by Jeff Kinney
Rodrick like that, I knew I had to take
advantage of the situation.
flash
snip
178
I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom
before Rodrick had a chance to catch me and
take the camera. And I didn’t come back out
until I was sure he was gone.
Rodrick got me back, anyway. Last night I had
a nightmare that I was sleeping on a nest of
red ants, and that was thanks to him.
shake
The way I see it, now we’re even. But if there’s
one thing I’ve learned about Rodrick, it’s that
he’s still not gonna let it go. So that’s why I’m
not that eager to hole up in a tent with him for
the weekend.
Saturday
Today me, Dad, and Rodrick headed off on our
camping trip. I picked a place that had a lot of
manly activities that you could do.
179
On the way to the campground, the sky got
dark, and then it started to rain.
I wasn’t all that concerned, because our tent is
waterproof, and Mom packed ponchos for everybody.
But by the time we got to our campsite, it was six
inches underwater.
site8
We were pretty far from home, so Dad decided
we should just find a place to stay for the night.
I was really bummed, because the whole point of
the trip was for me to impress Dad with my
camping skills, and now we were just gonna stay
in some stupid hotel room.
180
Dad found a place and got a room with two beds
and a pullout couch. We watched tV for a while
and then started getting ready for bed.
First, Dad went downstairs to the front desk
to complain that the heater was too loud, so I
was alone in the room with Rodrick.
I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth,
and when I came out, Rodrick was looking out
the peephole. Then he said something that made
me freeze in my tracks.
He said that Holly Hills and her family were out
in the hallway, and they were staying in the
room right across from us.
181
I had to see this for myself. So I moved him
out of the way and looked out the peephole.
The hallway was completely empty. And before I
realized it was a trick, Rodrick gave me a big
shove, and I fell out the door.
Then it got worse. Rodrick locked the door
behind me, and I was stuck in the hallway wearing
nothing but my tighty whities.
Push
Click
182
I pounded on the door, but Rodrick wouldn’t let
me back in the room.
I was making a big racket, and I realized
people in the nearby rooms were gonna start
opening their doors to find out what was going
on. So I ran around the corner to save myself
the embarrassment of anyone seeing me. I
spent about fifteen minutes sneaking through
the hallways, hiding every time I heard voices.
I was gonna go back to our room and beg Rodrick
to let me in, but then I realized I didn’t even
know our room number. And all the doors
looked exactly the same to me.
183
I couldn’t exactly go down to the front desk,
either. The only option I really had was to try
and find Dad.
Then I remembered: Dad is a junk-food addict.
I knew he’d eventually turn up at the vending
machines, so that’s where I camped out.
I wedged myself in between the soda machine and
the candy machine and waited. I had to wait a
really long time, but Dad finally did show up.
You know what, though? After seeing the look on
Dad’s face, I kind of wished I’d just sucked it
up and gone to the front desk instead.
Hi.
184
Sunday
Well, after our camping trip, I’m pretty sure
there’s no chance I can convince Dad to change
his mind about Spag Union. So at this point,
I’m not even gonna bother trying.
I realized there are only about three more weeks
before I get shipped out, so I figure this is
my last chance to make a play for Holly Hills. If
I’m lucky, maybe I can take some good memories
with me to military academy, and my summer
won’t be so bad.
What Are You
Smiling About,
Private?
Smooch
Heh
Heh.
185
I’ve been working up the nerve to talk to Holly for
a long time, and I decided it was now or never.
When we went to church today, I tried to make
sure we sat right near the Hills family. But we
ended up two rows in front of them, which I
guess was close enough. And during the part
where everybody shakes hands with one another,
I made my move.
The hand-shaking thing was actually just step
one in a two-part plan, and the second part
would come tonight. My next step was to call
Holly on the phone and use the hand-shaking
thing to get the conversation started.
Peace Be With
You, Holly
Elizabeth Hills.
Shake
Shake
186
At dinner tonight, I told everyone that I
needed to make a very important call, so everyone
should stay off the phone. But I guess Rodrick
must’ve figured out I was gonna call a girl,
because he took all the handsets and hid them.
