Red (A Brett MacLean Duet)

by J. M. Walker

  I hated waiting. I hated not knowing what the next day would bring. My kids felt it and that fact alone pissed me off.

  It took everything in me not to march down to see Claire myself and demand a DNA test or yell and scream in her face. Even locked up and put away she was destroying my family.

  I let out a huff and ripped my top over my head. Sliding my leggings down my bottom half, I kicked them to the side and headed to the bathroom. Although I was exhausted, I needed the heat of a bath. It was the only warmth I had been feeling lately.

  I wasn’t sure if anything would ever be the same. The relationship between Brett and our kids was strained. He and I were hardly talking. Instead, I shut myself out, not letting him in no matter how much he tried. I couldn’t help it. He broke me.

  Sinking into the hot bath, I let out a sigh. The bubbles popped around me, the scent of vanilla wafting through the air.

  The door to the bathroom quietly opened and I knew without looking that it was Brett. He came farther into the room and shut the door behind him.

  Without giving me so much as a word, he slipped into the water behind me.

  I sighed, my eyes squeezing shut at the feel of my husband wrapping himself around my body.

  No words passed between us as he held me against him. His lips grazed the back of my neck. His fingers trailed down the length of my spine.

  “You’ve lost weight,” he murmured, inching his hand around my waist.

  Of course I had. I was stressed the fuck out since this whole shit began.

  “Evvie.” He cupped my breast, pinching my nipple between his fingers. “My Evvie,” he whispered.

  Leaning my head back against his shoulder, I let him take me away. Out of my head. Away from this godforsaken world. I didn’t care at the moment that he had hurt me. I needed him. I needed my husband. I needed the dominant man I had fallen in love with, with the Master inside him that I craved.

  “So fucking beautiful,” he breathed, sinking his teeth into my shoulder blade.

  My body heated, a small moan escaping the back of my throat.

  “I don’t deserve you,” he whispered against my skin. “I’ve never deserved you. I don’t deserve our kids. I don’t deserve fucking happiness after what I’ve put you all through.”

  “Shut up,” I snapped, my head whipping around. “I don’t want to hear how sorry you are or how guilty you feel.”

  Brett’s brows narrowed in the center. “No? Then what the fuck do you want from me?”

  “I want you to grovel at my feet,” I blurted, my mouth snapping shut at my admission.

  Something flashed in his eyes before he spun me in his arms and bent me over the edge of the tub. “No matter how guilty I feel, I don’t grovel, Evvie.” His palm connected with the seat of my ass.

  I gasped, arching into the swings of his hand.

  “I love you. I don’t deserve you. I never have. I never will. But it doesn’t mean that I won’t own you just the same.” Brett towered over me, his hot breath fanning the side of my face. With his hand at the base of my throat and his other gripping my hip, all I could do was wait until he completely consumed me.

  “I want you. Fuck do I ever want you.” He pushed his heavy erection against my rear. “Can you feel how much I want you?”

  I moaned, swallowed hard, and nodded.

  “Tell me to fuck you.” He kissed my cheek. “Tell me you want me deep inside you.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut.

  “Tell me, Evvie,” he demanded. “Tell me because it’s all I can give you right now.”

  “Yes,” I whispered. “Own me.”

  In a hard thrust, Brett was deep inside my pussy.

  I cried out at the invasion, feeling him down to my very soul.

  “So fucking good,” he groaned, digging his fingers into my hips. “Shit, Evvie.”

  “Move, Brett,” I begged. “Please. I need you to move.”

  “You’re so fucking tight.” He pulled out most of the way before slamming back into me so damn hard, I lost my grip on the edge of the tub. Wrapping his arms around me, Brett pulled me back against him and cupped my throat. “Fuck my dick, Evvie.”

  I circled my hips, moving back and forth, up and down, side to side. I moved. He thrusted. I screamed. He groaned. He felt so damn good. This was where we belonged. We had this connection that no one could ever take away from us no matter how hard they tried.

