by Toni Aleo
“I want to hate her for hurting you, but I just can’t, you know. I love her, and she is hurting so much. She is a mess.”
He couldn’t agree more. “I know, but maybe she’ll come around.”
“I hope so, that’s why I brought her. To show her what she is missing.”
He laughed. “I knew I kept you around for a reason.”
She grinned at him as she leaned into him playfully. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he said, “You know what?”
“What?”
“I’d let you kill me in the Hunger Games so you could win.”
She laughed as she continued to grin up at him. “So you really do love me?”
He nodded. “I really do, so much, and I won’t ever stop.”
As she grinned up at him, the same love he had for her reflecting for him in her eyes, he couldn’t help but think if only he could get the other girl that he loved to believe his words.
Life would be perfect then.
RECITAL DAYS was usually one of Reese’s favorite days but with simple fact that she hadn’t kissed, touched, or made love to Phillip in three days, the day sucked. Everything sucked. She was mad, she was hurt, and she hated everything. Like the sun, she hated the fucking sun. It was all shining and happy while her heart was in turmoil. She had reached for her phone countless times after walking away from him the night before, but she couldn’t bring herself to call him. What the hell would she say?
Hey, sorry, but I am a complete fucking dumbass. How about we go ahead and try this because I kind of love you and I don’t want to lose you but hey, I don’t want to get married or have kids with you, but I do love you.
Like what the hell did that even mean? She was so screwed up in the head it was insane, and she needed to get it together. She had spent the whole morning in bed with no desire to get up. She hated how quiet her apartment was, and she missed Phillip’s house. She missed how Phillip cooked her breakfast or was there to cuddle up against. That Claire wasn’t in the room over, dancing or texting, being the teenager she was. She missed them, every single thing about them.
Rolling out of bed, she took in a deep breath as her feet his the cool wood floors. She had to get to the recital hall and make sure that everything was good, but she’d much rather climb back under the cover and just stay there. Deciding that she could do that for at least twenty more minutes, she laid back down, covering herself with the covers, but then shot up when she heard her door open. Harper stood with her hands on her hips, looking irritated as hell, and Reese knew that this was not good.
“Harper? What are you doing here?”
“I should be asking you the same thing. I went down the hall to drop off the brochures, and I was told the director hadn’t showed up yet.”
Reese shrugged, hopping out of bed and pulling her shirt down. “Yeah, I’m running late.”
“Looks that’s way,” Harper said, her words a little sharp.
Looking back at her from where she was pulling up a pair of booty shorts before pulling up her dance sweats, she said, “Something wrong?”
“I don’t know—is there something wrong?”
Reese slowly shook her head. “I’m good.”
“Bullshit, and we both know it.”
“Whoa, what the hell?”
“I know that you are hurting, that you are trying to push away someone that actually made you feel something, and I’m not going to let you do that.”
Reese made a face as she turned to put a sports bra on. It might just be her sister, but she wasn’t trying to flash her. “I don’t have time for this. I have to get to the recital hall and do my job. We can talk later. I’m fine, I promise.”
Turning, she pulled a shirt on and went to go to the bathroom, but Harper stood in her way. “I am your big sister, and I know when you are lying. Please, give me five minutes.”
“Harper, please—”
“Five minutes,” Harper stressed.
Reese let out a breath and crossed her arms. “Have at it, but you are wasting your time.”
“Fine, it’s my time to waste,” she said, reaching out and placing her hands on Reese’s arms. She looked deep into Reese’s eyes as a small smile rested on her lips. “I love you, you know that right?”
Reese softened a little as she looked up at her big sister. “Of course. I love you.”
“Good and I say this with all the love in the world, but the life you were living before Phillip was crap. Now before you go to protest that, let’s remember that I did the same thing for years. I might have acted like I was happy, but I wasn’t. I was scared. Men scared me because they made me feel and open up, and I hated doing that because I knew that they had the power to hurt me.”
