All the Reasons I Need

by Jaime Clevenger

  “Now you gotta try the pineapple.”

  Kate selected a pineapple chunk with an even heavier coating of chili powder. She savored the taste, smiling as Terri waited expectantly.

  “Well?”

  “Honestly, I think I prefer the mango this time and I’m a pineapple lover at heart so that’s hard to admit. But you’re right—there’s something about the combination of flavors with that lime.”

  “I’m glad I won you over with the mango. You can have the last bite.” She pushed the plate toward Kate and glanced at her watch. “We should head out soon. Where’s Mo?”

  “Calling her girlfriend.” Kate hoped her voice sounded even. She hadn’t intended on having breakfast with anyone. In fact she’d planned on sitting by herself and moping. Thanks to Terri, she hadn’t moped at all.

  She stood up when Terri did and only then remembered she’d promised to grab a pastry for Mo. “I have to grab something real quick.”

  “No problem. I should check my messages before we head out anyway. I’ll wait for you.”

  Kate headed to the table filled with pastries while Terri checked her phone. Being with Terri could be good for her, she thought, staring at a basket overfilled with an assortment of pastries. All she needed to do was stop thinking about Mo. “Easier said than done,” she mumbled, reaching for one of Mo’s favorites—a sugar-dusted twist.

  “This is our first dive site,” the captain said, cutting the engine. “We’ll be here for about an hour.” As one of the two other crewmembers handed out masks and flippers he went on to detail some of the fish that they’d see. “Miguel will jump in with you. If you have any problems, wave an arm and he’ll swim over or I’ll circle around in the boat and get you out. Any questions?” He waited a moment, scanning the group and then said, “Okay, let’s see some fish!”

  Everyone started putting on their gear, but Kate felt a wave of nausea as soon as she stood up. The ride had been fairly smooth, but the constant rocking now that they’d dropped anchor made the coffee she’d downed seem like a bad idea. Or maybe it was last night’s sangria. She looked up at the perfect blue sky, exhaling, and then down at the water. It was clear enough to see several feet down and she could make out coral and brightly colored flashes well below the water’s surface.

  “You okay?” Mo asked.

  “My stomach’s a little off.”

  “Mine too,” Mo admitted. “I think I ate those pastries you gave me a little too fast. I’m hoping it’s better in the water.”

  “You ate all three of them in about two seconds.” Kate had worried that she’d brought too many, but then Mo had polished them all off before they’d even left the dock.

  “I eat fast when I’m stressed.”

  “Was Chantal upset?”

  “Not exactly.” Mo sighed. “I probably shouldn’t have called her. Let’s just say I’m happy to spend the next hour watching fish.”

  “That bad, huh?”

  “Sometimes I have no idea what women are thinking.”

  “We can be a pain in the ass. I’m not convinced we’re worth all the trouble.”

  “I tell myself that every time I go through a breakup,” Mo grumbled. “Then I turn around and ask someone else out. I don’t seem to learn.”

  Mo had been quiet for most of the boat ride, and Kate had wondered if she was feeling sick or if her thoughts were on Chantal. Now she had to push away the guilty thought that she was glad it was girl trouble.

  “You two ready for this?” Terri asked, approaching with a wide smile.

  “I don’t know. All that talk about sharks and I’m not so sure I want to get wet.” Mo eyed the water, pretending to be nervous.

  “I loved the expression on Bryn’s face when you told her how the shark almost went for your camera during your last trip here,” Kate said.

  “I may have gotten a little carried away with that story.”

  “But you stopped both of them from trying to launch themselves over the boat rails.” Bryn hadn’t moved from her seat after Terri recounted her tiger shark encounter and Carly had seemed to hang on every word, eyeing the water as if Jaws was circling their boat. Terri clearly had a gift with kids, but Kate had enjoyed the story as well. “I know that oceanography lesson that followed was geared for the kids, but I’m ready to sign up for your class. I didn’t know any of that stuff you were saying about the coral reefs. It’s really interesting.”

  Terri smiled at the compliment. “When I was a kid I wanted to be an oceanographer. I read every book on the subject that I could get my hands on. Actually, I wanted to be a dolphin trainer, but an oceanographer sounded more professional.”

