If I Only Had A...Husband (The Bridal Circle #1)

by Andrea Edwards

  “Are you sure?”. She moved up to him and put her arms around his neck. “We don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

  A hint of the day’s earlier fire threatened to overcome him and he had to fight it back. “No, no, this is great. I just haven’t been to a square dance in a long time.”

  A frown settled on her beautiful lips and worry flickered in her eyes. “Probably because you hate them, right?”

  “Stop fussing, will you?” He brushed a curl back from her forehead, knowing he should minimize his contact with her but unable to help himself. “New things are good for me.”

  “You look like you’re at the doctor’s office, waiting for a shot.”

  He brushed her lips with his, then moved gently from the circle of her arms. “Just worried about do-si-doing when I should be swinging my partner.”

  “Silly,” she said with a laugh. She turned to watch the dancers from his side.

  Silly didn’t begin to describe the feelings churning around inside him. Wonder and awe at being in the light of Penny’s smile for even a short time. Guilt for taking advantage of her sweetness for his own pleasure and agony at the thought of leaving her. Yet there was no way he could stay.

  They had shared a moment of passion, but that wasn’t a relationship. If he stayed, she would want one. Expect one. Deserve one. And there was no way he could give her one. There was no way that he could share the secrets that lay deep inside his soul. Hell, he didn’t know what they were, so if he didn’t share them with himself, how could he share them with someone else? No, the best he could do was make sure she enjoyed the last few days he would be here. No moping, no letting his guilt pull him away.

  “Hi, Penny. Brad.”

  He turned to see Dorothy and Heather approaching, both in the same type of full-skirted cowgirl outfit Penny was wearing, and he smiled. The more people around them, the easier he could escape his thoughts.

  Dorothy gave Brad the once-over and then frowned. “You’re not exactly dressed for square-dancing.”

  He glanced down at himself. Casual Egyptian cotton shirt, linen pants and custom-made leather loafers. But Penny slipped her arm through his, bristling like a mother dog about to protect her pup.

  “There’s nothing wrong with what he’s wearing.”

  “No boots,” Dorothy said.

  “No cowboy hat,” Heather added.

  “I actually do have a pair of cowboy boots back home.” He jumped into the teasing with relief. “Just forgot what a world-class center of cowboyism Indiana is.”

  “How about the hat?” Heather asked.

  He shook his head. “Nope. No cowboy hat.”

  “You could’ve worn a baseball cap,” Dorothy suggested. “They’re almost as good.”

  “Sorry, no baseball caps, either.”

  “Well, a knitted stocking hat wouldn’t hack it,” Heather said. “So don’t even suggest it.”

  “Wasn’t going to,” he replied. “Don’t have one of those, either.”

  “Jeez, don’t you have any hats?” Penny sounded shocked.

  “Hey, I live in the land of sunshine, remember?” he stated and glanced around. “Is that Toto over by the bar?”

  “Probably.” Dorothy wasn’t even looking in that direction. “He sometimes works as a security guard at the dances.”

  “Must cut into his social life.”

  “Toto has no social life,” Heather said.

  Dorothy put her hand on Heather’s arm. “Oh, look, Heather. The Kirby brothers are here. Let’s see if they want to dance in the next set.”

  Suddenly Brad and Penny were alone again. Or as alone as they could be, surrounded by a hall full of people. Yet his awareness of her was growing as if they were alone, and so was his guilt. The first dance set had concluded and new squares were forming.

  “Do you want to dance?” he asked her.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Hey, if your ankle’s up to it, so are my feet. Just remember I’m a rookie and take pity on me.”

  He was rewarded with the sunshine of her smile and let her lead him over to the dance floor. Okay, so he was willing to walk barefoot over hot coals just to see her smile. And would even square-dance to hear her laughter. It didn’t change who he was and what he wasn’t. Or what he could not do.

  “Hey there, Brad,” someone called out as they took their place in a square.

  “You a dancer?” someone else asked.

  “Just watch out for your toes,” he warned the other couples in the set.

