by Abigail Agar
Mr. Potts stared at her with eyes wide and shocked.
“M-Miss Windsor? You have come? I am…I am astonished,” he said. Then looking down at himself and realizing that he was not at his most presentable, he cleared his throat and searched the room for where he had dropped his vest. He found it and quickly threw it on, buttoning it as he went.
“Yes, I…I beg your pardon, Mr. Potts, we shall discuss that in a moment, but there is quite a bit else that we must discuss and, foremost, I must ask if you are living here?”
He took a deep breath and did not look at her directly, which was all she needed to be sure that she had been correct. He really was living there, making his home in the place which once had been her own. Such a strange turn of events it was! Certainly, he could not be some magnificent duke if he was living in the remnants of her family’s small cottage.
“I did not expect to find myself here, but it seems I was in need of a place to stay. But, Miss Windsor, I am surprised. I did not think that you would come here today. You managed to get away? You escaped from your aunt and uncle?” he asked.
“I did, indeed. And, yes, I am quite surprised by it as well. I did not think that I would be able to get out so easily, but my cousin ensured it on my behalf,” she told him.
“I am so glad. I was so worried for you. I feared that you might never be freed from the home. Was it easy, then? Is your cousin trustworthy in this manner?” Mr. Potts asked.
“She is, indeed. Although she is quite loyal to her mother, I think she was more than ready to help me. In truth, her mother has been bothering her of late and I believe that is partially the reason for her assistance in this matter,” Ellie said.
Mr. Potts began to laugh and Ellie didn’t know why. She eyed him, curiously, for a moment until his humor subsided.
“Forgive me, Miss Windsor, but I am somewhat amused by that. As a man who understands the burden of a frustrating mother, it is no shock that she would resort to helping you in an effort to fight back against the things which her mother has done. Tell me, do you really think that your cousin will fight for you longer than this in order to get back at her?”
“I believe so,” she replied, still wondering about his own mother and what sort of woman she was. It was curious that he should be so cavalier when speaking about her. Was he frustrated by her for a reason? What had she done? Was she angry at him for not being married or for spending time with Ellie? That would explain the bit in the society pages…if it was truly in reference to him.
“That is a relief. I wonder if it means you shall be able to come here often or if you only have hope for today’s visit?” he asked, hinting that he truly wanted to know whether or not they would have time to spend together in the future.
Ellie wanted desperately to tell him that they would, that their future was one of unity, but she knew well that it may not be that way. She knew that there was every chance that they would end up never seeing one another again. Being that she was going to marry Wendell on Saturday, there really was no hope, was there? What could she possibly do?
Trying to decipher whether she ought to tell him that or wait until she knew if he was Lord Cornwall, Ellie took a deep breath and looked away from him.
“That is an excellent question. One which I am trying to answer, although it is very difficult to do so. You see, there are things which I must accept for my life and I do not know if I am going to be able to get out of some of them. If I cannot, well, I suspect that my fate is not my own to judge,” she said.
“I see. And you understand that I would be more than willing to speak with your aunt and uncle on your behalf?” he asked.
What did that mean? Why would he not just come out and say what it was that he wanted from her? Couldn’t he answer the questions she was frightened to ask?
“There is much more to it than that. You see, I am obligated to obey them and…and…”
“And your aunt mentioned that…well, there was something to the effect of a marriage?” he asked, cautiously.
Ellie still had not been able to get answers to her many questions, but she was unbothered for the moment. There was simply something so peaceful about sitting with him, enjoying his company. She was so thankful for it that she very nearly set aside the many worries which had been overwhelming her.
“Indeed. As it happens, there is a man I am being made to marry. He is a nice enough man, although we do not love one another,” she said.
“Why have you both conceded to the marriage if you do not love one another?” Mr. Potts asked.
“That is a very good question,” she replied, sadly. “Wendell Carruthers is—”
“Wendell Carruthers?” Mr. Potts asked in recognition.
Ellie paused, surprised that he seemed to know the name. She would not have expected it from a duke or a groom.
“Yes, do you know him?”
“I know the name. His father, Mr. Carruthers, I believe he works for my…for the Duke of Rand,” he said.
Again, Ellie was struck by her suspicions, but she set them aside for the sake of answering his questions first.
