Honeybee

by Craig Silvey;

  He picked up a part. I nodded.

  ‘That’s a carburettor. You said it’s like the heart of the engine.’

  ‘They don’t make them anymore. Cars these days have fuel injection systems that go straight into the chamber. This one’s cracked, see?’

  ‘We could fix it,’ I said. I didn’t know why it was so important to me, but it was. Vic just shook his head.

  ‘Sorry mate. Come on, help me put all these parts in that wood crate over there.’

  I helped Vic pack everything away.

  ‘How come you’re keeping them then?’

  ‘Some of it can be salvaged. Been meaning to sift through it for years.’

  ‘Where did you get all this stuff?’

  ‘I took it all from the shop.’

  ‘The business you owned?’

  ‘It was a partnership. V&R Auto Repair out near O’Connor. Creditors were coming to strip the workshop, so I grabbed as much gear as I could.’

  ‘You mean you stole it?’

  ‘Can’t steal what’s yours. The only thieves I ever met had white collars.’

  ‘I know about creditors.’

  ‘Is that so?’

  ‘It means you were in a lot of debt.’

  Vic seemed a bit annoyed. His face turned red and he started throwing parts into the crate without taking much care.

  ‘I wasn’t. The shop was. Let me give you a bit of advice. Never go into business with your mates.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because if it all goes to shit, you lose more than money.’

  ‘Is that what happened to you?’

  Vic nodded and threw a handful of bolts into the crate.

  ‘Was that with Ray and Denise?’

  Vic stopped and looked at me.

  ‘How do you know that?’

  I felt caught out. I had read about them in Edie’s diary. Vic and Ray had been close friends. There were photos of the two couples together. And then they suddenly disappeared and Edie never wrote about them again.

  ‘I think you mentioned them before.’

  Vic frowned.

  ‘Oh. Did I?’

  ‘Yeah. Was Ray the R in V&R?’

  ‘That’s right. We opened the shop in eighty-four. Built it from the ground up, just a box of tools between us, and got it humming. Few years in, we trained apprentices and had an extra mechanic four days a week. Ray dealt with the front of house, spoke to the customers, gave the quotes and did the inventory and orders. I was happier out the back. Always preferred the company of cars to people. They make a lot more sense, and when they fuck up on you, at least there’s a good reason.’

  ‘And you know what to do to fix it.’

  Vic nodded.

  ‘Denise did the bookkeeping. Insisted on her own office, of course. Aircon, too. Ray thought the sun shone out of her backside. Thought she was a bloody magician with money too, so he had her do all our accounting and tax stuff. Turned out he was right, except her trick was making it disappear.’

  ‘Did she steal it?’

  ‘Embezzled is the term you would use. You’d never meet a more impatient woman than Denise. Had to have everything right under her chin the moment she thought of it. Edie could never understand how those two were taking trips to Bali and Thailand and Mauritius and paying for two kids in private school while we were living hand to mouth, but neither of us ever suspected she had her fingers in the till.’

  ‘Because they were your friends.’

  Vic shrugged.

  ‘We only found out when Ray wanted to move to Queensland and asked me to buy out his half of the shop at a good rate. Me and Edie didn’t have much in the way of savings, so I extended the loan on the house. It was only once they were gone that we found out why they were in such a rush to sell and skip out. To cover all the money she stole, she’d taken out a line of credit, then covered those payments with new loans. This was in the eighties, when interest was very dear. In the end, she ran out of lenders and the business was drowning. I’m guessing that’s when she told Ray. But instead of coming clean, they took me for one last ride. Maybe he knew the whole time, who can say?’

  ‘What did you do?’

  ‘Not much I could do. She’d been stiffing our suppliers, so I couldn’t get parts in. Nobody would deal with us. I laid off the mechanics and the apprentices. I tried to renegotiate my loan with Western Mutual, but they didn’t give a rat’s arse. I was just blood in the water. They tried to sell it from under me. When that fell through, they liquidated the assets. So I took what was mine before they could.’

  ‘What about Denise? Did she ever get in trouble?’

