by Abigail Agar
“I shall be sure to ask him at once, Katherine. I know that you are eager to find someone,” Ellie said.
Katherine looked a little bit sad, clearly wishing that she could have a husband soon. Ellie wanted her to be happy, especially because Katherine was so unaware of her own ignorance. She had no idea that she lived a life of privilege and truly thought that she was unfortunate. Perhaps all she needed was a husband who could gently wake her up to her own wealth of prosperity.
Ellie certainly didn’t think she could do it without also going into the sad humdrum of her own experience and that would have been hypocritical.
“Oh, look at this!” Katherine said. She handed the paper over to Ellie, who read the column before blinking in confusion.
“How strange,” Ellie said.
“What is?” Katherine asked.
“The man I told you about, Jonathan Potts, he works as the groom for this very Duke, I believe. He has been fraternizing with a young woman? That is rather upsetting. I do wonder if Mr. Potts is aware of it,” she said.
“Duke Jonathan Cornwall? Really?” Katherine asked, looking at her strangely.
“Indeed. It is that estate, the Duke of Danby’s estate, that he always comes from,” Ellie said.
“Ellie, that is very strange. Are you aware of the Duke of Danby’s dearest friend? It is no secret to whom he is closely bonded,” Katherine said.
“I am not sure. Who is it?” Ellie asked.
Katherine eyed her for a moment, as if uncertain whether or not she ought to tell her the truth. It bothered Ellie that Katherine was being so coy with her, but she understood that her cousin was uncomfortable.
“His closest friend is Lord Simon Potts, the Duke of Rand. Do you not find it strange that Lord Jonathan Cornwall’s groom should be named Jonathan Potts?” Katherine asked, an eyebrow raised in suggestion.
A chill washed over Ellie. She could hardly believe this. Was it possible? It couldn’t be! But when she had asked about the Potts family…had he not said something about his dear friend Simon?
Ellie sucked in a gasp of air and stared at Katherine, wide-eyed.
“It cannot be,” she said.
But Katherine looked away as if Ellie were simply in denial.
“Whatever you say, Ellie. But, if you are wrong, you may have just achieved a status desired by half the women of England.”
Chapter 31
A few days later, Jonathan eagerly grasped the society pages to see what new onslaught of attacks may have been rendered against him. Desperate to bring all this to an end, he knew that there was nothing he could do but fight against his mother’s efforts.
He could not say anything out and about in his own defense—no one would believe him. He could also not make any efforts to get his mother to undo the damage she had already done. She was so determined to punish him that she was still on her rampage.
Knowing this, it was strange to Jonathan when he flipped through the pages of the society section and could not find any remarks against him. Although he had been certain that his mother was still doing everything within her power to slander him, he saw nothing at all.
Perhaps she had ceased in her attacks, after all. Maybe all she had truly wanted was the initial effort in punishing him, to make him think twice about what he was doing and what he desperately wanted. However, there was nothing to make him do that. Instead, he glanced through the other tales of gossip, trying to understand what had led some of the other men and women in the pages to make the decisions they had made.
Surely, some of these people were also being subjected to punishments from family who thought that a little bit of shame was all it would take to knock some sense into them. If they were anything like his own mother, they were probably hoping that their child or brother or cousin or friend would stop behaving in the undesirable way.
Jonathan felt terrible for them, being forced to undergo the same humiliation he had. When he walked down the streets, mothers pulled their daughters away from him, they whispered nonsense about him, they shared stories of immoral liaisons.
Knowing that he had no other choice, Jonathan decided to return home to his mother, to find out what her next plan of attack was. Would she leave him be? Would she allow him to have the peace and freedom he longed for? Or was she simply going to find another route for making him miserable?
He rode home quickly and, upon his arrival, went inside and made his way to the drawing room. He had no doubts that he would find her there and, when he did, she looked up at him with that same pursed-lip expression she so often had.
“Good afternoon, Mother,” he greeted.
“You have returned? No doubt you have been staying with Simon these last few days, letting his servants know that you could not bear to be here, in this house, with me,” she said.
“That is untrue, Mother. I have another place where I was able to stay,” he told her.