  “Oh, you’ll be fine,” Penny said. “Stop putting yourself down.”

  Her cheeks were a tantalizing rosy hue, and her eyes glittered with joy. He would dance like an angel if that’s what she wanted. Just to see that smile.

  Well, maybe an angel was a little bit of an exaggeration. But he tried. He allemanded left and allemanded thar. He chained down the line, courtesy turned, and scatter scooted. Not that he had any clue what he was doing, only tried to follow the others. Around and back. Up and down. In and out. Doing his best to keep Penny alive with laughter.

  Actually square-dancing wasn’t so bad. No, it was pretty good. That full skirt of Penny’s swung and swayed and flipped as she danced and gave him enticing glimpses of her gorgeous long legs.

  He wasn’t allowed to hold her enough, though. She’d just get close and send his temperature soaring, then she’d be swinging off again on someone else’s arm. It was downright annoying at first, but then he got used to it. Made himself get used to it. That was what was going to happen in a few days anyway. Only he’d be the one going away.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked him when they had an all too brief promenade left together.

  “Just untangling my legs,” he told her and forced a smile. “This is hard work, you know.”

  “You’re doing great,” she said and blew him a kiss as they parted again.

  He steeled himself against the pain of seeing her dance away from him. Tomorrow he would go see Matt Harris and find out if Dorothy had the real estate contract ready for him. And then he’d make his plane reservations for that conference in Paris.

  By the time Penny was back at his side, his plans were etched indelibly into his heart. He was safe from his weak resolve, and so was Penny. He had to stay strong so that she wouldn’t get hurt. He could do it. He would do it for her sake.

  “And kiss your lady goodbye,” the caller sang out, wrapping up the dance.

  The couples all clapped and laughed, and Brad allowed himself one more swing of his partner, just to see Penny’s smile light up her face. The end was far too prophetic for him, cut a little too close to his heart. But Penny seemed not to notice. She laughed and fell back into his arms for a moment of pure rapture, then she stepped back.

  “Now, wasn’t that fun?” she said.

  What—seeing her laugh? Holding her hands? Being caught up in her delight? “Yeah, it was,” he agreed. “But I’m dying of thirst. Want to get something to drink?”

  “Sure.” She wrapped her arm around his. “The caller’s talking a break anyway.”

  They joined the throng moving toward the bar. He was ready to push his way through, but she was content to linger and chat, so he forced his feet to move slowly. Trouble was, slow-moving feet meant an active brain.

  Did he need to tell her he was leaving soon? He thought he’d been pretty clear about his intentions when he’d first come, but did she remember?

  “Bradley!” A middle-aged man slapped him on the back. “Good to see you. Are you back to stay?”

  “Uh, not exactly,” Brad said. He had no idea who this guy was, but was annoyed with him anyway. He hadn’t wanted to tell Penny of his plans here like this.

  But she was laughing. “Oh, Mickey. Can you imagine Brad living here? That would be like the Wizard moving to Kansas.”

  They both laughed. Brad tried to join them but found it hard going. Didn’t she want him here?

  Chapter Eleven

  Pen
ny had about three weeks’ worth of work to do the next morning, but couldn’t concentrate on any of it. Oh, she waded through it somehow, but used the excuse of a broken chain saw to come back to the nursery at lunchtime. Not that she knew why.

  Brad was leaving. He hadn’t said anything about it, but she had seen his face last night when Mickey Juarez had asked him if he was back to stay. Horrified was a polite way to describe it.

  She had known he wouldn’t move back here. At least her head had known. He’d been upfront about himself right from the start. There really was no reason to think he’d change his mind. Well, maybe a little reason. They had made love, after all. But that obviously wasn’t enough.

  Penny got her lunch from the truck and walked across the deserted yard to the trailer. It was empty except for Einstein sprawled out on the desk.

  “Where’s Aunty Em?” she asked the orange tabby. “Up at the house?”

  Einstein flicked his eyes open for an instant, just long enough to give her an am-I-Aunty-Em’s-keeper? look before quickly closing them again.

