FAME and GLORY

by K. T. Hastings

  Jake turned away from the water and walked toward a stand of tall trees that provided shade for happy picnickers during the day. When he had walked the hundred yards to the stand, he stepped around one tree and over the root system of another. Finally, he sat down against the trunk of a stately oak.

  ***

  Tad called home. Rebecca answered. She was happy on more than one level to hear the phone ring. Mostly, it meant that maybe there was some news about her brother. Secondly though, the atmosphere in the living room was a little tense. She didn't know what to say to Brandee. The singer had asked if she and Jake had talked, and when Rebecca had said that they had, Brandee had just responded by saying, “Ah” and nodding a little. Rebecca didn't know where to go from that point.

  She knew that to blurt out, “where's your lover?” would be bad form. So she just stayed quiet, and waited for Tad to call.

  “Has he shown up yet?” Tad said when his wife answered.

  Rebecca's face fell visibly, to the dismay of the others in the room.

  “No. You haven't found him either, I guess.”

  “I'm going to come home. Is Brandee there?”

  “Yes, and the members of the group are here too.”

  “I'll be home in about twenty. Love you.”

  Tad hung up. “At some point, I need to know what's going on,” he said. “Please God; let me find Jake, so he can be the one to tell me. At least then, I'll know that's he's safe.”

  ***

  “He hasn't found him,” Rebecca told the others. “He's on his way back home. We can decide what to do then.”

  Just then, Jason Flurringer started to cry in his bedroom. Rebecca got up and headed into the boy's bedroom to see what was going on with her youngest.

  Brandee stood up and walked around the living room, not knowing that she was looking at the family pictures in the same order that Jake had seen them earlier that morning. Diane spoke from the corner of the couch.

  “How are you holding up, Brandee?”

  “I'm too nervous to sit down. I wish I knew something to do.”

  Brandee continued her tour of the picture gallery. The three musicians looked out the window, hoping beyond hope that Jake would come walking up the driveway.

  ***

  Jake was sitting on the ground with his purchases from Walgreen's scattered around him. He had purchased four boxes of extra strength sleeping pills and two bottles of Nyquil. He opened up the boxes, one by one, setting them down carefully beside him. He opened up one of the bottles of Nyquil, and placed it beside him on the side away from the boxes.

  Then he got out the pad of paper and the pen that he had picked up on his way to the counter of the drug store. He tested the pen on the paper, and started to write.

  ***

  Tad got back to the house just at the time that he had said that he would. He greeted the members of the band with handshakes, and greeted Brandee with a hug. Then he stood in front of the group.

  “There's no sign of him. Why don't we have some breakfast and talk. Sometimes when people just talk, ideas come up organically from the conversation. I don't have any other thoughts than that.”

  “I'm not hungry, and I doubt any of the rest of us are either, Reverend Flurringer,” Bruce said. “But you make a good point. Maybe one of us will have an idea. I don't know what it might be, but it's worth a try. Anything is worth a try.”

  “Call me Tad, Bruce. We're all family right now.”

  Tad and Rebecca went into the kitchen and started working together on breakfast for five. Bacon was fried and eggs were scrambled. The smell wafted through the house.

  If the Flurringer breakfast had been cooked outside that morning, the southerly breeze could have almost carried the smell to Jake. As the crow flies, he was only about 300 yards from the Flurringer home. As it was, though, he finished with what he was writing and, before he had time to think about it, ate his own breakfast. Within a few minutes, his eyes closed in sleep. The last thing that he saw before going to sleep was the full moon looking down upon him.

  “That's a harvest moon,” he said quietly, to no one that could hear.

  ***

  Tad and Rebecca fed their guests. No one ate much, though they all pushed the food around on their plates. The members of the group thanked the Flurringers for their hospitality and remarked at how cute the Flurringer boys were. Jimmy showed Diane a picture of an airplane that he had drawn, while Jason sucked his thumb and looked at Bruce's beard. Tad was clean-shaven, and Jason didn't know what to make of the bewhiskered man that was at his breakfast table.

  Afterwards, Rebecca started on the breakfast dishes. “Go out and be with them,” she said to her husband. “Make them talk.”

  Tad joined the members of the group in the living room, and engaged them in conversation.

  “How well do you all know Jake?” he asked. “Obviously, Brandee knows him best of all, but how about the rest of you.”

  “I think we know him pretty well,” Suzi said. “We've traveled together for a while, and before that we got together for rehearsals and making the Brandee CD.”

  “Jake has been nothing but a good friend to all of us,” Diane said. “Now I wish I had gotten to know him better, though. Maybe I would have an idea what he would do now.”

  “Jake and I have been having some trouble,“ Brandee said. “I wish it weren't so, but it is. I feel like this is my fault.”

  “Don't get ahead of yourself, Brandee. For all we know, he just went for a walk while it was still dark and got lost trying to find his way back. He may call at any time. Guys don't like to admit that they're lost, you know. But keep talking about him. Maybe we'll hit on an idea.”

