by M. E. Parker
I smiled at him. “You’re here, Chance. We’re talking. When I told you earlier today that I missed our friendship, I meant it. I think we’re fixing it right now.”
He nodded and whispered, “I am sorry.”
“New rule,” I said, “you can’t say you’re sorry for the rest of the night.”
He laughed. “Okay. S—I mean, I won’t.”
I laughed. “Oh my God, you were about to say it again.”
He held up two fingers. “Scout’s honor. I won’t say it again.”
I elbowed him. “You were never a Boy Scout. I don’t believe you. Hey, you want a beer or something?”
“Nah. I can’t drink tonight. I have a game tomorrow.”
“Right. I think I have something that’ll make you feel better,” I said, smiling. He watched me as I walked into the kitchen. He was grinning from ear to ear when I came back with a plate of cookies and a glass of milk. And, fuck, I loved seeing that smile. It had been too long.
“Are those what I think they are?”
“Yep, chocolate chunk with oatmeal,” I said, putting the plate down in front of him.
“God, I’ve missed these things,” he said, taking a massive bite out of one.
I shrugged. “We sell them at the bakery. You could have had one anytime you wanted.”
He shook his head. “Not like this. None of them taste like yours.”
“Actually, those came from the bakery. They use my recipe.”
“Are you kidding? That’s awesome. Do you get a cut of the profits or something?”
I laughed. “No. I just never liked the cookies they sold, so I baked some one day and brought them to the owner and he started using my recipe.”
“God, you should open your own bakery and they should be paying you for these,” he said, taking another bite.
I rummaged through the basket under the coffee table and pulled out the Xbox controllers. “You wanna?”
He grinned. “You know I’m never gonna say no to a game of Halo.”
As I set up the game, he looked around the apartment. “Andy, I think this might be the nicest college apartment that I’ve ever been in.”
I chuckled. “It’s all Cam. He’s an Interior Design major. If it were up to me, we’d be sitting on my mother’s old couch from the garage and the TV would be on milk crates.”
Two hours later, we were still playing, talking, laughing, and it felt like I was home again.
chapter fifteen
Chance
I felt like I could breathe for the first time in I didn’t know how long. It wasn’t easy saying those words to Andy. But he was so fucking perfect. Everything he said. I didn’t deserve his kindness or, most of all, his forgiveness, but it felt good. Just hanging out with him playing video games again was enough. As every second I spent with him passed, I grew more attracted to him. If just hanging out with him playing video games was all I ever got, it would be enough.
He elbowed me when we finished the game after he looked at his watch. It was almost midnight. “Hey, do you have a curfew or something? It’s getting late.”
My face turned red. “Oh my god, you were getting ready to go out. I’m sorry. I’ll go. Jesus, Andy. I wasn’t thinking.”
He laughed. “No. That’s not what I meant. I’m not going anywhere. I just didn’t want you to get in trouble. You can stay all night if you want.”
His cheeks turned red. I loved it when he blushed. I shrugged. “I don’t have a curfew. I mean, technically, we do. But it’s not like they check up on us. Were you serious, though?”
He raised an eyebrow. “About?”
“Me staying?”
“Of course. Stay as long as you want.”
“All night?” I asked, wondering if I was pushing my luck.
Andy wrinkled his forehead. “You mean spend the night?”
“Yeah. I don’t really want to be by myself tonight.” That was a lie. The truth was, I couldn’t stand the idea of being away from Andy. “I mean, it’s not like we haven’t spent a thousand nights together. Is it weird?”
Andy snorted. “No weirder, I guess, than being pulled out of a freezing river or waking up naked with you in a sleeping bag or you showing up at my apartment to tell me that you’re gay. Why not let the weirdness continue?”
“It’s not that weird, is it?” I said, smiling at him.
He grinned. “It’s completely weird. But you should stay.”
I couldn’t stop myself from staring at him. He took my breath away. “Okay, you twisted my arm. I’ll stay,” I teased.
