by Sadie Moss
My stomach twisted uncomfortably, for an entirely new reason this time. “They took you anyway.”
She nodded, her eyes shuttered. “I escaped three years later.”
“Did you ever…?”
“Go back for her? No. I had no idea if Strand was after me after I escaped, but I’d be damned if I led them anywhere near Addison. She’s…” Val cleared her throat, and for a moment, I saw the woman she might’ve been in another life. The one who was just a mother to a daughter she loved; the one who didn’t have a six-inch scar across her face, an outward hint of the many wounds she bore inside. “She’s better off without me.”
That wasn’t true—not in the way she seemed to mean it.
But I couldn’t help but respect her more for making what had to have been one of the most difficult decisions of her life to keep her child safe. She truly was a warrior.
“I’m so sorry, Val.”
She shrugged my words away. “My story is no different or worse than any of my pack mates. We’ve all suffered.” Her hazel eyes met mine, sharp and observant as always. “That’s why I’m glad you joined us, Alexis. That you became alpha. This has to end. Strand has to be stopped. It’s worth the attempt, even if we fail. For all of us—for your little one.”
Her chin jerked toward my belly, and I pressed my palm to it again, a mix of powerful emotions rising up inside me.
“Jesus. I’m gonna have a baby; this is really happening. I’m so scared, Val. I have no idea how to be a mother—”
As I spoke the last words, the lock whirred and the door swung open. I broke off instantly, but it was too late. Piercing blue eyes stared at me as Sariah froze in the doorway, halfway into the room.
“What?”
Her voice was soft, her face unreadable as she blinked at me.
Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I gazed back at her, unable to find a single word to say. As the two of us remained deadlocked in a silent bubble of shock, Val stepped forward, gently pulling the handle from Sariah’s limp grip and closing the door. Then she leaned against it, watching us carefully.
“What did you say?” Rhys’s sister whispered again, her brows pulling together.
“I’m…” Heat flushed my cheeks. “I’m pregnant, Sariah. I don’t know how!” I added, as if trying to justify myself somehow.
“Pregnant?” She shook her head. “But that should be—”
“Impossible,” Val supplied, and I suddenly wished she’d closed the door with herself on the other side of it. I loved the older woman, but this felt like a conversation Sariah and I should have in private. After I told her brother and the rest of my mates.
Goddamn it. They’ll never forgive me for this.
As if reading my thoughts, Sariah cocked her head. “Does Rhys know? Do the others? Why didn’t he tell me?”
“He didn’t tell you… because I haven’t told him yet.” She opened her mouth, and I held up a hand to stop her. “I will! I will. I just—”
Tears pricked my eyes, and I blinked hard. I hadn’t let myself feel the true impact of the baby growing inside me yet. Hadn’t let myself freak out, worry, or even, God help me, be truly happy. There were too many ways Strand could snatch this away from me like they had everything else. Too many other pressing problems begging for my attention.
We had a war to fight.
“You just what?” Sariah’s face darkened with anger. “I thought you loved my brother. You told me you were his mate.”
“I am.”
“Then why are you lying to him?”
Her words were biting, and they cut just as deep as she’d meant them to.
“It’s complicated, Sariah. If I tell them—”
It will change everything.
She didn’t look anywhere near convinced by my half-formed arguments and platitudes. Her arms were crossed, her blue eyes spitting fire, and if I hadn’t been so deep in a hole of my own guilt, I would’ve been proud of her for how far she’d come out of her shell since I first met her. The girl I’d met in the basement of the Strand complex that night wouldn’t have had the guts to stand up to an alpha like this.
I took a deep breath, and when I spoke again, my voice was quiet and honest.
“If I tell them, they’ll try to keep me out of this fight. They’ll want to keep me and the baby locked away. But I need to be part of it. We need to end this—all of us, together. It’s important. It’s the only thing that matters. If we don’t stop Doctor Shepherd, there will be no safe place for my baby on this earth. I can’t bring a child into a world like that. My mates would try to protect me out of love, but I can’t let them lock me away in a tower.”
Sariah tugged her lip between her teeth, a line appearing between her brows as she considered my answer. For a long time after we’d joined the Lost Pack, Rhys had done everything he could to keep her sheltered away from harm. I was positive she knew what it felt like to chafe against those restrictions, even if they were put on her out of love. And back in Montana, I’d spoken up for her, had encouraged Rhys to let her live her own life.
Maybe she remembered that, or maybe something else I said touched a nerve for her. I couldn’t read her thoughts, but after a few moments of silence, she nodded once.
“All right. I won’t tell him. But you’d better say something soon.”
Relief flooded me, along with a fresh wave of guilt. She was right. I had never lied to my mates about anything before. Hadn’t kept secrets from them. We rarely even fought. But every day that passed without me telling them about the baby, I felt another notch of distance grow between us.
Distance they didn’t even know existed.
“I will. I promise.”
She turned away slowly, her distrustful gaze still scanning my face. For just a second, her focus slipped to my belly, and I thought I saw something warm spark in her blue eyes. Then she pulled her attention away and headed for the door.
