Selected Assistant

by Robin Roseau

  “Rethinking your plan?”

  “No, I’m only managing your expectations. Do you know? They once made me play a game called Hunt the Actress.”

  “That’s terrible!”

  “We picked the name of the game,” Audra said. “She picked the rules.”

  “They kicked my ass,” she said. “We’re not playing Hunt the Actress, but I wouldn’t be at all surprised if someone suggests Hunt the Human.”

  “Been there, done that,” I said. “Ever been hunted by a Kitsune?”

  “I can’t say I have,” she replied. “Only Wookie, Catseye, and humans.” She gestured. “She’s stunning though. Is she any good in bed?”

  “Why do you assume I know the answer to that?”

  “Maybe it’s the Komodo you prefer.” She looked at Carolina, then at me. “She and the Kitsune seem friendly for two people vying for your affection.”

  “You told her,” I complained to Audra.

  “Not a word.”

  “I’m that good,” Yvette said.

  “How?” I asked.

  “The way you hugged earlier, and a few looks since. But mostly it was the hugs. Here.” She slipped from Audra and turned to me. “I’m you. You’re the Kitsune.” She stepped into a hug, and her hand landed on the back of my head. And then she stroked me there, and halfway down my back several times.

  “I didn’t.”

  “Yeah, you did,” she said. “Now I’m her.” And she sort of… melted into me. “That’s probably exaggerated.”

  “What about the Komodo?” I asked, but as she wasn’t letting go of me, I didn’t let go of her.

  “Ah. Her colors brighten every time she looks at you.” Then she pulled away, but she brushed my cheek with her hand before sliding between Audra and me again. This time, her arm went partway around me but came to rest with her hand on my bare back, near my shoulder. “So, how’s the Kitsune in bed?”

  “Why aren’t you asking about the Komodo?”

  “I’ll get to her.”

  “Aventurine is quite intoxicating. Carolina does the most unexpected kissing, but…”

  “Ah, they don’t do premarital sex.”

  “Something like that.”

  “Dry Rain was frustrating. I couldn’t get her to touch me. Well, yeah, she touched me, but you know what I mean.”

  “I wouldn’t have had that kind of restraint.”

  “I think she prefers someone closer to her stature,” Yvette said. “But she’s become an amazing friend. One of a few. Tell Audra to give me all your contact info.”

  “Audra, you heard her,” I said.

  “Excellent,” said Yvette. “I didn’t bring sunscreen.”

  “Neither did I.”

  “I have some,” Audra said.

  A minute later, I was in heaven, rubbing sunscreen into Yvette D’altrea’s back, which was nearly as good as when she did my face for me.

  I was totally fangirling.

  * * * *

  The three of us gave ourselves a little tour of the cove. Partway through, Aventurine and Carolina caught up and asked, “Are we intruding?”

  “Not at all. So, when Taisha gets kidnapped, which of you will she be for?”

  “You assume we’re the only ones after her,” Aventurine said.

  “Good golly, girl!” Yvette said. “How many admirers do you have?”

  “I’m not entirely sure.”

  “Cape is still after you,” Carolina said.

  “She’s married, and she wants a threesome,” I said.

  “That might be fun,” Yvette said.

  “She’s a she,” I said, “But he’s a he. Okay, that came out wrong.”

  “And yet, I understand your point. Was I misunderstanding Verity’s looks?”

  I sighed. “Probably not.”

  “Oh, my,” Yvette said. “And her sister’s looks?”

  “Probably not,” Aventurine offered. “And there’s a female Niecor.”

  “Anyone else?” Yvette asked. “Don’t turn shy now, Taisha.”

  “I think that’s everyone.”

  “Not really,” Audra said. “She’s been sharing her bed with a Catseye or two.”

  “That hardly counts!”

  “Oh, I think it counts,” Yvette said. “There are more Catseye here?”

  “Not that I know,” Audra said.

  Yvette dragged us to a stop. “Excuse me? You don’t look upset, so it’s not Posey.”

