by Toni Aleo
I can’t wait to see you. I’m on my way.
He had sent that before he came to get her for the party. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard and she begged herself to write something, anything, but her fingers refused to move. She hated how this all was making her feel. She wanted to be with him, but she was scared that it could come crashing down and she would be left with nothing. But she was left with nothing now, so really, what was she supposed to do? Take the chance, give him everything and hope they worked, or live a life of loneliness because she was pretty sure if she couldn’t give her heart to Phillip, she wouldn’t be able to give it to anyone.
The baby shower went great, or at least it seemed it had. Harper got everything she needed for a little boy, and she could see the excitement on her face from the corner she sat in. She wished she would have been a little more involved, but her mind was completely flooded with thoughts of Phillip. She needed to figure out what she was going to do. She fought with the need to text him and then decided that it would probably be best to just talk to him face to face, but she wasn’t sure what to say once she was there. And then the fear of rejection was there. He said he wouldn’t wait and she didn’t blame him one bit, but it would kill her for him to reject her. But then what if he did take her back… then what? Did they go on the way they had? She didn’t want to get married right now, or maybe even ever. She didn’t want kids, she just wanted him and Claire, and was that even okay with him? Was that enough? There were so many questions, and she needed to figure out what he wanted and hoped that it matched what she wanted. She handled the other day completely wrong. She acted before thinking and now, she had nothing.
She left in a daze, with Claire trailing behind her. Through the whole baby shower, she sat quietly beside her, involved, but Reese knew she was worried about her. Once in the car, Reese headed in the direction of Phillip’s house, her head leaning on the window as she tried to find the courage to go in with Claire and face him.
“He misses you too, you know.”
Reese looked over at Claire before looking back at the road. “I know, but this is all so difficult, Claire.”
“I get that, but being apart is obviously not good for you two. Can’t you try to work it out?”
Reese fought back the tears as she nodded. “I want to, but I don’t know how. I messed everything up.”
“I think that if you told him you missed him, he’d tell you that he missed you too, and then you two would be fine. He will understand that you messed up, just admit that. People make bad decisions when they are stressed, or scared. He gets that.”
She shook her head. “It is so much more than that. First, I am scared of what I am feeling, scared that he could hurt me, and then I don’t even know if he wants the same things I want, because I wouldn’t even give him the chance. I know this is my fault. I get that, and I know that I have to fix it. It’s just that I don’t know how. I don’t know how to look at him and tell him what I am feeling. I’ve never been good at that. I just say how it is. I love you and that’s it. You know?”
She slowly smiled and then asked, “Do you want us in your life?”
“Yes,” she said without thinking.
“Then tell him that. You two can figure out all the other crap later. If you love him and he loves you, what else is there?”
“I don’t know.”
Claire reached over, placing her hand on Reese’s. “You two belong together. It will work out, you just have to try.”
Reese thought that over as she pulled into Phillip’s driveway. Gathering her things, Claire looked over at her and asked, “What time will you pick me up tonight?”
She was confused. “Pick you up for what?”
“Game one, playoffs, we have seats. Don’t tell me you’re blowing me off.”
She groaned as she covered her face. “Please don’t make me go, Claire.”
“You said you would, and Phillip will be there!”
“I know, that’s why I don’t want to go.”
“But you guys can talk.”
“If I wanted to talk, I’d go in the house and talk to him.”
“Okay, let’s go,” she said, throwing her door open.
“I can’t,” Reese stressed. “I don’t know how to face him yet. I hurt him, I saw it in his eyes, and I don’t like that I did that.”
“Okay, well, hopefully you figure it out by tonight. Be here at six and then its game time!” she exclaimed, before hopping out the car and running up to the door. Reese watched her disappear inside and then shook her head. She had already disappointed the girl so much by cutting things off with Phillip. She knew that it was understood that Reese wasn’t going anywhere, but she still felt like Claire was mad at her, upset with the outcome of everything. She wanted to fix that. She wanted to fix what was going on between her and Phillip; she just had to find the courage to do it. She was pretty sure going to game one wasn’t going to help but then again, maybe it would. The more she thought about it, the more she thought that maybe Claire was a genius.
As Phillip skated in his usual nine circles around the goal, he listened to the roar of the crowd as he took in the already thousands of people that were watching him. This was going to be a good match up, and he was hoping for a quick series by winning four games straight. He had faith in his team, but the Red Wings were a veteran-filled team that had plenty of banners hanging from their rafters and dominated the sport with ease. He was worried, but not that worried. They were ranked first in the division and on one hell of a streak. They had this.
Plain and simple.
Stretching his neck from side and side, he slid into the spot beside Shea and started stretching with him as he looked around the glass, reading all the signs of encouragement from the greatest fans in the NHL.
“You ready? Head in the game?”
Phillip looked over at Shea and nodded. “Fuck yeah.”
“Good, I know you have some shit going on in your personal life but like the professional you are, you never let that affect your hockey. I admire that about you.”
Taken aback a little, since he didn’t know that Shea knew about him and Reese breaking up, he said, “Thanks.”
“No problem. Don’t worry, there are other fish in the sea.”
