Mine on Christmas

by Sarah J. Brooks

  When we arrived I was really nervous, and Samantha looked pretty nervous as well. It was only then that I realized she probably didn’t know these people much better than I did. She was friends with Rose, and I couldn’t imagine that she had spent too much time with Thomas and his family in the years since Rose had passed away.

  “Hello girls,” Mrs. Hanover said as she opened the door and gave us each a hug. “I’m so glad you’re here. We are just finishing our packing and getting ready to head out on our cruise.”

  “Actually, that’s what we are here to talk to you about,” I said stepping right into the role that I was sent there for.

  “Oh?” Mrs. Hanover asked as her husband joined us in the entryway.

  “Yes, Jenna and Jackson would really like the two of you to be at their Christmas party tomorrow. They have put a lot of work into planning and decorating for it and they don’t know that you have a cruise. The two of them think you are going to be there, and I didn’t want to break their hearts and tell them you wouldn’t without first coming and talking to you.”

  “I’ve already paid for the cruise,” Mr. Hanover said as if he wasn’t standing in a billion dollar home and could afford to lose a couple thousand dollars.

  “Honey, if the kids want us to be there...”

  “They really do,” Samantha added. “They are the ones who are throwing the party now. They have taken over and I know for a fact they will be really sad if the whole family isn’t there. They want Robert and Ashley to come too with their families. Do you think you could get them to come as well?”

  Samantha and I stood there patiently waiting as Mr. and Mrs. Hanover whispered back and forth. He did not seem happy about the idea of canceling the cruise and she did not seem happy with him because he was worried about the money.

  We couldn’t hear everything that was going on between the two of them, but I thought that Mrs. Hanover was going to win this battle. She placed a hand softly on his arm and then leaned up to kiss her husband, then she mouthed a thank you to him.

  “We will be there. Let us know if there is anything else we can help with. We are very excited to come and I’ll get Robert and Ashley to come as well.”

  “Thank you so much,” I said and hugged them both. “This is going to make Jenna and Jackson very happy.”

  As we left their giant condo I couldn’t help but think that Jenna and Jackson were going to be so excited. Not only were they taking charge of this party but they were the reason their father’s side of the family was going to show up.

  This was what Christmas was about. It was about coming together as a family and I hoped when all was said and done that Thomas would appreciate that the kids were doing this for him too. He might be heartbroken or overwhelmed because of his loss but his kids were trying to show him a way of dealing with it.

  Kids were amazing creatures and so resilient. If only Thomas had taken the time to talk to Jenna and Jackson over the years and really learned about their grief and what they needed to work through it. But all that was over with and now it was a new day.

  “Well, my job is done,” I laughed as we climbed back into the car to head to my place. “If you need anything else from me make sure and call.

  “Actually, I need a ride back out to the house,” Samantha laughed. “I gave my car to Jackson. Would you mind driving me out?”

  “Not at all. I’m getting fond of this drive. I mean I wouldn’t want to do it every day like Thomas does, but I could do it every now and again.”

  “Thank you again for agreeing to help. This is going to be such an amazing party. I hope you will come to it and visit with everyone. I think once all is said and done that Thomas is going to see that you were just doing what was best for the kids.”

  “I’ll help in the background as much as I can to make sure the party goes off without a hitch, but I don’t want to be seen at all. I don’t want Thomas to know that I’m helping. You have to promise me this.”

  Samantha was silent.

  I waited for her to answer me. There was no way I wanted anything to do with this party if I had to see Thomas. He broke my heart and I wasn’t helping because of him. I was helping only for Jenna and Jackson.

  “I’ll try not to tell him.”

  “No, you won’t tell him, Samantha or I’m not helping.”

  “Fine, I won’t tell him that you are helping. But I hate to see this fighting between the two of you. I saw how he looked at you. He really does care about you.”

  “Then he shouldn’t have treated me the way he did,” I said.

  Chapter 17

  Thomas

  “Dad, are we going into town or what?” Jenna hollered at me from the stairs.

  “Yes, I’m coming. Geeze. You act like we are on a schedule for something. We have all the time in the world. All we are doing is going to see Grandma and Grandpa and have lunch over there. They don’t care what time we get there.”

  All morning long Jenna and Jackson had been acting weird. I saw them downstairs cleaning up the house and organizing the ornaments on the trees, then they were clearing out the refrigerator and making super-secret phone calls that they had to hide in the bathroom, so I couldn’t hear them.

  I was done with all these secrets that everyone was keeping. This Christmas party debacle that taken all my energy and I couldn’t wait for Christmas to be over. I was ready to move on with the new year already.

  The drive into the city was just as unusual as the morning had been. Both Jenna and Jackson sat in the back of the jeep whispering and talking to one another. They were frantically sending text messages too.

  “It’s Christmas Eve, guys, let’s stop texting your friends and let them spend some time with their families. Try taking a little bit of a phone break the next couple of days, please.”

  “Okay Dad,” Jenna said and then whispered something to Jackson while he texted someone from his phone.

