by K. L. Jessop
She raises on her tiptoes; I groan as she pulls my lip with her teeth. “Then let’s get crazy together.”
“But what if I don’t want to get crazy?” I whisper. Her fingers dance over my bare stomach, running them over the tight muscle, her liquid eyes locked on mine.
“Are you saying you don’t want me? Because your cock is telling me otherwise.”
I reply with an amused smile. “I think you know that I’ll never not want you.” I sweep the hair from her face. “But what if I want to just fall into you and feel all that you are? All that we are. Feel this ever-growing connection between us in a way that neither of us has experienced in our time together.”
Her eyes narrow, a slight nervous snigger left her as her eyes leave me. “We’ve fucked countless times, Noel; doesn’t that amount as some kind of connection?”
I don’t want to fuck her hard and make her scream. Not tonight. I want to whisper sweet nothings in her ear as she moans softly beneath me, feeling her clench around me as we become one.
I lift her chin to meet her eyes, unzipping the side of her dress. Her body shudders with the exposure to the cool room the fire is yet to reach. I dust my thumbs over her perked nipples that greet me as her dress falls from her frame. She’s breathless and beautiful. I trail my fingers down her waist to the curve of her hips, the neat black lace of her underwear is pressed to her body like it’s been painted on. My fingers hook inside where I push them to her ankles. The slower I am with my travels the more intense the air between us builds. Tamzin’s skin is now on fire, the heat from her is as powerful as my own. “We’ve fucked, yeah. But we’re yet to qualify for anything else.”
I find her sweet tongue, engaging in a blistering kiss I know she’s been waiting on. Her hand comes to my jaw, the other spams the muscle of my back, holding on in desperation. Over the weeks I’ve got to know Tamzin’s desires as though it’s a part of my daily routine. I know when to touch her and when to not. Which part of her body’s weaker than the other. When to go hard, and when to go harder. I know every detail of her inside and out. But we’ve never had this. This intense impulse of passion. This powerful need of love.
I remove my trousers, my cock hard as steel and aching for my love. Guiding her back and onto the bed, I kneel myself on the mattress, bringing her to wrap her legs around me, chest to chest. “I never told you how beautiful you looked for me tonight. But I’m not sorry about that. Because right here with your arms around my neck, your legs around my hips, skin against mine, you’re the most precious most beautiful thing any man could wish for.” I run my thumb along her folds, circling her swollen bud, her head falls back, lips part. She’s spectacular. A textbook of hot sex and sweet sugar.
“Noel…”
My heart’s pounding against my chest by the way she says my name. I’ve never experienced the feelings that are running wild inside me right now. It’s engulfing me but I don’t want it to fade. Tamzin rotates her hips into my thumb, and I slide a finger inside her, the friction of her against my cock almost sends me over the edge. Her whimpers fall heavy into the room as she tremors, releasing her hotness to coat my fingers.
“Taste yourself, Angel. See what I do to you.” She sucks my fingers and we both groan before I claim her mouth. I lay her back on the mattress, nudging her legs apart to slide inside her. She feels unbelievable. Hot and soft against my hard cock. Connected to my body and soul.
“I wish we can stay like this forever,” she rasps.
“Who says we can’t?”
“I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you.” She’s robbed me of my own words. I start to rock us, slow but deep. I want to give her everything she never had. Everything she ever dreams of having. I want her above me and beneath me. Heart and soul. Body to body. Skin on skin. Deep inside her as she takes my breath. Just her.
“You've ruined me, Tamzin. You feel too damn good to let you go.”
For the first time in my life, I’m not concerned about the consequences my action may have if we should become caught out. I’ve seen and witnessed her birth control. If anything should come of this, it would only be a blessing. I entwine our hands as I drive my hips. I feel every hit, every tremor and cry. Her legs begin to quiver, her eyes close, heat raising up my limbs as every part of who I am builds with tension. “Look at me, Tami. Don’t take your eyes away.” I want to memorise every inch of her. There is something about the way we work together that ignites inside me. We’re no longer the people we were at the beginning of December and as we coat each other in our passion, I know she understands that too.