Phillip scoffed. “Is that what everyone said when Elli and you split?”
Shea’s eyes widened. “Shit no, she is my prized fish.”
“Well, Reese is mine.”
Shea gave him a wide smile as he nodded. “Then I suggested you catch that one and make her yours.”
“That’s the plan, but she is being very uncooperative and won’t take the fucking bait.”
Shea scoffed. “The good ones usually do.”
“Those Allen women are tough,” Jakob said from the other side of him. “Reese is a mini version of Harper. Trick is to give her time. She’ll come around.”
“I sure hope so cause I—” He stopped short because he was about to say that he needed her to breathe, but figured that would make him sound like a pussy so instead he said, “I just want to be with her.”
Shea stood up, smacking him in the shin with his stick. “No worries, it will work out, let’s win this game first.”
“I agree,” Jakob said, doing the same thing Shea did before he skated off with him, passing the puck back and forth. Phillip stood up, reaching for his toes before putting his stick behind his back with his arms draped over it to stretch his back. When he glanced to where Claire was sitting, he smiled. She was stuffing her face with popcorn, watching the guys warming up. Or really, she was watching Patty. Phillip still saw red when he looked at their rookie, something about finding him in bed with Claire made him instantly hate the guy, despite the fact that he was a really good kid.
Looking towards the goal, Phillip rushed it, grabbing a puck and playing with it as he continued to warm up. As much as he wanted to get ready for the game, pump himself up, his mind kept drifting to her. He wondered where she was, what s
he was doing, if she was with someone, if she was thinking about him. When he saw her today, looking as rough as he felt, he wanted to rush past Claire and take a hold of her, tell her that there was no reason to do this to them, that they could be together and be happy, but he had already done that. The puck was in her zone; it was time for her to decide what she wanted. He would give her the time she needed; he had for so long… what was a little longer?
When he was good and warm, he skated off, rushing down the hall to the locker room. Taking his spot beside Karson and Erik, he handed his gloves off to the attendant for him to dry them and stretched out his legs. Everyone was doing the same thing, all waiting and mentally preparing themselves for the game. When Coach Baxter walked in, he held a clipboard in one hand and his trusty coffee mug in the other. He looked out at them and then slowly nodded. Coach Baxter was a man of a lot of words. Mostly he yelled them but, before the game, he spoke them in a low, demanding voice. It usually pumped the guys up and got them ready to fight for sixty minutes on the ice against their opponent. Sitting on the edge of his seat, Phillip looked up at his coach and waited for the words of wisdom that were going to help them win this game, this series, and then ultimately the cup.
“Aristotle said that ‘we are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.’” He looked around the room slowly and all eyes were on him. “We have fought, we have bled, we have suffered injury, but we have prevailed. We have overcome it all and made a new record for our franchise. We are everything that the term excellence is defined as. We are a team of winners, and we will win the sixteen games needed to bring that cup home. I believe in every single one of you. Your captain believes in you, and our owner believes in you. We can do this. Now go out there and fight for the chance to hoist that cup above your head.”
The locker room erupted as they all stood, tapping gloves and tapping helmets before lining up in the hall. Like always, Elli stood at the end of the hall, a smile on her face and the picture of beauty in an Adler jersey, tight jeans, and sky-high sparkly purple heels. Once everyone was lined up, ready to head out, she walked down the line, tapping each guy’s glove and wishing him a great game. When she came to Phillip, she gave him a wink and wished him luck before going down the line, ending at her husband. Shea smiled, leaning down and kissing her loudly on the lips just as the music started in the arena. Rocking back and forth on his skates, he waited and then it was time to hit the ice. When Phillip’s name was called and the spotlight came on him, the crowd erupted and he knew that they were going to win. No question about it. They had this.
Skating to the bench, he went to send a grin to Claire, like he always did, but when he looked up and saw Reese staring back at him, it stunned him. He blinked twice and she just sat there, staring at him with the saddest brown eyes ever. She was wearing makeup this time, had even done her hair, and was wearing his jersey. She looked beautiful, like always, and it left him in a daze that he didn’t need to be in right now. Mentally smacking himself, he took in a quick breath and looked away, because if he kept staring at her, he was going to climb over that glass, pull her into his arms, and never let go. He couldn’t do that. He had a game to win. But as he skated to the middle for the puck drop, he couldn’t help but glance back at where she was sitting. She was still watching him, and he didn’t know what to think of that. Was she there to fix things?
When the puck dropped and he completely missed it, losing it to the Wings, he decided that he had to push her out of his mind or he was going to lose this game. Getting his head on straight, he chased after the puck but thankfully, Shea was there, stopping the Wing player and sending the puck up to Erik. Phillip turned, rushing with him to the goal, Karson on the other side. Erik passed the puck back, and Shea sent it up to Phillip. He then deked around a player and might have had the goal but, to be sure, he sent it to Karson and he sent it to the back of the goal with ease. It was a gorgeous play but the high of scoring was short-lived because the Wings came back, hard, scoring two goals back to back.