That meant the only way to make a call was to
use the speakerphone in the kitchen, but there
was no chance of tHAt happening.
Hi, Holly, This is Greg
Heffley. You Might
Remember Me From A Very
Special “Peace Be With You.”
(Blush)
187
I told Mom that Rodrick took all the phones, and
she made him return them to where they belonged.
Eventually, Rodrick went down to the basement.
Later on I snuck into Mom and Dad’s room to
make my call. I turned off the lights so Rodrick
wouldn’t know I was in there, and I hid under
a blanket. Then I waited for about twenty
minutes to make sure he hadn’t followed me.
Before I had a chance to dial Holly’s number,
someone walked in the room and turned on the
light. I thought for suRe it was Rodrick.
But it wasn’t. It was DAD.
Click
188
I decided to stay perfectly still and let Dad
get whatever he needed and leave.
But Dad didn’t leave. He got into bed and started
reading a book.
I should have just uncovered myself the second
Dad walked in the room, because now I couldn’t
just get up and walk out or I’d give him a heart
attack. So I decided to just sneak out of the
room real slow.
I moved about an inch a second. I figured it
would take me about a half hour to make it all
/> the way out of the room, but there would still be
enough time to call Holly after that.
Civil
War
Scoot
Scoot
I was only about five feet from the bedroom
door when the phone in my hand rang and
scared the living daylights out of me.
I think Dad really did almost have a heart
attack. And once he recovered, he didn’t look
happy to see me.
Dad made me get out of his room, and then he
slammed the door.
I’m sure this episode didn’t help my standing with
Dad, but I guess at this point it’s probably too
late, anyway.
Scream!
Scream!
Ring
Civil
War
190
Tuesday
Two days have already passed since I shook
hands with Holly, and I didn’t want any more
time to go by before I spoke with her again.
Luckily, Dad and Rodrick weren’t home tonight,
so I knew I could make a phone call without
being bothered. I practiced what I was going to
say about a million times, and then I finally
worked up the nerve to make the call.
I dialed Holly’s number, and the phone started
ringing. But right then Mom picked up the
phone downstairs.
Mom has this really bad habit of just dialing
without checking to see if anyone else is using
the phone, and that’s what she did tonight.
191
I tried to stop her, but it was no use.
BEEP BOOP
BEEP
MOM!
BOOP BEEP
BEEP
MOM!
The phone kept ringing at the Hills’s house, and
then someone picked up. It was Holly’s mother.
Mom was really confused, since she didn’t dial
the Hills’s number in the first place. I just
held my breath and waited for it all to be over.
HELLO? HELLO?
WHO’S THIS?
192
It took Mom and Mrs. Hills a minute to figure
out who was on the other end of the line. But
once they did, they just started chatting like
nothing strange had happened at all.
They got into this long conversation about the
PtA and the fundraising committee and stuff
like that. I couldn’t really hang up, because
then Mom would hear the click and know someone
was on the other end.
Eventually, the conversation between Mom and
Mrs. Hills turned to me.
. . .CALLED
HIS BROTHER
A “PLOOPY.”
MM HMM. . .
At that point I just put the phone down and
went to bed. I figure that a phone call between
me and Holly isn’t meant to be, so I’m officially
giving up.
193
Friday
Today at school I overheard Holly tell a couple
of her friends that she was gonna meet them at
the rollerskating rink tonight, and a lightbulb
went on over my head.
After school I asked Mom if she’d take me to
the Roll-a-Round tonight, and she said yes but
I’d have to get a ride home from someone else’s
parents. So I invited Rowley along.
As soon as Rowley showed up at my front door,
I knew I made a mistake inviting him.
Rowley had his hair all teased up, and he was
dressed just like his favorite singer, Joshie.
194
And I think Rowley might have even been wearing
sparkly lip gloss, but I can’t say for sure. I
couldn’t stop to worry about the way Rowley
looked, though, because I had my own problems.
Earlier on I had lost one of my contact lenses, so
that meant I had to wear my backup glasses. The
lenses on those things are about three inches thick,
and they look ridiculous.
