopped, waiting for the words to digest, words that I knew had to make me sound like I was nuts. Gran stayed silent, her eyes dropping to study her ring.
“Did you marry him, this Charlie?”
“No, Gran. He died right before the wedding.”
“How?” her questions seemed to be leading somewhere, was this a test?
“In a hunting accident.”
She nodded. “And this Lily? What happened to her?” She questioned me, not referring to Lily and I being one and the same, she wasn’t ready for that yet.
“I mourned for him, I couldn’t eat or sleep. I got sick and it turned into pneumonia. I died, not long after he did.”
My answers must have satisfied her as she held her hand up for me to wait and hurried into the office, coming back moments later with a file full of yellowed papers.
“This is the family genealogy for both sides of Grandad’s family. Your great grandmother told me a story similar to what you just told me. She was giving me a history lesson about my ring.” My eyes took in the sparkling diamond as Gran searched through the papers.
“Here it is. Lily Katherine Lancaster. Born February 1st, 1841.” My intake of breath was audible as Gran and I looked at one another in shock. February 1st was my birthday, in both lifetimes.
“Died September 30, 1859.”
“Who were my parents?”
“Alice Mary Monroe and Walter Thomas Lancaster. Lily was their oldest child. They had a son, Lawrence, one year after she died.”
“Gran, you were Alice Mary Monroe. He told me. He knows you.”
“This ring, he told you about having it engraved?”
“Yes. He would say beyond forever when I would ask if he would love me forever.”
Gran slipped her ring off her finger and handed it to me. I took it and after looking at the words still clearly engraved I slid it on my finger. It fit perfectly. “I’ve always loved this ring.”
“You used to tell me it was yours when you were only three. I’d say ‘No Sophie, it’s Gran’s ring.’ You’d cry and cry and say ‘No! Mine!’ We all thought it was cute. I wonder if your memories were still with you then…”
“Oh Gran! You believe me!”
“Of course I do. That gypsy told me you drew pictures of the man beside you. Told me you had drawn them all your life. She frightened me, I didn’t want to frighten you sweetheart. I was glad she said it all in Italian. I’ve been wondering about it ever since.”
“Don’t be afraid, Gran. Charming has been with me all of my life. I just wasn’t able to feel him until now. He loves me and doesn’t know why he wasn’t born in to this lifetime. We can talk in my dreams, and Gran, you should see the home we lived in, it’s so beautiful. Your gardens were amazing. One of your roses cut my cheek last night.” I pointed to the tiny cut on my face. “In my dream Charming put all these roses in my arms and when I went to smell them I got scratched by a thorn. It was there when I woke up this morning.”
“Sophie, this is all impossible, but I believe you. What I don’t know is what it means for your future. Why are you seeing him now?”
“Neither one of us know. But I’m so happy Gran. I feel like I am complete. I’m just going to live one day at a time, one dream at a time and look at them all as a gift, a miracle.”
“I’m glad you are happy Sophie, but what kind of future will you have if he is a ghost? No children, no husband, alone. Once granddad and I go, and your mom and dad, you will be all alone. It is not supposed to be this way.”
“Well, I’m not sure why it is, but I’m glad it’s the way it is. Gran, Charming is all that I want. I will never be alone now, he will always be right by my side.” I gestured to my side and seeing my face light up made Gran understand I meant what I said.
“Well, I wish I could remember being Mary Alice and having you for a daughter. I knew I loved you in a special way. You are closer to us than any of our friends’ grandchildren are to them. I just thought we were so fortunate to have our beautiful granddaughter. And I still do. Lily, Sophie, daughter, granddaughter, whoever you are to me, I love you!” She embraced me then and I hugged her tightly. Pulling our ring off my finger, I handed it back to Gran.
“Oh Sophie, keep it. I’m leaving it to you anyway. It belongs with you now.”
“No, Gran. I want you to wear it, what would Grandad say? But maybe you will let me wear it when I visit?”
“Of course! Wear it while you are here. Can this Charming of yours hear us talk?”
“Yes, he hears everything he just can’t join our conversation.”
“Well, Charming,” Gran spoke seriously to the em
pty space next to me, “I’d like to tell you that I know exactly what you look like. I’ve seen your face in millions of drawings and Sophie tells me we knew each other well in a past life. I hope that you will love and protect her always and I am sorry you are not here in the flesh. “
You would think it would be corny or weird seeing my Gran speak to someone who, for all appearances, is not there, but I knew he was and I got slightly choked up.
