Sentinel - Progression Series 11 Pilgrimage Part 2

by Beth Manz

  "Confused," Jim murmured absently, rubbing at his temple as he continued to look around, trying to get a glimpse past the nurse and the thin curtain that appeared to be separating him from adjacent exam cubicles.

  "That's to be expected," the woman informed him matter-of-factly. She finished studying the monitors above Jim's head and smiled down at her patient. "You've been unconscious for several hours. Do you remember being in an accident? Your plane going down?"

  That’s right, they were on a plane... And it was going to crash... But then...then...

  “What happened?”

  “The plane managed to land, but it broke apart. There were some...fatalities. You were fortunate. You--”

  “Blair!” Jim broke in sharply, suddenly remembering that he hadn’t been alone on that flight. “What happened to Blair?” He tried to sit up, to see around the nurse, but a deceptively strong hand blocked his progress and forced his shoulders back against the table.

  "Just take it easy, Mr. Ellison," the woman instructed firmly.

  "Where's Blair Sandburg?"

  "Who?"

  "Blair Sandburg!" Jim demanded. He swallowed against the panic that churned in his stomach. "He was sitting in the seat next to me, by the window! Where is he?"

  The nurse shook her head. "I'm sorry, Mr. Ellison. He's probably in one of our other exam units--"

  "Find out!" Jim barked, shooting the nurse an icy look. “I need to know!”

  "You need to calm down!" the woman fired back in a no-nonsense tone. She leaned over Jim and glared down at him. "I know you're concerned, but becoming agitated won't help."

  Jim squeezed his eyes closed and breathed in and out through his nose. Opening his eyes after several long moments, he looked up at the nurse. "I need to find Blair Sandburg. I have to know if…if he's hurt…if he's alive…."

  Jim grimaced inwardly at the last portion of his statement. He hated having to state the fact that there was a possibility that his friend may not have survived, hated the way the words sounded as they slipped past his lips. He'd left Blair in a clearing with Incacha, at the edge of a cliff. He hadn't been able to see his guide or the Chopec warrior, but he'd heard their conversation, knew Blair was in Incacha's care….

  But that had been in the spirit world. This…this was reality. Their reality--his and Blair's. He survived. I know he survived! I was with him. Even as the words flashed through his mind, another thought pressed in on him. But what if it was all just a dream? What if I dreamed the entire journey though the spirit world and Blair is…

  His mind refused to form itself around the unfathomable prospect. He gazed up at the nurse again, saw the firm determination that remained in her eyes.

  "Am I free to go?" he asked, not missing the surprised look that crossed her features in response to his question.

  "I think not," she replied adamantly. "A doctor will want to see you. You've been unconscious…."

  "….for several hours. So you said. But is there anything else wrong with me?"

  "Not that we can tell…."

  "Fine," Jim said succinctly, then pushed aside her restraining hand and sat up. He expected dizziness, a bit of nausea, but he felt surprisingly alert and well.

  "Mr. Ellison!" the nurse protested as Jim slipped off the table and retrieved his coat from the lone chair in the cubicle. "You really should be taking it easy--"

  "Who can I talk to about the status of incoming crash victims?"

  She stared at him for a moment, looked as if she was going to call security or insist he lie back down, then she pursed her lips and gestured toward a door at the far end of the partitioned room. "The Red Cross and our local Search and Rescue have set up a central command center at the nurse's station out in the ER. They're working with our staff…."

  The rest of her instructions were lost on Jim as he brushed past her and made his way to the door at the other end of the room. He stepped out into what appeared to be a main corridor…and into mass confusion. The place was in total chaos. People lined the corridor and occupied every available chair and sofa. Men and women in white lab coats or green surgical scrubs hustled around and between small groups of people on their way to attend to patients. Jim stood still for a moment and took in the scene, easily able to identify rescue personnel, hospital employees, reporters and crash survivors.

