Selected Assistant

by Robin Roseau

  “No, I don’t think that.”

  “Motivated?”

  “I was always motivated, Violet. I don’t care for the implication I wasn’t. But that still doesn’t mean I’m going to be frightened when the Kitsune pounces.”

  “Yes, well, I’m working on that, too.”

  “Fine, fine.”

  “Get going. I’d like if you jogged.”

  “Hug first,” I said. Aventurine and I came together, holding each other for a minute. “I like you,” I whispered into her ear. “I like this.”

  “I like you, too. Go now. I’ll see you soon.”

  I had no doubt.

  * * * *

  I found the clearing. Violet’s puzzle was actually interesting. It was a three-dimensional puzzle, but she’d sprinkled the parts around the immediate area of the clearing. I had to start assembling the puzzle, and then my visor would tell me where to find the next piece, but I still had to search for it, and some of them were small.

  Working on it would keep me occupied.

  “Remember, Taisha,” Violet whispered to me. “The forest is a dangerous place for little humans like you.”

  “I get it.”

  “There are dangerous spiders, and a variety of flying predators,” she added.

  “Not to mention wandering Kitsune.”

  “Not to mention.”

  “You’re trying to keep me on my toes and nervous.”

  “Yes, and I think you need a little more incentive.”

  “I don’t need incentive, Violet, and I’m not happy you think so.”

  “I need to scare you, Taisha.”

  “Why?”

  “To get your heart pounding, and not from that little jog.”

  “Why?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I don’t understand why it matters if I’m scared. Furthermore, I have no doubt you can startle me. I have no doubt you can do things to gross me out. But ultimately, I know I’m completely safe, so I may take back my belief you can scare me.”

  “Are you really challenging me to prove it?”

  “I’m asking why it matters?”

  “Because when she finally does catch you, I want you screaming, and right now, I think you’re just going to laugh and hug her.”

  “Does she need me to scream?”

  “She needs an honest reaction of fright.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, I think so. Other Kitsune have also accepted other ways of winning, but they all really prefer that a win feels like a win.”

  “And that means at least for a moment, I have to react like I’ve lost.”

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t know how scaring me now makes me afraid of Aventurine.”

  “You’ll have to trust me.”

  I shook my head. “I’m going to work on this puzzle while watching for predators. I guess you’ll do what you think you should.”

  I put her out of mind. I did my best to keep my eyes open for overly-gigantic spiders and other such creatures, and I set to work on the puzzle. I assembled the few pieces I had, which took time to figure out, and once I had, the visor told me where to go look for more pieces.

  It was during the second round of searching for pieces that I discovered not all of the predators she could send for me were gigantic spiders. I was looking around for a puzzle piece near the edge of the clearing when something dashed out of the undergrowth at me. I gave a cry of surprise and fell backwards on my ass, then scrambled away and stood up.

  Right where I was looking was the biggest, nastiest bug I had ever seen. It was about the size of a good-sized lobster, maybe a foot long, but it had far too many legs and a segmented body. I stared at it, my heart pounding not from fear but from surprise, and then said, “Funny. Trilobites are long extinct, and besides, they were marine animals.”

  Bay’s robot didn’t seem to care it was a representation of an extinct animal out of its element. It stood there, right where I’d been searching, then reared up and hissed at me.

  “I have to admit: Bay is truly an artist. A sick, sick artist, but definitely an artist. You managed to startle me, Violet. Now send that thing away so I can find the next piece.”

  She didn’t answer me, and instead of going away, the trilo-bot dug around for a moment then lifted forth a prize. “Hey!” I complain. “If he runs into the woods with that, I’m not following.”

  In response, the trilo-bot waved its prize, daring me to come get it. And I probably should have. I knew it wasn’t a real bug, or whatever I should call it. It was one of Bay’s robots. Even if I hadn’t figured that out when I saw it, I should have figured it out when it waved my puzzle piece like that.

  But it was gross. It was utterly gross, and I didn’t want to go near it. But the damned trilo-bot waved the piece. And while it was taunting me, it was also distracting me.

  I didn’t even see the others until they stood up and hissed. There were five, arranged in an arc in front of me. “Oh, shit,” I said. “Seriously? Give me my puzzle piece.” I stomped my foot.

  And the five of them rushed me. I screeched, scrambling back, tripped, and fell. They kept coming, and I began screaming, scrambling back.

  For bugs, they were huge, roughly the size of a small cat, but stocky, and really gross.

  And they were the baby trilo-bots.

  They chased after me, all the way to the pillar at the center, where I was assembling the puzzle. One managed to grab my leg and hang on, which sent me insane. While still scrambling backwards, I tried shaking it off, but it dug it’s claws into the fabric of my space alien exercise outfit, and it didn’t let go.

  Then, to make it worse, just as I reached the pillar, that was when I bumped into mama trilo-bot. At first, I thought it was the pillar itself, and I turned around to climb up it and run, but I came face-to-face with a mama trilo-bot alien tummy.

  And those legs grabbed me.