  For the next hour, Brandee and the rest of the group talked about some of the things that they had done together since the formation of Brandee. They talked about the Nissan breaking down twice, once in Ukiah, and again in Sacramento. They studiously avoided any discussion of Janelle, but eventually got to talking about Suzi being pregnant and how Jake had been so happy for her. That gave Suzi an idea. She snapped her fingers.

  “Bruce, you talked with Jake when he and Brandee first got into it about having a family. Do you remember that?”

  “I do,” Bruce said. “We went for a walk in a park in Grand Junction.”

  Diane turned to Tad. “Is there a park around here? He went to a park when he was upset then. Maybe he went to another park now.”

  Tad quickly said, “Wapato Park is just a few blocks away. I didn't think to go there because it was still completely dark when I left the house. I went to places where it was light. Do you think he might have gone to a park before the sun was up?”

  “I don't know,” Brandee said. “But we don't have any better ideas, and one idea is better than sitting here with no ideas. Let's go!”

  Tad grabbed the keys to the Jeep Wagoneer that he drove when he needed room for a group. He kissed Rebecca and said that they were going to take a run through Wapato now that it was light outside.

  “I'll pray that you find him,” she said. “I've been praying for that all along.”

  Tad drove quickly to the parking lot of Wapato Park. It was still too early for the vehicle barricade to have been lifted, so he parked outside the gate. The group skinnied through the same opening that Jake had gone through hours before. They spread out in teams. Bruce and Suzi went to the left, toward the walking paths. Tad, Brandee and Diane went straight ahead, toward the lake shore. Brandee got to the water ahead of the others and scanned the shoreline. Both teams were shouting, “JAKE!” as loud as they could, and then being quiet to hear his answer. Nothing could be heard but the muted sounds of birds in the branches of the trees.

  Ten minutes later, the terms re-convened at the shoreline. Tad said, “I'm going to go check those trees. It's hard walking, though. Why don't you come with me, Bruce? Ladies, you wait here. Maybe he heard us and will come down here.

  “Suzi and Diane are plenty to wait here. I'm going with you,�
� Brandee said to Tad.

  Tad nodded and set out at a fast walk for the stand of trees. Bruce was beside him, and Brandee was a half-step behind. They maneuvered around the stand, looking for a likely opening. After a minute or two, Tad gave up looking for a comfortable entry and barged through some low hanging branches, Brandee close behind.

  Tad stepped around a large oak tree and looked down.

  “BRUCE! CALL 9-1-1!

  Jake lay against the tree with his eyes closed, bottles and boxes strewn around him. Brandee let out a scream and fell against her fallen husband.

  “JAKE! JAKE! JACOB! WAKE UP! TALK TO ME, JAKE!

  She turned to Tad and, with tears streaming down her face, said, “He won't talk to me!”

  Tad gently moved Brandee aside enough for him to be able to put his fingers on Jake's neck. He thought that he detected a pulse, but didn't know if it was his imagination. He could already hear the sounds of sirens coming closer.

  37 minutes later, after heroic resuscitation efforts by a crew of EMTs, Jacob Lee Evans, age 34, was pronounced dead at the scene.

  Later that day, after Jake's body had been removed from Wapato Park, Bruce remembered to get in touch with the venue manager for The Tacoma Freedom Fair to cancel Brandee's scheduled concert. Since this was to be the last concert before the group went home, the group members were free to grieve the death of their friend.

  ***

  Brandee Evans made arrangements for Jake's body to be flown back to Humboldt County, California. In accordance with his wishes, his body was to be cremated and the ashes given to his wife, so that she could dispose of them as he had desired.

  A memorial service was held at the Presbyterian Church in Fortuna. Jake's parents, shaken by the news to say the least, came to California to view their son's body one last time before it was sent to the crematorium. Mary Evans was unable to look as the casket's cover was opened, but Peter Evans nodded somberly before turning away.

  Brandee met with her in-laws outside the mortuary. The three of them stood in the wind-swept parking lot.

  “I don't understand. I just don't,” Mary said.

  “I know, Mary. I'm so sorry,” Brandee said.

  Peter Evans looked at his daughter-in-law with a direct gaze. “Were the two of you having problems?”

  Brandee paused. She had known that this question was going to come up, and had devised any number of answers that she thought might satisfy, or at least mollify, Peter and Mary. When it came down to it, though, all she could say into those eyes that reminded her so much of Jake's was the truth.

  “Yes sir, we were.”

  “Were you leaving him?”

  “No sir, I was not. We went through some hard times. I take the blame for that. I was not leaving him, though. We could have worked it out.”

  Peter nodded. “I love my son. I always will. I don't blame you for this act. It was his choice,” Peter's eyes welled up, tears spilling over and down his weathered cheeks. “I wish that he had at least called me for help.”

