I pushed back with my leather flats and let the porch swing I was sitting on glide back and forth. The breeze it provided felt nice and I was grateful that the porch swing was in the shade. Somehow I knew the interior of the house was warmer than my current location. The sound of a horse galloping made me stop, jump off the swing, and rush to the stairs that led to the lawn.
I laughed and waved at Charming as he rode up on the back of a gorgeous white horse, exactly like the one I often drew him upon. Pulling on the reins he hopped down gracefully and I jumped into his arms hugging him and kissing his cheeks .
“I missed you so much!”
“I missed you more,” he chuckled and picking me up off the ground he spun me around. “Come with me to the stables,” he said, holding the horses reins in one hand, mine in the other.
I felt so content, so blissful, to be here holding his hand walking across the lawn. I didn’t feel the need to fill the space with words. I just wanted to savor the moment, feel his hand real and warm holding tightly to mine. See his dimples deepen as he smiled down at me. I watched him take care of his horse and then my heart skipped a beat as he turned his attention to me.
“You don’t remember, but we used to ride our horses all the time. We’d always climb up in the hay loft when no one was looking,” he said leading me over to the ladder. We made our way up to find hay and a blanket folded on a bale which Charming spread out for us to sit on. He watched me as I surveyed the area, searching my memory for any hint of recollection.
“I don’t have any memory of it but this place is pretty cozy. What did we do up here?” He laughed at my question and answered.
“Pretty much the same thing we did anywhere we were alone together. Hold each other, plan our future, declare our love and …” He pulled me down so we were lying on the blanket and I lost myself in his kisses. After a few minutes he whispered in my ear.
“I think it’s time… I love you Sophie...”
~
Sitting up in my twin bed my clock said it was time to get up. I sighed feeling sad my dream had ended and then remembered what day it was. Monday meant I got to see Melissa and talk to Charming! My spirits brightened as I stretched and then I laughed aloud as a piece of hay fell from my hair.
Chapter 12
I sat doodling images of Charming while I waited for my Psych class to begin. Lost in thoughts of last night’s dream, I jumped when someone interrupted my musings causing my pencil to draw a crooked line across my sketch.
“Hey, Sophie!” The guy from the park with the Beatles tattoos stood above me.
“Do you mind if I sit by you?” He asked this as he took the seat beside me and pulled a laptop out of his backpack. I struggled to remember his name.
“Oh hi…” Nope, it wouldn’t come to me. It didn’t matter, he didn’t even notice as he leaned over and examined my sketchpad.
“Whoa! Did you draw that? You’re really good. How do you know Ethan?”
His comment lost me. “I’m sorry, who are you talking about?”
“Isn’t that Ethan?”
“No, I don’t know anyone named Ethan.”
“Really? Well, he’s a buddy of mine. That looks a lot like him, except Ethan’s hair is really short. Sorry.”
“That’s okay.” I smiled and replaced my sketchpad with a notebook from my book bag.
A tall blonde walked in the door and stopped at our seats.
“Why are you sitting in the front, Colin?” she asked as she headed to the back of the lecture hall. He simply dismissed her with a shrug, but I was grateful for the memory jog. Colin! That was it! He had a bulldog named Max.
“How’s Max?” I asked him trying to be friendly. Truthfully, I liked sitting alone and I wished he’d take his chatty self and go sit with that girl in the back of the class. The teacher cleared his throat and began a lecture that stopped any further conversation. I resisted doodling as I took notes feeling like my new buddy Colin was watching me.
After class ended Colin asked if I wanted to grab some lunch in the dining commons but I declined, explaining I had homework to finish before my next class. We parted ways and I thought about Charming. I knew he would think Colin was hitting on me, but I really doubted that. He was a friendly guy, and while good looking, I saw him as just a new friend. I needed a few of those.
The day seemed to drag on endlessly until finally I found myself parked outside Melissa’s home ten minutes early. I had a small notebook with questions I wanted to ask Charming and I sat going over them while I watched the minutes slowly pass. Finally it was three and I knocked eagerly on her door.
Melissa opened the door with a friendly greeting, once again dressed in a fashionable business suit, her brown hair pulled up in a bun. She looked more like a lawyer than a medium. But then, how would I know what a medium should look like?
“Come in, Sophie! How was your week?” She led me to her overstuffed white couch and I sat down and quickly gave her an update on my dreams and lack of them. I also shared my talk with Gran and how amazing it had gone.
“I know your disappointment can be great when you don’t get to dream about Charming, you so desperately look forward to seeing him and have to wait another entire day to try again. But Sophie, this situation is so unique that you must learn that it will only help you to remain calm and rational instead of letting everything become emotional. Realize that the dreams that have begun so recently may not be able to happen every single night. Maybe there is a reason for this that we can’t know. You must center yourself and stay calm, deep breathing helps and meditation. I know it sounds simple, but it works. It puts you in touch with your inner self. Perhaps that might also help you remember moments in your past life. You could really benefit from a yoga class too.”
