Sherlock Holmes Mystery Magazine #3

by SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE

  For those unfamiliar with the stories, Nero Wolfe lives in a brownstone townhouse in New York City with Archie Goodwin, Fritz Brenner, and Theodore Horstmann. This is a boy’s club: no girls allowed (although Archie’s romantic interest, Lily Rowan, holds a special status). Wolfe’s attitude towards females makes Holmes, by comparison, appear to be a “whole-souled admirer of the womankind.” Quiz: Can you identify the Holmes tale that phrase is from? Answer at the article’s end.

  They are a self-contained unit, with Wolfe and Archie solving crimes, Fritz cooking and taking care of the household chores, and Horstmann assisting Wolfe with his hobby, the cultivation of orchids in a rooftop greenhouse. Archie often comments on the beauty of the orchids, which is a far cry from the thoughts of General Sternwood in Raymond Chandler’s The Big Sleep: “Nasty things. Their flesh is too much like the flesh of men, and their perfume has the rotten sweetness of corruption.” Po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe, I guess.

  Because the characters do not age, the stories all have a comfortable familiarity about them. Also, they are set contemporary to their writing, so while in a Holmes tale it is “always 1895,” the Wolfe stories feel much more like modern mysteries, even though some are over seventy years old.

  The Wolfe adventures are great reads on their own merits, but the Holmesian, using those famous powers of observation, can detect elements of the Canon throughout the Corpus.

  No, You Mean My Brother

  Nero Wolfe bears a much stronger resemblance to Mycroft Holmes than to his more famous brother, Sherlock. Archie frequently tells us that Wolfe is lazy, and in fact his boss prefers to takes cases only when financial necessity dictates. Archie tells us that one of his most important jobs is to browbeat Wolfe into working, which is certainly indicative of the latter’s attitude towards accepting clients.

  Sherlock Holmes says that his brother would rather be considered wrong than to exert the necessary energy to prove himself correct. Wolfe may not quite take things that far, but he will do his utmost to avoid taking on a case. He once said, “I am not interested, not involved, and not curious.” Unless forced by circumstances, that pretty much sums up Wolfe’s attitude to work.

  Physically, Mycroft is described by Watson as “corpulent,” which means having a large, bulky body. Wolfe actually uses the word “gargantuan” to describe himself, and while his weight varies over the years, under normal circumstances it is in the neighborhood of 285 pounds. Both Wolfe and Mycroft are very large men, but with extremely agile minds. One thinks of Sidney Greenstreet’s “The Fat Man” in The Maltese Falcon. In fact, Greenstreet actually voiced Wolfe in a series of radio plays starting in 1950.

  In Fer de Lance, the very first story, Wolfe is unfamiliar with the sport of golf. He has some clubs brought to his office and asks the delivery boy to demonstrate them for him. After watching a powerful swing, Wolfe mutters “Ungovernable fury.” Only a man who detests unnecessary physical exertion would view a simple golf swing in that vein.

  Wolfe considered venturing outside the brownstone as something to be avoided in the extreme, with only three events regularly drawing him forth: voting, dining at Rustermans, (the restaurant owned by his boyhood friend Marko Vukcik), and pursuing his orchid obsession. Other sallies forth were dictated by circumstances and universally disliked. Wolfe viewed riding in a car akin to a suicide mission. One wonders how he managed to board a plane and fly to Montana in Some Buried Caesar.

  Both Wolfe and Mycroft are men of habits. Six days a week, Wolfe takes breakfast in his room, dresses in exactly the same fashion, spends two hours in the morning and two more in the afternoon upstairs in the plant rooms, has lunch and dinner in the dining room at set times, and only deals with business matters in the office if he absolutely must. When Wolfe enters the office for the first time, he greets Archie with a “Good morning,” even if they have already spoken. Fritz must not open the beer bottles he brings to Wolfe, who does it himself, using a specific bottle opener each time. Few detectives follow as rigid a daily pattern as Wolfe.

  Mycroft “has his rails” and only frequents three places: his lodgings, his government office, and the Diogenes Club. Holmes wonders what upheaval could have unsettled Mycroft’s habits so much to force a visit to Baker Street. He compares it to a planet leaving its orbit.