Noel.
The warmth from my house radiators and the heat from the oven is enough to suffocate me the longer I stay in the kitchen. Karen just called to say that everyone is on their way and to make sure ‘Uncle No-No’ has Twiglets. Ruby’s latest favourite snack that both Karen and I despise. She takes after my brother with her ridiculous eating habits and James is more than proud to have a true daddy’s girl. Every Christmas Eve the Thompsons spend it together, pure chaos and laughter as we reel in the excitement of the coming day. Tamzin has been unusually quiet today, but I put this down to the fact her own family is no longer here and with the new one she is about to be welcomed into, I can only imagine she’s feeling unsettled.
I head toward the bedroom and rest against the doorframe watching Tamzin get ready. She’s sat at the dressing table in front of the mirror. I watch in awe. The unique steady flow of her hand that flicks the black eyeliner over her eyelids always amazes me. The rose colour lip gloss she runs over her soft lips and the way she turns her head to look at either side of her face, as though she has to examine her cheeks in great detail. She’s beautiful, an angel. My angel.
“Have you forgotten that a mirror can make the person in front of it see behind them?” She smiles.
“Have you notice that the person behind you is sexy as hell and fucks like a god?”
She bursts out laughing. “Do you ever get tired of boosting your own ego?”
“Do you ever get tired of hearing me do it? Because let’s not forget that we both know that it’s true.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” she says with an amused smile, waving me off as though she’s heard it all before. I walk up behind her to lean over, wrapping my arm around her neck and kissing her temple, resting my head against hers to look at her through the mirror.
“What time is everyone arriving?”
“In about thirty minutes. Karen’s just called to say they are on their way.”
“I best get dressed.” Kissing my arm, she leaves the seat and I jump in her place. “I can’t wait to meet them.” She stops and turns quickly a slight look of panic on her face. “They do know about me don’t they?”
“Of course. I couldn’t not tell them about you. Although just to warn you, once she gets going Ruby talks for England and has a thing about weddings. Don’t be surprised if she comes right out and asks to be a bridesmaid.”
“She sounds like a right little character.” She laughs.
“She takes after her Uncle No-No.”
Slipping out of her robe to just her underwear, Tamzin goes to the large wardrobe, sliding back the door and taking out the purple dress that hangs on the hanger, hooking it over the edge of the door and running her hands down the front. Her clothes look good next to mine, there are only a few dresses and a jumper and jeans but it’s like the space was meant for her.
I observe as she takes the moisturiser, squeezing it into her hands and massaging it into her leg that’s propped up on the mattress. She swaps to her other leg before moving to her stomach. I urge to help but know if I so much as touch her it will lead to more than what it can be when there’s family arriving.
“Like what you see, Thompson?” Her cheeks have turned pink as her nose wrinkles.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes, Tamzin King. Breath-taking. Flawless, and would make any man weak at the knees.”
“What if I don’t want any man?”
she whispers. Her eyes hold mine with confidence and awareness. Not breaking the connection, I go to her, lifting her chin with my thumb and forefinger.
“Just as well there’s only one then.” Our intimate moment is cut short with the ringing of the doorbell. I rest my forehead on hers with an exhale. “If it wasn’t tradition and the fact my mum would have me by the balls, I’d call it all off and have you to myself.”
“You can have me later,” she whispers. “But for now you have to entertain and I need to get dressed.”
As soon as I open the door, Ruby leaps into my arms, hanging off of me like a Koala as I walk us through to the living room. Her brown curls are in big bushy pigtails like usual as she wears a smart soft pink and mocha dress that shows off her brown eyes. “Uncle No-No, Santa is coming!” she squeals.
Her excitement is electric. You can’t help but feel it. “I know, are you excited too?”
“Yes! Mummy said I need to be a good girl and when we go home I can put out milk and cookies.”
“Oh, Santa will love that. I heard he likes whisky too, perhaps you could leave him that as well.”