  “No way! I wanted to be a dolphin.”

  Although it was true that she’d spent years of her childhood pretending to be a dolphin, Kate immediately wished she hadn’t admitted it aloud when Mo murmured, “Match made in heaven.”

  “The captain said it was pretty common to see dolphins in this area. Maybe we’ll get lucky.” Terri turned to Mo and added, “Dolphin and dolphin trainer—you’re thinking it’s probably someone’s fetish, right?”

  Mo laughed. “For real.”

  Kate felt the blush hit her cheeks. “For the record, it’s not mine.”

  “It’s not mine either, but now I am going to get my hopes up about seeing a dolphin,” Terri said. “As long as we don’t see sharks.”

  She adjusted the straps on her mask and then hooked on her snorkel. “If I do get taken out by a shark, don’t try and save my sorry ass. I should have learned my lesson last time and stayed out of the ocean.”

  Kate stopped herself from saying that it wasn’t a sorry ass at all. In fact, in the black and white striped bikini bottoms she was wearing, her ass was a particularly nice one.

  “I’ll throw you a floaty as I swim the other direction,” Mo promised.

  “Gee, thanks.” Terri held up her middle finger as Mo laughed. She climbed down the ladder to the jump platform and then looked back over her shoulder. “They say they can smell fear, Mo.”

  “Oh, I’m not scared,” Mo said. “I know I can outswim Kate.”

  Kate put her hands on her hips as she turned to Mo. “Who says I’m going to swim anywhere near you?”

  Terri’s green eyes caught the sunlight as she laughed. She turned back to the water and then swung her arms, warming up for a dive.

  Kate admired the toned muscles on Terri’s back and legs. She did have a nice butt, but she was in great shape everywhere else as well. And although it was clear she worked out, there was also a softness about her that defied the assortment of colorful tattoos on her arms and back.

  She’d never been attracted to anyone as feminine, but there was something about Terri that she was drawn to. She also had to admit that it made sense to date her. Terri was everything Kate had always said she wanted—smart, funny, confident. With her being a doctor, she was probably used to being in charge and fixing problems, but she also seemed to be able to let things go and relax. She might even be able to handle dating someone with major issues.

  As soon as Terri dove into the water, Kate turned to Mo. “Are you going to be jealous if I go on a date with her?”

  “Can I tease you about dolphin trainer fantasies?”

  Kate sighed. “Well, that answers my question.”

  “I was joking.”

  “How about don’t joke this one time.” Kate tried to catch Mo’s eye, but she was focused on the water where Terri was swimming.

  “I won’t be jealous. I still feel bad about how I acted when you were with Ethan.” Mo turned and met Kate’s gaze. “I’m actually excited that you’re interested in Terri. What changed overnight?”

  Kate considered the question. She looked over at Reed and Julia. They’d been busy slathering reef-safe sunscreen on the twins, but now they’d turned to each other, clasped hands, and kissed. “Is it crazy to want that?”

  “Love?” Mo shrugged. “A little crazy.”

  “After Ethan I got it
in my head that I wasn’t long-term relationship material, but the truth is, I’m not fling material either. I know I’ve got way too many issues to even be dating, but I can’t keep stopping myself from trying.”

  “Everyone’s got issues. Doesn’t mean we don’t deserve love.”

  Before Kate could think of how to respond, Bryn’s voice pierced the calm: “I’m not putting that on!” She pushed away the mask Reed was trying to hand to her and folded her arms. “I’m not even getting in the water.”

  “Okay, you don’t need to scream. I’m standing right here.” Reed sighed and turned to Julia. “You go ahead. Maybe we can switch off after a bit.”

  Kate looked between Bryn and Carly, noticing their downturned faces. “What’s wrong? You two don’t want to snorkel?”

  “They’re worried about sharks.” Julia held up her hands like it was a lost cause.

  Terri’s tiger shark tale had backfired. “Why don’t both of you go?” Kate walked over and picked up the mask. She stared through it, making a fish face at Bryn until a smile finally cracked. “I want to stay on the boat for a bit anyway. I’m waiting for my stomach to stop flip-flopping.”