  If I’d been screaming before, I really, really began screaming then, out of my mind now, completely in all-out panic. I tried fighting her off, but she had a lot of legs. She turned me around and dragged me backwards, yanking my feet out from underneath me again. I ended up thumping to the ground, and the trilo-bot secured my arms.

  And then her babies began crawling over me. I thrashed and screamed, but they hung on tightly.

  * * * *

  They didn’t hurt me. They scared the shit out of me, although thankfully, not literally. Eventually, with me still screaming and now completely out of my mind, they left, mama trilo-bot dropping me to the ground, where I curled up into the fetal position.

  I lay there, shuddering, for a minute or two. Finally, Violet said, somewhat gently, “Sometimes, this is about when we get yelled at.”

  “I’m not going to yell.”

  “You’re not going to remain in catatonia, either.”

  “Or they’ll be back?”

  “Yes, if that’s what it takes. Sit up now, Taisha.” It took me a minute, but I levered myself up and leaned backwards against the pillar. “It’s interesting,” Violet said conversationally. “You knew what they were, and yet you didn’t just walk over and take the puzzle piece. I wondered whether you would.”

  “There’s something primal about creatures with more than six legs,” I said. “I don’t know what it is. If it had been a snake, I would have been respectful. Snakes can be venomous.”

  “So can a lot of creepy-crawly things,” Violet said.

  “But I knew that was one of Bay’s robots.”

  “I know. I understand how people react to them, but I don’t understand why. For what it’s worth, your reaction wasn’t unlike a Catseye reaction might have been.” She paused. “In fairness, we know how capable Bay’s creations are, and we also have a pretty good appreciation for the dark sense of humor of the people who operate them for us.”

  “You weren’t doing that yourself?”

  “No. I have help, but don’t ask whom.” She paused. “They get bonus pay for
making a mating candidate scream.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah. And there’s a monthly pool for number of screams.”

  “You’re serious.”

  “Yep.”

  “Does that count as one or one per scream?”

  “One to five points, as I understand it. That was a four.”

  “What does it take for them to earn a five?”

  “They have to convince you that you’re going to die.”

  “This seems a little arbitrary,” I replied.

  “How so?”

  “Because I bet they don’t just take opportunity. You ordered them to scare me, and you probably told them how badly you wanted me scared.”

  “Ah. You’re right. It’s just friendly wagering.”

  That was when I realized I’d been sitting in one place for a long time. I scrambled to my feet, looking around frantically. I didn’t see any obvious creatures, so I made a second scan, looking more carefully.

  “I do believe we have your attention, Taisha.”

  “Oh, yeah,” I said. “God.” I looked down. Sitting beside the puzzle was the puzzle piece the trilo-bot had stolen. “Cute.”

  “A little gift,” Violet replied.

  I assembled the pieces I had, scanning for creatures more than working on the puzzle. When it was time to go find more, I asked, “Was that avoidable?”

  “That one? No. You could have damaged the little ones, but we were prepared for that. You were going to scream. I was simply teaching you a little respect for the predators, Taisha.”

  “It worked.” I shook my head, then stared at the puzzle. “This is taking longer than an hour.”

  “The Kitsune might be waiting for you as we speak, and that may be your only encounter with any other predator.”

  It wasn’t.

  I went searching for the next pieces. There were four, and it was while heading for the fourth that I saw glowing eyes just inside the brush, not far from where the next piece was. “Fuck.”

  “I want to ask you something,” Violet said calmly.

  I didn’t answer right away, but slowly retreated from the eyes, then remembered she was good at distraction, so I looked around. I didn’t see any others, but I would.

  “What?”

  “Why did you decide to do this, and why didn’t you yell at me?”

  “I didn’t yell because I knew you would find a way to scare me.” I watched the eyes. I looked around. “How am I supposed to get that piece?”

  “Good question,” she replied. “And my other question?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Do we really need to talk about this now?”

  “I think it matters, Taisha. And I think you do know.”

  “It’s not a simple answer. It’s tied into everything else.” The eyes weren’t moving, but they blinked at me from time to time. “What is that?”

  “Spider. It’s not alone.”

  “Fuck,” I said again. “Is that a jumping spider or a netting spider?”

  “It skitters. It’s fast, although the smaller ones are far more agile. I want the rest of the answer, Taisha.”

  “Send the spider away and promise me it’s safe to retrieve the pieces.”

  “I’m not negotiating. Are you really refusing to tell me?”

  “No, but I’m trying not to get too distracted.”

  She snuffled. “You can answer and watch at the same time.”

  “Fine. It’s tied into everything. It’s tied into my not knowing what I hope happens. I know I want to finish fixing Muriel’s avatar. I’m not quite sure how, but I know I want to help build humanity’s future. And I know I like the people you’ve been introducing me to.”

  “Do you have favorites?”

  “It seems to be whomever I am with, which isn’t terribly decisive.”

  “Aventurine?”

  “If I were going to make a top three, it would be her, Carolina, and Forever Twilight.”

  “One of these is not like the other two.”

  “You probably mean the Niecor,” I said. “But I consider them all similar in some ways and decidedly different in others. Frankly, I think it would be a crime to send Carolina back to the space station. She belongs on Earth.”