If I’m not wearing my contact lenses or my
glasses, I’m as blind as a bat. I guess I should
just feel lucky that I wasn’t alive during caveman
times, because I wouldn’t have been able to hunt or
do anything useful. I’m sure my tribe-mates would’ve
ditched me the first chance they got.
IS THIS WHERE
YOU GUYS SAW
THAT ALBINO
WOOLLY MAMMOTH?
BLINK
BLINK
ZOW
ZIP
195
I probably would’ve had to become a wise man or
something just to make everyone think I was
worth keeping around.
On the ride to the rollerskating rink tonight,
I gave Rowley some instructions on how to
behave if I got into a conversation with Holly
Hills—knowing him, he could seriously hurt my
chances with her.
I wish I had waited until we were out of the
car, because Mom overheard our conversation.
Holly Hills? Holly
Hills Was The Only
Four-Year-Old At
Preschool Who Wasn’t
Potty Trained.
La La La...
I Can’t
Hear You!
196
When we pulled up at the Roll-a-Round, I got
out of the car before Mom could say anything
else I didn’t want to hear.
Me and Rowley paid our admission and then went
inside. We rented our skates and brought them
over to the arcade area, where I scoped out the
whole scene.
I spotted Holly over by the snack bar. She was
with a bunch of her friends, so I wasn’t ready
to go and talk to her just yet.
At 9:00 the DJ announced “Couples Skate.” A
lot of people were pairing up, and Holly was sitting
at a table, all alone. I knew this was the chance
I was waiting for.
197
I started making my way over to her, but
getting around on skates was a lot harder
than I thought it would be. I had to hug the
wall just to stay on my feet.
It was taking forever, and I realized the
song was gonna be over by the time I got to
Holly. So I got down on my butt and scooted
over to her to speed things up.
scooch
scooch
I almost got run over a couple of times, but I
finally made it to the snack bar.
198
Holly was still there, sitting by herself. Time
was running out, so I had to take a shortcut
through a puddle of soda to get to her.
On my way across the snack bar, I tried to
work out what I was going to say to Holly. I
realized I wasn’t looking my coolest at that
moment, so I knew I was gonna have to say
something pretty smooth to make up for it. But
before I even had a chance to open my mouth,
Holly said four words that changed everything —
Isn’t Your
Name “Fregley”?
I started to tell her I was Greg Heffley, the
guy from the “Doggie Dropped It” joke, but
right then Couples Skate ended, and Holly’s friends
swooped in and pulled her out onto the rink.
/> 199
I made my way back to the arcade, and that’s
where I stayed for the rest of the night.
Because believe me, I was Not in the mood
for skating.
Can I Go
Get A Soda?
No.
You know, I probably should’ve realized a long
time ago that Holly wasn’t worth my time.
Somebody who would mistake me for Fregley
definitely has something wrong with them.
I’m officially done with girls. I should just
ask Dad to see if Spag Union has early admission,
because there’s really no point in me sticking
around here anymore.
200
June
Friday
Today was the last day of school, and everybody
was in a good mood but me. Everyone else is
looking forward to having fun this summer, but
all I’ve got to look forward to is sit-ups and
marching drills.
At lunch, everyone handed their yearbooks
around for people to sign, and when I got mine
back, here’s what was on the last page —
Don’t be a fool
Be cool
Slick
At first I couldn’t figure out who “Slick” was,
but then I realized it was just Rowley. A couple
of days ago, Rowley was standing near an older
kid’s locker, and the guy wanted Rowley to move.
201
So here’s what the guy said —
So I guess now Rowley thinks “Slick” is his
permanent nickname or something. I just hope
he doesn’t expect me to say it.
I flipped through the pages to see who else
signed my yearbook, and there was one that made
me stop in my tracks. It was from Holly Hills.
First of all, she wrote my actual name, so that
means she figured out who I was since Friday
night. And second, she wrote “k.I.t.” at the
end, which everyone knows means “Keep in
Touch.” You’d better believe I’m gonna take
her up on her offer.
Step Away
From My
Locker,
Slick.
202
Greg,
I don’t really know you all that