“Thanks Gran. I knew you would believe me, Charming said you would. He also said that Grandad wouldn’t.”
“Well, if he says so we won’t try to tell him. He is not as open minded as I am, and I don’t want to worry him.”
The two of us jumped as the front door opened and Grandad came in from golfing. He looked hot and rumpled due to the heat and headed toward the kitchen.
“Well, what are my two favorite ladies making me for dinner?” he questioned, opening the fridge and pulling out a beer.
“We are having caprese salad, rosemary potatoes, and you my dear, are grilling us filet mignon. If you have any room left after that I have an angel food cake with orange frosting for dessert.”
“Sounds delicious! Hey, what are these doing out?” he asked curiously, touching the scattered pile of genealogy.
“Oh nothing, we were just looking at the family tree. Sophie was asking about it” Gran answered in a nonchalant tone. She quickly gathered up the papers and tucked them back in their file.
“Studying your past at school sweetheart?” Grandad asked me.
“Yeah, Grandad,” I smiled honestly, “I am.”
~
Rain splattered angrily against the pane beside the window seat where I sat, a large volume of poetry lying open in my lap, a stack of books beside me. A shock of lightening brightened the room momentarily, followed by a deafening clap of thunder. Jumping in alarm, the book tumbled to the ground and as I leaned over to retrieve it my eyes widened at the beauty surrounding me. I was in a large but cozy library, the walls filled with bookshelves from floor to ceiling. There were two sofas with overstuffed pillows in a paisley fabric, and a large ornately carved desk with a leather chair. Candles provided the perfect ambiance for the stormy day, and I took it all in, as usual recognizing nothing but assuming I had once known this room well. Just as I began to wonder where Charming was, I looked toward the door and there he stood leaning against the wall, arms crossed casually, grinning as he met my eyes.
“Have you been there the whole time?”
“What do you mean, you’ve just begun to dream. I was just remembering all the afternoons the two of us spent in this library. You have no idea how wonderful it feels to be back.”
He smiled and quickly crossed the room pulling me to my feet and wrapping me in his arms. I clung to him for a perfect moment, no sound except the rain and the beat of his heart.
“I don’t need anything else,” he whispered against my hair. “Holding you is enough. You have no idea how frustrating it is to be right beside you every moment and not be able to touch you, feel your warmth…”
Oh, believe me, I know exactly how frustrating it is! At least you can see me, I would kill to be able to see you there next to me. I pray we get a lifetime together again someday.”
“Sophie, I pray for that too, but you must live your life now. Don’t waste it because of me. I know we keep going over this but it’s so important. Your happiness is everything to me.” His arms squeezed me tighter.
“Well you ARE my happiness”” I whispered, and disengaging myself from his embrace, I took his hand. Weaving our fingers together, I led him to one of the sofas, pulling him down beside me.
“Charming, what did you think about my talk with Gran?”
“I thought it went amazingly well. I was fairly certain she would be receptive to the information, especially after the encounter with the gypsy woman. I knew she understood her far better than she let on at the time. I see why she thought she was protecting you by keeping it from you.”
“What about the genealogy papers? Wasn’t that amazing to see proof? It gave me chills seeing my name-at least my old name-on those papers.”
“Sweetheart, I’m glad you feel better seeing it but I never needed any proof. I knew exactly who you were, who you still are.”He tipped my chin up with the tip of his index finger and leaning in, kissed me softly.
“I know. I guess proof wasn’t the right word. It just made me feel connected, seeing Lily’s name there on a paper that leads right to my name now in this life. My birthday being the same in both lifetimes…its almost overwhelming if you think about it too much and I can’t think of anything else.”
Lightening lit the room again and this time the thunder was right on its heels. Shivering at the surprise of it, I moved closer to Charming.
“I certainly don’t remember this weather! I’m a California girl now, we get earthquakes not storms like this. They are quicker and gone as soon as they start.” The rain hit against the window in a downpour so strong that I feared the glass would break. I scooted closer still.
Laughing at my nervousness, he lifted me into his lap my dark blue dress spilling around us both like a blanket. Nuzzling my neck he murmured that I smelled good and the storm was forgotten as I was once again lost in the glory of his kisses.
