Selected Assistant

by Robin Roseau

  “She’s here!” Felicia called out.

  “There she is,” Violet said, gesturing to me. “This human made a suggestion to Prudence Tutor, who is the head of the extraterrestrial Linguistics group. About two thirds of the aliens here tonight report to her. Taisha pointed out that the humans who come here don’t have ample opportunity to meet any of us, and she thought a dance would be nice. This is the result.”

  She smiled. “So. This is new for everyone. Some of us have experience dancing with humans. A few of the humans have experience dancing with ETs. But we’re going to talk a little about protocol. Taisha, will you step up?”

  I walked to her, smiling. “I think I’d like a human to explain,” she said. “Will you?”

  “Of course, but some of the others here should chime in if I miss anything.” I did my own look about. “Hi. I’m Taisha Saint-heart. I’m originally from Idaho, but now I’m a roboticist from California. First, anyone is free to dance with anyone. If there is someone you want to dance with, walk up to that person and ask to dance. We’re all here for the same reason. However, you should not be offended if you are turned down. Next, there are no gender roles on this dance floor. Men, if you’re accustomed to leading, don’t assume the aliens are going to let you.”

  Some of the women laughed; none of the men did.

  “Or maybe they will,” I said. “Next, the music is slow to moderate.” I moved to Violet, and we came together. I got us swaying. “We’re not here to do that wriggle thing Americans who can’t dance like to do.”

  “It’s all slow dances?” one woman called out. “Excellent! I want to dance with that one!” She pointed to one of the Ardents.

  “The Ardents are quite the specimens,” I said. “I want to point out two more things. Let’s start with touching. We’re all curious, but the protocol is to ask first. Anyone who is pushy may find the sort of Ardent attention they’d rather not receive. Please, just be polite about it. Last. We have a few species here who are particularly petite. Chervil?” I pointed. “Chervil is a species called a Loris. He’s male, and yes, he is probably about the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.”

  “All Loris’s are cute,” Chervil said.

  “And he’s aware of it,” I added. “But he is quite petite, and most Loris’s do not care to be touched without permission. Please, please, please do not walk up and start petting him. Also, do not be offended if he is shy about dancing.”

  “I came to dance,” he said. “But I like a light touch when dancing.”

  “You heard him,” I said.

  “Tell them about switching around,” Andie prompted.

  “Oh, right. This isn’t a chance for a hookup. This is a social event. Spread your attention around and understand that the aliens are doing the same thing. Don’t try to monopolize anyone. How’s that, Andie?”

  “Perfect.”

  “Conversations,” Audra added.

  “Gosh, did I forget everything?”

  “You hit the most important parts.”

  I nodded to her. “You can talk while dancing, at least if you are near the same height as your partner and can talk quietly. You can also invite conversations to the side of the room, or when taking a break. But the primary goal tonight is dancing. Also, please be respectful if two people are to the side, trying to have a one-on-one conversation. And remember the spread yourself around rule.”

  “Perfect,” Audra said.

  “All right. Unless someone has anything else? Questions?”

  “Will you dance with me?” one of the guys asked.

  I laughed. “I’m gay. I’ll dance with any of the ETs or any of the women here. Sorry. But Felicia over there is my coworker, and she’s into guys. Yuck.” I looked around. “Okay, where’s that young boy?”

  “He’s right here, and he’s a brat,” said one of the teenage girls.

  I gestured to him, and he stepped up to me. “What’s your name?”

  “Chester,” he said. “Chet.”

  “Well, Chet,” I said. “When I was your age, I was shy. I want you to help me with something.”

  “Um. Sure.”

  “Someone is about to step up and ask you something. When she does, I want you to say, ‘I’d love to.’ Can you do that?”

  “I guess.”

  “Excellent.”

  It was Makiko who figured out what I wanted, as she strode over. “Chet, I am Makiko. I am a Greygreen. Would you let me have the first dance tonight?”

  He stared at her, not saying a word, which was about what I expected, so I said, very sotto voce, “I’d love to, Chet.”

  “Um. I’d love to.”

  “Excellent,” Makiko said. She offered her hand, and then the first song began.

  * * * *

  I danced. From what I could tell, everyone danced.

  Verity tried to avoid me, but I caught her leaving the dance floor, stepping into her path. “Will you dance with me? I’d really like that.”

  She paused but then nodded. We began dancing, holding each other, and that felt really good. Then I said, “You promised friendship.”

  “I know,” she whispered back. “I was a little embarrassed.”

  “I don’t think you should be,” I told her. “I very much enjoyed the close to our date. Thank you.”

  “Thank you,” she echoed.

  “Did your sister offer perspective?”

  “My sister hadn’t told me she had begun having the same questions I am now having.”

  I laughed. “Did she tell you that we started off poorly?”

  “Now that she had told me, but she said you were gracious.”

  After that, we simply danced, and it was very nice. All my dances were nice.

  Andie caught me some time later. We stepped onto the floor, and she let me know she intended to lead. “You’re a lucky woman,” I told her.

  “We had a rough start,” she replied. “But I agree. I’ve never met anyone else like her.”

