All the Reasons I Need

by Jaime Clevenger

  Julia squeezed Kate’s hand. “That’s what I was thinking. But she’s really hard to shop for. Can you help me pick something out?”

  “We can go into town later and do some shopping. I have a feeling I’ll be running low on outfits soon.”

  “Any chance you brought a swimsuit? The ocean’s perfect and I think everyone will be down there for the sunset.”

  “No pajamas but I brought a bikini. I don’t always make the best choices.”

  “Or maybe your subconscious was trying to help you out. Now go put your bikini on. You have to try and relax—this is your vacation. You can’t spend all of it worrying about Mo.”

  The water wasn’t turquoise at sunset, but a silvery gold and smooth as a sheet. Kate sat on the wet sand, her feet stretched to the cool water. The sound of the gentle waves brushing the shore was as soothing as the slow turn of a rain stick. She watched the yellow orb inch lower on the horizon, picking out shades of pink and orange it left behind.

  Julia and Reed stood together, arms wrapped around each other, while the twins bobbed in life jackets a few feet away. Mo swam in a circle around them.

  “Aunt Kate! Over here!” Bryn waved her hand. “Aunt Mo’s a shark!”

  “You better watch out then.” Kate laughed when Mo suddenly popped out of the water and Bryn shrieked.

  “Aunt Kate, why aren’t you swimming?” Carly hollered.

  “I’m scared of sharks.” It was a plausible excuse.

  “She’s a robot shark. Not a real shark,” Carly called back.

  At that moment, Mo broke into robot mode. In fact she looked nothing like a robot shark, but the dance she did around the girls was hilarious. Kate laughed as Carly and Bryn squealed and Mo jerked from robot position to shark mode.

  “Mind if I join you?”

  Kate looked up at Terri’s voice. “Sure.”

  Terri dropped down on the sand. “You’ve got the best spot. Isn’t that gorgeous?” She nodded to the shimmer of gold that was the edge of the sun. In a minute it would be gone.

  “It’s beautiful.”

  “I love sunsets. But I never take the time to watch them unless I’m on vacation. On my last trip here, I took a picture every night. Then I hung the photos up around my office. Instead of enjoying the sunset out my window, I look at the pictures on the wall.” Terri sighed.

  “We’re all so busy…that’s why we go on vacation.”

  “Good point.”

  “There it goes.” Kate held her breath until the sun dipped below the horizon. She exhaled, her body finally relaxing. “Watching sunsets every day ought to be good for your health. Like drinking eight glasses of water.”

  “I’m sure it is,” Terri said. “The research just needs to be done.”

  “We should start a study.”

  The pink and orange streaks gave way to shades of purple. Kate wished she’d brought her phone to snap a shot, but she doubted the colors would look as vibrant in a photo. Unconsciously, her gaze tracked back to Mo. She’d stopped doing her robot dance to watch the sunset as well and was standing in waist-deep water, her back to Kate.

  “How long were you two together?”

  Kate glanced at Terri. “Mo and I? Oh no. We’ve never dated.”

  “Really? Reed and Julia told me you were single, but I thought…well, it seemed like you two must have dated at some point.”

  “We’re just friends.”

  “Hmm. I think I’d have trouble being just friends with someone like her. She’s beautiful, funny…”

  “FYI, she prefers handsome to beautiful.” Why was she giving Terri tips?

  “Well, she’s that too. You really never considered dating?”

  Kate hesitated for a moment too long. She knew she should simply lie, but the words wouldn’t come to her lips. Terri cocked her head. “You’re sure there’s nothing going on between you two?”

  “Definitely not. She’s got a girlfriend.” Kate focused on Terri, stopping herself from looking for Mo’s outline again. “But even if she didn’t, we’ve been friends since college. We know each other too well to ever date.”

  “Meaning you’re past the point of falling for each other? Or do you already know all her issues?”

  “In this case, I’m the one with all the issues.” And Mo didn’t know the half of it. “But I was thinking more about the first option.” Kate wondered if it was true that they were past the point of romantic love. Maybe Mo was…

  Reed and Julia came out of the water, each tugging a kid behind them. As the kids complained about being cold, Terri hopped up to fetch towels. Kate didn’t get up to help. Moments like that were precisely when she doubted that she was parent material. If those were her kids, she would have pointed to the towel stand and told Carly and Bryn to go get them and stop with their griping.