  ‘I met with a lawyer. Real old money type. What was his name … Edward Denley. He said we had a clear case, but I didn’t have the money to risk. In the end, I didn’t see the point.’

  ‘But you worked so hard. It’s not fair.’

  ‘No. It’s not.’

  ‘Aren’t you angry at them?’

  ‘I was. For a long time. But I’ve come out the other end of that.’

  ‘You forgave them?’

  ‘I just let it go. I had to. At the end of the day, I know Ray was ashamed, and he pissed off over east because he couldn’t face me. I can choose to ignore it, but they’re the ones who have to live with what they did. But I will never forgive that smug prick manager at Western Mutual, because he just didn’t care. I didn’t exist to him. I was just a number on a page. I had to beg the man not to take my house, and I spent the rest of my working life putting money in his pocket to pay off that loan. Tell you what, you asked me what I always dreamed about doing? For many years, I thought about going back into that bank and taking back what they took from me.’

  ‘You mean robbing it?’

  He nodded.

  ‘I wanted to clear his shop out like he did with mine.’

  ‘Like with a gun and a mask?’

  ‘I didn’t put that much thought into it, mate. It was just a nice picture in my mind.’

  I got excited.

  ‘That’s what we should do then.’

  Vic smiled and shook his head.

  ‘I’m serious,’ I said. ‘That’s what we have to do.’

  ‘No it’s not.’

  ‘It is. Vic, I can help you. I want to help you.’

  Vic stared at me. Normally I would look away, but this time I held my ground.

  ‘No,’ he said. ‘It’s not happening.’

  ‘But I can do it. I can help you do it. You can have the thing you always wanted.’

  ‘No I can’t.’ Vic raised his voice. ‘Anyway, there’s no point now, is there? What do I need money for? I don’t want to hear about it again. I shouldn’t have told you.’

  We put the rest of the engine in the wooden crate in silence. Then we washed the grease off our hands in a bucket of soapy water that smelled like oranges.

  Vic handed me a dry rag.

  ‘What about you?’ he asked.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘What is it you want to do?’

  I dried my hands. I knew what it was, but I didn’t know what Vic would think. I was nervous.

  ‘I don’t know,’ I said.

  ‘You sure?’

  I shrugged and kept wiping my hands.

  ‘I’ve always wanted to go out and see a drag show.’

  Vic looked confused.

  ‘Not what I want to do mate, what you want to do.’

  Now I was confused.

  ‘What?’

  ‘It’s nice you’ve taken a bit of interest here with the cars, but forget about me and what I like.’

  ‘But that’s what I want,’ I said. ‘I want to see a drag show.’

  ‘You want to go to the speedway?’

  I realised what he meant.

  ‘No, not that. I mean like … don’t worry about it.’

  ‘No, no. What do you mean?’

  ‘I mean a show with, you know, drag queens. At a bar.’

  Vic widened his eyes.
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  ‘Oh. Righto. Okay.’

  ‘Forget about it. It’s stupid.’

  I folded the rag and put it on the workbench. My hands were still dirty. I wanted to go into Vic’s room and hide in Edie’s wardrobe and curl up into a little ball. I knew it could never happen.

  ‘No, look, if it’s what you want to do.’

  ‘What you mean?’

  ‘We can do it.’

  I looked up at Vic.

  ‘Would you take me? I mean, would you come too?’

  Vic nodded.

  My heart started beating really fast.

  ‘Would it be okay if I wore one of Edie’s outfits?’

  ‘Mate, you can wear what you like. But there’s not much chance you’ll squeeze me into one of them.’

  I smiled.

  ‘You don’t have to dress up.’

  ‘Good to hear.’

  ‘You’d look cute in a jumpsuit though.’

  ‘Is that right?’

  ‘Yep. Some hoop earrings and a pair of heels too. You would fit right in.’

  ‘My sisters used to dress me up for their tea parties. Put me in lipstick and hats and feather scarves. They had a fine time.’

  ‘You didn’t mind?’

  He shrugged.