“Oh, I love Yoga! Mom and I took classes while I was in high school.”
“Great! There are a couple of really good instructors here in the San Diego area, I will give you their numbers before you leave today. More importantly, the main thing is that you have the knowledge now that Charming exists. You have ways of communicating with him, two different ways. Now you need to use any tool at your disposal to help you keep it together and not get overwhelmed. The fact that you can feel Charming next to you? This in itself is extraordinary, a true gift. The dreams are the icing on the cake.”
“I know that, Melissa. I’m really grateful and I try to not let it destroy my day because I don’t dream of him, I really do. I just can’t seem to help it. This is all so new to me, all these feelings, and when added to the unusual circumstances, I get a little freaked out. The only way I can explain it is that I felt like my life was on hold until I met Charming. Now that he has come into my world I feel so much, I love him so much! It’s hard for me to put into words. It’s only frightening because it’s so fragile and important. I have to keep myself from worrying every moment. I am trying hard to stay positive, I just feel really vulnerable.”
Melissa nodded her head as she listened to me then turned and smiled at the space beside me as if involved in two different conversations at once.
“Oh!” I cried. “I almost forgot I could be talking to Charming right now! What is he saying?”
Melissa laughed at my enthusiasm. “He says he wants me to make sure you know that he is supportive of anything you decide to do and if you ever feel sad about not getting to dream, know that he is beside you equally disappointed.”
“I do know that Charming. This is even harder for you I’m sure. Please forgive me for being selfish and only thinking of myself.”
Melissa listened intently and repeated his words. “He wants you to know he will be just fine. Please don’t worry about him. He wants to talk about Colin.”
“Charming, that is a waste of our time! We only get this short time to talk and you want to waste it talking about a stranger?”
“He says it is quite obvious that the guy is interested in you and he feels like he is preventing you from having a normal relationship.
Who is selfish now?”
“This is crazy, we get to talk and we are making Melissa relay our first fight? Charming, think about this, you can read my every thought right? Then if that is true you already know what my feelings are and you know perfectly well that I have none whatsoever for Colin. Why are you doing this?” My voice was raised and I was really feeling annoyed. I frowned while I waited for Melissa to tell me what he was saying.
“He says please calm down. Don’t get upset. He knows you love him and you know how much he loves you. He just wants you to promise him something.” Melissa spoke calmly and looked at me intently making me feel like an over emotional child.
“Promise him what?” I asked suspiciously.
“If he should ever disappear from your side, if the dreams go away, you will find someone to care for. You won’t waste your life hoping he comes back.”
“If that happened would he try to move heaven and earth to come back to me?” I asked, knowing full well he would.
“He says of course!”
“Then why is he saying that? Does he know something that I don’t? Is there some reason to say this?” The words flew from my lips, panic filling me, making my knees feel wobbly and my heart beat race. I was going to lose it right here in front of Melissa. It couldn’t be helped. I did not care.
Melissa put her hand on my arm and stared into my eyes. “Whoa, slow down, Sophie. You are jumping to conclusions here. Let him answer before you panic. Panic helps nothing, it only makes things worse. Now, Breath.”
I met her eyes, took a deep, shaky, breath and tried to hold it. Attempting it again, I slowly got a hold of myself.
“I am so sorry, Melissa, I know how I must seem to you. He just worries me when he says things like that. If he thinks he’s not going to be able to stay with me I really do need to know.”
“He says he is sorry that this whole conversation got blown out of proportion and that he will be by your side always if it is up to him. He has every hope of spending your entire lifetime by your side. He loves you beyond forever.”
I smiled, feeling better. “I love you beyond forever too.”
“Now he says ask him the questions you wrote down in your notebook. He would like to answer them for you.”
I had completely forgotten the silly questions I had scribbled down. They were just random things I had wondered about us. “That’s okay. I’d rather hear whatever he wants to tell me.”
“He says he liked your questions and will answer them for you now. First you asked his full name. It is Charles Andrew Fields. You liked the idea of your name being Lily Fields, you thought it sounded like a place, not a person. Second question, his birthday was April 7th and he was 21 when he died. Third, your wedding was to have taken place August 15th. You both chose that day because it was the anniversary of your first kiss. Fourth, his parents were Thomas and Helena Fields and they thought of you as their other daughter. You and Charlotte were so inseparable that sometimes he would get jealous of his own sister.”
I laughed at that and thought of Rylee. It made me miss her a lot.
“He says that he misses Rylee too since she has been gone. He says Charlotte and Rylee are exactly the same person. He is glad she will be transferring back next semester.”
I asked several more questions and by the time Melissa was done with our session I felt happy and connected to Charming. My fears were put to rest and I had nothing but the most positive thoughts about where I was and where I was going on this journey.
“Thank you, Melissa. Thank you for helping me through my little panic attack, and for making me see things clearer.”
“You feel free to be yourself in front of me, Sophie. I don’t judge. I think you are handling this situation remarkably well. You both have to be patient with each other and have faith. I have a strong feeling about the two of you.”
“Can you see our future?” I asked, hopefully.