  “Does it bother you everyone wants to hug your wife?”

  She chuckled. “I can’t really blame them. No. It doesn’t even bother me that she cuddles in bed with you.”

  “I didn’t think I should mention that part.”

  “I want to talk to you about something else entirely.”

  “Here, on the dance floor?”

  “No.” She released me, turned, and walked away. It was sudden, but I followed her to the edge of the room. She grabbed two chairs, pushing one towards me. I sat down facing her, our knees not quite touching. “How would you like a job.”

  “I have a job.”

  “This job pays better.”

  “You have no idea how much I make.”

  “How sure are you of that?”

  “You’re bluffing.”

  “We’re getting sidetracked. Are you interested in talking about it?”

  “Working with Bay?”

  “Not on robots.”

  “Andie, I have a doctorate in robotics.”

  “I’m aware.”

  I looked away. “You’re offering to let me live here.”

  “Yes.”

  “I don't want to live underground.”

  “That’s what negotiation is for.”

  I turned back to her. “Do you have any idea how hard I’ve worked, and now you’re asking me to do something else, aren’t you?”

  “Yes. Tell me how to bribe you.”

  “Why does everyone ask how to bribe me?” I sighed. “What’s the job?”

  “The title is mating candidate coordinator. It’s my job but without the added supervisory role. Skye’s, too, and Audra part time. Bay, and his wife, Cedar. Taisha, I could offer you a job as a coordinator or a tech. I don’t have authority for other jobs.”

  “I’d be a better tech.”

  “Tech jobs are easy for me to fill. Coordinator jobs are a lot harder. You’d start on tech; we all do.”

  “Your needs must be winding down. There are only so many aliens lookin
g for mates.”

  “Some of the younger ones are just coming of age,” she said. “Pretty much every human woman that has been placed through this facility has had a child. Most have had two or three. It is expected that they will all, at some point or another, come here for mates. We’ve slowed down significantly in how quickly we push people through. There was originally a backlog of about 4,000 people. The backlog is not filled, but since opening Beginnings, people who once had no interest are changing their minds. You’ve seen how that works.”

  “I guess I have. Andie, I want to use my doctorate. If you come to me with a job that lets me advance humanity’s abilities in robotics, you’ll have my interest.”

  “What would it take to get you to reconsider? Money? A hot alien wife? Babysitting the cutest alien babies on the planet?”

  I laughed. “If they were sharing the tech, but they’re not,” I replied.

  “I can make that visor permanently yours.”

  “Andie,” I said gently. “I’m flattered.”

  She sighed. “I had to try. What if I tell you that you may flirt with my wife all you want.” I laughed. “Morning snuggles are pretty good,” she added. “Best huggers in known space.”

  “Does she know you’re pimping her out?”

  “I’d rather you didn’t tell her.”

  “Who knows you were going to offer a job?”

  “No one, as I didn’t decide until I saw you with the people tonight.”

  “I want to stay in my field, at least for now. But I’ll do anything you want if you get the aliens to let us have their AI.”

  “Yeah, that won’t happen. Sorry.”

  “I’m sorry, Andie, but I’m flattered.” We stood up together. “Thank you for considering me, though.”

  She nodded, and I turned and walked away. I made it to the drinks table before Amanda intercepted me. “What was that?”

  “She offered to sell Jasmine to me.”

  Amanda snorted. “What was that?” she asked again.

  “I turned her down.”

  “There’s no way anyone would turn Jasmine down. What was that about?” She paused. “Fuck. She offered you a job.”

  “You heard the part where I turned her down.”

  “She shouldn’t have done that. We have a no-poaching agreement.”

  “Maybe Andie doesn’t know that,” I said. “Does taking me as a mating candidate count as poaching?”

  “I could make that argument.”

  “Amanda.”

  “Well, I could,” she said. “But I’d lose.” I laughed. “You’re not a slave to Hunt Robotics. If you quit to get married, it’s not like we can stop you. And no-poaching agreements always have an end period. Even if Jasmine can’t hire you now, she could once you’ve been away long enough. The reality is, if you quit to get married, and she asks if she can offer you a job, we’re not going to say ‘no’.”

  “But if Andie does it now?”

  “I’d have called Finley, and he’d have called Jasmine, and your offer would have been rescinded, unless she convinced him to change his mind. As she’s particularly good at that, I don’t know what would have happened.”

  “Well, I turned her down. Would you like to dance?”

  “Yes.”

  * * * *

  It grew late. I looked around. The family with the young boy had left a while ago, although they left the two teenage girls. They were currently talking earnestly to May and Cinder, although as I watched, the four got up, splitting into two couples, and headed back to the dance floor.

  Felicia had been dancing with all the alien men in the room. She was with one of the Ardents.

  Amanda was… wrapped in tentacles. Danette was dancing with Forever.

  Carolina stepped to my side. We’d been dancing earlier, but I wouldn’t turn her down for another dance. “I think it was a successful night,” she said.

  “You appeared popular.”

  “Everyone was popular,” she said. “Your wetsuit has arrived.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. Have you made any decisions, Taisha?”