Val stepped out of her way, allowing her to leave.
The door clicked shut behind her, and a tear slid down my cheek. My chest felt like a heavy weight pressed against it, making it hard to breathe. I looked at the shifter woman, a harsh, self-recriminating laugh bursting from my lips.
“Jesus, Val. This is so… What am I doing?”
She cocked her head at me, the scar down her face standing out starkly against her tanned skin. “What every mother does. You’re doing what you have to.”
Chapter Three
“This is a bad idea. We should go back.”
“We’re not going back, Lexi,” Rhys answered for the third time, glancing over at me from the driver’s seat.
A few days ago, he’d bought a shitty, two decade old van from a used car lot, and Carl had scrubbed the van’s VIN number. We’d need it to get wherever we were going—whenever we figured out where that was. For the moment, it was taking us out of Meridian toward a forested area where we could hunt.
“But I shouldn’t leave the pack—”
“Val’s there,” West said calmly, also for the third time. “Jackson and Noah are there. They’ll be okay.”
“And Val said you need fresh meat. I agree with her. You’ve lost weight.”
I would’ve pointed out that it wasn’t polite to comment on a lady’s weight, but Rhys’s voice was so strained with worry the words didn’t even make it past my throat. I had lost weight, which was the exact opposite of what was supposed to happen when you got pregnant. I knew it was probably due to stress and the frequent bouts of nausea, but part of me couldn’t help but worry that there was something wrong with the pregnancy.
Shifter females had never gotten pregnant before, and just because I was now didn’t guarantee it would last—that I’d be able to carry the baby to term. It was another reason I hadn’t worked up the courage to tell the men yet. If they found out, if they fell in love with the little peanut as deeply as I had… it would be five hearts broken instead of just one if something went wrong.
“You have. W
e’ve all noticed.”
West’s dark fingers stroked my arm, and I turned to see him leaning forward from the back seat. His face so perfectly symmetrical, with full lips, a strong nose, and twin dimples that popped out when he smiled.
I wished he was smiling now, not looking at me with dark, concerned eyes that made me feel like he could see past all my bullshit and excuses, right down to the real reason I hadn’t said anything to my mates about the baby I carried yet.
Because I was scared.
Terrified.
Wriggling uncomfortably under his too-discerning gaze, I grabbed his hand and kissed his fingertips. “Okay. We’ll hunt, and we’ll eat. That will help.”
He didn’t look completely satisfied, but he let the conversation drift to other topics as we drove another twenty minutes out of town. When Rhys pulled the van to the shoulder of a small back road, West hopped out first and opened my door for me. The three of us quickly shucked our clothes, tossing them into the vehicle before Rhys locked it and buried the key under some loose dirt nearby.
I didn’t even have to reach for my wolf. She was right there, just like she had been ever since I’d sealed the final bond with West, ever since she stepped up and accepted her status as alpha. I’d spent weeks before that wrestling with her, fighting with her for dominance of my body and soul. But those days were behind me, and I didn’t think they’d ever return. She was too much a part of me now.
A relieved whuff fell from my lips as I shook out my fur, shimmying my body from my head all the way down to my tail. A cool nose sniffed at my ear before West’s gray wolf licked the side of my face. My chest expanded with peace and joy.
Val had been right. I had needed this. And it had nothing to do with food.
I yipped and spun on my heels, racing off through the forest.
There were plenty of things about the military base the Lost Pack had taken over that I didn’t miss, but I had missed the forest more than I’d realized. The freedom of open space and blue skies, of birds in the trees and little animals skittering through the brush.
My two mates ran beside me with strong, even strides. The scent of deer reached my keen nostrils, and I growled, veering toward the path where the smell was strongest. After another few minutes, we found them—a herd of four bucks grazing on the leaves of low-hanging branches near a small stream.
The hunt was easy. We were all larger and faster than normal wolves, and the knowledge of how to bring down prey was in our bones. The bucks scattered as soon as they got wind of us, and we easily spotted the slowest, weakest one. The three of us worked together to separate him from his herd, and Rhys went in for the kill.
It was quick and clean.
We didn’t hunt for sport, and we didn’t play with our food; this was as much a part of who we were as the human sides who ate hamburgers and loved donuts. I’d been surprised after my first hunt that I didn’t experience more guilt over killing an animal, but the feeling had never come. This wasn’t cruel. It was part of a cycle of life that had existed as long as life itself had existed.
After we ate our fill, we trotted back toward the stream where we’d found the deer. I felt immensely better with a full stomach and made a silent promise to myself to take better care of my body. I wouldn’t be any good to anyone if I pushed myself past the point of exhaustion.
The stream was narrow but deep, a small, meandering thing that wound its way through the forest. At the water’s edge, I dipped my head and drank in long laps.
Rhys and West flanked me, and I could feel each wolf’s gaze on me as we picked our way through the forest back toward the van. The sun had moved in the sky as we hunted, and the trees’ shadows had reversed their direction. We didn’t run this time, walking slowly to prolong our time in the woods.