“I see you as soul mates, and I see that you are meant to be together. I don’t see that changing.”
“Thank goodness,” I sighed with relief.
I paid Melissa and got the number for her yoga instructors and told her I would see her the following Monday. Then I – I mean we - headed home.
Chapter 13
Back in the comfort of my cracker box room, alone with Charming, my invisible prince, I tried to apologize. Speaking aloud, but in a voice just above a whisper, I lay on my back on my rock hard mattress, hugged my feather pillow to my chest and spoke.
“Charming, I am sure you know that I feel like a complete idiot for melting down in front of Melissa like that. You’ve seen me all of my life and you know me better than anyone, even Rylee. I am not an emotional girl. I’m not. I weigh things out carefully. I’m not impulsive. I’m not dramatic. I’m not that girl!” If I had been standing I would have probably stamped my foot. I was completely disgusted with my lack of self control.
“Is this what love does to people? Does love make them vulnerable and afraid? It has so much power over me because I would lay down and die if it went away. Isn’t that what I did when I was Lily? You died, so I did too? Was I this pathetic then? I bet I was stronger as Lily, because I could see you, touch you, and I didn’t have to know what horrible things were awaiting us. That is how it should be. That’s where that saying ‘ignorance is bliss’ comes from. Lily and Charlie, you and I, were a love story that turned suddenly into a tragedy. Now our story has evolved into a new age ghost story. It’s scary to be us and all we want is to be together, and to be able to love one another. Why can’t we have that? A simple life… A happy life. Just you and me, a house, a dog, and a couple of kids who look like us. What wouldn’t you give for that Charming? Because that is all I want for the two of us. I want us to be bored and boring. I want us to be a normal couple who argues and laughs and grows old together with their grandchildren around them. Damn it, Charlie, we deserve it!”
I stopped ranting and silence surrounded me. I could guess what Charming thought but I couldn’t hear him. I couldn’t see him, or touch him. I ached to do all those things. I felt the tears well up and hated myself for the self pity I was feeling. Hadn’t I just promised Melissa to get a handle on this? I was letting everything get the best of me.
“I am better than this!” I said, as I sat up and wiped my eyes. Taking a few deep breaths I decided to do something about it.
“I’m starting to hate this room. We are going to walk over to the commons and get some fresh air.” I said to both of us. Throwing my pillow aside, I grabbed my key and slammed the door behind us.
Once outside I did feel better. It felt good to be amongst people. I loaded a tray with a piece of pepperoni pizza, fries, and my new addiction, a jumbo chocolate chip cookie. I couldn’t get enough of them, probably a result of all the stress. I grabbed an empty booth and waved at Danica and Tiffany who were near the exit emptying their trays. My smile felt stiff and forced and I thought how glad I was that I’d missed having to join them. I glanced at the entrance and was shocked to see Kara flying through the doors, heading straight for me. No workout clothes today, she was dressed conservatively in black pants and a white blouse, her hair pulled sleekly back.
“Kara, hi! What are you doing here?” I was both happy to see her and leery at the same time. She sat down across from me and her eyes went back and forth between my face and the invisible one beside me.
“Okay Kara, you are freaking me out. Speak.”
Seconds ticked by and finally she opened her mouth. “Sophie, I could feel you having a fit or something. I was giving a reading to a client and I just kept being pulled to your energy. I wasn’t very effective for the poor woman I’m afraid. Charming has the most concerned expression right now. What the hell happened?”
“Nothing, really. I’ve just been going through a little bit of angst. Hey I am still a teenager you know.” I said in my defense and hoped I didn’t sound as lame as I felt.
“It’s more than that and you know it.”
“I’m pretty sure anyone in your position would feel the same way. Welcome to love, it’s a rollercoaster, yours is just one of the biggest rollercoasters in the world variety.”
“You can say that again!” I took a big bite of my pizza and gestured to my plate. “Want a fry?” I said, mouth full.
She frowned down at them but still popped one in her mouth and chewed. “These things are dangerous. Don’t they have anything healthy in this place?”
I pointed to the salad bar that I had yet to sample. Yes, I was definitely a stress eater.
“You are just lucky you are so thin. If you want to stay that way I’d avoid these enormous cookies.”
“I know, I will, just not tonight.”
“When is the last time you went on Facebook?”
“Why? Did you send me a friend request?”
“No. I don’t use that thing, but kids your age certainly do. I’m sure you are neglecting all your normal pre-Charming activities. Am I right?”
“This conversation isn’t fair. You’re a psychic. You are better at lecturing than my mom.” Kara laughed, and I relaxed a little.
“Sophie, I’m not trying to be your mom. Hell, I’m not old enough for one thing! Big sister, maybe. Anyway, I feel a certain responsibility to you and your friend here.” She gestured to my invisible boyfriend and I took another bite of my food, listening.
“I am the one who started this. Don’t get me wrong, it would have happened anyway, but I got the ball rolling, so to speak. Anyway I think we both would consider each other friends now. Am I right?”
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