  “Give me your details, and from an armchair I will return you an excellent expert opinion. But to run here and run there…it is not my métier.” Though this was Mycroft talking to Sherlock; it could very well have been Wolfe addressing Archie. But similarities are not limited to only Mycroft.

  Moriarty? No, Zeck.

  Professor James Moriarty was Sherlock Holmes’s great nemesis. The detective got the better of Dr. Grimesby Roylott, Charles Augustus Milverton, John Clay, and many others; but it is Moriarty who is the villain in the Canon.

  There is only one adversary who appears in multiple stories in the Corpus, and he is clearly the most dangerous man Wolfe faces. Three times Wolfe comes into contact with Arnold Zeck, who, like Moriarty, is the head of a criminal organization. Also like Moriarty, Zeck tries to warn the detective to stay out of his business. Failing, he has Wolfe’s greenhouse destroyed with a barrage of machine-gun bullets. Later, he sends a tear-gas bomb to Wolfe’s office. Just as Holmes fled 221B Baker Street, Wolfe simply abandons the brownstone and goes deep undercover: Archie doesn’t even know where he is.

  Holmes stayed in hiding until the opportunity arose to get Moriarty’s chief lieutenant, Colonel Moran. Wolfe engaged in a similar ploy, slowly, anonymously, working his way into Zeck’s organization. When the timing is right, Wolfe set a trap for his foe, just as Holmes did for Moran.

  War Service

  During World War I, Holmes came out of retirement to go undercover and break up a German spy ring. In World War II, Nero Wolfe essentially sets aside his private practice and works for the Army. In Booby Trap we watch Wolfe and Archie solve a wartime industrial espionage case fraught with murder. Wolfe and the Holmes brothers are both great patriots and serve their respective countries.

  Archie!

  It can be argued that Sherlock Holmes would have done just fine without Watson. While the good doctor was a more than capable chronicler, Holmes could probably have completed his investigations alone. This is partially because Holmes was a very energetic and physically capable detective.

  Nero Wolfe most certainly is not. Archie does all of the legwork. Well, not quite all; he does have assistance sometimes in the form of other private operatives, somewhat of a West 35th Street equivalent to the Baker Street Irregulars.

  Wolfe, quite simply, does not investigate. He thinks and he issues orders. Archie is a far more capable sidekick than Watson. He is, in fact, a licensed private investigator in his own right. When Wolfe disappears as part of his campaign against Arnold Zeck, Archie sets up shop on his own and does quite well.

  Archie is brave, wise-cracking, attractive to women, athletic, and tough. He is a detective in the style of Sam Spade and gumshoes in the pages of Black Mask Magazine. In fact, Wolfe is an intellectual detective of the Sherlock/Mycroft era, while Archie is typical of the hard-boiled genre. Thus, Rex Stout created a detective series that was characterized by the two periods of detective fiction which bookended the Golden Era of mystery stories (of which Agatha Christie is a prime example).

  Perhaps it’s in the Blood?

  Holmesians have often speculated that there was a romantic relationship between Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler, with several films and pastiches utilizing the premise. John Lescroart wrote a pair of novels featuring Auguste Lupa (a name with linguistic connotations of Nero Wolfe), Son of Holmes and Rasputin’s Revenge. The brilliant Lupa is the offspring of Holmes and Adler. Though it is never overtly stated, it’s hard not to conclude that Lupa, who heads off to America with his Swiss chef, Fritz, at the end of the second novel, becomes Nero Wolfe. In fact, it’s
elementary.

  Now, don’t get the impression that the Wolfe stories are just pale copies of the Holmes tales. Rex Stout excelled in both plot and characterization, and the Wolfe stories hold a unique and enduring place in the mystery pantheon. But Stout was a well-known fan of Sherlock Holmes, and traces of that admiration and respect for the world’s first and greatest private consulting detective can be found in the Corpus.

  Beyond Stout

  Unlike Sherlock Holmes, Nero Wolfe is still copyright protected, so you won’t find a plethora of pastiches (there’s a good name for a Wolfean mystery story) for sale in bookstores and online. However, if you’ve worked through the Corpus a few times and want more, there are still some options out there.