  Water sloshed over the sides of the tub, the sounds of our pleasure becoming louder the longer he fucked me.

  “I’m spending the night inside you. I want you so fucking sore.” Brett fisted my hair, pulling my head back and sinking his teeth into the side of my throat.

  I whimpered, holding on to his other arm wrapped around my middle. “Please make me sore.”

  I could feel his lips pull up into a smile against my skin.

  “I will, Evvie. I’m going to destroy this hot little body that was made for me.” Brett turned me in his arms, holding my hands behind my back. His heated gaze roamed over my naked torso, taking in the sight before him. “So fucking beautiful.” His mouth latched on to my nipple, sucking the hardened nub between his sharp teeth.

  I hissed, arching against him. “Yes.” I circled my hips against him, my pussy clenching at the delicious onslaught of pain. “Oh, Brett.”

  He chuckled. “I’ll never get over how much of a little slut for pain you are.”

  Brett released my hands and cupped my shoulders, powering into me with so much strength, I broke in a matter of seconds. His name left my lips on a muffled scream, the release shattering through me until all I felt was that delicious high I had craved since first meeting him. I wanted him to take me down to our room in the basement so I could be as loud as I wanted but until that happened, this moment would have to do. It had to be enough. For him. For me. For us.

  “That’s it, Evvie,” he growled. “Keep coming for me.”

  “Harder,” I whimpered, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. “Please. Harder.”

  “Evvie.”

  His rough demand, forced me to look at him.

  “Kiss me.”

  He didn’t have to ask me twice.

  ***

  (Brett)

  A couple of hours later, I left Evvie sleeping in our bed. I had used her good and hard but it didn’t make either of us feel better. It only masked the pain of our current situation.

  Heading to my office, I dialed my manager’s phone number.

  “Brett,” Ian greeted. “Do you know what time it is?”

  “Nope. Don’t care.” This was important.

  Ian sighed, mumbling something to his wife. Under normal circumstances, I would have felt bad for waking them up, but right now, I was desperate.

  “What’s going on?” he asked me a moment later.

  “I need you to track down a Roxane Morgan for me. The only information I have is that she has a daughter, Claire Morgan, who’s in a mental hospital. I can only assume the hospital is within a couple hours’ drive from here.”

  “Shit. Are you fucking kidding me right now? Why aren’t you getting your lawyer on this?”

  “I already have but having you both work on it means the job will get done faster.”

  “No faith my man,” Ian mumbled. “No faith at fucking all.”

  I sat at my desk and wiggled the mouse, bringing the computer to life. “I need to know where Roxane is so…” I swallowed hard. “Fuck it.” I explained what had happened and how Roxane suddenly appeared out of nowhere after all of these years.

  “Do you think she’s yours?” Ian asked.

  “I have no fucking idea but the picture of her sure makes me wonder. She could be my damn twin.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, breathing through the impending migraine. “I know it’ll take a while to get any answers no matter how much money we throw at the state but I need to get this rolling.”

  Before Evvie left me.

  Brett

  A MONTH HAD passed
since I broke the news to my wife that I possibly fathered a kid with another woman. Although those weeks had gone by, we still weren’t any closer to getting the answers we were looking for.

  Evvie hadn’t left but she remained distant.

  I spent my time at the hotel until late into the night when I knew she would be asleep. I would crawl into bed beside her and pray to whoever was listening that she would forgive me. Lying beside her and not touching her were the hardest things I ever had to do. I would go through the years of abuse that had been put on my shoulders as a kid before I ever lost her.

  Patrick was still quiet. Eddie masked his confusion by getting into trouble at school. And Miracle snapped at me every chance she got.

  I thought I let it roll off my shoulders.

  I thought I was strong enough to make it past this. That all of us were.

