The Surgeon's New-Year Wedding Wish

by Laura Iding

  This was her fault. She’d known all along lust wasn’t love. And obviously those heated hours they’d spent together had really been nothing more than lust.

  The realization made her feel sick. And not with flu.

  She had patients to see. Work would help keep her grounded, just like it had after George had died. She could work with Quinn, keeping her distance. And if she couldn’t, she had the option of leaving Cedar Bluff.

  She didn’t want to, but she could. She had no ties here anymore. None at all.

  Leila left the ED, her path taking her past Quinn’s office.

  The door was ajar and Danny was inside, playing games on the computer.

  Her footsteps slowed, and then stopped. After a moment’s hesitation, she retraced her steps, pausing in the open doorway. “Hi, Danny. Having fun?”

  The boy nodded somewhat absently, his attention on the game, until he abruptly let out a heavy sigh. “Rats. I lost again.”

  “Bummer.” She ventured a little farther into the room, even though she knew Quinn wouldn’t be happy she was there, talking to Danny. She suspected he didn’t want her to get too close to his son, but she wasn’t sure why. “I wanted to thank you again for helping out with your dad. You were very brave.”

  Danny abandoned the computer, swiveling back and forth on the rolling chair, his cast sticking out and his expression serious. “I was afraid he wouldn’t wake up. Like my mom. I shaked her and shaked her but she didn’t wake up.”

  Dear God. She tried not to look shocked. “That must have been really scary for you, Danny.”

  Danny bit his lip and nodded. “She died. My dad said she went to heaven to be an angel.”

  She’d died? Danny’s mother had died? While Danny had been with her? She could just imagine the poor kid, trying over and over again to wake up his mom. Had he been all alone with his mom when she’d died? Was that the reason he’d stopped talking?

  And was that the reason Quinn wasn’t interested in anything more than an affair? Because he was still in love with his dead wife?

  “I bet she’s a wonderful angel,” Leila said in a choked voice. “And I’m sure she’s watching over you every minute.”

  “Uh-huh.” Danny’s gaze focused on a spot over her shoulder and she turned to see Quinn standing there, scowling at them. “Hi, Dad.”

  “Danny, we need to go. Seth is coming to pick us up.”

  “Cool.” Leila handed Danny his crutches. He slid down from the chair and she put a hand on it to keep it steady for him. “Can I play with Ben today?”

  “We’ll see.” Quinn still looked pale and none too steady, but the anger in his gaze, when he stared at her, was difficult to ignore.

  For some reason, she hastened to defend herself. “Danny and I were just talking about how scared he was when you collapsed,” she said, keeping her voice low so Danny wouldn’t hear. “He was afraid you weren’t going to wake up, like his mom didn’t.”

  A muscle twitched at the corner of his jaw. “So now you know the truth. You know why Danny stopped talking eighteen months ago. Maybe he was traumatized when his mother died but, as you can see, he’s better now. How dare you bring it up again, risking a serious setback?”

  Shocked, she could only stare at him. “I didn’t. Danny brought it up.”

  “Because you said something, I’m sure. Stay out of it, Leila,” he said harshly. “Leave the past alone.”

  “Danny wasn’t the only one traumatized,” she argued, angry at the way he’d blamed her for pumping Danny for information. She really hadn’t. And, besides, maybe if Quinn had opened up about the past she would have known the truth before now and could have avoided any possibility of a setback for Danny. “You were, too. You lost your wife. I told you my husband died, but you never said a word about being a widower as well.”

  “Leave it alone,” he said, turning away to follow his son. “It has nothing to do with you.”

  She reared back as if he’d slapped her. Nothing to do with her? Why? Because she was nothing to him? Not even a friend? He walked away and she sucked in a hard breath, wishing she could chase after him, grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. But she didn’t move. All she could do was stand there, in his office, feeling even worse than before.

  Quinn had spent the night with her but, other than giving her the pleasure of his body, he’d shared nothing else with her.

  Nothing.

  And, obviously, he planned to keep it that way.