  ‘Didn’t think about it one way or the other, really. The old girl got a bit annoyed when I ran under the sprinklers in her silk nightie, but that was about it.’

  ‘But you don’t think I’m a freak or anything?’

  ‘Mate, I think you’re just you, and there’s nothing the matter with that.’

  I had to look away then, because nobody had ever said that to me, and I didn’t think they ever would. I chewed the inside of my mouth so that I wouldn’t cry.

  ‘Thanks Vic.’

  Vic just shrugged, like it was nothing.

  ‘When can we go?’ I asked.

  ‘Whenever you like.’

  ‘There’s a bar in the city called The Gavel. They have drag nights on Fridays. But that’s tomorrow.’

  ‘Righto then.’

  ‘Seriously?’

  ‘It’s what you want, isn’t it?’

  ‘Well, yes. I just never thought …’ I couldn’t finish the sentence. I felt scared and excited. ‘It will probably start pretty late though.’

  ‘I’ll have a nap in the arvo.’

  We started walking into the house, but then I had a thought and it stopped me.

  ‘Oh. Wait. I won’t be able to get in. I don’t have an ID or anything.’

  Vic put his hand on my back.

  ‘We’ll play it by ear. I’ll try sort something out.’

  Cinderella

  On Friday I spent the whole afternoon trying to choose an outfit. I pulled out a gorgeous red chiffon bell-sleeve dress and a cute pearl-white flare dress with navy embroidering on the neckline and shoulders. I laid them both on the bed and stared at them but I couldn’t decide. I went through Edie’s wardrobe again, and right at the back I found a rose gold sequinned flapper dress. It was stunning.

  I chose a pair of silver strappy heels and a little gold clutch to pair with the outfit. I didn’t have anything to put inside, so I stuffed some tissues and lipstick in it.

  My hair had grown back enough to comb and style. I made a little curl on my fringe in a twenties style. I clipped in a white barrette too, even though I didn’t need to. I filed and shaped my nails and painted them silver.

  It got dark outside. I forgot to make Vic’s dinner.

  I spent hours on my make-up. I couldn’t get the contouring right, and I was shaking so much that I scraped my eye with a mascara wand. I chose some smoky grey eyeshadow, and Edie had a nude matt lipstick that went with the dress. I pressed my lips down on a tissue and looked at the kiss I had made. It made me miss my mum.

  I went through Edie’s jewellery boxes and found a necklace with a single pearl. I also clipped on some sparkly art deco earrings.

  I stood up to see the whole ensemble in the mirror. I looked disgusting. I looked like a boy in a dress. I decided that I wasn’t going to go. I was about to wipe the make-up off when there was a knock on the door.

  It was Vic. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a belt and a clean tucked-in button-up shirt and a pair of polished brown leather shoes. He had brushed his hair and trimmed his beard.

  He stepped back when he saw me and stared for a long time.

  ‘You look beautiful, mate.’

  I blushed and shook my head.

  ‘No I don’t. Let’s just stay here.’

  Vic shrugged.

  ‘Well, it’s up to you. But I found this. I don’t know … it might work.’

  He held out a little card. I looked at it. It was Edie’s old driver’s licence. It had her picture on it.

  ‘What do you reckon, should we give it a crack?’

  I looked at myself in the mirror again, turning my head from side to side. Then I winked.

  ‘That’ll have to do, kid.’

  We drove around the city for a while. I knew what The Gavel looked like from the outside, but I didn’t know the street name or anything. There was lots of traffic.

  I sat low in the seat so nobody could see me. My heart was beating fast. I pinched and twisted the skin of my wrist, which made me feel a bit calmer.

  ‘There it is,’ I said and pointed. ‘On the right.’

  Vic pulled into a small, dark car park behind The Gavel. It was unpaved and there were potholes everywhere. Vic shut the engine off. I felt like throwing up. I wanted to go back to Vic’s and make him a cup of tea and talk until he was tired.

  Vic got out. I stayed in the car. I watched the side mirror to see if there was anybody walking past on the street. I didn’t want to get any strange looks. This had all been a big mistake.

  I heard my door open and I flinched.