“Uncle No-No I can’t do that. He’ll get drunk.” She rolls her eyes as I hold back a chuckle. Her adult-like attitude for a three-year-old is priceless at times. She leaves my legs and runs to the bag Karen placed on the floor when they arrived, rummaging through it and coming back to me. “Daddy got me a new puzzle,” she says. My mum and Karen have now entered the living room after taking off their coats, placing a kiss on either side of my cheeks as Dad and James head into the kitchen with the rest of the food and drink.
“A puzzle? That was kind of him.”
“It’s got rainbow fish on it and there are lots of pieces. Can you help me?”
Karen lets out a little chuckle and shoves the lid to the puzzle box under my nose. I’m drawn to the age that it’s suitable for and raise my brows. “Hmm, clearly Daddy has forgotten that you’re four years away from being eight.”
“That’s pretty much what I said,” Karen laughs.
“I only got it to keep her quiet a little while longer. Love her dearly but the girl never shuts up at times,” my brother says, entering the room, handing me a beer.
“James Thompson, don’t speak about my granddaughter like that. She’s adorable and a perfect little thing that—” Mum’s words stop as I follow her eyes that are focused on the doorway. Tamzin’s stood holding her hands together at her front looking nervous. Stood like a figurine, her black heels showing off the curves of her legs, her purple dress revealing her perfectly womanly body as her blonde silky hair rests lightly in waves. She can’t be any more magnificent. All eyes are on her and her cheeks turn scarlet. “Hi, everyone.” She finds my eyes and secretly tells me to help her out a little.
I peel Ruby off my legs and go to her, taking her hand with a squeeze. “Everyone this is Tamzin. Tamzin, meet the gang.”
“Mr and Mrs Thompson.” She smiles as Dad’s now stood next to my mother.
“Tamzin, please call me Harold. We’re not at work now, dear. This is my wife Cathy.”
“Pleasure to meet you, Tamzin. Noel has often spoken of you.”
“That surprises me, I’ve only ever heard him talk about himself.” She jokes as everyone laughs at my expense.
“Oh, I like you already.” Mum beams.
I can’t help a smug grin when I notice my brother. His eyes are fixed on Tamzin. Any other man, I would have pinned him to the wall to let him know she was mine, but the fact I did the same with Karen, I let it go. Noticing he’s ignored her calls to introduce them, Karen slaps James on the arm to bring him out his trance. “Good to finally meet you, Tamzin. I’m Karen and the dick behind me is my husband James. Take no notice of him though he’s all mouth and full of himself.”
“Sounds familiar.” She looks up to me with a grin. “So, Karen, do you drink?”
“Honey, I thought you’d never ask.”
Both the girls head into the kitchen as the swell of bliss fills my stomach. I knew they’d love her. Mum heads in the direction of the girls but stops just before me. Placing her hand on my cheek to whisper, “She’s beautiful, son. I see why she’s locked in your heart.”
A tiny hand takes my fingers as I look down at Ruby looking back at me with a baby tooth grin. Her eyes suddenly widen as a thought clearly crosses her mind. “Uncle No-No, are you getting married?” Laughter from the men fill the room as her innocent face wonders what is so funny. She’s adorable.
“Come on, princess. Let’s go do that puzzle.”
The evening is going great, Tamzin has settled into my family’s way of life and gets on with everyone as if she’s known them for years. The outburst of her laughter whilst with my mother and Karen often has me smiling at the way they all are together. I love the fact that they clearly love her.
“Now I know why you had to fix her sparkle,” James says, slapping me on the back and handing me another beer.
“To be honest I think it’s her that’s fixed mine. And the crazy thing of all is I didn’t know I needed anything fixing. She completes me.”
“Careful, little bro. It sounds like you’re in deep.” I throw him a knowing look as I take a swig of my beer. James has often made fun of my emotional state of mind when it comes to women.
“I am. She’s everything and more.” I watch Tamzin as she sits on the floor doing puzzles with Ruby. “My life has taken a crazy turn least last few weeks, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.”