  “Is your stomach really flip-flopping?” Bryn asked. “Can I feel it?”

  “Her stomach isn’t really moving,” Carly argued. She looked at Kate. “Is it?”

  “One time I felt a baby move in someone’s stomach. It was kicking.” Bryn’s eyes got big. “I don’t want to have a baby in my stomach. Ever.”

  “Babies grow in your uterus, not your stomach.” Without missing a beat, Reed turned to Kate. “Are you sure about watching them?”

  “Yeah, it’s no problem.”

  Carly poked Kate’s side to get her attention. “I don’t want a baby inside me either.”

  “Not even a cute little baby?”

  Carly shook her head adamantly. “I’m going to adopt.”

  “Good idea.”

  “I could stay on the boat too,” Mo said. “My stomach’s not feeling great either.”

  “If you stay, Aunt Mo, who is going to look for sharks?” Bryn asked.

  “You’re sending Mo to look for the sharks?”

  Bryn nodded at Kate. “She’s tougher than you. And tougher than my moms.”

  “Well, no one’s going to argue with that. She’s so tough she’ll probably scare all the sharks out of the cove.”

  Mo put her hands on her hips like a superhero. “With my eyes closed.”

  Kate smiled. “Then you can tell us when it’s safe to get in the water.”

  “I don’t think she should keep her eyes closed,” Carly said, clearly concerned about the plan.

  “Okay, one eye open.” Mo tapped her temple. “And you all are my lookouts for shark fins.”

  Once the others dove into the water, Carly and Bryn claimed their lookout spots. They scanned the crystal blue water for fins and shouted every time a fish darted past, no matter how tiny.

  “They’re so fast,” Bryn said. “I wish I could swim that fast.”

  “It’s even more cool being in the water with them.” Kate looked for Terri and then spotted Mo swimming next to her. Mo pulled the snorkel out of her mouth and said something to Terri, who immediately laughed.

  Mo was only being herself. Friendly and outgoing. But Kate felt a pang of jealousy. If Terri was interested in Mo, was she really interested in her? She looked away when Carly tugged on her shirt.

  “Did you know sharks lose teeth every time they bite something?”

  “I wonder if it hurts,” Kate said, trying to focus on Carly instead of wondering what Mo and Terri were chatting about.

  Bryn’s brow furrowed. “My friend Riley lost these two tooth,” she jabbed her front baby teeth and then, with a finger still in her mouth, continued, “and she said it didn’t hurt at all.”

  “Terri said sharks grow new teeth as soon as they lose them,” Carly added.

  “So sharks are basically as dangerous as little kids?”

  Bryn did a perfect eye-roll. “Kids don’t bite, Aunt Kate.”

  “Let’s hope not. I’m only in charge of you two until someone takes a bite out of me. Then I’ll take my chances with the sharks.”

  Kate backed away, pretending to be scared. Bryn hopped off the bench and lunged, her arms wide like shark jaws. Carly followed making chomping sounds. Laughing, Kate scooted to the back of the boat and then when she couldn’t go any further, pointed to the water where Reed and Julia bobbed.

  “Mama! Mommy!” Bryn hollered.

  “They can’t hear us,” Carly said.

  But Julia waved and then glanced at Kate, checking for a signal. Kate held up her thumb. She was managing, although how long that would remain the case was in question. Julia dipped her head under the water and the twins both complained.

  “We could join them,” Kate suggested.

  “Too many sharks,” Bryn said.

  “The moms would protect us,” Carly said. “And Aunt Mo.”

  The moms. It was surprising to think that only a year and a half had passed since Hawaii. Julia had seamlessly joined Reed’s family and now, even apparently from the twins’ perspective, was as much a mother to them as Reed. Kate knew it hadn’t always been easy, but from the outside looking in, their lives seemed perfect. Julia and Reed had the whole package.

  As much as she wanted Julia to be happy, some part of her still envied that it all had worked out for her. Julia, who’d never wanted to get married or have kids in the first place, had all of it. As she watched, Reed and Julia made a circle around a shallow spot where the water was more turquoise than blue.