  “A few. I’ve decided I’m really, really glad Felicia brought me with her. I’m really, really glad I’ve been able to spend so much time with some of you. I’ve decided I’ll fight with anyone who tries to stop me from helping to fix Muriel’s avatar.”

  “Those are good decisions. Have you decided you prefer Kitsune?”

  “I have decided that you will forever be my mermaid, but I am told Jasmine isn’t allowing claims yet.” I turned to face her. “Please take me swimming.”

  She nodded. “I tried to arrange it for tomorrow. Your schedule has been cleared after tonight. It’s entirely blocked off. No one is on it. I don’t know why. I thought maybe…”

  “Maybe I’m going to get kidnapped tonight,” I said. “But Jasmine agreed with me about the avatar, so I think that’s just it. We’re going to argue with Muriel tomorrow, and then she’s going to ask me to do whatever I have to do to fix it.”

  “No,” she whispered.

  “You’re telling me to walk away from one of the most impressive inventions ever seen on this planet. And maybe I can’t share it with the rest of the world, and maybe I’ll never know how it works. But I’m not leaving until we fix it.”

  “It’s not your system that’s failing, Taisha.”

  “So, you understand all the complicated systems?”

  “If it were your system, you could do it on automatics.”

  “Yeah, well.”

  “Anyone can do what you’re doing.”

  “So, we should risk someone else?”

  “Whatever is wrong isn’t your fault.”

  “I’m not changing my mind,” I said. “You can try to present your case to Jasmine. You have until sometime tomorrow.”

  “I want to be at that argument.”

  “Tell Jasmine, then. And if she invites you, bring Verity.”

  “You know, that’s an excellent suggestion.”

  “I would now like two more dances with you, and then I want you to bring me home and kiss me for a while. Can we do that without confusing your mating cycle or something?”

  “Yes.”

  And so we did. It was lovely.

  Argument

  I had to use the visor to sleep. In spite of my conviction, I was nervous about what we would be doing. I was sure Jasmine would turn Muriel’s objections aside. We were fixing her avatar. And I was scared.

  But I wasn’t backing down.

  So, I used the visor to help me sleep, and then when I woke, I was wrapped in tentacles. “Did Andie send you?”

  Jasmine snuffled. “She shouldn’t have offered you a job.”

  “Did Amanda complain to you?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m sorry. She was pushy asking about it. I hope you didn’t yell at Andie.”

  “No. I pointed out about our agreements. She actually didn’t know.”

  “It was flattering,” I said. I lifted a tentacle tip and kissed it. “She offered to let me flirt shamelessly with you.”

  She snuffled again. “I wasn’t enough to convince you.”

  “Sorry.”

  She tightened for a moment. I lay quietly for a minute or two, then said, “Did Carolina talk to you?”

  “That’s not how I would put it.”

  “Oh, oh.”

  “Yelled. She definitely yelled. And Muriel has already been after me.”

  “Are you here to tell me you’ve changed your mind?”

  She began snuffling, a different sort of snuffling, like the one she had done the other day. I rolled over. “I have never asked someone to do something dangerous.”

  “Are you telling me ‘no’?”

  “Please fix Muriel’s avatar.”

  I nodded. “Good. You have the hard part: keeping everyone else off our backs. And don’t let Muriel do something preemptive.”

  “She wouldn’t.”

  “Yes, Jasm
ine, I think she would.”

  “I have to go.”

  “I’ll see you in a while.”

  She fled, and I sighed.

  * * * *

  The three of us walked into the room. Amanda had already asked me if I was sure, and I told her yes. She’d left it at that.

  Present were Jasmine, Audra, Bay, Carolina, Verity, and Muriel in her old avatar. It was Violet who escorted us to the conference room. Everyone sat down, and then I asked Jasmine, “Has the concern from this morning been addressed?”

  “Yes.”

  “How certain are you?”

  “Certain.”

  “All right.” I turned to Muriel, seated like the rest of us. “Muriel.”

  “Please don’t do this, Taisha. It’s not worth it.”

  “I want to talk about something else entirely. What are your duties here?”

  “What does that have to do anything?”

  “You’ll understand if you work with me for one minute.”

  “I do any programming that is necessary. Discounting my own systems, there isn’t that much. Otherwise I’m a tech. I’ve tweaked the tech systems to please me, but people come up with new ideas, so I handle them.”

  “Do you consider yourself employed full time?”

  “Yes, but any time I don’t have official duties, I spend on my own systems. I’ll be tweaking those forever, I think.”

  “I have a few more questions, and then I’ll reach my point. I know some humans have been exposed to an education in alien technology and are no longer able to share anything they produce. Is that true of you?”

  “Muriel is a special case,” Jasmine said. “Yes, she’s exposed to her own tech, although not enough to reproduce her system. But she knows things about it she isn’t allowed to share.”

  “NDA,” Muriel said.

  “Does that include AI?” I asked her.

  “Yes.”

  “Damn it.”

  “Now I’m curious. Why?”

  “I do hardware, Muriel. I can code, and I’m not horrible, but I’m not in your league.”