  Leila was on call, but the trauma room was quiet and when she finally ran out of work to do she headed home, knowing she lived only five minutes away if a trauma call did come in.

  Her house was dark. Silent. Empty.

  More empty than she remembered.

  She checked her computer, and as always went to the reunion Web site first thing, but there was still no word from the woman who’d claimed to be her mother. Obviously, this Maylyn Aquino didn’t have any proof that Leila was her daughter.

  With a heavy sigh, she logged out of the reunion Web site. Nothing was going right for her. Not the possibility of finding her birth mother and certainly not the sexual fling she’d shared with Quinn. Unable to relax, she wandered around her small house, the unmistakable scent of Quinn seemingly following her everywhere she went.

  In her bedroom, his musky scent was by far the strongest and in a fit of despair she quickly stripped the sheets off her bed, marched them to the laundry room and dumped them into the washing machine. Then she lit dozens of pine-scented candles, including several in her bedroom, determined to get rid of the haunting scent.

  She didn’t need any reminders of how stupid she’d been.

  Stupid, so stupid to fall in love with him.

  The knowledge came from nowhere and hit her hard, sucking the air from her lungs, nearly bringing her to her knees. Numb, she sank onto the sofa.

  She loved Quinn.

  When had it happened? How?

  The love she’d shared with George had been so different. Gentle. Kind. A partnership, until he’d gotten so sick and then she’d cared for him until he’d died.

  From the very beginning, being with Quinn had been nothing like the gentle caring she’d shared with her husband.

  Yet the moment she’d seen Quinn crumpled on the ground next to his car, her heart had jumped into her throat. Panicked, she’d rushed to him, deathly afraid. Quinn had always been so strong, indomitable.

  The passion between them had been earth-shattering. At least for her. Very different from what she’d had with George. Even after everything that had happened, she wanted Quinn. Knew she’d always want him.

  She put a hand to the center of her chest, rubbing at the ache as if it were a sore muscle she could massage better. There was no point in denying the truth—she loved him. With her whole heart and soul.

  Too bad he didn’t feel anything even close to love in return.

  Physically, Quinn felt better after twenty-four hours. Emotionally, he was as irritable as a badger.

  Danny was doing great. Quinn had experienced a rough moment when Ben had asked Danny, “How come you can talk now?”

  He’d held his breath, praying that Danny wouldn’t relapse back into silence, but his son had simply shrugged. “I just can.”

  “Oh. Okay.” Ben seemed to accept Danny’s answer at face value. Why, Quinn wasn’t sure, and the boys continued to play as if nothing strange had happened.

  Delores had wept when he’d told her the news. Tears of happiness, knowing that Danny had moved on from the trauma he’d suffered when Celeste had died, breaking through his wall of silence once and for all. He also called Nancy, who hadn’t seemed nearly as surprised.

  “I told you he’d talk when he was ready.”

  Quinn vaguely remembered hearing Danny shout out for someone to help his daddy. He’d hated knowing he’d scared Danny, yet he couldn’t help being glad that the result had been Danny regaining his ability to talk.

  Now, if only he co
uld stop thinking about Leila, he’d be in great shape. Just fine and dandy.

  He walked into the kitchen, not really paying attention to where he was going, thanks to another sleepless night thinking about Leila, when he stubbed his toe on the leg of the kitchen table.

  “Dammit!”

  “What is your problem?” Delores asked. “You haven’t been yourself lately. You’d think you’d be happy now that you’re feeling better and Danny is talking again.”

  “Nothing is wrong,” he bit out between clenched teeth, reaching down to rub his big toe. “I am happy.”

  Delores gave a disgusted sniff. “You could have fooled me.”

  Maybe he was cranky. Mostly because he still didn’t feel quite like his old self after that bout of flu. Plus he’d promised Seth he’d come to his wedding this evening and that he’d bring Danny so that Ben would have someone to hang out with. And to make matters worse, he’d agreed to have Ben stay overnight here with them for a sleepover so Seth and Kylie could have a proper wedding night.