  Setting his jaw, he made his way in the direction of the nurses' station at the far end of the corridor. Pushing past several people gathered around the circular station, he stepped up to the counter and stared down at an obviously frenzied rescue worker who sat amidst the equally frenzied nursing staff. "I'm Detective James Ellison," he announced briskly, "and I'm looking for my partner, Blair Sandburg. He was on the plane with me--"

  "You'll have to wait your turn, sir," the rescue worker intoned impatiently, handing a form to a man standing to Jim's right then placing his hand on the receiver of an insistently ringing phone. "If your partner is here, we'll find him for you. But it's going to take me a bit of time--”

  "I don't have time!" Jim exploded, bringing his palm down against the counter. "Small guy, long curly hair, dressed in jeans and a tan suede jacket. Have you seen him or not?"

  Jim's only answer was an angry scowl. The rescue worker lifted the receiver of the ringing phone to his ear and spoke into it, effectively putting Jim and his insistent request on hold.

  "Great," the detective fumed, turning away from the counter and scanning the corridor for a glimpse of his friend among the throng of people gathered in the ER. It was obvious to him that the rescue worker was only doing his job to the best of his ability--that Jim would be placed on a list and waited on as soon as possible. But he didn't have time to wait.

  He closed his eyes and considered trying to locate his partner amidst the chaos. His hearing and other senses seemed to be back on line--surely he could tune out all of the noise and find that familiar heartbeat. That is, if I can hear it now…

  What if I can hear it, but Blair isn't here…or worse, what if he's…

  Jim opened his eyes and scanned the mass of people. If Blair was here, he'd find him one way or another. But how?

  "Excuse me. Detective?"

  He looked around to find a tall, slender woman in a nurse's uniform looking at him.

  "I heard you asking about your partner?"

  "Yes," Jim exhaled, "do you know where he is?"

  "I worked with the attending physician who examined a man matching the description you just gave to the rescue team member. I can take you to him if you'd like…."

  "You have done well.”

  Blair turned to face the Chopec shaman. "Done well? What have I done?"

  "You have guided your sentinel to the end of your journey,” Incacha stated simply.

  "I don't understand." Blair shook his head in confusion. "That was the test?"

  The warrior nodded.

  Blair huffed out a small, derisive laugh. "I don't get it. I haven't done anything on this journey that I don't do every day as Jim's partner and friend…."

  Blair's words cut off as he caught the pleased look on Incacha's face. The Chopec smiled and said, "You have guided your sentinel, supported him when he was weak, comforted him when he was afraid, encouraged him when he was weary, shared with him your strength and optimism."

  "That's the role of guide."

  "And it is also the role of shaman."

  Blair squinted his eyes, frowned.

  "You look surprised."

  "I was expecting some instructions about special ceremonies I'm supposed to perform or something like that."

  The Chopec smiled again. "Shamans serve many purposes, my young friend. You are already fulfilling your destiny as shaman to the Sentinel of the Great City. All that remains is for you to accept who you are."

  Blair dropped his gaze to the ground and nudged absently at a tuft of grass with the tip of his shoe. Was he ready? Was Jim ready? The last question answered itself--Jim had made it clear during their journey together
that he was willing to accept Blair's role in his life as shaman as well as guide, partner and friend….

  "When Enquiri feared your destiny as shaman, he lost his way." The statement startled Blair back into the present. He watched as the Chopec's dark eyes shifted to the cliff edge, then back to Blair again. "But it was not until you, young shaman, began to deny your own destiny that you lost your way as well, putting both yourself and your sentinel in danger.”

  “In danger?”

  “Your rejection of your animal spirit made it impossible for him to make himself known to your sentinel when you were in need. Had you died on that mountain, Enquiri would have had to continue on alone, vulnerable without his guide.”

  And as Incacha words and the meaning behind them settled over Blair, his heart grew heavy with grief. He’d rejected his spirit guide and as a result, it had been unable to go to the sentinel, had been unable to warn him that his guide was in need. And Jim had almost been left alone as a result.

  Following the realization of the danger he'd brought upon himself and his sentinel came another darker one: If only I’d accepted this sooner, then maybe the journey that started on the side of that mountain wouldn't have been necessary. Maybe Stan would still be alive. Maybe Jim would have found us in time.

