Selected Assistant

by Robin Roseau

  Finally, she backed away two steps. “Is that enough?”

  “You can look at me oddly all you want, but wait until you try it before you judge.”

  “Fine, fine,” she said again. “Do you think that’s what causes the overload? Maybe you should stand back up.”

  “Maybe you’re right, but no one was touching her during any of the overloads.” Still, I stood up, and I even put the robot slightly off-balance, forcing the stability system to work just a little bit. Then Felicia stepped closer and stroked my arms and face.

  Inside, I closed my eyes and let her do what she wanted.

  “This is weird,” she said finally.

  “Like you’ve never pawed something shiny.” She laughed. We were geeks. Of course, she had. I certainly had. “Anyway, I needed to grow accustomed.”

  “Walk around some more. Try jumping.”

  I hadn’t tried that, so I moved somewhere safe and jumped, carefully at first, then a little higher. That really, really confused the stability system, and landings were not at all graceful. Felicia laughed.

  “You can try it any time,” I told her.

  “I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing near you.”

  “Right.”

  * * * *

  I spent most of the rest of the day running the robot through as many paces as either of us could think of. It was late when we got back to the resort, but the restaurant was able to feed us, and then Amanda sat down with us.

  “How did you find us?”

  “I have my ways,” she replied. She looked us both over. “Long day?”

  “It’s hard lying in bed all day,” I muttered.

  “I could go for a midnight swim,” Felicia declared. “Well, a 9:15 PM swim.”

  “Yeah, me too. Mom, can we go swimming?”

  “That would be nice,” Amanda agreed.

  * * * *

  “You know,” Felicia said, “I really had hoped to find a glitch.”

  “Yeah. That would have been too easy.”

  “Totally.”

  “Let’s swap this unit back, and then I think it’s my turn.”

  “Sure.”

  Felicia lasted until lunch and then asked if I minded driving the robot for the afternoon. After that, she offered to drive every few days, but for the most part, I was Robot Girl.

  I didn’t mind; I only wished we could see progress.

  * * * *

  We spent one more day in the lab, and then we told Jasmine, “We need to take it out into the real world.”

  That involved A Conversation. We Learned Things. Yes, I’m using capital letters for a reason. Ultimately, I didn’t care at the time, although eventually my story gets back to Things. Yes, with a capital T. But we learned things.

  We took the robot to the arena. The stability system wasn’t designed for running, and Muriel said she might walk quickly, but she’d never run or jumped. So we didn’t. But we did give it more of a workout.

  Then Felicia and I took a walk in the forest. We spent a day on the savannah. We took it to the beach.

  And it performed flawlessly, absolutely flawlessly.

  Taking a Break

  “You two need a day off,” Amanda declared.

  “You called a big conference for that?” Felicia asked. The conference room was rather full with four Catseye, three human Catseye spouses, plus Muriel, Amanda, Felicia, and me.

  “Actually,” Amanda said. “I didn’t. Jasmine did.”

  “Actually,” Jasmine said. “Audra did.”

  And we all turned to look at the human. She smiled. “You can say no.”

  “Why would we say ‘no’ to a day off?”

  “I don’t have a clue,” she said. “You can say ‘no’ to my offer. This is one of the places on Earth where the aliens get to spend some time outside. In the past, it wasn’t encouraged to treat it like a recreational center, but that’s changed a little.” I perked up. This was sounding like an opportunity already. “We have a few friends in town, and some of them want to play.”

  “Define ‘play’, please,” Felicia said.

  “Well,” she said slowly. “That can mean a variety of things.”

  Felicia and I glanced at each other then turned to Amanda. “Do you know more about this than they’ve told us so far?”

  “Maybe.”

  Felicia turned back to me. “They’re both being coy.” She turned back to Amanda. “Are you playing?”

  “I think this is a game for younger bodies,” she replied.

  “Audra,” I asked, “you could just tell us.”

  “It’s a chance to meet more aliens,” she said.

  “Uh, huh,” Felicia replied. “And?”

  “And…”

  “Oh, just tell us,” Felicia said. “I imagine the worst we would do is decline.”

  “It’s a mixed group,” she said. “In a way, it’s a team-building exercise for a department from the space station. They’ve asked us to find a few humans to participate. The two of you wouldn’t be the only ones. We’ll kidnap a few from the resort.”

  I snorted at that. “Seriously?”

  “Yes, actually,” Audra replied. “We’re giving the two of you the first chance. We actually need quite a few. There are nine of them, and they want two humans each.”

  “For some sort of team sport?”

  “Not necessarily,” Audra said.

  “Just tell us.”

  “For a hunt.”

  “They want to hunt us?” I squeaked.

  “Discounting bumps and bruises, you wouldn’t get hurt. It’s not like they’re going to use real guns.”

  “They’re going to use fake guns?” I asked. “Do we get to shoot back?”

  “Some of the details haven’t been determined yet, so I don’t know.”

  “Probably not,” Jasmine added.

  “What’s in it for us?” Felicia asked.

  “You aren’t seriously going to let them hunt you,” I said.