Reese tried to look away but Harper was right there, holding her gaze as she said, “I didn’t want to give anyone any power over me, but then I fell in bed with Jakob and…” She smiled as her eyes glazed over. “He rocked my world. I tried and tried to push him away, but he wasn’t going anywhere. I was convinced that I was made to sleep with whomever I wanted and that was how I was going to be happy, but when Jakob left for weeks on end, I found myself completely discombobulated without him. I missed everything, even the way he ate soup. It was scary, and I thought that maybe I was losing it. When he got hurt, I lost it at the thought of losing him. He was it. He was my dude. He made me want marriage and kids as long as it was with him. I needed him. I chose taking a chance and gave up loneliness… and I made the right choice.”
Reese closed her eyes tight. “And I am so happy for you, but I am not you.”
“No, you’re not. You’re Reese Allen, owner of the most prestigious dance studio here. You have the business side of things, Reese, but what about your heart? When you close your eyes, who do you want to open them too?”
Phillip.
Tears pooled in Reese’s eyes, and she had to look away as she slowly shook her head. “He scares me.”
“Good, love is scary as hell but that means it’s real.”
“He has the power to destroy me, wreck me completely, worse than Kevin.”
Harper shrugged her shoulders. “Be thankful for that. It means you’ll give him every piece of you and it’s up to him to keep you safe and love you, which I believe he’ll do. He loves you, Reese. I knew that from the first time I saw you two together. He has it bad for you, and I really don’t think he will ever hurt you.”
“I am still so scared. I don’t even think I want kids or marriage, and I think he wants that.”
Harper smiled. “Love is about compromise. No one is saying you have to get married now, or even have a kid. I bet all he is asking for is your love, and you have the power to give it to him. Worry about the other stuff later. Love him, build a foundation, and maybe it will come. For me it came quickly because I got pregnant but, once it came, I was ready. You aren’t one to turn away from a challenge, Reese. You go head first into things with all the determination to win. Love him and see what happens. You are trying to find a reason to not allow this to work because you are scared. Stop it. Find your courage, find the person who left a very promising job and started Reese Allen Company, and love the hell out of him.”
“I don’t think I can.”
“Don’t think, do. I know you can. You are resilient, Reese, and I believe in you. Now believe in yourself, believe in Phillip, and believe in your love because love conquers all. All you need is love.”
“What are you, a fucking hallmark card?”
Harper shot her a grin, wrapping her arms tight around her as she kissed her softly on her temple. “I’ll be anything you want as long as you go back to smiling the way you have since he and Claire came into your life. You know what I think is funny?”
Reese bit into her lip as she looked up at her. “What?”
“That’s you say you don’t want kids but Reese, you love Claire like she is yours. You say you don’t want to get married, but four days ago, you had a partnership with Phillip. I saw you two
at the party. You were practically finishing each other sentences when you talked about Claire and how y’all planned on going to the beach this summer. I love how much you have changed since you’ve met him. He brings out a greatness in you, and it’s beautiful to see. You know what else I think?”
“You’re going to tell me anyways, so hit me with it,” Reese said, trying to act bored even though she was listening to everything Harper said.
“I think you are hiding pieces of you from yourself, and you need to stop because you can’t keep yourself warm at night. You can’t give yourself the things that Phillip gives you. You need him; he is your other half.”
Reese looked away and didn’t like what her sister was saying because she was hitting a chord. Her heart was beating so loud, she could hear it in her ears. Her breathing had picked up and she felt like her chest was caving in, because Harper was right. Every single thing she had said was the truth, and she hated that her big sister knew more about her than she did. She bit into her lip so hard, until she tasted the metallic taste of blood, and then looked up into a pair of brown eyes that mirrored her own. “I think you went over five minutes.”
Harper grinned as she kissed her again, this time on the cheek. “I know. I also know that you are trying to shut me out, and that’s fine,” she said with a wink. “I still love you.”
She let her go and started for the door. Looking back at her, she said, “The brochures are on the table, and I’ll see you tonight, Ally is really excited to dance on the big stage.”