She looked at him with confusion and disapproval, but Jonathan said nothing and simply let go of her displeasure. It was not long before she voiced her assumptions.
“I gather you are staying with the family of the young woman, then?” she asked.
“Certainly not, Mother. You should know better than that. I am not the sort of man to engage with a young lady to whom I am not married,” he said.
“Very well, that encourages me to know. I should not be happy if I learned that you were…galivanting with her so openly,” she replied.
“When have I ever been the sort of man to behave in such a way? Honestly, what have I done which would lead you to believe that I could act as if I had no care at all, as if propriety meant nothing to me? Do you really believe that I would not be so cautious as to not take advantage of such a woman? Have I ever behaved immorally?” he challenged her.
His mother made a tutting sound and picked up the embroidery beside her and immediately began working on it. Jonathan was not finished and he was eager to see to it that she listened to him and to his concerns. Why did she care nothing at all for what he was going through or what she had put him through? Would she not give him even a moment of her time?
“Are you truly unwilling to speak to me about all this? I came because I noted that you have not continued to discuss me, to have things written about me in the society pages. What has happened, Mother? Why did you decide against your continued assault?” he asked.
She sighed and clenched her jaw, looking up at him with a flatness in her face that told him he would be better off leaving her alone with her intentions instead of fighting to discover what lay behind her actions.
“Jonathan, I…” at this, she looked away from him and he saw something shocking in her eyes, something he had never seen before.
Shame.
“I understand that you do not know why I am doing all this. You have made it perfectly clear that you believe yourself innocent of all wrongdoing as you seek to make a match with this young woman. I am trying, very hard, to show you how wrong you are, but you have made it clear to me that I cannot easily convince you,” she said.
“Yes, and? What about it, Mother? There must be something underneath it all, some reason why you did not leak more information. I know you. If you had wanted, they would still be discussing me, sharing what a terrible man I am and how I have shamed you,” he said.
“Then you should know that I have a very good reason for not doing so,” she replied.
It still was not an answer. Jonathan wanted to know exactly why.
“Are you willing to tell me exactly what that is, Mother? I cannot understand why you, as determined as you were before, would simply forget all about your efforts to dismantle my happiness? What has taken place to give you such peace that I might be left alone?” he asked.
“It is hardly important, Jonathan, but…well…if you must know, I am aware of the face that I behaved poorly,” she finally confessed.
Jonathan had never heard something like this from his mother. She was never the sort to admit th
at she may have been wrong or done something she shouldn’t have. This was, entirely, unprecedented.
“I beg your pardon, Mother? I do not think I have ever heard something like this from you. When you say that you behaved poorly…what exactly do you mean?” Jonathan asked.
“Oh, hush, Jonathan. You know exactly what I mean. Do not make me say anything else to the effect. I know that I did not do what you wished of me and that you are upset about my actions. But, if you must also know, I am rather upset about what you have done. Yes, I ought to have handled it better, but I do love you, regardless of the decisions you have been making of late,” she said.
“So, in effect, you are telling me that you do love me and care for me and that you would like to make the right decision but you were so angry that you did not?” he asked, urging her to simply come out and admit that she regretted everything about how she had behaved.
“Yes, yes,” she sighed, waving her hand in the air as if to brush his concerns away. “I know that I ought to have handled it differently. You are being quite a fool on some of this and I simply wanted to help you wake up to the reality that you ought to make better efforts to get to know the young women who are accepted by society.”
“And you did so by scandalizing my name?” he asked.
“I only meant to scare you a bit,” she remarked.
“Well, it was not kind of you, Mother. I appreciate that you are willing to reevaluate your choices, but I do hope that you recognize what you have already done, the damage that it has caused,” Jonathan said.
“Yes, I know. I really do. I am sorry for that,” she finally said.
“Thank you, Mother. I more than forgive you and I suggest we move beyond this and simply look to the future,” he said.
“Very well. And, in light of that, I should very much like to discuss that future with you. You see, there is now a great opportunity at hand for you. An opportunity to move beyond the nonsense you so desired and to have a young woman of proper breeding, of good genetics and birth. You know as well as I do that this is the best chance for you,” she said.
“So, even after all that, all the things we have only just discussed, you are already going to try and tell me something else I ought to do? You are going to continue trying to force me to find someone of your own choosing?” he asked.