We played another game and I found myself yawning by the end of it. “You better get to sleep soon,” Andy said. “Big game tomorrow.”
I rubbed the back of my hair nervously as I followed him into his bedroom. “Yeah. Probably.” It was my idea to stay over, but I wasn’t sure if I could keep my hands to myself if we were in the same bed together.
He disappeared into the bathroom and came out brushing his teeth. I sat down on the corner of his bed and watched as he grabbed a pair of plaid flannel sleep pants out his dresser. He took the toothbrush out of his mouth and asked, “You need something to sleep in?”
“Nope, I’m good,” I said, taking off my shoes. I looked up at him and he looked nervous. I suddenly wondered if I shouldn’t be there. If I was crossing a line. I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable, and we still hadn’t talked about what happened between us up in the mountains. Then it occurred to me that he might be dating someone. It sure looked like it in the coffee shop the week before. It would be a dick move if I screwed that up. Even if nothing happened between us, I was sure the guy wouldn’t appreciate me sleeping in Andy’s bed. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it until then.
“Hey, Andy, can I ask you something?” I called into the bathroom. He walked out wearing his sleep pants. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and he had his glasses on. My dick twitched at the sight of him.
“Sure.”
“Are you dating someone? I mean, you don’t have to tell me, but I was wondering. I mean, I saw you with someone at the coffee shop week before last. I mean, it doesn’t matter, I was just curious.” I was rambling. I felt ridiculous when he smiled at me with laughter playing in his eyes.
“You saw me at the coffee shop and you didn’t say hello?”
“Well, no, I…”
He laughed and interrupted me. “I’m kidding, Chance. That was probably Mark. We were dating, but we broke up a few days ago.”
“A few days ago?”
“Yeah. On Tuesday.”
“I’m sorry?” I said, grinning at him.
He chuckled. “You don’t look very sorry.”
“Seriously, I’m sorry if you’re sorry,” I said, still smiling.
He laughed and rolled his eyes. “I’m not, but you broke the rule.”
I scrunched my eyebrows. “What rule?”
He grinned. “You said the S word.”
My competitive spirit kicked in. “Doesn’t count, it’s after midnight.”
He shook his head. “I left out a new toothbrush if you want it.”
I went in the bathroom and brushed my teeth and rinsed my face with water. I breathed in Andy’s scent. I loved the smell. It was coconut and something fresh like lime. I stripped down to my underwear. I looked in the mirror. I was wearing nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs. What else are you going to sleep in? Quit being so weird, it’s Andy, I thought to myself.
When I walked out, Andy was sitting up in bed with his back against the headboard. He was reading something on his Kindle. He looked up at me and looked back down at his Kindle with flushed cheeks. I climbed on the bed beside him.
“Will this bother you?” he asked. “I’m not sure I can fall asleep right away. I slept most of the day.”
“No,” I said, “but can we talk some more? I’m not sure I can sleep either.”
“Sure.” He put his Kindle down on the bedside table and turned to look at me.
> I grabbed his hand and intertwined my fingers with his. “Is this okay?”
The corners of his lips turned up and he nodded.
I swept my thumb back and forth across his hand. It felt good to touch him. It felt right to hold his hand.
“Will you tell me what it was like when you came out?”
He rubbed his face with his free hand. “Seriously?”
“Yeah. I wanna know.”
“Well, Marci was the first person I told. It was the summer before our senior year. She was completely cool about it. It wasn’t a big deal at all. But I remember it felt good to finally tell someone.” I squeezed his hand to encourage him to continue. “And you were the second.”
I closed my eyes. “God, I’m sorry…”
“Chance—no more apologies.”
“I know. But it should have been different.” I hated myself for the way I treated him.