  Robert Goldsborough, with permission from the Stout Estate, published seven novels featuring Wolfe and Archie. Like Stout’s originals, they are contemporary tales and the last book, The Missing Chapter, pokes fun at pastiches of popular series.

  Lawrence Block created Leo Haig, star of two novels and several short stories. Haig has learned everything that he can about Nero Wolfe, who he believes to be a very real person: Rex Stout is merely a pseudonym. He lives as a shadow of Wolfe, keeping tropical fish instead of orchids, venturing out for business only when he has to and employing his own Archie, Chip Harrison, to do the legwork. Haig’s dream is to be invited to dinner at Wolfe’s brownstone, which is a clever bit.

  H. Paul Jeffers, who includes two Sherlock Holmes titles among his list of works, wrote three books featuring Sergeant John Bogdanovic. The policeman finds himself immersed in the world of a famous fictional detective in each novel. The third, entitled Corpus Corpus, centers around an annual Wolfe Pack Dinner. As expected, Wolfean details abound throughout the tale.

  Finally, in 2008, Loren Estleman began a series of pastiches featuring amateur private detective Claudius Lyon, whose life mission is to emulate Nero Wolfe. Lyon’s Archie is an ex-convict named Arnie Woodbine, who also serves as narrator. Estleman has long been known to Sherlock Holmes fans for two pastiches, one featuring Dracula and the other Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

  Very Satisfactory

  If you have only a passing acquaintance with Nero Wolfe, you would do well to read up on the Corpus. For the more visually minded mystery lover, there is also a Nero Wolfe series available on DVD. It aired on the A&E network in 2001 and 2002 and features Maury Chaykin and Timothy Hutton. Hutton, in particular, excelled, also serving as director and executive producer on the series. It is a high-quality production with an excellent jazz soundtrack and, happily, is quite faithful to the original stories.

  Quiz Answer: Holmes tells Watson that he is not such an admirer of women in the fourth and final novel, The Valley of Fear.

  MRS HUDSON’S HOUSEHOLD HINTS, by (Mrs) Martha Hudson

  Dear Readers,

  As there has been a dearth of requests for my advice, I have decided to alter the nature of my column, focusing instead upon techniques of household management thrust upon me by the unique tenancy of Mr Sherlock Holmes and his dear companion Dr John H Watson.

  However, just as I was about to submit my new column, the editor surprised me by sending along the following request for advice from one of the readers. I am happy to add it as a prefatory item, together with my considered reply.

  —(Mrs) Martha Hudson

  * * * *

  Dear Mrs Hudson,

  What remedies do you suggest for the common cold or, worse yet, influenza? I am a sickly soul, and I dread winter each year. Help me to ease my pains!

  Sincerely,

  Sickly in Singapore

  * * * *

  Dear Sickly,

  I certainly sympathize with you. One can never be too careful, especially in this damp climate of ours. No matter how often I get after Mr. Holmes, he fails to wear his rubbers out in bad weather. It’s lucky for him he has such a strong constitution or he would have died from the grippe years ago.

  One must attack these things in two phases: prevention and cure. Prevention is key, of course, but if that fails, then one must of course resort to applying cures.

  As to prevention, I have several recipes passed onto me by my dear mother, God rest her soul. I know that garlic is antithetical to the British character, but my maternal grandfather was Italian, so my mother picked up a few ideas from him.

  Consumption of large quantities of raw garlic during cold and flu season seemed to give him protection from catching anything—of course, it could have been simply that after consuming so much garlic, he never got close enough to another human being for the transfer of germs.

  A second method of prevention is, oddly enough, cleanliness. I have found that if I wash my hands before and directly after a trip to the market, I am far less likely to pick up whatever disease is out and about.

  As to remedies, I have several to suggest. Any hot liquid will soothe the body; and consumption of a good quality tea, very hot, is important during this period. I suggest a strong Orange Pekoe, which is Dr Watson’s favourite. If you are producing large amounts of phlegm, you might want to substitute lemon for the milk—it seems to clear the sinuses better.