  She turned to me. “Watch and learn.” She turned back to Audra. “What’s in it for us?”

  “You get to meet some aliens.”

  “And?”

  “And spend some time running around outside.”

  “And?”

  “It would be really exciting.”

  “Are you participating?”

  “Yes.”

  There was something in the way she said it. “She’s being coy again,” I pointed out.

  “If by ‘participating’ you mean ‘helping to run the event.’”

  “In other words, she’s not going to be getting hunted herself,” Felicia said. “Chicken.”

  “Hey!” Audra said. “I’ve been hunted plenty of times.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yes, seriously. Hunting games are extremely popular. Most of the species in human space were once predators. For some of them, hunting is a species imperative for good mental health. And nearly every species that was once a predator enjoys a good hunt.”

  “With smart prey?”

  “That’s actually an appeal to higher brain patterns,” Jasmine said. “And Audra slightly misspoke. There are nine members of the department, but some of them are bringing spouses.”

  “So, you need more than eighteen humans?” I asked.

  “No. I imagine spouses will perform as a team. They asked for eighteen of mixed gender.”

  Felicia turned to study me. “Trust me,” she said after a moment.

  I thought about it then nodded. “All right.”

  “What else can you tell us?”

  “Nothing,” Audra said. “Any physical activity has certain risks.”

  “I imagine being hunted by space aliens carries extra risks,” Felicia replied.

  “Not really,” she said. “Given that we have the best medical facility available to humanity just a few doors that way.” She waved vaguely. “Injuries can happen, but if they do, you’ll get to experience alien medicine and be right as rain afterwards.
I’m just trying to say that I can’t promise you won’t get bumps and bruises, but you’ll be safer than stepping across a street in New York City.”

  “And?”

  “And… that’s all we’re going to tell you,” she said. “You’ll go to work. We’ll eventually collect you. After that, you’ll join the other people we collect.”

  “What department is it?”

  “Linguists,” Jasmine said.

  “We’re going to get hunted by a bunch of eggheads?” I asked. “Seriously.”

  “Is that a slur on linguists?” Amanda asked.

  “Well, I’m a robotics nerd,” I replied. “I don’t exactly cast that kind of stone. I guess I was engaging in stereotypes, though. I would have expected, oh, I don’t know. Maintenance workers or soldiers or something.”

  “I suspect you’ll find these hunters exceedingly qualified and frightening,” Audra said.

  “Frightening?” I prompted.

  “Space aliens hunting you,” she said. “Who knows what they’re going to do once they catch you.”

  Felicia laughed. “That seals the deal. We’ll do it.”

  “We will?”

  “We will,” she confirmed to me. “Trust me.”

  “Felicia says we’ll do it,” I agreed.

  “Excellent,” Audra replied.

  “I want to ask something.”

  “I probably won’t answer.”

  “You gave us a choice,” I said. “But I got the impression you won’t be giving the other people you pick any choices.”

  “That’s not a question.”

  “Was ours a real choice?”

  There were smiles. “We discussed whether this should be optional for you. You did, after all, sign the same agreements as many of the people at the resort.”

  I shifted my gaze. “Agreements you didn’t have to sign, Amanda?”

  “That’s right,” Audra answered for her. “As long as we’re all here, how are things going?”

  “Great,” Felicia said. “Bay’s robot works flawlessly. Individually, every component we’ve tested has performed well within all standards, even when presented with unlikely input. Furthermore, even with three of us exercising the robot quite extensively, we haven’t seen a single hiccough. “

  “Ship it,” I added.

  “You don’t think we brought you here on a fool’s errand, do you?” Jasmine asked.

  “Yes,” Felicia said. “It was all a ruse to get us to agree to be hunted today.” She smiled. “We’re missing something. Some stimulus. Something. We’ve worked extensively in each of the environments Muriel has reported, but so far, nothing. Normally, finding no negative results is a good thing, but we’re frustrated.” She paused. “We’ll keep trying, I guess.”

  * * * *

  It was Violet who found us several hours later. “Would you like to witness some of the kidnappings?”

  I looked at Felicia and nodded. She nodded back and said, “I’d say that sounds like fun, but I’m not sure that’s quite the right way to put it.”

  Violet offered a small tentacle wave. “In this case, I think it’s the appropriate term.”

  “Can you give us just a minute?”

  “Of course.”

  Felicia turned to me. “Set it on auto.”

  “We’ve done this test 34 times.” I meant that literally.

  “I tweaked the parameters,” she replied.

  “You don’t think it’s going to find anything,” I said. “You’re grasping at straws.” She didn’t say anything, but I said, “Setting it to run on auto. Time limit?”

  “Just let it run until something happens outside parameters.”

  “Right.” It took me a minute, and then another minute as I watched test results scrolling on the computer screen. “Running. Looking good.”

  “Then we’re all set.” Violet stepped over. She wrapped tentacles around Felicia’s waist, turned her, then added me, and in that way, the three of us strolled from the lab.

  I collected one of the tentacles. It was long enough to easily wrap around my waist, then crawl up my side and drape over my arm. “Does that bother you?”

  “If by ‘bother’ you mean ‘fascinate’, then yes, yes, it does,” I said. She snuffled.