“Just listen,” he said. “After that night, and I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, I just didn’t want to hide it anymore. I didn’t want to feel like my sexuality needed to be a secret because it was wrong or bad or something. I regretted what happened between us, Chance, but I didn’t want to hate who I was. So, I told Mom. She was great. She already knew, of course. But she was glad that I felt like I could talk to her about it. And then I told Marci to tell Shelly.”
“Jesus, no wonder it was all over the school. I always wondered. I was afraid you would think I told people,” I said, looking over at him. “I know you don’t want to hear apologies, but I feel terrible for not having your back. I should have stood beside you.”
He shook his head. “It wasn’t that bad. My only friend was Marci and she was great. My mom was supportive. I don’t think most people really cared. So many people have had it so much harder than me. The worst thing that happened to me was John Lambert calling me a fag in the hallway.”
I looked down. Guilt was eating me up from the inside out. “I was there.”
“I know,” Andy said, squeezing my hand.
“I beat the hell out of him in practice that day. I shoulda done it right there in the hallway.”
He looked at me with wide eyes. “I heard you two got into a fight. That was about me?”
I shrugged. “He didn’t know why. Every time I looked at him that day at practice, I kept hearing him say that to you and I finally lost it. Coach pulled me off him. I broke his nose. I never would say why I did it. I should have been kicked off the team, or at least suspended. But it was right before state playoffs.” I was so ashamed. “Andy, I…” My voice trailed off.
He must have sensed how badly I wanted to apologize. “Chance, don’t.” His eyes were watery.
“I didn’t mean to upset you.”
He shook his head and the corners of his lips turned up into a sad smile. “You didn’t. It actually makes me feel good to know that you were looking out for me even when you weren’t speaking to me. Look, I know this may sound crazy, but the worst part of all that was losing your friendship. The coming out part, that was good for me. If I hadn’t, I don’t think I would have met Cameron or the rest of the guys. I have these great friends that are supportive. So, in a way, you did me a favor.”
I laughed. “Only you could turn me being the biggest dick of all time into something positive. God, I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too,” Andy said, smiling at me.
“Is it bad that I want to kiss you right now?” I asked, staring into his green eyes.
chapter sixteen
Andy
I looked at Chance. His dark eyes felt like they were staring straight through me. It felt surreal, sitting next to him in my bed. I never thought we’d talk again, much less be holding hands. In a lot of ways, it was like we never lost each other. It hadn’t been that hard to pick up where we left off. But I also knew we were in unchartered territory. The Chance Wyrick that was sitting beside me was different. He was like a new and improved version. Being his friend again would be easy. It was the rest I was worried about. The part of me that had been in love with him for almost as long as I could remember was terrified.
“Is it bad that I want to kiss you right now?” he asked.
I swallowed. “Probably, but I want to kiss you too,” I whispered.
He reached up and took off my glasses and folded them before he gently set them on the nightstand. Then he put his hands on either side of my face and kissed me. And when I say he kissed me, I mean he made slow, sweet love to my mouth. I was convinced that it had to be the most romantic, passionate kiss in the history of the world. My heart pounded. My breathing was out of control. My cock was so hard it hurt. I wasn’t sure how long we were kissing before he pulled back. “Come here,” he said out of breath. “Lie down with me.”
I quickly scooted down on the bed and he laid on his side next to me. “Andy, I’m so fucking attracted to you,” he said in the sexiest, raspiest voice I’d ever heard. The feeling’s mutual, I thought but didn’t say. He ran his finger across my nose. “I’ve been fascinated by your freckles since the day I met you.” I wrinkled my nose and he leaned down and kissed me. I’d never had a guy treat me like that. The way he looked at me was almost reverent. I didn’t know what it was. But it was something I hadn’t experienced before.
As he kissed me, I felt his hand roam over my chest and move down to my stomach towards my cock. I wanted him in the worst way. I wanted to touch him everywhere and taste all of him. But I knew that being with a guy was new to him and I decided to let him take the lead. The last thing I wanted to do was freak him out again. When his hand grazed over my cock, I let out an involuntary moan. My hips instinctively bucked up and he pressed his palm against my erection.