  Mo swam toward shore, and when she got out of the water, Terri brought her a towel too. When Mo smiled her thanks, Kate stood up.

  Before anyone could ask where she was going, she started down the beach. The sandy strip separating the ocean from the dark green trees stretched as far as she could see. She wanted to walk until she’d cleared her mind, but long before that was likely to happen, she’d have to turn back and face the evening. Why had she agreed to sleeping with Mo?

  Chapter Six

  The buffet table was overflowing—enchiladas, two different types of chicken, roasted potatoes, black beans, rice, prawns, fried plantains, all the fixings for tacos, and a bottomless vat of guacamole. And that was only the first of the four buffet tables. Kate felt her anxiety mounting as she considered the likely calories of each dish. Whenever it was possible, she avoided restaurants with the all-you-can-eat option, but she’d have to face this every night for the rest of the week.

  After two circles around, she decided on salad and a chicken breast covered in a mysterious brown sauce that smelled like molé. The baskets of bread called out to her, but she bypassed that table as well as the desserts, not letting her mouth even consider the brownies drizzled in dark chocolate and topped with perfect little peaks of whip cream.

  As soon as she sat down, Mo eyed her plate. “The chicken’s good. Not too spicy, but there’s a little kick.” She’d gone for the two-plate option and had a spoonful of nearly everything. One of the brownies was on a napkin next to her plate.

  “You must be hungry.”

  Mo held up her fork, a prawn skewered on the prongs. “Famished. If you get bored with your salad, I can give you some pointers on what else to eat.”

  “I’ll let you know.”

  “Mind if I sit here?” Terri asked, indicating the open seat between Mo and Kate.

  Kate had purposefully left the seat open, hoping one of the kids would take it, but now she regretted her decision. If Terri and Mo started flirting… “Of course.”

  “You go for the minimalist approach to buffets like Bryn,” Reed said. She pointed to Bryn’s plate and then to Kate’s as she sat down opposite her.

  Kate looked over at Bryn’s selection. One piece of fried chicken and one potato was on her plate. “I guess so. But at least I eat my veggies.”

  “Think you can talk to Bryn about that?”

  Kate smiled when Bryn looked her direction. “Do you know why carrots are good for your eyes?”

  Bryn shook her head.

  “Neither do I. But you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.”

  Bryn and Carly both laughed and then begged for another joke. Kate scooped up a bite of salad and said, “Okay, one more. But only if you promise to try one vegetable from the buffet tomorrow.” When Bryn nodded, she said, “I used to think this one was hilarious when I was your age: Why did the waiter get embarrassed?”

  “Why?” Mo asked.

  Kate looked up from her salad and with Mo’s eyes on her, she nearly forgot the punchline.

  “Why, Aunt Kate?” Bryn asked.

  Kate tried to focus on Bryn. “Because he saw the salad dressing.”

  Bryn’s brow furrowed.
Between giggles, Carly said, “The salad dressing, get it? Dressing? ’Cause the salad was naked.” She’d whispered the word “naked” and then clapped her hand over her mouth.

  “That was pretty good,” Mo said. “I didn’t know you told jokes.”

  “I was saving you from the agony. My dad used to tell jokes at the dinner table all the time. He had a little book.”

  “You’re lucky,” Terri said. “My dad was usually too drunk to sit down at the dinner table.” She raised her glass, which Kate had noticed was filled with soda, and said, “How about a toast? To Reed and Julia, for getting engaged and bringing us all to Mexico to celebrate. You’re paying for all of this, right?”

  When the laughter died down, Mo raised her glass and said, “One more toast.” She looked over at Julia and Reed. “I thought having Julia and Kate in my life was enough trouble for me, but then Reed and these crazy kids came along. I seriously don’t know how I got on before without all of you guys. I must have been a disaster.”

  Mo made a silly face at Carly, who was sticking out her tongue. “Terri, full disclosure, when you join this family you are officially weird.”