  “The boy would not have lived,” Incacha intoned sympathetically, as if reading Blair’s thoughts.

  He looked up. “You don’t know that.”

  “I do. Enquiri would have never found you in time to save that boy. His death was not your fault, as the death of all those boys was not your fault. It was destined to happen, young one, whether you had been there or not. However, your place on the journey was necessary. It was to show you how you had limited the power of your animal spirit in your life. How you had lost your way. But even that rejection could not keep your spirit guide from you in your time of need.

  Blair thought about the warmth offered to him on that mountainside. I didn’t believe in him, had denied his existence for months, yet he still kept me alive. Gratitude swept over him--gratitude toward the mysterious animal who had shown more loyalty than he had received.

  “What about this journey?" Blair asked finally, needing to understand it all. He opened his arms and gestured around him. "Why did I take this journey?”

  “Your journey to this decision place was only to remind you that you are the source of your sentinel's strength, both physically and spiritually, and that you have the power already within you to be all that your sentinel needs."

  Blair narrowed his eyes as he considered Incacha's words. "You're saying I don't have to do anything different if I accept my role as shaman?"

  "I'm saying that you are what you are, young one. When I passed the way of the shaman on to you, it was a sign of my blessing, nothing more. I gave you nothing that you did not already possess." Again, Incacha smiled. "All that remains is for you to accept who you truly are."

  Jim stared down at his partner in relief--Blair was alive. Unconscious, but alive.

  "You say he's been like this for how long?" he asked the nurse who had shown him to Blair's room.

  "Since he was found at the crash site, over six hours ago."

  "And the doctor can find nothing wrong with him?"

  "Other than the fact that he remains unconscious, no. We've run a battery of tests, including a series of brain scans, but everything looks normal. We have no idea why your friend won't wake up."

  "Thank you," Jim said. "Any problem with me sitting with him?"

  The smile he received was warm and genuine. "Of course not. Maybe he'll know you're here and that will help him decide to join all of us again."

  Jim raised his eyebrows at the nurse's surprisingly non-traditional advice, but she simply smiled then turned and exited the cubicle, leaving the two men alone.

  Jim seated himself on the bed next to Blair and studied his partner. He picked up Blair's limp hand and placed it between both of his own. Eyes closed, features serene and relaxed, Blair appeared only to be sleeping...but Jim knew the real reason his partner hadn't yet regained consciousness. Jim had been at the cliff but had been returned to a state of wakefulness before Blair had had an opportunity to make his final decision regarding the acceptance of his role of shaman. But Blair was still there, in that spirit world--still with Incacha at the edge of that cliff. Jim was sure of it now, sure it had all been real. And he was sure that Blair was in the process of making his decision….

  "Come on, Chief," he urged quietly, "you can do this." He squeezed lightly at the hand he held. "Please, Blair. I need you."

  Blair eyed the cliff, then moved slowly toward it. "I'm ready."

  Incacha was silent for a brief moment, then he tilted his head to one side and said, "You have not asked me what the consequences will be if you are unable--or unwilling--to take this step of acceptance."

  Blair turned to look down at the swirling mist shrouding the depths of the ravine. "No need to ask," he said softly. "There's only one decision I can make, only one decision I want to make." He hesitated, then looked over at Incacha again. "What if I don't have all the answers, though? How do I know I'm guiding Jim in the right direction?"

  Incacha smiled, moved forward, and touched his fingertips to the young man's chest, over his heart. "Look in here, young shaman. Your love for your sentinel will show you the way."

  And with those words, the Chopec was gone.

  Blair blinked in surprise at the sudden disappearance. He glanced around, half-hoping to find the Chopec watching from a distance, but the warrior was nowhere to be seen. His gaze traveled across the clearing to where the wolf sat watching him with wide, soulful eyes. "What are you looking at?"

  In response to Blair's voice, the healthy wolf panted, wagged its tail, then whined.

  Blair rolled his eyes. "Easy for you to say. You're not one about to jump off the edge of a cliff."