“But are you sure?” He’s got serious now as my words and non-response to his teasing have sunk in. “I mean; it’s not been that long.”
I go to speak but Karen steps in, reminding me she is still behind me. “There’s no time limit on love, James. Look at me and you. It didn’t take me long to fall for you?”
“Babe, you thought I was an asshole.”
“And I still do. But I love you for it.” She grins, turning back to me. “Go for it. She’s gorgeous and great fun.” We all straighten as Tamzin approaches, James pinching the twiglets that Karen empties into a bowl for Ruby.
“James, Ruby has asked that you help her with the puzzle,” Tamzin says, coming to me and wrapping her arm around my back.
“Ugh, and there was me thinking I got away with it.”
My brother and Karen head into the living room as Tamzin snuggles further into me, stealing a moment of quiet time to ourselves. I wrap my arms around her and rest my chin on her head.
“I feel like I’ve abandoned you a little tonight, Angel. You ok?”
“Yeah,” she says with a satisfied sigh. “Everything is just perfect.”
Tamzin.
The evening went better than I’d expected and Noel’s family are one of the friendliest bunch I’ve ever met. Seeing a different side to Harold outside of work makes it clear why he loves Christmas so much. It is because of his family. He reminds me a little of my grandpa as they both share similar views and beliefs. The whole family bounces off each other in all the right ways bringing a spirit you know will continue even when Christmas is over.
“I was wondering where you got to,” Noel says coming up behind me in the doorway. Everyone has gone home a short time ago as it was getting late and little Ruby had fallen asleep in James’s arms. I wanted to come out and look at the night sky and have a little ‘me’ time as well as giving my body and mind a chance to relax from the evening's chaos.
“Do you think they’ll know that up until this year I’ve banished Christmas?” I ask, thinking of my grandparents.
“Come with me.” He pulls me from the doorway and further into the garden, wrapping my coat around my shoulders. The remainders of snow under my feet soak through my long winter socks sending an ice cold chill up throughout my bloodstream.
“Noel, it’s freezing out here.” My teeth chatter as I’m turned to face him. He wraps his warm arms around my waist and pulls me to his chest.
“I’ll keep you warm.” I have no doubt about
that. He’s kept me warm these last few weeks in and out of the bedroom. He’s warmed my heart, reached into my soul and ignited a love I never knew was inside me. “Look at the stars.”
I tilt my head back and gaze into the darkness. With limited street lights, it provides a perfect black canvas, leaving the sky to shine down on us as billions of tiny twinkles glisten the galaxy. It is breath-taking. “It’s strange how the stars make me feel special,” I whisper. “They make me feel calm, unbroken. It’s like a magic you’ll never be able to touch but they heal you from way up high.”
“They are special for a reason. They hold so many precious moments for each and every one of us but no matter what way you look at it, we all at some point believe the same.”
I frown and look back at him. “Which is?”
“That those tiny stars represent those we loved and lost.” He meets my gaze now, it’s difficult to see his eyes in the darkness. “They give us an extra comfort. A place to come and seek those that are no longer here. Let’s us know that they are still a part of us even though we can’t see them. Sure it hurts sometimes, it’s so painful you can’t breathe, but even though you can’t see them doesn’t mean they’re not with you, babe,” he murmurs, taking my hand and placing it over my heart. “They’re in there.”
“I know. I’ve learned that now.” Which I have. After my outburst of emotion, the other week, I’ve finally found the acceptance I’ve been searching for all these years. I can learn to live again and not feel like I’m betraying them for doing it. And if there’s one person that’s made me realise that it’s the one that has his arms around me now. “Thank you.”
“What for?” he whispers.
I keep my voice just as low. “You promised to find me my Christmas. And you have. But you’ve also helped me find my love for everything again. You’ve given me much more than what I expected to gain from this month, Noel.”
“The month's not over yet, Angel.” He runs his fingers along my jaw. “And why are we whispering?”