  The elderly man, shattered by the loss of his only son, sank back against the fender of his car and cried.

  Brandee and Mary cried, too. They cried as only those who suffer the devastating loss of a young person in the prime of their lives can cry. The grief and pain poured from them like an ever-rushing torrent. The three grieving Evanses held each other and sought a solace that refused to come.

  ***

  Brandee passed the rest of the summer alone. She had been grateful for the comfort and forgiveness that she had felt from Jake's parents and knew deep inside that the decision Jake had made, though a response to what she had done, was his decision alone. She had profoundly betrayed her husband, but she had not killed him. She hoped that, someday, the ache that rested where her heart should have been would subside.

  She had developed a routine. Each afternoon, near sunset, she would walk along the dike that bordered the Eel River just outside of Fortuna. As the sun settled in the west, Brandee would watch its descent over the river. Sometimes, she would remember watching the same scene with Jake. Other times, she would talk to him as if he were there. Still other times, she would just cry. No two consecutive days brought out the same emotion. She just knew that this daily touchstone was something that she needed to have. As the calendar pages were discarded through the summer and into fall, Brandee never missed a day of her walk.

  One afternoon, Brandee was walking along the deserted dike. The early autumn breeze had a bit of a bite to it, and Brandee was completely alone on a path that never had very much foot traffic. As the wind whistled in from the ocean, she wrapped her sweater a little tighter around herself and peered to the west, waiting for the green flash over the water that meant the sun was down for good. As she watched for the solar flare, she saw something in the sky.

  It was a single pure white seagull, riding the winds aloft. It soared and dived over the river, climbing to dizzying heights only to plunge toward the water, pulling up at the very last minute. It wheeled and circled over Brandee's head, showing her its tail feathers at times as if it were leaving, only to return for more aerobatics. Finally, the lone gull made a last circle low in the sky above the river and turned toward the ocean, flying straight and true into Brandee's line of vision with the setting sun. She watched the white bird fly away until it had disappeared from sight.

  Brandee realized then that something had changed in her face. She reached up to her cheek with her left hand and touched the smile that had come across her lips. An idea has formed concurrent with the smile. Brandee turned towards home, walking quickly through the evening breeze.

  ***

  A few days later, Suzi and Bruce met Diane for lunch. Their bond, forged by performing and traveling together and sealed by their grief over Jake made it seem natural that they would spend a lot of time together. In the days and weeks that followed Jake's memorial, they had been one another's nearly constant companions. Today, they sat at The Eel River Brewing Company, having lunch.

  “What are you going to do next?” Suzi said to Diane. “We've talked a lot about it. Both of us want to get back to making and playing music. I couldn't have thought about it right after Jake died, but it's what I know and what I love to do. Besides”, she said, patting her rounder-than-before tummy, “It won't be too long before I won't be able to waddle up to a stage.

  Diane smiled at Suzi's mother to be corpulence before addressing her friend's question. “I don't know,” Diane said, sipping her coffee. “Brandee said that she wants us all to get together tonight. Guess I'll just see what she has to say. I want to tell her goodbye anyway. Are you guys going to be there too?”

  Bruce drummed his fingers on the table. “Yeah, we got the same call from Brandee. It got me to thinking, Diane. What if Brandee wants us to play with her?”

  Diane looked pensive as she put her coffee cup down on the table. “I hadn't really thought about that as a possibility,” she said. What do you think?”

  ”Damn it all!” he exclaimed, slapping the table harder than he had meant to, attracting the notice of other diners. “I don't know what I want to do. I love playing with you guys; I really do. And I care about Brandee, too. I just don't know if I want to be the same group, though. How could it be the same?”

  “Does anybody know if Brandee has been in touch with Janelle?” Diane asked.

  “Not as far as I know, but they were apparently carrying on under my nose and I didn't know,” Suzi said.

  Bruce spoke again. “I don't think I can be a part of this group if Janelle's along with us. God knows I don't care who Brandee sleeps with! Man, woman, goat, it doesn't matter to me! I don't think I could be around Janelle every day, though. It would seem... disrespectful.”

  “I know what you mean,” Diane said. “It would be hard to turn down Tom Ferrari's offer, but I think that I could, in that scenario.”

  “We're all agreed on that then,” Suzi said. “Where are we meeting Brandee?”

  “Over in
Lawndale, where they lived,” Diane said. “It's a gated community but Brandee gave me the pass code so we can get to their house.”

  ***

  That evening, the three musicians showed up at the Evans house. Brandee met them at the door but didn't invite them in.

  “Let's take my car. We're going someplace else.”

  Brandee got behind the wheel of the Sprinter and fired up the engine. She drove out of town, connecting with Highway 101 northbound. At the Loleta Exit, she turned west and headed through the farmlands that occupy much of the remote county. The conversation in the van was all small talk. The musicians were curious about where they were going but didn't ask out loud.