by Jeff Kinney
well, but you seem O.K., I guess.
K.I.T.
Holly
I handed my yearbook to Rowley to show him
what Holly wrote. But then he showed me what
she wrote in his yearbook, and it kind of made
her note to me look lame.
Dear Rowley,
You are so adorable & funny!
I hope we have the same
homeroom next year. Stay cute!
Love, Holly
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A couple of minutes later, Holly’s yearbook came
around, and I had a chance to sign it. So
here’s what I put —
Dear Holly-
You are a nice person and all, but I
only think of you as a friend.
From,
Slick
The way I see it, I just did Rowley a huge
favor. I don’t want to see him get his heart
stomped on by Holly Hills, because the truth is,
girls can be a little cruel sometimes.
Saturday
Today was my only day of summer vacation, and I
had to spend it at Seth Snella’s half-birthday
party. I asked Mom to let me stay home so I
could enjoy myself, but she said we were going to
the party as a family.
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Dad didn’t even bother fighting it, because he
knew he wasn’t getting out of it, either.
So at 1:00 we walked across the street to the
Snellas’ house.
The Snellas really did it up this year. They had
a clown making balloon animals, and a moon bounce
for the kids.
They even had live music. Rodrick was pretty
sore over that because his band, Löded Diper,
tried out for the job, but the Snellas turned
them down.
Everyone ate lunch, and then at 3:30 the main
event started.
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Mr. and Mrs. Snella had all the adults line up in
front of Seth, and they all took turns trying
to make him smile. Mr. Henrich went first.
I noticed Dad looking really nervous at the back
of the line. At one point I walked by Dad to get
myself some cupcakes, and he stopped me. He told
me if I could get him out of this situation, he’d
owe me big-time.
SQUAWK!
SQUAWK!
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I thought it was pretty ironic that Dad would
be asking me for a favor, especially since he’s
the one who’s shipping me off to military school
tomorrow. So I was fine with letting him squirm.
But that doesn’t mean I wanted to see my
Dad acting like a baboon in front of the whole
neighborhood, either. I thought about sneaking
home to spare myself the shame.
That’s when I saw Manny on the other side of
the deck, poking around Seth’s presents.
Manny found the present that was from our
family, and he ripped it open. As soon as I saw
what it was, I knew things were about to get
real complicated.
Toss
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It was a blue knit blanket, just like the one
manny used to have as a baby. And you could
tell Manny thought he had found himself a
brand-new Tingy.
I went over to Manny and told him he was gonna
have to hand over the blanket because it was for
the baby, not him. But Manny wouldn’t cough it up.
When Manny realized I was gonna take away the
blanket, he just turned around and chucked it over
the railing.
208
The blanket landed in the branch of a tree. I
knew I had to get it back before Mom found
out, so I got down off the deck and started
climbing up the tree.
Right when I was about to grab the blanket, my
foot slipped, and I was left hanging there. I
tried to pull myself back up, but I didn’t have
the strength.
I probably would’ve been able to do it, but the
only thing I had to eat today was a grape soda
and the frosting off of a piece of cake, so I had
no energy.
209
I yelled for help, but I really wish I didn’t
call attention to myself. Because right when
everyone came over to see what was going on, my
pants came loose and fell down around my ankles.
It wouldn’t have happened if I was wearing my
own pants. But I never washed my dress
pants after they got that chocolate all over
them, so I was borrowing a pair of Rodrick’s
pants, which were about two sizes too big on me.
The situation was humiliating enough, but then I
realized something even worse. I was wearing
my Wonder Woman Underoos.
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Eventually, Dad ran over and helped get me
down, but not before Mr. Snella got the whole
thing on tape. And something tells me that this
time around, he has a good shot at the “America’s
Funniest Families” Grand Prize.
After that, Dad hustled me home, and I thought
he was gonna be really mad at me. But it turns out
that my accident happened right when Dad was
next up to go in front of Seth Snella, so I saved
him from having to take his turn.
And get this: Dad thinks I faked the whole
thing to bail him out.
I wasn’t about to correct him, either. I made
myself a big bowl of ice cream, sat down in front
of the tV, and tried to enjoy the rest of my
one day of freedom as best I could.
That’s My
Son!
Slap
211
Sunday
When I woke up this morning, it was a quarter
past 11:00. I couldn’t figure out why I was
still in bed, because Dad was supposed to drive
me to Spag Union at 8:00.
So I went downstairs. Dad was sitting at the
kitchen table reading the paper, and he wasn’t
even dressed yet.
Blink
Blink
Sip
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When I walked into the kitchen, Dad told me
we could “rethink” this military academy thing. He
said maybe I could just do some push-ups and
sit-ups every once in a while, and that would be
just as good as the summer conditioning program
at Spag Union.
I couldn’t believe my ears. I guess Dad felt like
he owed me for saving him yesterday, and this
was his way of paying me back.
I walked out of the house and went up to
Rowley’s before Dad could change his mind. And
on my way up the hill, I realized that I was on
summer vacation.
Tweet
Tweet
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I knocked on Rowley’s door, and when he
answered, I told him I didn’t have to go to
Spag Union after all.
Rowley didn’t even know what I was talking
about, so that just shows you how clueless he can
be sometimes.
We played Rowley’s Twisted Wizard 2 for a while,
and then his parents kicked us out of the house.
So we grabbed some popsicles and went and sat
on his front curb.<
br />
You’ll never believe what happened next. A
really cute girl I had never seen before walked up to
us and introduced herself.
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She said her name was Trista and that she just
moved in down the street.
I looked at Rowley, and it was pretty obvious he
was thinking what I was thinking. So it took me
about two seconds to come up with a plan.
But then I had a Better idea.
Hi!
Clonk
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Rowley’s family belongs to a country club, and he’s
allowed to bring two guests to his pool every day.
So that could actually work out real nice.
It looks like things are finally going my way,
and you know, it’s about time. I don’t know
anyone who deserves to catch a break more
than me, because like I said before, I’m pretty
much one of the best people I know.
Go Fetch Us
Some Slushies!
216
And I know it’s really corny to finish with a
happy ending, but it looks like I’m out of paper
anyway, so I guess this is
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