  It was a losing battle with the two of them. No matter what I said they wanted to fight me. The older they got the more they stopped fighting with me and just did what they wanted to do anyway.

  I couldn’t imagine how bad it would get once they were in college. By then they would just be telling me whatever I wanted to hear and doing exactly the opposite. Parenting was tough enough when they legally had to listen to me. I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle it when they were off to college and had the ability to make decisions on their own.

  “Dad, how long are we going to be at Grandma and Grandpa’s?” Jackson asked.

  “I’m not sure. Maybe until five o’clock or so. Why? Are you on some sort of schedule? Do we need to get back home before Santa Claus arrives? What is going on with you two today?”

  “Okay, thanks Dad,” Jackson said ignoring every question that I’d just asked him.

  “Dad, maybe we shouldn’t stay so long. Do you think we could head home around three o’clock instead?” Jenna asked.

  “Why?”

  “No reason,” she and was clearly lying to me.

  “If you guys want to leave at three, we can leave at three. I really don’t care. I just want to say hi to your mother’s parents and enjoy a good visit and then we can go home.”

  “Okay, thanks Dad,” Jackson said again and continued texting someone.

  “You know one of these days your neck is going to get stuck facing that darn phone. You have to look up and enjoy your surroundings every now and again.”

  “Okay Dad, thanks,” Jackson replied as if we were having the same conversation over and over again.

  Jenna must have caught that he wasn’t paying attention and she shoved him a little and the two of them had a quiet conversation that I couldn’t hear. I did like that Jenna and Jackson were getting along. It was a far cry from our normal car rides and I liked seeing the two of them working together on whatever their secret project was.

  As I pulled into the parking spot near Mildred and Henry’s place I felt my anxiety increasing. These last few weeks ha
d been especially overwhelming for me and I expected visiting with Rose’s family was going to be hard for me also.

  I loved Mildred and Henry. They were so great with the kids and did so much for us over the years, but I was always reminded of the loss we had. It was so hard for me to be happy about the holidays when I felt like I’d disappointed them and let them down.

  Neither of Rose’s parents had ever said a thing to me that would make me feel bad for allowing Rose to go on that trip to New York. Of course, they knew that I wouldn’t have stopped her from doing anything that she wanted to do, but I still felt guilty when I was around her parents and that feeling didn’t go away no matter how many years it had been.

  “Thomas, Jackson, and Jenna,” Mildred said as she opened the door and hugged each of us one at a time. “I’m so glad you made it over here. We can’t visit for long though, we have a little party to get to down the street, so you will get going by three,” she said with a smile and direct look at Jackson.

  Oh, something was going on here and I knew it. This group was up to something and yet I didn’t know what it could be. Maybe they had a surprise for me and I didn’t want to ruin that since they were clearly working really hard on whatever it was.

  “You’re getting to be as tall as your Dad,” Henry said as he greeted Jackson first and then the rest of us.

  It was true, Jackson had sprouted up a lot in recent months and was nearly as tall as I was. There was a real possibility that he could end up being as tall as six foot four if he continued growing like he was.

  “Well, let’s sit down and get started on the food,” Mildred said without the normal visiting that we did before our meal.

  I couldn’t help smiling at the four of them and whatever they had planned for the day. I still felt terrible about what had happened with the Christmas party and with Niki and at least having the kids working secretly with their grandparents to plan a surprise would be something to lift my spirits.

  “So how is the dating life going?” Henry asked me out of the blue.

  Never, in all the years that I’d been to visit them had Mildred or Henry ever shown an interest in my dating life. It was odd for them to ask and I felt awkward trying to think of an appropriate answer.

  “Um, the same,” I said looking really uncomfortable.

  “Cool,” he said and we all continued eating.

  Mildred didn’t cook Christmas dinner herself. She liked to order it from a local restaurant who brought it in and set it all up for her. I loved the idea and wished I would have planned for that at our house.

  Instead, since I’d canceled the party, I had to rush out and grab some essentials, so I had at least a little something to make for Christmas dinner. This year hadn’t turned out like I hoped it would but at least our house was decorated nicely.

  I let the kids leave the ornaments up on the tree as they had decorated it. I really should have called or texted Niki and apologized but I didn’t know what to say to her. There was no doubt in my mind that she wasn’t going to want anything to do with me after the way I behaved. I was still planning on apologizing to her though, I just didn’t want to ruin her Christmas with a phone call from me.

  We all laughed and enjoyed lunch together as I tried to pick up on the clues of whatever this secret was that they had. Everyone continued to look at their watches, phones, or the clock on the wall. There was something happening after three o’clock but I didn’t know what it was.

  “Thomas, there’s something I want to talk to you about,” Mildred said seriously and then looked over at Henry. “Well, we both do.”

  “Okay,” I said a little worried at the somber feel that had suddenly taken over in the room.

  “We want you to be happy. Just in case you didn’t know that from our conversations over the years. We want you to move forward with your life. If you meet a nice woman we want you to love her and be in love. Don’t let the loss of Rose hold you back from living your life.”