With her throat tight, she nodded. “So am I.”
Harper smiled. “I don’t believe you, but maybe you will be once you talk to Phillip. It needs to happen, Reese, because you’ll lose him and you don’t want to do that.”
As her sister shut the door, Reese stood frozen, knowing that, once again, her sister was completely right.
The recital was going on without a hitch. Every time Reese looked out at the crowd, she saw that everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. She also noticed that Phillip was sitting front and center, sandwiched between Elli and Harper. She wanted to laugh at his visible discomfort, but he looked so good that it hurt. In a thin, blue sweater that he had pushed up to his elbows, with faded blue jeans, he looked scrumptious. She wanted to go out there, jump into his lap, and just snuggle the way she had been wanting since the day she pushed him away.
God, she was so stupid.
When Ally and Shelli came running towards her with their backstage Mom close behind with the rest of the little-bit class, Reese tried to push Phillip out of her mind with no luck at all. She smiled, bending down to kiss Ally loudly on the cheek.
Ally threw her hands up and exclaimed, “I’m going on the big stage!”
“I know! Aren’t y’all excited?”
They all nodded quickly all starry eyed and beautiful in little, sparkly purple leotards and gold tutus. They were dancing to Disney’s Tangled, “I See The Light”. It was one of her favorite dances she had done with the little bits, and she was excited to see them do it on the big stage. When her seven-year-olds got done on the stage, the lights went out and she went out with them, setting them up in the right spots before taking her spot stage right. The music started, the lights came on, and the whole crowd awed. Reese smiled widely as Ally waved her hand wildly at Harper and Jakob.
“Mommy! Daddy! I’m on the big stage!” she exclaimed, and everyone giggled. She must have realized that she was in fact on the big stage and had to dance, so she quickly caught up with everyone else. Reese looked out at the crowd and of course, Harper and Elli were dabbing their eyes free of tears as their little princesses moved across the stage like butterflies. When the song ended, the whole front row, which consisted of the whole Assassins’ family, stood up, cheering the girls on. Ally and Shelli were beaming and it actually brought tears to Reese’s eyes, something that never happened, and she blamed it on the fact that they were part of her family as she ushered them off the stage.
The next act, a duet, was already lined up and headed on the stage, as Reese made sure the backstage Mom took the little bits. She went back to her spot and watched Skylar and Addison dance. Reese was proud of this dance of sisterhood and when she peeked out to the audience, she saw that everyone else was, too. When someone came up beside her, she looked to find Claire and Brian.
“What are you two doing? Your duet isn’t for a while.”
Claire nodded. “I know, I changed my solo.”
“What?” Reese asked incredulously. “To what?”
“Into a duet. They already have my music, so it’s ready.”
“You didn’t tell me,” Reese said, a little pissed and a little hurt.
“I know because it’s for you.”
“Huh?” she asked as the song ended, and the lights went out.
“You’ll see,” Claire all but sang as they went, hand in hand, onto the stage. When the music started to Pink’s “Try”, Reese crossed her arms and watched the powerful dance that Claire and Brian had put together. Of course, it was amazing and extremely hard hitting, but what killed her the most was that she had heard this song countless time and didn’t think twice about it. This time, as she stood there watching as they threw each other across the stage, singing the song with their bodies, every single word that Pink sang was the soundtrack to her life. She did have to try, or she was going to lose it all. It didn’t matter that it could get ruined, because she had to try to make sure it didn’t. She had to do what Phillip said and that was to choose not to hurt him, and he would choose not to hurt her. They had the kind of chemistry people dreamed about, and she couldn’t throw that away.
She loved him way too much to do that.
She had to try.
When the song ended and Claire and Brian came running off the stage, the crowd lost their marbles screaming. Phillip being the loudest, of course. Reese reached out, stopping Claire and looking deep in her eyes as she asked, “When did you do this?”
“This morning.”