  I find a good hot bowl of oxtail soup is quite effective in soothing sore throats; the saltier the better. Of course you may prefer a chicken or duck broth—any clear broth will do the trick. The creamy soups are not a good idea at this time; again, they thicken the mucous, which prevents speedy healing. Adequate consumption of clear liquids is essential during this time—if you can stand it, drink large quantities of water. Alcohol should be taken only in moderation.

  Hot steam in general seems to be very useful in clearing away infections of the respiratory system. Heat a large pan of water to boiling, place a towel over your head, and sit over the pan, breathing in the vapours. If you add some mint or other aromatic herbs such as lavender, you will find it even more effective.

  If you do indulge in spirits, I suggest elderberry wine. My mother always kept a bottle in the cupboard. If you can get fresh elderberries, you can brew your own, or make a juice by pounding and straining them.

  If you suffer from a sore throat, wrap an old sock or wool scarf around your neck, and put a night cap on before retiring for the night. Also, inhaling mint is very soothing to irritated nose and throat passages. You can even chew the leaves, if you don’t mind the strong taste, or place some raw leaves in your tea and inhale that whilst drinking it.

  For the fever and body aches of influenza, my mother used to have us chew on willow root, which was very effective. Dr Watson has recently told me of a powder being sold to physicians; I believe it is called “aspirin powder,” discovered by a German, of all things. I can’t personally recommend it, but he has heard reports that it relieves both fever and pain. I distrust Germans enough that I would not necessarily credit this report.

  For sleeplessness, there is of course valerian root, as well as stronger things such as laudanum and morphia, though I hesitate to recommend these, as Mr. Holmes is given to addiction, as you may know. For coughs, I use root of licorice, as well as syrup of wild cherry. A very good thing to do is mix a good Caribbean rum with sugar or honey and lemon, add hot water, and drink as fast as you can. This will calm your cough as well as help you sleep. If you don’t mind the taste, fresh or powdered ginger is excellent to add as well—it seems to reduce inflammation.

  Other ideas are to sip rosehips tea, suck on horehound candy, and eat roast beef with horseradish. If you like Indian food, by all means, eat some – there is something about the spices in it that seems to reduce inflammation and calm the system.

  I do hope this helps a bit, and that you have a healthier winter this year.

  * * * *

  And now here are a few of my household hints learned during Mr Holmes’s occupancy:

  Removal of Bloodstains from Carpet or Other Upholstery
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  In my capacity as Mr Holmes’s landlady, I was occasionally faced with the problem of unsightly stains of various fluids on my carpets and furniture.

  As some of you may know, blood, like egg yolk, is a protein, and therefore you must never put hot water on a bloodstain. Firstly blot off any excess blood, then treat with cold water—as quickly as you can, as stains will set the longer they are present. Once you have put plenty of cold water on the spot, combine one teaspoon laundry soap and one cup three per-cent solution of hydrogen peroxide in a small bowl. Soak a clean cloth or sponge in the mixture, squeeze it halfway dry, then gently blot the stain. Repeat as many times as necessary until the stain is gone.

  Removal of Noxious Chemical Odours

  Mr Holmes, God bless him, is not the most considerate of tenants, I am sorry to say. It is not an infrequent occurrence for me to enter his rooms and find myself quite overcome with a most unpleasant—and occasionally noxious—chemical smell. Indeed, at times one can see yellow fumes hanging in the air, and I have been awakened more than once in the middle of the night by the sound of an explosion upstairs.

  So, for those of you plagued with either thoughtless tenants or young boys of an unfortunately curious disposition, I thought perhaps a few helpful hints might be in order.

  I find the best method is of course to air out the room, if possible. However, there are often lingering odours for days afterwards. I am a great proponent of aromatic herbs; and for chemical smells I use a combination of dried lavender, thyme, and rosemary, which are all quite pungent and will fill the room with an agreeable smell if you put dried bouquets around the room, after first waving them about as you walk through the room. If a chemical has landed unhappily on a piece of furniture or the floor, then I suggest cleaning with a solution made up of rose water with fresh leaves of mint crumpled up in it.