  “Audra, you’re giving her the wrong impression. Yvette, Jasmine assigned baby sitters to me the first time Muriel’s avatar ate my brain. Some of them cuddled with me a few times.”

  “Well, that hardly counts.”

  “I told you.”

  “The Catseye don’t count?”

  “I’m afraid not.”

  “Well, while I’m glad to know there is no marital discord involved,” she said, getting us moving again. “I’m sorry you haven’t experienced everything a Catseye has to offer. Have you experienced an Octal yet?”

  “Carolina thinks I should. How about you, Yvette?”

  “Yes, but it wasn’t a good experience and nearly destroyed my relationships with everyone here.”

  “Oh, oh.”

  “Violet was being heavy-handed,” Audra said.

  “Sounds like a Catseye trick.”

  “Still, you should try it,” Yvette said. “Carolina, that is where you want your house?” She pointed across the corner of the cove. “Above the rocks?”

  “The depth increases quickly there,” she explained. “It is a good place, although perhaps a difficult location to build. I would take any location beside the water. But there is one other choice.”

  “Oh?” I asked.

  “Something else we like is to have a cluster of homes at the end of an undersea cavern, and we will even dig such a cavern. We could open a cave out there.” She gestured. “And then bury a cavern over there.” She gestured inland. “It would be invisible here. They would need to be low, but we make a little grotto where a human might have a basement.”

  “That would be nice, too. You could come and go through the water?”

  “Yes, but above ground, it would resemble any of the other houses here. If we put the village here, or a portion of it.” She gestured. “Then we would live beside our neighbors but have our needs realized as well. I have not lived in such a home, but I had friends who did, and it was quite lovely.”

  “Do you have to worry about critters?”

  “Land shark!” Yvette said with a laugh.

  “Part of keeping such a home is managing the creatures that visit,” Carolina said. “If I had a human mate, I would accept these duties for my household.”

  “She said subtly,” Yvette added. “Taisha, if you get a better offer for teams later, I understand completely.”

  “Tired of me already?”

  She rubbed my back a little. “No.”

  “Frankly,” I said. “I think we should let them play Hunt the Humans.”

  “I am rather fond of any game with that name,” Aventurine said. “How about you, Carolina?”

  “A wonderful game, especially if there is an aquatic element. However, I will point out that neither you nor I are at our best in a chase upon land.”

  “Stalk the Human does sound better,” Aventurine said.

  “Perhaps we should play Sacrifice the Human,” Yvette offered.

  “I’m not fond of that name,” I said, “but I’m surprised you would recommend it.”

  “You and I would compete, and the winner would sacrifice the loser to the aliens.” Audra snorted. “I could stake you to a tree for the aliens to find while I make my escape.”

  But then she leaned over and kissed my shoulder. “I will play any game the others want to play, as long as it sounds fair and fun.”

  “Me, too,” I agreed. “Is she always like this, Audra?”

  “No,” Yvette said, answering for herself. “I’m in a particularly playful mood. I can’t
tell you how happy I am to be here. I haven’t seen Audra in ages, and I’m happy to see another human joining the mix of my friends.”

  “You must have a million friends.”

  “No, I have a million people who want to be my friend, most of them because they want something from me.”

  “Well, I want you to lose the first part of Sacrifice the Human,” I said with a grin.

  “No, you don’t,” she replied. “You’re just wondering how much of your body I’d be forced to fondle while securing you to that tree.”

  “You’re a goof.”

  “I’ve been called that a time or two,” she agreed. “Audra, what do you want to play?”

  “I don’t care. I’m just glad you’re here.”

  “Me, too,” Yvette agreed.

  * * * *

  Eventually, Yvette gave me up to Carolina, who drew me down near the water. We sat, shoulders touching. “When will you take me swimming?”

  “Tomorrow. How does that sound?”

  “That sounds wonderful.”