  “Oh, good.” Terri looked over at Carly and stuck out her tongue. Everyone laughed.

  “To the families we make along the way,” Mo finished.

  As they all clinked glasses, Kate felt Mo’s gaze on her. “That was perfect.”

  “I can be even more cheesy if I put my mind to it,” Mo said.

  “Lord help us,” Terri murmured.

  “Hey, I heard that.” Mo wagged her finger. “I know you’ve been Reed’s friend for about a hundred years, but you’ve only been part of my family for a few hours. I don’t think you get to make sarcastic comments yet.”

  Kate raised her glass to clink Terri’s. “I’m glad you’re here. I often need backup with Mo.”

  Terri winked. “We can take her together.”

  “Uh-uh,” Mo said. “You two are definitely not allowed to team up against me.”

  “Actually, I think that’s a good plan,” Julia said. “But only because I know you can handle two women at a time, Mo.”

  “We’ve all heard the stories,” Kate added.

  Mo opened and closed her mouth, clearly flustered, as everyone else, save the kids, laughed. She looked between Kate and Terri then and said, “All right. Game on.”

  The rest of the meal was filled with banter between Terri and Mo. Kate only had to add in a few words of encouragement to get them going and every time she said anything, she seemed to make both of them laugh. If she didn’t know better, she’d swear they were both vying for her. She tried not to think of what it might mean on either account and decided instead to enjoy their playful teasing.

  It wasn’t until everyone started handing off their plates to the servers, clearly signaling that dinner was over, that she remembered where she was sleeping. As much as she wanted to collapse in bed, travel-weary with the delays and the unsuccessful search for her luggage, she wasn’t ready to climb into bed with Mo.

  Reed and Julia filed off with the kids first and then Terri stood up and stretched. “I think it’s my bedtime too. Snorkeling’s still the plan tomorrow, right?”

  Mo rattled off the details since she’d been the one to set up the boat. “We’ll meet down at the dock at nine.”

  “Perfect.” Terri held up her hand. “See you on the boat.”

  When she was out of earshot, Mo said, “You seem to be warming up to Terri.”

  “I think I misjudged her at first.”

  “Does that mean you like her?” Mo raised an eyebrow.

  “I like her just fine. But not like you’re insinuating.”

  “What am I insinuating?”

  “That I want to sleep with her.” Kate took a sip of her drink. “Do you think she’s a recovering alcoholic?”

  “Maybe. Does that bother you?”

  “No.” It didn’t. But thinking about alcoholism brought up memories of her father that she didn’t want to consider.

  “You sure?”

  Kate nodded. She thought of her father and all the nights she’d watched him drink himself to sleep in his armchair. The urge to tell Mo the truth battled with a cop-out answer. Steering clear of alcoholics had been only one of many side effects of the summers she’d spent with Philip. But she’d never told Mo about Philip. As far as Mo knew, Gary—the one who told silly jokes at dinner and had helped move her into the college dorm room—was her dad. It seemed too late now to say that he was actually her stepdad.

  “Honestly, I didn’t like her at first because she was flirting with you.”

  Mo picked up her glass and took a sip. She was drinking sangria and seemed to be savoring it, having only half-finished the one glass. She looked down at the swirl of wine and said, “I didn’t expect you to say that.”

  “I’m trying to get better at being honest with you.”

  “Should I ask why or just say thank you?”

  “I figure that at this point I don’t have much to lose.” The words slipped out, but Kate instantly regretted them. “Can I take that back? I know you’re going to ask what I mean by that and I don’t want to have that conversation.”

  Mo studied her for a moment. “Sure… Why talk about feelings?”

  Mo’s tone had been playful earlier, but Kate felt the bite in her words now. She looked down at her napkin. “That wasn’t what I was saying.”

  “I hate to break it to you, but Terri likes you—not me.”

  Earlier, Kate would have argued that no femme would pick her over Mo. But now she wasn’t so sure. Maybe Terri was attracted to her. She didn’t know how she felt about that. Not once had she been attracted to anyone as feminine as she was.

  “Whatever.” Mo leaned back in her chair. “I don’t want to argue.”