  Great for Danny and Ben, as the two were becoming best friends.

  But not exactly the way he’d hoped to spend New Year’s Eve.

  Knock it off, he told himself harshly. Danny is talking, there’s nothing more precious in the entire world than knowing his son was back to his former self.

  The scars of the past had started to heal. He wouldn’t risk opening them up again.

  “What time are you leaving for the wedding?” Delores asked, pouring herself a cup of coffee and coming over to sit beside him at the table.

  “Not until three-thirty or so.” Quinn stood and helped himself to a cup of coffee as well. Today coffee actually sounded good. “The wedding is at four o’clock with the reception immediately afterward.” He tried to put on his happy face, although it wasn’t easy, considering he’d have to face Leila at the wedding reception. “I’ll have the boys home by ten o’clock at the latest.”

  “Great. Danny is so excited. It’ll be good for them to spend more time together.”

  Yeah. The funny thing was, Danny didn’t need him as much now that he was talking again. Or maybe it just seemed that way as he didn’t have to read and interpret his son’s sign language anymore.

  The image of Danny teaching Leila sign language flashed into his mind.

  He scrubbed his hands over his face. He owed her an apology for attacking her yesterday at the hospital. He’d been so angry when he’d overheard Danny telling her about his mother being in heaven as an angel that he’d been unable to see straight.

  Worried about Danny having a relapse, he’d jumped all over her.

  She’d said Danny had brought the subject up himself, and maybe he had. Leila had never been anything but kind to Danny. His son seemed close to her, especially after yesterday when he’d been sick. And that’s what had bothered him most.

  Because even if Leila was good with Danny, it didn’t matter. He didn’t want a wife. Didn’t deserve a second chance.

  “Quinn?” Delores said in an exasperated tone. “Are you listening?”

  “What?” Guiltily, he lifted his head. No, he hadn’t been listening. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

  “What do you think about me renting a couple of movies for the boys to watch when you get home tonight?” she repeated. “They can watch them until they fall asleep.”

  “Yeah. Sure. That’s a great idea.” He needed to pull himself together, and fast. Not only to get through the wedding tonight but for all the times in the future he’d have to work with Leila.

  No, he didn’t want a wife, but he was pretty sure Leila wanted the whole happily-ever-after package. A marriage like she’d had with her precious George.

  The one thing he couldn’t give her.

  Quinn was forced to admit that Seth and Kylie’s wedding wasn’t too bad, as far as weddings went. It was small and simple, with Simon Carter as the best man and a paramedic friend of Kylie’s as the maid of honor. Even he had gotten a little choked up when the two had solemnly exchanged vows they’d written themselves, their voices full of heartfelt love. And the way they’d included Ben in the ceremony, with the young boy standing at his mother’s side, as Seth took on a family, not just a wife, was a nice touch.

  Marriage did work for a few people and he suspected Seth and Kylie happened to be a pair of them.

  His wedding to Celeste had been a formal affair, planned for over a year by Celeste and her mother. Any input from him hadn’t been needed.

  He’d thought he loved her, they’d seemed to want the same things out of life. He had plans to become the chief of emergency medicine and Celeste had been content to be a stay-at-home wife, and then, later, mom. But even within the first year, while they’d been trying to conceive Danny, he’d sensed something had been wrong.

  Celeste hadn’t been happy. He’d thought things would get better once she became pregnant, and they had for a while. But then Danny had been born and over the next two years things had progressively gotten worse.

  Celeste had lashed out at him often, telling him he was a lousy husband and father. Her mood had swung from one extreme to the other and he’d tried to get her to accept help, but she’d refused. He’d suspected she was drinking, had tried to elicit help from her mother, but to no avail. His mother-in-law had jumped on every little thing that Celeste had claimed, as if it were gospel. The two of them ganging up on him hadn’t helped.

  He’d been able to tell Celeste was getting worse, instead of better. He’d suggested marriage counseling, but that had created the biggest fight of all. Celeste had raged at him, accusing him of not loving her anymore, and for a horrible moment he’d only stared at her, suspecting she was right.