  From the other side, Felicia said, “Skye is a lucky woman.”

  “My sister and I both feel we’re the lucky ones,” Violet replied.

  “I want to ask something,” I declared. “Why does this group need human volunteers? Why not hunt each other?”

  “Several reasons,” Violet said. “First, this is a sort of team building exercise, and they didn’t want to be in direct competition with each other.”

  “That would defeat the purpose,” Felicia suggested.

  “Yes. Now, some of them are going to be very competitive, but not directly with each other. Indirectly.”

  “Who catches the best prey?” I asked.

  “Perhaps.” She paused. “I’m not being coy. If the three of us worked on it for a while, I imagine we could find a variety of ways to turn competitive.”

  “Who catches more than his share?” I prompted.

  “Yes, except it’s limit two,” she replied. “But first capture. They may assign some sort of handicap to the participants.”

  “Like biggest fish,” Felicia added. “But I suppose different criteria. I can’t imagine you’re going to make us run to see who runs fastest?”

  “Oh, I imagine there will be running,” Violet replied. “And we might know who is fastest. But I could only make guesses what criteria they might use. They may decide those who look strongest or look fastest are worth the same points.”

  “Maybe the most creative capture,” I suggested.

  “Yes, and if I were competing, that’s one I’d go for,” Violet agreed. “Who does the best job surprising her prey. I don’t know. We can keep guessing.”

  “So, they don’t want to be in direct competition,” Felicia said. “No fighting over us.”

  “Right,” Violet said. “And we’re setting rules to avoid two people fighting over the same prey. You don’t need to worry about that except to know we’re keeping you safe.”

  “Is that an issue?” I asked.

  “Well, fighting over one of you is, but keeping you safe isn’t. That’s a given, and everyone involved knows that. They may look like nightmares from movies, but everyone coming cares about the people participating.”

  “Okay. Keep going,” Felicia prompted.

  “Two. Everyone coming is a primary member of the Federation. Humans, in comparison, are associate members. It wouldn’t do to have a member of one of those species hunting another.”

  “But it’s okay to hunt humans.”

  “Does that offend you?” Violet asked.

  “As long as it’s in fun, no,” Felicia replied.

  “It’s in fun, but it’s serious at the same time. You’re helping with their mental health, for some of them, anyway.”

  “Sure.”

  “Third: some of the people coming are very large, and some are rather petite. Who should hunt who?”

  “I imagine the big ones would do the hunting,” I suggested.

  “The department head is a Tutor,” Violet said.

  “Oh. I imagine he doesn’t want to be hunted.”

  “She. We could offer the hunters a handicap as needed, but do you think a Wookie is going to respond well to being hunted? And for that matter, the Loris would have a complete panic attack at the idea of being hunted by a Wookie. The people we’ve selected can handle it, we think, even though it might be frightening.”

  “I like the Wookies,” I said.

  “So do I,” she said. “They’re very good people. There are two more reasons. For those species that are very large, if they were competing against other large species, they would have a more difficult time controlling their emotions. But hunting a petite human changes things entirely.”

  “I can see that.”

 
; “Lastly: because they want to spend time with humans, and so they’re accomplishing more than one goal at a time.”

  “Ah,” Felicia said. “Of course.”

  * * * *

  Amanda met us on the beach. She had a cabana and several chairs, plus a pitcher of iced tea. The three of us sat down, and then Violet demonstrated the effectiveness of her tentacles by pouring tea for all of us. “You can drink that?” I asked.

  “Yes,” she said. “I can eat anything you can.”

  “That seems unexpected.”

  “We’ve altered our digestive systems,” she said. “We need a different ratio of some vitamins and minerals, but nothing we need is poison to you.”

  It was a beautiful day, with the mid-afternoon sunlight glinting off the waters of the cove. “This is just so amazing,” I said.

  “Earth is a beautiful planet,” Violet said. “Even some of the starkest places here are beautiful in their own ways.” She gestured with a tentacle. “I admit; this is about as close to perfect as it gets, although the water is intimidating.”

  “You’ve got the octopus thing going on,” Felicia said.

  “We’re denser than water, and we sink,” she said. “Andie taught Jasmine to swim, but that’s rare. But water is life.” She gestured again. “There are species from much dryer planets, but most of the space-traveling species evolved in or near flowing water.”

  “Water is life,” Amanda agreed. “And somehow we recognize that at a primal level. But at the same time, we recognize the potential ferocity of the open ocean. Still, this is beautiful.”

  Of course, we weren’t the only ones on the beach. There were people in the water. There were others lying on their own recliners or sitting the bar higher on the beach. There was a group playing beach volleyball.

  Right in front of us, two women in bathing suits were walking along the beach, down near the water where the sand was wet and presumably not as hot from the sun. That was typically also the firmest sand and the easiest for walking. One was wearing a thin white sun dress over her suit. The other was in a blue one-piece. Both wore hats, and I spent a minute admiring both of them.

  “Taisha, am I just learning something about you?”

  I turned to look at Amanda. “What?”

  She gestured. “They’re lovely.”