Shaking her head, she smiled. “You amaze me with your talent, Claire. That was outstanding.”
“Thank you,” she said, wrapping her arms around Reese’s waist and hugging her close. Reese closed her eyes, holding Claire so tightly, and knowing that she couldn’t live a life without this girl in it. She looked up at Reese, her blue eyes swimming in tears, and said, “I danced it because you won’t listen to my words, so I thought maybe you’d listen if you saw me dance. I think you are more of a dancer than a talker, and I had to speak your language.”
Reese’s heart jumped into her throat as she slowly nodded. “I’m listening, Claire. I’ll always listen.”
She hugged her again, as the music to the next song started, and decided that Claire might be on to something. She may not have the words to say to Phillip, but she had her body and she had the gift of dance.
That had to amount to something.
Phillip had no clue why he was sitting between two best friends.
For one, they wouldn’t shut up. They kept ooing and awing over each dance and had to lean across him to do it. Secondly, they both scared the shit out of him, so he refused to move or say anything. So he was pretty much stuck. Watching as each dancer hit the stage, he decided that Reese’s company was stacked when it came to dancers. Each one was stunning in their own way but when Claire hit that stage, he noticed that the whole place fell silent. Even Harper and Elli didn’t have anything to say. They only watched in awe as pride was bursting within him.
Claire had grown so much since the first time she came to him, and he was so proud of her. Loved her more than ever and was excited for their future. He could already see himself sending her off to some major dance school, or maybe she would stay home, he wasn’t sure, but he knew he would do everything to support her and to love her. He was excited for when the playoffs were over because he was taking Claire and his cup to the beach and maybe, just maybe, if she wanted, Reese would be there.
Man, it was kil
ling him seeing her come on stage with the tiny girls and leading them in their dance. She wore his favorite black shorts and short shirt that showed her perfectly toned belly. Desire hit him hard every time he set eyes on her, and it was really awkward sporting a stiffy between his boss and the sister of the girl he was in love with, but he couldn’t help it. She drove him insane, rocked his world, and tied him in knots all at the same time.
“I wonder if Reese is gonna dance,” Elli said, and Harper shrugged.
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t think she is,” Piper called from down the way.
“No? That sucks,” Harper complained as she sat back.
“Yeah, it does,” Phillip found himself saying, and then received a pitiful look from all three women.
“She does care for you, Phillip, you know that,” Elli said compassionately.
“I know but—”
“She does, I promise Phillip, she is just so hardheaded,” Harper added, but Phillip shook his head.
“I know and believe me, I’ll never stop wanting and loving her. Nothing has changed on my end, it’s all her. As much as I love you two for wanting to console me, don’t, it makes it worse because it reminds me that she didn’t want to take a chance on me.”
“But she does,” Harper says.
He shrugged his shoulder as he leaned back against the seat, the music ending for the last act. He couldn’t have been happier. It was time to blow this Popsicle stand, but the lights didn’t come back on. Instead, a single spotlight came on Reese, who stood in the middle of the stage. She held a mic in her hand and looked even better than she did an hour ago. She had lost the shirt, wearing a black sports bra with a black lace, dress-looking thing that came to her thighs. Her hair was up in a messy bun, and her eyes were locked with his. He took in a quick breath and tried to look away, but he couldn’t. She had him trapped in her gaze, and he couldn’t escape if he tried.
“Hello all and thank you for coming to the recital for Reese Allen Dance Company.” The crowd all clapped as she continued, “The dancers killed it tonight, and I couldn’t be more proud and elated than I am right now. I am very blessed with not only a very supporting family, but also dance family. So thank you.” Everyone clapped again as she crossed her legs, her hand fidgeting at her side. “I wasn’t going to dance like I had the last two years. I figure by now, by the awards we bring home and all the titles, we all know I can dance and I know what I am doing. But, tonight, I was told that I am a dancer more than I am a talker. Those words really mean something to me because I have something to say, but I can’t find the right way to do it. So I am going to do it the only way I know how.”