  “We’re not arguing.” Except maybe they were. Not about Terri. This was about not admitting feelings and not being honest with each other. And it wasn’t the first time this topic had flared between them. Kate thought again about the night she’d told Mo she was moving to Denver and all the things she hadn’t said. Mo had asked for the truth then and she’d lied instead. What good would the truth do?

  “The thing is, I have a little more experience with women than you do.”

  Kate gave her a tight-lipped smile. “Are we going to have a birds-and-bees sort of conversation here? ’Cause maybe I should grab a pen so I can take notes.”

  “Go ahead. I’ll wait.” Mo cracked a smile when Kate looked up to meet her eyes. “She likes you. Why not take a chance?”

  Kate shook her head. “I’m not as good at dating as you are.”

  “Is that a compliment?”

  “Actually, it is,” Kate said. “You’re amazing at connecting with total strangers. You can talk to anyone. I wish I had your skill.”

  “Are you kidding? That’s half your job—you get total strangers to open their wallets and give you millions of dollars.”

  Kate considered this. “You’re right. I do. But I’m not dating them.”

  “Remember my ex, Tanya?”

  “How could I forget? What a piece of work… Did she ever give back your lucky Niners sweatshirt?”

  “No. Thank you for hating her for me. I appreciate that.” Mo continued, “She told me one time that I was good at dating because I had no intention of falling in love. It was all a game.”

  “Do you think she was right?” More than once Kate had thought the same thing about Mo’s love life, but she never dared voiced it aloud. It wasn’t that Mo didn’t seem to love whoever she was dating at the moment, but she moved on without a hitch. Or so it seemed. No one had ever caught her heart.

  “I didn’t at the time. Now I’m not so sure. Anyway, like you said, she was a piece of work. I’m glad I got out when I did—although she was fun naked.”

  “That I didn’t need to know.”

  Mo laughed. “I love how quick you blush when sex comes up. I just mention the word ‘naked’ and
your ears are red.”

  “Whatever.” Kate stuck out her tongue, but this time joking didn’t dispel the awkwardness of the moment. The tension from earlier still hung between them and she couldn’t help thinking about getting into bed with Mo later. “Was Chantal okay with us sharing a room?”

  Mo reached for her drink. “I tried calling but she didn’t answer.”

  “So she doesn’t know?”

  “She’ll be fine with it. Don’t worry.”

  But something about Mo’s tone made Kate more worried than she was before. Nothing was going to happen—she knew that—but why was Mo suddenly acting evasive? Mo turned to look at a passing waiter carrying a tray of cocktails and then murmured something about drunk tourists. Maybe she hadn’t wanted to tell Chantal? Regardless, sleeping was going to be even harder now.

  “I’m beat. Want to call it a night?”

  Kate shook her head. “I need to wind down. I was thinking of going for another walk on the beach.”

  “We’re in Mexico and it’s probably pitch dark down at the water. Do you think it’s a good idea for you to go walking alone?”

  “You sound like my mom.” Mo’s protective tone hit a nerve. She was fine on her own.

  Mo’s jaw clenched. A long minute passed with Mo only glaring at the remnants of her sangria. Finally she polished off the last sip and stood up. “I’ll see you later.”

  Kate watched her leave, wishing she could rewind their conversation. Mo’s disdain for Eileen, who never hid her homophobia and only pretended not to be racist, was deep-seated. She could have guessed how her offhanded comment would land. And now a walk did seem like a stupid idea. But until Mo had fallen asleep, going back to the room wasn’t an option either.

  The waiter approached and Kate absently nodded when he asked if she wanted more sangria. She felt conspicuous sitting alone at one of the few big tables, but moving to a smaller table would be strange too. She thought of sitting at the bar but that came with a risk of some stranger hitting on her. Sighing, she stared at the oversized tank against the back wall with brightly colored fish darting between clumps of coral and resolved to take her drink with her on a walk around the resort as soon as the waiter returned. Her phone buzzed and she clicked open the text. A picture of Peeves stared back at her. Her house sitter had kept the promise of sending pictures and Kate needed to see Peeves’s face now more than ever—even if the shot was of him peeing.