“It is only right, Jonathan. I am your mother, you know. You should give these young women a real chance. Before, you were so determined to find their flaws, but I think you may now recognize their positive attributes,” she said.
“Mother, do you not realize the full extent of what you have done? I cannot possibly gain the attention of those young women now. You have told them all that I am the sort of man who goes about, searching for young women with whom I may misbehave. They all deem me perfectly immoral now. They think that I am a lout,” he said, incredulous.
“Oh, that is nonsense, Jonathan. I fed just enough to the pages that I am able to then refute it with their mothers. My goal was not to destroy you, but to encourage you to a new path and a new decision. Do you really not see that this is the best thing for you?” she asked.
“Of course not, Mother. You have placed it all within your control, but I honestly do not think that the mothers of any of those young women are going to be happy about their daughters trying to make a match of me. They are not going to trust me in the least. All they will think is that I am going to be the moral downfall of their children,” he reasoned.
“You are so dramatic, Jonathan. You have no idea what you are speaking about. Believe me, they shall love you,” she said.
“No, Mother. You are being ridiculous. I do not wish to marry those young women and I do not trust that their mothers are going to side with whatever whims you may have. Please, I beg you, give me the freedom to live my own life,” he said.
“All I ask is that you give these young ladies a chance, Jonathan. Is it really so difficult?” she asked.
“Indeed, it is. Having to try and impress them is torment, Mother,” he said.
“You are so dramatic! I have had enough of this. If you are going to disrespect me, maybe I was right after all,” she exclaimed.
Stuck in this dreadful loop of her disappointment, Jonathan wondered if there would ever be a way out or if his entire life would be subject to what his mother did and didn’t want. He wondered when she would settle and accept who he was and what he longed for most in life.
There seemed to be no hope at all, but when he let out a frustrated sigh, his mother stood, dropping her embroidery on the settee, and stormed out of the room.
Chapter 32
“Do not expect to get away with this easily, Ellie. That is all I am saying. Of course, I shall make every effort to assist you, but you know what my mother is like. She finds out about everything,” Katherine warned as Ellie swiftly changed into her prettiest dress.
“I know that, Katherine. I can hardly be surprised if all this ends badly. You know that I have to find out the truth. I hardly expect to find him there, but…but if he does chance to come, I need to see him. This is the day when we would have met there for our usual time together and I cannot bear the thought of missing out on an opportunity to spend time with him if he does happen to be present,” Ellie said.
“I know, I know. I understand that, Ellie. That is why I am helping you, but I still hope you know what you are doing,” Katherine said.
“And you are positive the maid will not see me leaving or entering?” Ellie asked.
“My plan is as ready as it can possibly be. I have already begun the work of telling her that you are unwell and wish to be alone in your room today. I may have embellished it a little bit, so you mustn’t be angry if she appears repulsed by you for the next day or two…” Katherine said.
Ellie laughed, not wanting to imagine what horrors Katherine had described.
“Very well,” she said.
“Now, when you hear me crying out that I have spilled the marmalade everywhere, you must give her time to come, see the damage I have caused, and go get her things. After that, you shall hear her return to my room, where I intend to distract her and, at that point, you must leave as quickly as you are able,” Katherine said.
“Thank you, Katherine,” Ellie said.
“You need not worry. Once you are ready to return, simply come to my window as discussed. Be sure that you do not see her in the room and then you may enter through it. I shall try to be in here, but if I am not, rest in my bed. That way, if she does see you, you may tell her that you came to find me but, due to being unwell, could not continue searching once you realized I was not here,” Katherine instructed.
It went off with ease, Ellie hiding in her room, the sound of Katherine’s cry, the maid going to her, gathering her supplies, and then going again. Before long, Ellie was approaching her old home, not expecting to find Mr. Potts there at all, but hoping against all odds that she would.
By the time she reached the house, she saw his figure on the other side of the window, moving about the house comfortably.
Ellie rushed to the door and entered without knocking, racing to the parlor where he was moving about.
She was shocked to find that, while he was perfectly covered, he was free of his vest and shoes, looking quite at ease as if he were relaxing in his own home.