  Vic was holding his hand out.

  ‘You’ll be right.’

  ‘I can’t. I can’t do it.’

  Vic just stood there and patiently waited for me.

  After a few minutes, I took a deep breath and got out. I was wobbly on my heels, but Vic held my arm. I hid behind him and tried to ignore all the cars going past. I stared at the ground as we walked around the corner. I could hear music and people talking inside.

  I felt relieved when we reached the entrance, but then a bouncer stepped in front of us. He was dressed all in black and he had a shaved head and a big chest.

  I moved closer to Vic.

  The bouncer put his hand on my shoulder. He looked impatient.

  ‘Come on. ID,’ he said.

  My hands were shaking as I dug around in Edie’s clutch.

  ‘You know, I think I left it at the last bar we were at.’

  The bouncer shrugged.

  ‘I can’t let you in.’

  ‘We’re just meeting a friend in here, and then we’re heading somewhere else,’ I said. ‘Do you mind if we just go in and find them?’

  ‘He can. You can’t.’

  I went through the purse again and took out Edie’s licence. The moment I gave it to him I knew it wouldn’t work.

  The bouncer frowned. He looked at me, then back to Edie’s photo. He turned it over. Then he looked at Vic. He squinted at the licence.

  A group of people had started queuing behind us. I couldn’t breathe. My face was really hot.

  ‘This expired in 2010.’

  I didn’t say anything.

  ‘Says you were born in 1949.’

  I didn’t say anything. I could hear the people behind me laughing. The bouncer was annoyed.

  ‘Are you almost seventy years old?’

  I didn’t say anything.

  The bouncer turned to Vic.

  ‘You are.’ Then he gave the licence back to me. ‘But you look about twelve.’

  ‘Listen,’ said Vic, ‘the kid just wants to see a show. We’re not here to drink alcohol or anything of that nature. I’ll make sure—’

  The bouncer stepped really close to Vic.


  ‘You’re lucky I don’t beat your fucking skull in. I thought I’d seen everything at this place.’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re—’

  ‘You don’t know what, eh? You don’t know what? You don’t know you’re a dog? You don’t know you’re a disgusting pedo fuck?’

  The bouncer shoved Vic hard against the wall. He grabbed his collar and put his face right up close to Vic’s.

  ‘What? What are you gonna do? Don’t like being faced with a real man, do you? Hey?’

  ‘Stop!’ I tried to pull his arm back, but he was too strong. Vic was wheezing and blinking hard.

  ‘He can’t breathe!’ I shouted. ‘Stop!’

  Vic started coughing. A spray of spit and blood hit the bouncer’s chin. He let Vic go and wiped his face. Then he saw the blood on his hand and he was furious. He pushed Vic to the ground.

  ‘Stop! Stop! Please!’ I shouted.

  I put myself between him and Vic, and the people in the queue behind us held the bouncer back and told him to calm down.

  ‘He just spat blood on me! You filthy cunt!’

  Vic was still coughing and struggling to breathe. I helped him to his feet. It was hard to balance on my heels, and I slipped and scraped my knee. More people on the street stopped and stared at us. The bouncer was still yelling as we walked back to the car park.

  I lowered Vic down and we both sat on the kerb next to the car. I took some tissues out of Edie’s clutch and gave them to him. Vic wiped his mouth and got some air in.

  I rubbed his back.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Vic.’

  My lips were twitching but I didn’t want to cry. I felt awful. We should never have come.

  ‘It’s alright mate. I’m alright.’

  A taxi pulled in and lit us up with its headlights. Somebody got out and the taxi drove away. I heard a dramatic gasp.

  ‘Oh my stars, you are adorable! Look at that dress. I am pushed. Pushed!’

  I looked up and saw a drag queen. She was tall and soft-looking. Her hair was blonde with old Hollywood curls and she wore a white glittery gown and a pair of sneakers. She was holding a big black bag. She walked up to us.

  ‘What happened to you? Your knee’s all banged up.’

  ‘I slipped over.’

  ‘Oh, petal. That’s no good. What’s your name?’