  But when I stood in my bathroom, staring at my reflection, I saw the heavy bags beneath my eyes. Gray became more pronounced in my hair. I hadn’t even bothered to shave in a couple of days, my beard growing in thicker than how I usually kept it.

  Looking away, I gripped the counter.

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  I couldn’t do this. I was on edge every damn day, wondering if I would wake up and find Evvie had taken our kids and left me.

  My chest ached, my ribs feeling like they were cracking inside of me. “Shit.” Before I knew it, my fist connected with the mirror. The glass shattered, pieces falling into the sink. A sharp slice of pain shot up my arm but it felt good. It felt so damn good to feel this agony other than the guilt suffocating me.

  I looked in the mirror. My cracked reflection stared back at me.

  My eyes were dark. My hair shaggy and unkempt from running my fingers through it all day. My cheeks were sunken in.

  If I could take Evvie’s pain and lay it on my shoulders, I would. If I could go back in time and not break up with her in the first place, I would. So many what ifs. Life was a trial of what ifs. As long as we learned from our mistakes. I learned. I learned fucking hard. And I was in the process of losing my family because of it.

  I was stuck.

  Roxane had disappeared along with the possibility of finding out if I was in fact the father of Claire’s daughter or not. It was highly convenient that she would drop this bombshell on us and then suddenly leave.

  Leaving the bathroom, I pulled off my t-shirt and slid onto the bed beside Evvie.

  Her body was rigid and stiff. She was curled into herself.

  I kissed her cheek, wrapping my arm around her middle. “I love you, Evvie,” I whispered. “I would die for you. For our kids. You are the reason I breathe. You’re the air in my lungs. I’m alive because of you.”

  She whimpered, a soft sob leaving her mouth.

  My chest tightened, not realizing she was awake.

  “Do you feel it?” she asked, fresh tears coating her lashes.

  “What?” I croaked, pulling her against me. I held her tight, wishing I could dive beneath her skin and live deep within the safety of her warmth.

  “Our love.” She swallowed hard. “It’s slipping away.”

  “Don’t say that,” I pleaded, brushing my face into the crook of her neck. “Please, Evvie. Don’t. I can’t…” My eyes welled, my nose burning. “Fuck.”

  “It’s true.” She turned toward me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. “This is the first time we’ve touched in a week. Seven days, Brett. Seven damn days since you’ve touched me. Why?”

  “I’m scared to touch you.” I cupped her face, placing a soft peck on her head. “I can’t handle rejection from you. I’m not strong enough.”

  Her breath caught.

  My throat worked hard to swallow past the lump that was lodged into it. “I’m working on making this right but I need time. The government moves so damn slow. And Roxane disappeared.”

  “I need answers. I need to know if that girl is yours. I need to know if you did fuck Claire after you broke up with me. I need to know, Brett.” Her deep blue gaze stared up at me, begging me to answer the questions leaving her mouth.

  “I don’t know the answers,” I mumbled.

  “Those are excuses. You know people. You could get our lawyer on it. Or Ian. Or even Mathis. Doesn’t he owe you a favor?” Evvie turned back around. “I feel like you’re not fighting hard enough.”

  “Evvie.” I reached out for her. “I—”

  “Please don’t touch me,” she whispered.

  A breath left me. This was it. I lost my wife and I didn’t know how to get her back. I didn’t know how to get my kids back. I didn’t know shit.

  Pulling myself from the bed, I got dressed and grabbed my keys and wallet before heading to the door. “I love you, Evvie,” I muttered, turning back to her. “I will always love you. No matter what happens. You are the better part of me. The only part that matters.”

  “Leave, Brett. Please,” she begged. “I can’t do this anymore.” Her breath hitched. “I’m done.”

  ***

  (Evvie)

  When the door closed, a sob escaped me. The cries racking through my body were so hard, my muscles screamed in agony.

  I couldn’t do this. I needed him. I needed him as much as he needed me.

  Jumping from the bed, I rushed out of the room. “Brett,” I called after him.