  “Sorry to disturb you, your highness.”

  Penny sank down into the desk chair and pulled a sandwich out of the small cooler. At times, Brad had seemed to care about her. And he certainly seemed to feel at home in Chesterton. So, why wouldn’t he stay? All that nonsense about not being able to open up was just that—nonsense. There had to be another reason.

  “It’s not like he’s got a real home somewhere,” she mused to Einstein as she ate. The cat had opened one eye and was watching her sandwich. “He says home is where he hangs his hat, but then he doesn’t even have a hat. Doesn’t even have a job as far as I can tell.”

  She stopped. Maybe that was it. Maybe he didn’t want to be living off them, but if he had a job, he would stay.

  So, all she had to do was find him a job. Simple. Sure.

  Einstein got up slowly and walked over to sniff at the ham. She broke off a small piece for him. “Brad did a good job on the computer. I don’t know what he did to it, but it is a lot faster now. And Gran can surf the Net.” Penny wasn’t exactly sure that was a good thing since Gran mentioned yesterday that she could order a cigarette lighter surveillance camera without leaving home now.

  Obviously Brad knew computers. How hard could it be to find a job in computers these days? She put the remains of her sandwich back in the sandwich bag and pulled the Yellow Pages from the file cabinet. Turning to the personnel agencies, she found a whole list of them that specialized in computer personnel.

  She closed her eyes and picked one. Compu-Staff. Looked good. They had a big ad and a 1-800 telephone number. She dialed it.

  “Marty Simmons, how may I help you?”

  “I’m looking for a job,” she replied. “For a friend.”

  “What’s your friend looking for?”

  Penny hesitated. Good question. What did Brad do with computers? “Repair,” she guessed.

  “Mainframe? PC? Peripherals? Networks?”

  “Uh...” There was a lot more to computers than she’d realized. “All of those.” Heck, he’d always been the smartest kid in their class. “He’s quite versatile.”

  “Wow. A guy like that can pretty much write his own ticket.” Then the man quickly added. “Or gal. The computer field is very equal opportunity.”

  “It’s a guy,” Penny said. “His name is Bradley Corrigan.”

  “Brad Corrigan?” The man laughed. “Not the Brad Corrigan?”

  “Huh?” Penny must have looked as confused as she felt Gran had just come in and was giving her a quizzical look.

  “I’m just joking,” the man said. “It can’t be the Brad Corrigan. He wouldn’t be looking for a job repairing equipment. In fact, with all his money, he doesn’t have to look for any kind of a job. People come to him and beg.”

  Penny closed her mouth. “Well, this Brad Corrigan definitely isn’t rich. He’s just an ordinary guy.”

  “Yeah,” the man agreed. “It’s not that uncommon a name, I guess.”

  Actually she was wrong. Brad was far from ordinary. He had the most piercing eyes, the softest smile, the—

  She sat up straight and cleared her throat. “I’ll give Brad your name and number and have him call you himself, okay? Thanks for your time.” She hung up the phone.

  “Who were you talking to?” Gran asked.

  Penny got to her feet, feeling more alive than she had all morning. “Some guy from Compu-Staff. It’s an employment agency.”

  “Looking for another job?”

  “No,” Penny replied, laughing as she gathered up her lunch. “I’m trying to find something for Brad.”

  “He ask you to?”

  Penny shook her head. “A body doesn’t always have to wait to be asked.”

  “How do you know he doesn’t have a job?” Gran asked. “He’s got some nice-looking clothes. Had to have some way to buy them.”

  “They have all sorts of clothes at resale shops these days,” Penny told her. “Or he could have saved up to buy them just for this trip. He always was awfully proud.”

  “But wouldn’t mind it if you found him a job, I take it?”

  Penny felt a glow build up in her traitorous cheeks and quickly pulled a peach from her cooler. “I’m just looking around for him, Granny,” Penny said and took a bite of the fruit.