“I have heard that his father works for a duke, but I know very little beyond that,” she confessed, not having taken much of an interest in the matter.
“How strange. And he is marrying you without love as well?” he asked.
“Yes, he is. He loves another, but her father and his no longer get along,” she said.
“Interesting. I do recall hearing about…about the Duke’s household and there being a conflict between two of the men who worked for him. Mr. Carruthers and another fellow, a Mr. Bates. Is he the one?” Mr. Potts asked.
“Possibly. I do not know much on the matter, but I am not familiar with any other families by the name of Carruthers,” Ellie said.
“Very interesting. I do wonder if it would be possible for the two to remedy the matter so that he might be allowed to marry her,” he said.
“Is it so important to you that my betrothed marry another?”
Mr. Potts paused and looked at her as if trying to find the right words. Of course, he clearly wanted to answer that he would like to be with her, but unless he came out and said it openly, Ellie would simply have to be patient and have hope. She didn’t want to force his hand or make him uncomfortable by making assumptions.
Certainly, she wanted him to tell her he cared for her, that he wanted to marry her. She wanted to hear that far more than she cared about learning the truth of his identity. If he was the man she believed him to be, she would find out soon enough. Learning that he cared for her, though? That was a far more important piece of information.
“I know that you do not wish to marry him. For that reason, I shall ensure that their employer makes every effort to unite the two men so that their children may be the match they wish to be,” he said.
At last, Ellie decided to broach the subject she had come to learn. If he was not going to share any affection for her, she needed to know the rest.
“It is remarkable that a groom should be able to confront a duke regarding the behavior of his employees,” she said, hinting.
He gave a half-smile and nodded.
“Yes, well, there is something I intended to speak with you about when you were here last. Your aunt and uncle arrived before I was able to tell you this bit of information, but perhaps it is finally time,” he said.
Ellie took a deep breath, ready to hear whatever it was he had to say. This was it. She knew that once he told her the truth, nothing would be the same between them.
Chapter 33
Jonathan took a deep breath. It was time. He had to tell her the truth about who he was. Already, he had missed an opportunity to tell Miss Windsor that he loved her, but he couldn’t say it until he had told her this first. Indeed, she needed to know who he was before he told her how he felt. It was only fair.
“Miss Windsor, I can see from your expression that you are curious about me, about whether or not I have been completely
honest with you,” he said.
“Yes, well, there have been some questions,” she admitted to him.
“Of course, of course. I know that you did not understand it when I spoke about my friend, Simon Potts. And now that you have gathered him to be the Duke of Rand, you must be curious as to how we know one another,” he said.
“It did cross my mind, as I said. I mean…it would be strange for a duke and a groom to be so close,” she said.
Jonathan took a deep breath. It was clear to him that she had already figured it out, but that made his task no less difficult. He needed to tell her this thing which he had been trying rather desperately to hide because he really did fear how she might respond, whether or not she would give up trusting him entirely or if she would think that he was spending this time with her for the wrong reasons.
But, alas, he needed her to know the truth. The time had come to share it.
“Miss Windsor, my name is not Jonathan Potts,” he began, trying to gauge her expression. She did not appear surprised by this at all.
He looked away and then around the room for a moment, almost hoping he might find something to save him from this awful, awkward moment. But he saw nothing at all, nothing which could help him through this.
“Indeed, I am Lord Jonathan Cornwall, Third Duke of Danby.”
All went silent. Miss Windsor stared at him, not saying a word. Her brows knit in a look of concern and worry, but not the anger he feared. She was clearly overcome by this bit of news, but he could not be certain of the exact emotion which lay underneath it all.
“Miss Windsor?” he asked.
“Yes, please give me just a moment,” she said, taking a deep breath.
“Of course, of course,” he replied. “May I get you some water?”
She nodded and worked to steady her breathing, as if she could hardly inhale and exhale without needing to force herself into it.
Jonathan quickly got up and rushed to the kitchen. In there, he poured a cup of water for her and returned as quickly as he was able. By then Miss Windsor met his eyes.
“So…so, it is true? You really are the Duke of Danby?” she asked.
“Yes, I am,” he replied.
“I am such a fool,” she whispered.