  “I think the plan is to enjoy Yvette’s visit,” she said. “I believe you would like to work around those plans.”

  “I’m a little star struck. I really can’t believe I just spent a half hour walking with my arm around Yvette D’altrea. But at the same time, all of this is so magical to me.”

  “So many choices, so little time,” Carolina said.

  “In some ways, it’s easier for me to understand attention from you. I’m the only unmated human on this beach. But she has millions of people who want her attention, and she gave some to me.” I sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m definitely star struck.” I rotated a little more towards her, which brought our legs into contact. “Are you disappointed in me?”

  “No, Taisha,” she said gently. “If we do play Hunt the Human, you will be my first choice, but if I do not believe I can catch you, Yvette is my second.”

  I laughed. “Good luck. I hope you manage to catch one or the other of us.”

  “You do not hope to win?”

  “Carolina, let me be clear. Being caught by you is winning.”

  * * * *

  We didn’t play first. Instead, we returned to The Center, and from there, the linguistics team descended upon us. We moved to a conference room, and then I sat quietly. I’d offered my ideas. They talked. We had lunch delivered, carefully marked to ensure no one was poisoned, and then there was more talk.

  Carolina had managed to retain possession of me, although Aventurine sat down on my other side. And then, partway through the conversation, I began receiving text messages from Yvette as well. Mostly, she was teasing me, but it was sweet. Every time Carolina or Aventurine went out of her way to touch me, Yvette caught a photo of it and sent it to me. I had no idea how she was doing it, as she didn’t have her phone out, and she wasn’t wearing a visor.

  Between the three of them, I was pretty lost. The two aliens were both touching me, a lot, and that by itself would have kept me distracted. But then the stunning, world-famous superstar was also offering attention, and I didn’t know which way to turn.

  But I wasn’t going to complain.

  Ultimately, it was Chervil who said, “This is really going to happen? We get to live on Earth?”

  “There are politics,” Amaryllis said. “Until the full council approves, I cannot make that promise. But we’ll be taking this to the council, and I believe they will accept. It’s time, and Jasmine is not the only person who has begun advocating for something like this.”

  “But we can hope, real hope?”

  At that, at the longing in his voice, my heart went out to him. And then Amaryllis said, very gently, “Yes, Chervil. Real hope. I am going to do everything I can to bring you down to a world you can call home.”

  “Earth is beautiful,” he said, his voice a little raw. “I would like to call this home.” He shifted his attention. “Jasmine Brighteyes, I have met several wonderful humans on this trip. They are not all…”

  “You can say it, Chervil,” Yvette said. “Wait, let me. Xenophobic assholes.”

  “Yes,” he said. “They are not all xenophobes. We Lorises are few here. I did not want to raise children on the space station, but is there room here for children?”

  “Yes, Chervil,” Jasmine said.

  “If we come here, then I would like a mate. Can you find me a human woman, perhaps one that is somewhat petite, and who is as wonderful as the women I have met on this trip?”

  “They are each unique, Chervil,” Jasmine replied. “Yes, I can.”

  “I am unsure what to ask for in my home. In homes that are comfortable for Ambassador Amaryllis, I am uncomfortable. I feel like a child. I do not want to feel like a child in my own home. But if it is sized for me, it is too small for her, unless she is quite petite.”

  “Perhaps your house will not be comfortable for many guests,” Jasmine said, “but we can make a good home for you and your future wife.”

  “I originally asked for a home in the forest,” he said. “Close to the village, but I wanted trees, trees all around me. But now, as I think about a family and a possible human mate, have I made a poor request?”

  Yvette and I looked at each other. The room grew quiet, and then I realized they weren’t waiting for Skye or Audra to answer. They were either looking at Yvette or me. And so, she said, “I believe you and I would answer the same way.”

  “Is your home on the beach?”

  “No. It’s about a half hour drive to Santa Monica.”