  “I know, I’ve felt that from you but thank you for saying it out loud. I hope when I find someone to love that I’ll have the courage to go for it.”

  “And not yell at her and kick her out of our house,” Jenna said almost under her breath.

  “What was that, sweetheart?” Mildred asked.

  “The party planner that you met at our house. Dad liked her and she liked him but he was a jerk to her. He yelled at her and kicked her out of the house and I don’t think she will ever forgive him.”

  Mildred and Henry looked devastated at this news. I knew they had met Niki at the house but it wasn’t for more than one evening and I couldn’t imagine that they had fallen in love with her that quickly.

  I did not like the idea of disappointing Rose’s parents. I hated it about as much as I hated the idea of disappointing my own parents. Actually, I think I hated it worse than that. At least my own parents were required to love and forgive me, but Rose’s parents could hate me if they wanted to. I wasn’t their son, only their son-in-law.

  “Thomas, what happened? She was such a nice girl. We had a blast watching the kids decorate the Christmas trees and it was such a cute idea to have three of them.”

  “I canceled the party. That’s all there is to it. Nothing else needs to be talked about right now.”

  “I think maybe it does,” Mildred moved over to sit in the empty chair next to me. “You are an amazing man, Thomas and I know that Rose would want you to move on. I can’t say this enough. Your grief is genuine, all of our grief is real, but it is time that you consider letting your heart go and loving someone who deserves it.”

  “I’ll try. It is really hard for me to think about letting her go.”

  “Then don’t let her go. Find someone that will love her memory and encourage the whole family to keep her in your hearts,” Mildred said.

  That was the woman that Niki was. She had made it so clear that she wanted to include Rose in the decorations and she had been open to talking about her and listening to me talk about Rose. I ruined it though. I had destroyed any possibility that Niki and I could get together. My anger and my reaction to the decorations and the Christmas party had ruined what could have been a really good thing.

  “Is it possible that Niki was trying to help your whole family remember Rose with those decorations?” Henry asked.

  “She was, Dad,” Jenna jumped in. “She wanted Mom to be part of this big party and so did we. You got so angry at her but it was us who pulled all those decorations out and it was Jackson and I would put them on the tree.”

  “And it was Henry and me who watched the joy in their eyes as they looked at those pictures of Rose,” Mildred added. “Niki just sat back and let the children do what they wanted with those decorations. She didn’t force anything and I would hope that if you thought well of her before this incident you can get back to that place after Christmas.”

  “I’ll reach out to her and apologize,” I said as I noticed all four of them were going to keep ganging up on me until I finally admitted I was wrong. “I have some things I need to work on and I will ask for her forgiveness.”

  “Go call her now,” Jenna said and crossed her arms while she waited for me to obey her.

  “It’s Christmas Eve, Jenna. I don’t think Niki wants me bothering her when she’s with her family. I’ll call her after the holiday.”

  Jenna wouldn’t let up though and she continued to stare me down until I finally pulled my phone out and dialed Niki’s number. The phone rang a couple of times and then her voicemail picked up.

  “Hey, this is Thomas. I would like to talk to you when you get a moment. I’m very sorry about the way that I treated you. It was wrong, and I would love to apologize in person if you can manage to allow me the time,” I hung up quickly before I continued rambling on for too long.

  “That was a horrible message,” Jackson laughed.

  “What are you talking about? I said I was sorry and I asked her if I could see her in person.”

  Jacks
on and Jenna continued their whispering and texting while I visited some more with Mildred and Henry. It was as if a weight had been lifted and I felt much more comfortable talking to them than I had since Rose had passed away.

  By the end of our afternoon visit, I was feeling really good about my new bond with Mildred and Henry. They were great people and great grandparents, and it was possible that they were going to be great friends to me as well.

  Moving forward from my relationship with Rose had never been a priority in my life. I always thought that I wouldn’t be able to forget her so then I wouldn’t be able to find someone to love. But I was starting to realize that forgetting Rose wasn’t what needed to happen. I needed to find a spot for her in my heart where she could stay while I made room for someone new.

  There was no way I could ever forget about Rose and the life we had together. Our children Jenna and Jackson would be my constant reminder of how short life really was and how I needed to start living it.

  We said our goodbyes and loaded back into the jeep at exactly three o’clock in the afternoon. Jackson and Jenna seemed really proud of themselves for keeping whatever their mystery schedule was.

  “So where to next?” I asked the two of them as we started to head out of the city.

  “I’m exhausted, let’s head home,” Jenna said and threw out a pretend yawn to bring the point home. “It was a great day, Dad. I’m glad we came into town.”

  “I’m glad we did too. It was a nice visit but I still think the two of you are up to something. Are you going to tell me what it is?”

  “Dad,” Jenna said acting all surprised at my accusation. “We aren’t up to anything. Let’s just head home and we can all get a little sleep. It’s Christmas tomorrow. We need to get up early and open all of those presents.”

  “I don’t think we need to get up all that early,” I groaned. “You guys are old enough to wait until mid-morning to open your presents.”