“A fool?” he asked, shocked and upset by this statement. “How can you say that? You are not a fool, Miss Windsor. You are…you are the loveliest, most adventurous and interesting woman I have ever met. How could you declare yourself to be a fool?” he asked.
“Because I actually believed that there might be…” she trailed off, not wanting to say anything more.
Jonathan knew exactly what was in her mind and in her heart to say. He understood what she was frightened to admit because it was a sheer impossibility that a young woman of her birth could ever be with a man like him.
And yet, Jonathan refused to be taken in by such thinking.
“Miss Windsor, I ask that you would listen to what I am going to tell you. Hear me and know the truth of this. I love you,” he confessed, a dreamy smile on his face.
She looked at him once more, eyes wide with uncertainty.
“Do you mock me?” she asked.
“Never. There is no mockery. Only love. I love you more than words could ever express. You are the sun, moon, and stars to me. You brighten my every waking moment. When we are not together, my thoughts are still with you. When we are far apart, I imagine that we are close. If that is not love, then I know nothing,” he declared.
“Y-Your Grace…” she said, her eyes downcast once more.
“You do not call me that,” he said, firmly.
“But, I must,” she replied, still not meeting his gaze.
“To you, I am only ever Jonathan. From now onward, Miss Windsor, that is what you must call me,” said.
She did not respond and he saw in her eyes—those lovely eyes which would not look at him—that she was deeply overwhelmed by the information he had given her, that she was conflicted and did not know how to process it fully. Jonathan wished that he had never put her through this.
“I am so sorry that I lied to you, Miss Windsor. I know that it must be a shock for you, although you clearly had suspicions. I feared that, if you knew the truth, you would not be willing to speak with me anymore. I was concerned that we would lose this wonderful friendship we have built and I longed for us to have something more. I want to be honest with you because I love you dearly,” he said.
At last, Miss Windsor looked up at him, her eyes meeting his, her face slowly, gently accepting his words. There was still hesitation, but it was something.
“J-Jonathan, you must call me Ellie,” she said.
At that, he smiled, understanding that this was her surrender. In this small sentence, she relented to the fact that she could trust him, that they could truly love one another despite the rules of society, despite the cruelties that surrounded them at every side.
Jonathan stood and rushed to Ellie and she responded in kind. They embraced one another in a loving, honest declaration that they would not be separated by class or expectation.
“Would it be foolish of me to think that…that this means…?” he asked, not knowing quite how to ask her if she felt the same. Certainly, he believed that she did, but she had not yet come out and said it.
“Oh, good heavens, forgive me! I believed you knew, but it is foolish that I have not told you. Yes, Jonathan, yes, I love you. Everything you said, that is true for me as well. I never imagined, never in all my life, that I would feel this way about anyone. You have brought me to a place I did not know existed,” Ellie said.
Jonathan was at a loss for words. His happiness was beyond anything he had ever imagined. There was nothing that could have prepared him for this moment.
He took Ellie by the hand and led her outside. They sat in silence in the back garden for a few moments, just holding hands and smiling, taking in the fresh air and feeling happy that they were truly together.
“So, why is a duke living in my family’s old cottage?” Ellie asked him with a laugh.
Jonathan took a deep breath, wishing that he did not have to explain it, but he hoped she would understand.
“My mother is very furious with me. She cannot abide the idea that I should be in love with someone who is not of noble birth. I hope you know that I care nothing about these matters, that it never has,” he said. He pulled his signet ring from his pocket and placed it on his finger, no longer caring about it now that she knew his identity.
“I understand. Still, I am grieved that she feels differently. Do you believe she would ever be willing to accept someone like me?”
“There is little doubt in my mind that she would if only she knew you. If you were dressed in riches, my mother would not reject you for a moment. She would be delighted by your character, your sweetness, your very nature. It is only because she does not know you—will not know you—that she has already made up her mind to reject you,” he said.
“Just as you felt you had to remain in the clothing of a groom for my sake, I would have to be robed in gowns for hers,” Ellie said in understanding.
“Well, she already knows that you are not titled and she knows about your family. I have kept none of it from her. You see, Ellie, I could never be ashamed of you. Please do not fear that I would want to hide these things from her,” Jonathan said.
“Thank you for not being ashamed of me,” she said.