  “I agree with you, and we’re working on it, although I don’t know if we’re doing it fast enough they won’t go home. But if Jasmine has her way, they’ll come back.”

  “Permanently?”

  “Yes. Well, long-term. Permanent is a long, long time, and we hope to be welcome across the planet, eventually.”

  “Xenophobia is strong in humans. Violet, may I please have that puzzle piece?”

  “You haven’t finished answering.”

  “I didn’t want to disappoint Aventurine.”

  “Do you think your little encounter with the trilobites was worth it?”

  “I don’t know why you felt that was so necessary.”

  “I think there’s more, Taisha.”

  “Maybe I think I have an idea of what happens once she gets me home, and maybe I’m entirely on board with that idea.”

  “Maybe? I don’t care for hypotheticals.”

  “Fine. I want sex. Happy?”

  She snuffled. “And you think this was what it took to get it?”

  “I think I wanted a chance to prove myself to her. I had a hissy fit, and…”

  “And you thought it would take something significant to help her forget?”

  “Yeah, I suppose. I don’t know if I’d put it that way, but sure.”

  “Thank you for answering.” And then giganto-spider-bot stepped out of the brush. It was every bit as gross as a gigantic spider could be. It walked forward on its eight fuzzy legs, reached down, and found my puzzle piece. Then it lifted and held out the piece towards me.

  “I’m not getting near that thing.”

  “It’s just a Bay robot,” Violet said.

  “I’m fairly sure it’s not being magnanimous.”

  “Let’s talk about capabilities. All of Bay’s spiders are capable of spinning webs. It’s chemically identical to spider silk, and they can control whether it’s sticky or not.”

  “Spider silk has long been considered the strongest substance on Earth, by weight.”

  “The big ones don’t jump, and they aren’t particularly agile. But if commanded to grab something, they’re exceedingly fast, and there are built-in sensors that can be quite precise. It can grab you without hurting you, even if you’re acting erratically.”

  “And you want me to go take that piece from it?”

  “The smaller ones are also fast. In a straight line, not as fast as the big ones, but they’re far more agile, and they can be controlled as a swarm. In a straight run, you’re faster, but if you’re scrambling about, they are.”

  “Great.”

  “Like the big ones, they can produce silk. We have different sizes, and the size of the silk is proportional to the size of the spider. Like the big ones, they can be very precise, or they can sort of spit.”

  “Yuck.”

  “Their aim is precise, but someone moving erratically can cause them to miss, depending upon distance.”

  “What is their range?”

  “You’re in range of that one.” I scrambled back another ten steps. Violet snuffled.

  “Lastly, they can bite. Bites may or may not puncture. There may or may not be venom.”

  “Fuck me,” I replied.

  “Let me clarify; there is venom. We may or may not use it.”

  “What does the venom do?”

  “It’s a localized sting similar to a bee sting, and it continues until we issue the anti-venom. Depending upon the amount, it can be entirely debilitating.”

  “I can’t believe you do that to mating candidates.”

  “Or the bite may, well, it may be our version of a Taser. And then, while the victim lies, entirely aware, but unable to move, we can do whatever we like to her.”

  “Swell.”
>
  “Go collect your puzzle piece, Taisha.”

  “After you just scared the shit out of me again?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m fairly sure you don’t need my cooperation to do whatever you have planned.”

  “Of course, we don’t. That’s going to happen regardless. I just want to see if you’ll take the piece or not.”

  “Not.”

  “Very well.” Immediately, there was chittering. The big one chittered at me. And then, from the trees, from all around me, or so it seemed, there was more chittering.

  And spiders began dropping down from the trees to land in the clearing. These were all smaller than the big one, and they were of various sizes from uncommonly-large tarantula size to perhaps the size of a Rottweiler. “Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck!”

  The ones near Mama then began running at me.

  I spun and fled.

  They chased me. Mama cut me off from the trail; she was faster than I was in a flat run. The others cut me off from other directions.

  Then one of the medium ones reared up, aimed its bottom at me from between its legs, and “spit” at me from the back end. I ducked, and a mass of white shot over my head. I turned to run, just in time to see another one fire at me. I dodged that one, but a third fired not at me, but where I was about to dodge, and it hit me, right in the side of the face. The silk splatted against me, covering the right side of my face and getting in my hair.

  “Gross!” I reached up to scrape it away, which was a mistake.

  Spider silk is very, very strong, and I got my hand stuck.

  That was the beginning of the end for me. I didn’t realize they were doing it, but they herded me. I got hit twice more with silk, although it splatted against me but didn’t really cause further trouble, one in the chest, and one against my hip.

  I turned to run again, but one of the Rottweiler-sized ones reared up in front of me. I spun to run, but it leapt. It leapt on my back!

  It was heavy, and I fell. As I did, every spider in range fired at me all at once, which was actually a blessing. I screamed as I fell, and my other hand got stuck, which meant I couldn’t use my hands to break my fall. I landed flat on my face, right in the middle of all that spider silk.

  It broke my fall, but I still had a Rottweiler-spider clinging to my back, and then it bit my neck. It bit my neck! I screamed again, and then I went entirely limp, my entire body.