  He was already down the stairs. He stopped, turning slowly toward me.

  I paused, looking down at him. I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t know why I pushed him away only to beg for him to come back to me. “Please.”

  “I can’t do this anymore.” He shook his head. “Not with you. You either want to work on this or…” His eyes shone.

  “I don’t know what I want,” I confessed, clenching my hands into fists at my sides. “But…”

  “What, Evvie?” He took a step toward me, staring up at me from the bottom of the staircase. “But what? This isn’t healthy for either of us. It’s not healthy for our kids. I know I fucked up. I know that. I go to sleep every night wishing I could wake up from this damn nightmare. I made a mistake. I own that. But I can’t keep coming back to you only for you to keep shoving me away.”

  “What are we going to do?” The question, the one dreaded question that I didn’t want to ask, hung over our heads.

  “I think the first step is to see Matteo.” Brett took another step closer. “But I don’t…”

  “You don’t think it’ll work,” I answered for him. Tears burned my eyes, my chest tightened to the point I couldn’t breathe. I fell to my knees. “I need you.”

  “I’m right here, Evvie. I’ve been here all along but you can’t fucking see me.”

  “Yes,” I cried. “Yes, I can see you. I can really see you but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this. I want you but then I don’t want you. Knowing you got her pregnant and she lost the baby was hard enough. But now, knowing she got pregnant again and was able to keep it…I need to know if that baby was yours.” My shoulders shook. “I would never wish that on anyone but a part of me was relieved that there was no baby in the picture.” God, I was a horrible person.

  “Evvie,” Brett said gently, slowly coming up the stairs.

  “No.” I shot to my feet. “I’m so fucking confused.” My hands covered my face when a hard body crashed into my back.

  We fell to the ground in a mess of limbs. Brett and I couldn’t get close enough.

  “Don’t leave me,” I begged, wrapping my body around him.

  “I have to go,” he said, his voice thick. He brushed a hand down my cheek. “I can’t stay here if you hate me.”

  “I don’t hate you,” I sobbed, holding on to him as tight as I could for fear he would disappear from my sight.

  “Can you be with me, knowing what I’ve done?” He cupped my face, forcing me to look at him. “Tell me the truth. If that baby ends up being mine, if that little girl who is Miracle’s age, our daughter’s age, is actually mine, can you be with me?”

>   I looked away, trying to shove out of his grip but his hold only tightened.

  “Tell me,” he demanded, his dark eyes pleading for me to confess all of my sins to him. “Evvie, can you be with me?” he repeated.

  “No,” I finally said, my heart cracking.

  A soft sob escaped him. He pushed me out of his hold.

  “No.” I reached for him, grabbing on to his shirt. “Please.”

  “Please what?” He forced me back. “What, Evvie? You can’t be with me but you don’t want me to go? That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.”

  “I’m confused,” I repeated, crawling back into his arms. “I’m sorry.”

  “No,” he yelled, shoving me off of him until I fell on my ass. “You do not apologize to me. You hear me?” Brett rose to his full height, storming down the stairs. “This is my fault. All of mine. I won’t let you put blame on yourself.” He headed to the door, stopping once he reached it and slowly turned back to me. “I think we need to meet with our lawyer.”

  Evvie

  I LET HIM leave. I let him walk out on us. On our kids. On our family .

  I had to be strong for our children but when a month went by and I hadn’t heard from my husband, a piece of me broke off each day. The only time I heard anything was when he contacted Miracle and she told me he was picking them up for a couple of hours. He left our kids with me without even asking me. I would never take them from him. No matter how hard we fought or if this never worked out. He was their father. He was a damn good father and I would never begrudge him that. It wasn’t their fault he made a mistake. It wasn’t mine either but then why the hell did I feel so damn guilty? Should I have tried to reach out more? Should I have forced him to talk? Should I have kept him with me instead of pushing him away like I finally did?