  Suddenly Mo came into view. She had separated from the other snorkelers and was swimming a fair bit away from the boat. “Is she too far out?” Kate asked, pointing to Mo as the captain came over to the rail.

  He pursed his lips, eyeing where Mo was swimming before shaking his head. “She’s a good swimmer.”

  Kate looked at the sign next to where the captain was standing. Under a drawing of a camera flying overboard were the words: Only you know the value of what you brought on the boat. The Spanish translation was below the English. She stared at the words, remembering the hours of telenovelas she’d watched with Mo. If anyone ever made a lesbian-themed telenovela with her and Mo, right about now Chantal would be showing up at the resort to surprise Mo. She’d go to Mo’s room to wait for her and find Kate’s things. Once she’d come to the conclusion that Mo and Kate were sleeping together, she’d devise some plan to catch them in the act. Of course there had to be an attempted murder and someone would be pregnant… In the end, Kate would tearfully admit she was an heiress with a messed up past and no hope of ever having someone like Mo. She sighed. She didn’t need fiction to help with that part of the plot.

  “Are you worried about Mo?” Carly asked.

  Carly was the perceptive one, Julia had said, but Kate wondered how much a five-year-old could guess. “She’s pretty far away from the boat. What do you think?”

  Carly shrugged. “She’s a grown-up.”

  “I think we should go save her,” Bryn said. Without waiting for agreement, she went over to the pile of flippers and snorkel masks that Reed had set out in case anyone changed their mind.

  Carly joined her sister at the snorkel gear and in no time at all both kids were staring up at her through the snorkel masks.

  “Okay, last one in is the rotten egg,” Kate said, tugging on her flippers.

  Carly shook her head. “That’s not even possible, Aunt Kate.”

  But Bryn passed Carly to get to the dive platform. “I don’t want to be a rotten egg.”

  As Bryn teetered on the edge of the dive platform, clearly trying to decide how to get in the water, Kate had a sudden moment of panic that she wouldn’t be able to handle both kids. Fortunately Reed appeared, swimming up to the back of the boat at the same moment that Bryn cannonballed into the water. Carly hopped in afterward, splashing Reed.

  When Reed had recovered, she hollered
up to Kate: “I got them from here. You should go check out the cave.” She pointed to a darker blue area close to the rocks. “There’s more fish than you can count.”

  Julia swam up to Reed’s side. “It’s amazing, Kate. You have to check it out.”

  Kate waited until the twins had bobbed a good distance away from the boat, one mom with each kid, and then hopped into the water. The cool water was a perfect contrast to her sun-warmed skin. She shivered at first contact, but within a few strokes, the temperature was perfect. Mo and Terri were still swimming together and she was tempted to swim over to them, but she decided to take Reed’s advice instead and swam toward the cave she’d pointed out.

  This was her break from thinking, she reminded herself, taking her first look under the water. The scene was straight out of a crowded aquarium. A huge school of yellow-striped fish darted past bright pink and orange coral followed by a fat silver fish that slalomed within arms reach. She treaded water long enough for an intrepid angelfish to curiously approach her and then flit away a moment later.

  Following a curving shelf of coral covered with all sorts of plants and teeming with fish of every color, she found the cave Reed had mentioned and slowed down to enjoy the rocking motion of the waves. She gave a start when she spotted a stingray sweeping the sandy bottom below her. The ray was well out of reach, but as she decided to turn and start back to the boat she spotted another one only a few feet from the reef. As soon as she took one stroke, something touched her arm. She darted forward several lengths, her pulse racing. When she looked back, she saw Mo.

  “I swear I wasn’t trying to scare you.” Mo’s expression was apologetic. “You okay?”

  Kate pulled her snorkel out of her mouth and pushed her mask up on her forehead. “I thought you were another stingray.”

  “Aren’t all these rays amazing? And did you see that big reef shark?”

  “Seriously?”

  “It was about this long.” Mo held her hands about two feet apart. “Even the kids thought it was cute.”

  “I’d prefer a nice little sea turtle.”