  “And Chervil’s home would be a five-minute walk.” I turned to him. “Chervil, humans definitely place a premium on an ocean view. That is true. But any woman who is worth your attention would want you to be comfortable and happy. When you meet her, you should explain your home, and why you wished to live under the trees. She will understand, and be very happy that you are happy. It is about expectations. If you tell a woman that her new home is a five-minute walk from a lovely, lovely beach, she is going to think she has died and gone to heaven. If you tell her it is quiet, with tall, wonderful trees, she is going to think she has gone to heaven twice. And if you tell her that she may cuddle with you, all she wants, then what more can she really ask?”

  “Are you sure, Taisha?”

  “Yes.”

  “Chervil,” Audra added. “Do you think your home will be worse than living in The Center, or living in one of the testing centers, like the one in Boston?”

  “It will be a beautiful home,” he said.

  “You have never heard Skye, Andie, or me complain about living here in the Center. If I had my choice of all the ocean views of the world, or Posey, I would always choose Posey.”

  “But I can make a home where she can have both.”

  “Yes, but that isn’t what you want,” Audra said. “And she will love it. Besides, if we’re wrong, then maybe you will build a new home, together.”

  “You know what I think?” I said. “I think there should be trails, so people can walk under the trees, like you have in your arenas. And one should go near your home, so the two of you can go for a walk under the trees whenever you like. Chervil, put your home in the trees. It will be beautiful, and she will love it as much as you do. Trust us, unless you think you like the ocean view more.”

  “I want to be in the trees,” he said. “I have never lived in trees like this, and now I think I want nothing more, except to have a good home for my family.”

  “Then this is a perfect plan,” Yvette said. “Jasmine, you won’t allow the village to grow out and overrun Chervil’s lovely home.”

  “No,” she said. “Absolutely not. We will carefully plan from the beginning.”

  “And you won’t put his house underneath the Hyperloop,” I added.

  “No. We’ll make a green corridor for that, or maybe we will put it under the ocean. I’m not sure.”

  “You’re sure, Taisha?” Chervil asked one more time.

  “I am entirely sure. I think there shou
ld be a restaurant or a coffee shop near the water. And if your wife wants to spend time there, she may, can’t she?”

  “Yes.”

  “Chervil, do you swim?” Yvette asked.

  “No, but I would like to learn. Carolina, would you teach me?”

  “Of course, Chervil.”

  “I can swim,” Aventurine said. “I believe I should teach you, and Carolina should be close, to keep us both safe. But then she can take us for long swims, deep under the water.” She turned to her coworker. “Would you take me sometime?”

  “I would love to.”

  They talked. They talked about the nature of the village, and about their hopes for their homes. And they talked about meeting more humans, and making friends.

  It was going to be wonderful.

  Hunted. Again.

  They could have talked for days, which Prudence pointed out. “I believe there are activities planned, but I find it unlikely the intention was to include all of us.”

  Yvette leaned to Audra. The two whispered, and then Audra declared, “The more, the merrier.”

  “We should determine the basic nature of the game we will play,” Jasmine said. “And from that, perhaps we will decide to invite a few more humans to play.”

  “By that she means I’m the only single human here.”

  “We got that,” Skye said.

  “Perhaps if it is a capture game, as someone seems to assume, then what happens once you capture someone changes depending on who is involved.”

  “Well, I’ll play anything that is reasonably fair, but I’m a little tired of being hunted helplessly. I want my own teeth. Not to say the other way isn’t fun, and I’d do that, too.”

  “Audra, Taisha, and I are a team,” Yvette declared. “Otherwise, what Taisha said.”

  “I think we can work under those constraints.”

  “Forest laser tag is popular,” Violet said. “It suits a wide variety of play styles, so both Chervil and Oberon can enjoy it.”

  Chervil chittered. “So, I may shoot the Niecor?”

  “I would still like a hunt,” Aventurine said. “Is there anyone who has a preference otherwise?”

  No one spoke up, and then Jasmine said, “I think everyone would like a hunt. Amaryllis, are you playing?”