I turned over on my side to face him. I couldn’t get close enough to him. He fumbled with the drawstring on my sleep plants. “Off,” he whispered.
I struggled out of them and looked over at him. “You too,” I said as I dropped the pants on the floor next to the bed. I was glad that the lamp in the corner of the room was still glowing. I wanted to see him. He was so fucking hot. I turned around to face him again and he pulled me close to him. Our naked bodies were pressed together as we devoured each other with hungry kisses.
He broke free from our kiss for a second. “I love how we feel together,” he said breathlessly before he kissed me again. I couldn’t take it anymore; I had to touch him. I reached down between us and wrapped my hand around his cock. I rubbed my thumb over the tip, loving the feel of him in my hand. Hard and heavy. Slick with his arousal. I jerked him off slowly. I loved the look on his face. His head fell back on the pillow and his eyes rolled back in his head. “Andy, fuck. That feels so damn good.” He leaned up again, reached between us, and I soon felt the warmth of his hand wrapped around me. As good as it felt, what I really wanted was to feel his gorgeous cock against mine. I pulled his hand away from me and wrapped mine around both of us, pressing our hard dicks together. “Oh Jesus, what are you doing?” he moaned as he looked down between us. “Oh fuck, that’s so hot. I’m not—I won’t last,” he said as he moved his hips.
I looked down between us. It was hot as fuck seeing our cocks pressed together like that, disappearing in and out of my fist. “Me neither,” I rasped as I felt my balls tighten. As soon as I saw the white milky release spurt from his beautiful cock, I came with him, shooting all over my stomach and chest.
Chance rolled over onto his back, pulling me with him. My head was nestled against his chest as we caught our breath. One of his hands grasped my hair and the other drew lazy circles on my back. As I laid there, I thought, I don’t think I’ll ever feel this happy again. I should remember everything about it. How he smells, the sound of his breathing, how his warm body feels against mine. All of it. I need to remember all of it.
A sarcastic laugh escaped his lips and jolted me out of my thoughts. “What’s funny?” I murmured against his chest.
He let out a sigh. “I don’t know. I was just thinkin
g if I had any doubts left that I was gay, you just freed me of them.”
“Mmmm…” I answered, not knowing exactly how to respond. As I laid there, I couldn’t help but remember Jeff Sidner. He was the first guy I’d ever fooled around with. It was my freshman year at Gilcrest. We made out in his dorm room and gave each other handjobs. It felt spectacular at the time. Kissing any guy and having him touch me at that point in my life would probably have felt the same. But after we’d hooked up a few times, I realized we had nothing in common. There was nothing beyond the physical attraction. I couldn’t help but worry that I was Chance’s Jeff Sidner. Maybe I was just going to be the first guy he ever fooled around with. The thought made me sad.
I pushed off him and he pulled me back down towards him. “Where’re you goin’?”
I looked down at him and smiled. “To clean up.”
He pulled me closer to him and rolled me onto my back. “Stay put,” he said before kissing my forehead. He disappeared into the bathroom. I listened to the water running as I laid there feeling naked and vulnerable. He came back a few minutes later and sat beside me on the bed. He gently cleaned my body with a warm cloth and tossed it on the floor before he turned off the lamp, climbed into bed, and pulled the covers over us. He pulled me close to his chest and kissed me on the back of the neck. “Thank you,” he whispered.
I cleared my throat. “For what?”
I could feel his breath against the back of my neck as he whispered, “For everything… I’ll make you a list someday.”
I fell asleep with his strong arms wrapped around me, holding onto a sliver of hope that there would be a someday. I woke up to him rubbing my shoulder. “Andy,” he whispered. I sat up in bed, disappointed to see that he was fully dressed.
chapter seventeen
Chance
I watched Andy rub the sleep out of his eyes. I wanted to crawl right back in bed with him. “Are you heading out?” he rasped.