  Gran sat down at the computer. “You know, it’s going to take more than a job to keep Brad in Chesterton. You want Brad to stay, you’re going to have to give him a reason.” Gran hesitated a moment. “A good reason. A personal reason.”

  “I’m not playing those kinds of games,” Penny replied and finished her peach, then wrapped the pit in a paper napkin and tossed it into the trash. “I’m just trying to help him find a job.”

  “I can’t see that doing anything but aggravating him.”

  Penny’s head shot up and she glared at her grandmother. “Why?” she asked. “I’m just trying to help him.”

  “Didn’t make you happy when he tried to help you.”

  “That was back in junior high. We aren’t kids anymore.”

  “Kids don’t change all that much when they grow up,” her grandmother replied. “They’re just more of what they used to be.”

  “Hmph.” Penny went over to the door. “I’m going back to work.”

  Dorothy hurried back into her office. “Sorry about that, Brad.” She closed the door and went around to her desk.

  The scent of roses was strong in the room and she suddenly felt blue. It was so sweet of Toto to have sent her flowers to celebrate her sale last Sunday. He really was rooting for her. So, why then did she feel sad about it?

  She sat down. “You’d think the festival was tomorrow, not in six weeks, the way everyone needs things now.”

  “No problem.” He tossed a guidebook to Paris onto her desk. “You planning a trip?”

  She glanced down at the book, feeling her cheeks blush slightly. Damn, she’d left that out. “Not exactly,” she said and put the book into a drawer with what she hoped was indifference.

  “Not exactly?”

  Obviously she had fallen a little short. She sat down in her chair and took a deep breath. “I’m planning on moving there,” she told him. “I’ve got my visa and everything.”

  “Wow.” He looked surprised. “I had thought you were a dyed-in-the wool Chestertonian.”

  “Not me.” She leaned forward, putting her arms on her desk. “It’s always been my dream to move someplace exciting.”

  “And Paris is it?”

  There was something in his voice that irked her, a hint of skepticism or cynicism or something. Whatever it was, it was annoying. “Yes, it is,” she said. “It’s a city of romance.”

  He shifted his position, as if to see her better. “Speaking of romance, I thought you and Toto were an item.”

  She sat back in her chair. “Not since high school.” But the roses seemed to mock her and she looked away.

  Back in high school, she’d lov
ed everything about Toto, thought their future had been all sewn up together, but then he’d pulled away and decided they should just be friends. She’d resurrected her old junior high Paris idea to see if she could light a fire under him again. It hadn’t worked, but the idea had hung around until it was the only dream she trusted now.

  “He doesn’t object to your moving?”

  Dorothy frowned at Brad. “What right would he have to object? Not any more than Penny would have to object to something you do.”

  “Penny?” His color seemed to heighten. “What does she have to do with anything?”

  Dorothy sighed. The man was dense. “Toto having a crush on me back in school is the same as Penny having a crush on you back then. Neither—”

  “She didn’t have a crush on me,” Brad said. “She didn’t know I was alive hardly.”

  “Oh, come on, Brad. You had to have known.” But from the look on his face, he hadn’t. “Well, it doesn’t make any difference now. What you two are working on now, that’s what’s important. Not how one of you felt in the past.”

  He hardly seemed reassured. “We’re not working on anything now,” he said. “Well, we’re friends, but I’m going to be leaving soon myself.”

  “You are?” Her heart fell. She had thought something was developing between him and Penny, but she must have been wrong. Or was this one-sided? She had seen how Penny’s eyes glowed whenever she looked at Brad. Poor Penny!

  He cleared his throat and leaned forward in his chair, but his eyes didn’t quite meet hers. “You have a contract for me to sign so the house can be put on the market?”

  Subject closed, that was clear. “Yeah, it’s right here.” She took some papers out of a folder lying on the desk. “Here’s the data on the house, with the pluses I’ll stress and a few of the problem areas we’ll have to allow for in the pricing. There are some repairs that should be done now—the lock on the front door should be fixed, the bushes along the south side of the house need trimming and that broken windowpane in the dining room needs to be replaced—but I’ll see to them and—”