Between kisses he whispered, ”I love you.”
Knowing my line now I said, “forever?”
“Beyond forever…” I smiled and my eyes suddenly opened to bright desert sunshine.
Chapter 11
Saturday in the desert was spent much the same as it was on all my weekends in Palm Springs. We had a tradition that we loved and repeated faithfully. First, upon rising, I’d go to the kitchen where Grandad would be making breakfast. Today it was pancakes and sausage and the three of us laughed and chatted as we ate. After dishes were put away and the kitchen was clean we headed out for our three mile walk, watching our path for golf balls that had found their way off the course. It was fun, almost like an Easter egg hunt, and we never came back empty handed. We had done the ball hunt since I was old enough to walk with them and Gran said the money they saved on golf balls over the years funded our shopping trips, which came after we showered. Grandad would stay behind and golf or read or watch some sporting event on television while Gran and I hit all our favorite shops and then went out to lunch. Today was no different. We settled ourselves at a sidewalk café, several shopping bags at our feet and ordered ice teas and chopped chicken salads.
“Thank you, Gran! I love everything!” Everything referred to the new white bikini, two pairs of shorts, three tops and sandals Gran had just bought for me.
“You’re welcome. I really think you should have bought that little dress too. It really wasn’t that short and it looked great on you, you are built just like a model. If I were as thin as you I would show it off every chance I got.”
“You bought me enough Gran.”
“Well, we should hit the bookstore on the way back. Grandad ordered a book and they called yesterday to say it was in.”
“You know I love bookstores! Although I have enough reading to do this semester to pretty much guarantee that I won’t be reading for pleasure until Christmas break.”
When Gran and I pulled into the driveway an hour later I squealed in surprised delight when I saw my parents’ car parked in front of the house.
“Mom and dad are here!” I was thrilled, it felt like months since I had seen them.
“They wanted to surprise you. They decided to drive down and stay the night.”
“Well they did!” I said as I collected our bags and hurried up the walk. Mom and Dad met us at the door and after hugs and kisses we all sat out on the patio and talked until dinner time, when we all went out for Chinese. It was so great to be with them and I was aware every moment of Charming sharing the evening right by my side. By bedtime I was excited to dream of him, feel his arms around me. But I didn’t dream that night and the tears that threatened the next day when I headed b
ack to San Diego and college were partly because I was leaving my family, and partly because I hadn’t got to see Charming.
Driving back, I spoke aloud to Charming even though he could easily hear my thoughts. If anybody noticed me talking to myself I figured they would think I was talking on my cell phone.
“Charming, I can handle all of this; that I don’t get to see you, hear you, touch you, until I meet you in my dreams. It’s enough, it’s everything! But when I don’t get to dream I just feel destroyed. I try to be mature and deal with it, but I get so disappointed.” I felt tears well up and I blinked quickly trying to stop them.
“Look at me, crying like a baby because I didn’t get to see you last night. This is crazy. I’m crazy. I’m not a crier, I’m not emotional. I’m the one who’s there for Rylee when she’s having a meltdown over a boyfriend. I’m the one who is giving the pep talks and the common sense advice. I’m not the one who needs it.”
I hesitated, knowing instinctively what Charming would tell me, how his dark blue eyes would darken even more at my distress. I didn’t want him to worry about my mood or my sanity.
“I’m okay, Charming. I’m a big girl and I know that you are here, I feel you, I do. I just needed to vent. Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. Really. I smiled at the empty seat beside me and pictured him smiling back. What I wouldn’t give to be able to reach over and hold his hand.
I reached for my iPod and put on my favorite Ron Pope playlist, his beautiful lyrics even more meaningful to me now that I was in love. Singing along, the rest of the drive went smoothly and I was really mellow by the time I pulled into the parking structure. I was going to get used to my new life with Charming, because even though it was unusual and disconcerting sometimes, I had never felt this way about anyone and this feeling was worth it. And it was almost bedtime. Time to try again.
~
The air was thick with humidity and I waved a paper fan with one hand as I held my long heavy hair off my neck with the other. It had to be over 100 degrees as I pulled the yellow eyelet up over my knees hoping to let some air circulate beneath all the dress. Really, how did women ever wear so much fabric? This gown alone would make a dozen sundresses.
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