  The wolf wagged its tail again, then tilted its head back and howled robustly, the sound echoing loudly off the surrounding mountains.

  Sandburg chuckled and shook his head. "Yeah, yeah, I'm going…."

  Blair turned and edged himself closer to the cliff edge. Without looking down, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath…and stepped out into nothingness.

  Blair's eyes flew open. He gasped and looked frantically around him. He didn't know exactly what he had expected to find--but a gleaming white wall lined with unrecognizable medical equipment wouldn't have been high on his list. What happened to the jungle?

  "Easy, easy," a familiar voice soothed. He felt strong, warm fingers curl around his right hand and he turned his head to find Jim standing over him. "You're in the hospital, but you're okay," his partner assured him.

  "Jim…." He smiled in response to his partner's warm grin. "So, we're alive?"

  The sentinel's smile broadened, causing the skin at his eyes to crease into deep laugh lines. "It would appear so."

  As Blair stared up into the detective's eyes, another thought occurred to him. "Can you see me?" he asked almost hesitantly, fearing the answer he might receive to his question.

  "Yes, I can see you."

  A small chuckle of satisfaction escaped Blair as the good news made its way into his heart. "How about your other senses?"

  "On-line," Jim answered simply. "One hundred percent."

  Blair sighed in relief. "That's good news."

  Jim smiled down at him, was silent for a long moment, then his eyes softened and he became serious. "So…you jumped, huh?"

  Blair laughed. "Yeah, man, I did. Can you believe it? It's got to be the scariest thing I've ever done in my life. But then, you know that…after all, you had to do the same thing.” Sandburg took a quick breath. “I’m telling you, man, putting my foot out and just stepping into thin air…." His eyes widened and he grinned broadly. "Whoa!"

  Clearing his throat, Jim looked up at the ceiling for a moment, then back down at his guide. "Um, Chief…did I ever tell you that--technically--I never really did jump off th
e cliff?"

  “What do you mean, technically you didn't jump?" His wide eyes narrowed as he stared up at the sentinel. "Either you jumped or you didn't. Which is it?"

  "I was going to jump, Sandburg, honest I was," Jim explained quickly, giving Blair a beseeching look. "In my heart, I had accepted being a sentinel and all that the decision entailed. But just before I stepped off the cliff...well, I was…transported."

  "Transported? Transported! As in, 'Beam me up, Scotty,' transported?"

  Jim chuckled. "No, not like that. All of a sudden I was back in the…real…world. And all my senses were on-line." Ellison shrugged. "I think the important thing was that I made the decision to accept my abilities. It wasn't necessary to jump."

  Blair gaped up at him, unable to believe what he was hearing. "Jim, I just jumped off a cliff and you're telling me I didn't have to? That I could have just accepted my role as shaman in my heart and it would have been enough? Is that what you're telling me?”

  "Shhhh, shhhh," Jim soothed, reaching up with his free hand to pat lightly at Blair's shoulder. An amused smile played at the sentinel's mouth. "You shouldn't get upset, Chief. It really isn't good for you."

  Blair squeezed his eyes closed and breathed in and out through his nose. "I am letting this go, I am letting this go," he whispered out his mother's favorite mantra. Jim's soft laughter caused him to open his eyes again and when he caught the look of warmth and happiness on Jim's face he couldn't help but return his friend's smile. "I'm gonna get you for this, man," he threatened benignly, earning himself another bright smile from his partner.

  Blair relaxed and allowed his thoughts to turn to the journey the two men had just completed. Every moment, every detail was etched vividly in his mind, and he knew the journey had been just as real as what he was experiencing at this present moment.

  After a few quiet moments, he smiled up at his sentinel. "We passed the test, man."

  Jim nodded his head and squeezed tightly at Blair's hand. "You passed the test," he amended proudly.

  Sandburg swallowed as Incacha's words came back to him: I gave you nothing that you did not already possess. "I understand it now," he told Jim. "Being your shaman is really no different than being your guide. Incacha told me that I'm already fulfilling my destiny…."