  The next day, he’d left for work as he always had. Halfway through his shift he’d called home, like he always had. But Celeste hadn’t answered. Not at home and not her cell phone either.

  He called her mother, who claimed she hadn’t seen Celeste. He grew more and more worried. Where could she have gone with Danny? Then he received the call from the police.

  Your wife is dead and your son is in shock. He won’t leave her side.

  Danny had apparently been screaming into the phone over and over again to the 911 operator until he’d been too hoarse to say any more. And then he’d stopped talking altogether.

  Until now.

  Quinn closed his eyes against the memories, putting the past back where it belonged, in the past. Celeste was gone and he and Danny had finally moved on.

  Healed, in part, by the people of Cedar Bluff.

  “Is it over now?” Danny asked in a loud whisper.

  He nodded, smiling as Danny grimaced when Seth loudly kissed his bride. “Yes, it’s over. After they’re finished taking pictures, it’ll be time for dinner.”

  “Good. I’m hungry.”

  Quinn caught sight of Leila, looking stunningly beautiful in an emerald-green dress that hugged her curves, the slit in the long skirt revealing her nicely shaped legs. Legs that had wrapped perfectly around his waist as he’d plunged deep.

  Whoa. He pulled himself up short. Don’t go there.

  She saw him and gave him a brief nod, weary acceptance in her eyes, but then turned away, as if determined to keep her distance.

  Jadon was right, he was an ass. At the very least he owed Leila an explanation. He couldn’t just pretend that night of passion had never happened.

  It was bad enough that it would never happen again.

  He didn’t get a chance to make his way over to her until after dinner. Ben and Danny had taken off as fast as Danny’s walking cast had let him, searching for something to do, and Leila was finally standing off to the side, alone.

  He made his way over to her. “Hi, Leila.”

  Her back went straight and she lifted her chin. “Hello, Quinn.”

  “Do you have a minute? I think we need to talk.”

  Her eyes widened in apprehension and she looked ready to bolt. “Um, no, I have to leave early, I’m o
n second back-up call and New Year’s Eve is always a busy night.”

  “Please.” He captured her hand with his. He could feel her pulse fluttering in her slender wrist. “I owe you an apology.”

  That seemed to surprise her, and she slowly nodded. “All right.”

  Now that he had her attention, he wasn’t sure where to begin. He drew her a little farther away from the crowd, to a secluded corner of the room. “I’m sorry for jumping all over you yesterday in the hospital after you spoke with Danny.”

  “Look, about that, I swear I didn’t bring up his mother, Quinn. He did. He told me he shook her and shook her but she wouldn’t wake up.”

  He swallowed hard. “Yes. But the part that I hope and pray Danny doesn’t ever have to know is that his mother didn’t just get sick and die. She killed herself, by swallowing a full bottle of Valium.”

  “Oh, Quinn,” Leila whispered, her eyes full of empathy.

  Finish it, he told himself. Tell her all of it. “Leila, I care about you. That night we spent together was amazing. But I’m not interested in marriage. Celeste accused me of being a lousy father and a lousy husband. And then she took her own life rather than stay married to me.” He forced himself to meet her gaze. Pouring out his deepest fears wasn’t easy. “I’ve been given a second chance with Danny. I’m proving that I can be a good father. But I can’t risk being a husband.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  LEILA didn’t know what to say. Clearly Quinn wasn’t mourning his dead wife, at least not in the way she’d assumed.

  The circumstances around his wife’s death were horrible. Poor Danny. And poor Quinn. She couldn’t imagine how awful they must have felt after Celeste had died.

  But didn’t Quinn and Danny deserve to move forward with their lives, too?

  Quinn cared about her. His words had warmed her heart. The night they’d spent together hadn’t been just about sex. But he also wasn’t open to exploring a relationship either.

  And suddenly, knowing that he cared, at least a little, made her realize she hadn’t completely lost him. Not yet. And she’d fight to keep him if that’s what it took. “Quinn, I’m not Celeste. Please, give me a chance. I love you.”