Not letting their confidence falter, the Assassins pushed back with Patty scoring another goal and tying it up at the end of the first. The second period was hard hitting, with a lot of chances, but no one scored. When the third period came, Phillip was sitting on the bench, hoping like hell they could pull out the win. The Wings were playing a tough game, out shooting them by six shots on goal, but Phillip believed in his team. Watching as Lucas, Matty, and JT skated fast down the ice to the goal, he held his breath as JT shot, hitting the goalie’s blocker pad but receiving one hell of a rebound, which Lucas was able to get and he sent the puck sailing to the back of the net with only two minutes left in the period.
The crowd lost it, hell, the bench lost it, everyone cheering for Lucas as he hugged his line tightly, congratulating everyone. That goal was going to be the game winner as long as they held them. When Phillip was tapped on the shoulder, he jumped over the board, Erik and Karson at his side as they skated to position, waiting for the defensemen to bring the puck up. Watching the clock because he knew that they were going to pull their goalie for the extra man on the ice, Phillip poke checked the puck away but unfortunately, a Wings player was there to get it and shot the puck. Tate blocked it with ease.
“EMPTY NET!” Shea yelled, blocking a forward before taking the puck.
Glancing at the clock, Phillip saw that they had sixty seconds to hold the lead. Shea tried to send it to Karson but a Wing took it, sending it to the goal but, like the ninja goalie he was, Tate batted it away and it came right to Phillip. He had a clear path to the goal, no one was in the way, but if he took off towards the goal, he knew they would stop him. So not wasting time, Phillip turned and took a slap shot, sending the puck right into the empty net.
Throwing his hands up as his teammates attacked him, the horn went off repeatedly and with that goal, the Wings’ fate was sealed.
The Assassins had won.
Feeling jovial, Phillip pushed through the door that lead to the parking lot, excited to see Claire and go to dinner, but nervous about seeing Reese. Should he invite her? Ignore her? What? Give her a chance to talk? Maybe she wouldn’t even be there but, when he reached the spot where they always met up, she stood there, tight, dark jeans clinging to her legs with black boots up to her knees. He wished his body didn’t react to her the way it did when he was mad, but it did, begging for her body and imagining her standing only in those boots and nothing else. Shaking the image away, he continued for them. Claire was talking about something but, once he reached them, she stopped and wrapped her arms around him.
“What a game!”
Phillip’s eyes were locked with Reese’s as he hugged Claire tightly. “It was awesome.”
“Great goal.”
“It was an empty netter,” he scoffed as she backed away.
“So? You didn’t even think about what you were doing. You just shot, and it was magical. I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks,” he said, a little sheepish as he looked back at Reese, meeting her sad gaze. “Thanks for coming.”
She tried to give off an offhanded expression, but he saw right through it. She was dying inside, just like him, and he hated that she was torturing them like this. Why couldn’t she just do what her heart wanted? What the hell was holding her back? Just above a whisper, she said, “No big deal.”
He didn’t know what else to say. He could only look into her eyes and wish like hell she would say something else. The tension between them could be cut with a knife, and he hated that. He wanted to go back to the way they were. The easiness of them. He missed her. So much that it felt like the world was closing in on him. He just wanted her to say that she wanted him. That he was enough and that she believed in them. He wouldn’t even hesitate to kiss the hell out of her and then never let her go. All she had to do was say the words, and he’d be hers for the rest of his life.
“Did you have fun?” he asked, hating the silence and the way Claire was stari
ng at them. She had this look of pure distress. He could see how much she wanted them together and he would love to give that to her, but Reese had to want it. He couldn’t make her be with him. No matter how much he wanted to do that.
She tried to smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She just looked like she was in pain. “Of course I did, it was a wonderful game. Y’all played great.”
“Wow, this is super awkward,” Claire mumbled. Phillip elbowed her softly to shut her up, despite the fact that she was right. It was awkward and he couldn’t stand it, he had to go. A part of him wanted to invite her with them, but he doubted she’d go. Glancing over at Reese, he said, “Well, this has been fun, but we have to get to dinner. I’m starving.”
Her mouth pulled at the side. “Yeah, you’re always hungry after a game.”
He looked away as he slowly shrugged. She was right but it wasn’t only the food he was hungry for, it was her. Always her. “Yeah, so I guess I’ll see you around.”
“Yeah,” she said a little too quickly, before looking at Claire. “Thanks for inviting me. I’ll see you later.”
She turned to leave but Claire asked, “At the next game right? Monday?”
Reese looked over her shoulder, and her eyes were pooling with tears. He went to take a step forward but stopped, tucking his hands in his pockets to keep from grabbing a hold of her as she said, “We will see okay? We have recital tomorrow, and I’m probably going to be tired.”
Claire slowly nodded, her face visibly upset as she said, “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She smiled before meeting his gaze. “See you later.”
He could only nod as he watched her walk towards her car. Once she was in it, he turned and started walking towards his own with Claire in tow and his heart a wreck. How long was she going to do this to them? And why? Shit, maybe he should chase her down and ask. Make her talk to him, but he had tried that, she just shut down and kept saying the same thing. When Claire let out a long breath, he cut her a look and asked, “What’s wrong?”