It’s a constant balancing act. Between our two sides.
I hoped someday, when all this was over, we would find that perfect balance. Find a place to live that allowed us to foster our human sides as well as our wolves. That gave us home and community as well as wilderness and space.
All too soon, the dull blue color of the van came into view through the trees. And as soon as it did, the knot of worry in my gut that had temporarily loosened drew tight again, making my stomach cramp. We drew up alongside the vehicle, and my bones snapped and reformed as I shifted quickly.
Warm air wafted across my bare skin as I straightened, but before I could take a step, my head spun. The churning in my stomach grew more violent, and I reached out to brace a hand against the smooth metal to steady myself.
“Scrubs?” West’s voice sounded like it came from inside a bubble that was drifting farther and farther away. “Shit! Rhys, open the door.”
My throat worked, but I fought against the urge to vomit. I need this food, damn it! The baby needs it!
Strong arms lifted me. West’s bare skin was warm against mine, the smell and feel of him comforting as I fought to quell the wave of nausea. He set me gently on the bench seat in the middle of the van as Rhys crawled in beside us.
“Lexi?”
My mate’s broad fingers brushed my hair back from my face, and I turned into his touch, exhaling through my mouth as the wave of dizziness passed and my stomach began to settle.
I moved to sit up, and two pairs of hands pressed me back down, West and Rhys letting out two nearly identical growls.
“It’s… it’s okay,” I gasped with a chuckle. “I’m all right. I just got dizzy for a second.”
“Why the fuck did you get dizzy?” Rhys’s tone was demanding, and his blue eyes narrowed as he scanned my body, as if the answer to what ailed me would be written there.
The word sat on the tip of my tongue. Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant.
It strummed in my chest like a heartbeat, a constant pulsing reminder of the life-altering truth I was keeping inside.
I opened my mouth, and Rhys leaned closer, threading his fingers through my hair as he finally helped me up to sitting. “What is it, baby?”
My lips drew closed, pressing into a line.
Coward.
West put two fingers on my chin and tipped my face toward him. Both men were crouched before me, muscled frames completely naked, shoulders and biceps bunched with tension.
“You’re doing well, Scrubs,” he said softly. “With all of this. I know it’s a lot—becoming alpha, taking on Strand—but we’re here with you. We always will be. No matter what you need, we’ve got you.”
Sincerity shone from his dark brown eyes, and he pulled his lower lip between his teeth as he gazed at me.
A warm flame of desire sparked in my belly, replacing the worry and nausea that seemed to have taken up permanent residence there for the past several days. He’d asked what I needed, and the answer was right before me.
I needed them.
My skin flushed. The car had warmed in the sunshine while we hunted, but that wasn’t the reason for the heat coursing through me now.
I leaned forward, scooting to the edge of the seat as I tugged West’s hand from my chin, sliding it lower, over my neck and collarbone, down my sternum. His nostrils flared as his eyes widened, and he shot a sideways glance at Rhys. I heard my other mate give a surprised sounding grunt, but then West snatched his hand away.
“We need to get you home so you can rest, Scrubs. You’ve been pushing too hard.”
“That’s not my home,” I shot back. “It’s a hotel on the outskirts of a shitty town in Iowa.”
I reclaimed his hand, setting it back on my chest, where he could feel my heart pounding hard and strong. His palm rested on the upper part of my breast, and my nipples peaked at the near contact. My gaze drifted over to Rhys to find him staring at the two of us, his eyes locked on the place where West’s hand caressed my skin.
“I’m with two of my mates. I am home. And this is what I need. I need to feel…”
Loved.
Safe.
Normal.
“Alexis,” West groaned, his fingers tig
htening slightly, massaging my flesh as his breath picked up.
We hadn’t had sex since that incredible morning we’d spent together, and I knew how much trust it had taken for him to let me touch him then. Keeping my hold on his wrist, I met his gaze.
“You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to, West. But I love you. And I want you… both.”
“Fucking Christ,” Rhys rasped. “We’re supposed to be taking care of you, Lexi. Damn it—”
I turned to him, a challenge blazing in my eyes.
Since the moment they’d met me, the guys had been protecting me. They’d nursed my injuries for weeks back in Vegas, touching me tenderly and intimately without ever taking it beyond that. Finally—finally—I had proved to them I wasn’t a breakable little doll, someone they needed to treat with kid gloves. And now, I could see them all starting to look at me that same way again, worry clouding the love and desire in their eyes.
But I didn’t need that.
I needed their love.
I needed their desire.
“Then take care of me, Rhys,” I demanded. “Right now.”
Chapter Four
The blue pools of his eyes widened for a heartbeat as he registered the taunting challenge in my voice.
Then he threaded his fingers through my hair and hauled my face toward his. His lips were ready as soon as they met mine, moving in perfect sync with my own as his tongue plunged into my mouth, tasting me like he’d been starving for this for days.
Euphoria flooded me, and I felt dizzy for a new reason. My hands clutched at his arms and biceps, seeking something to ground me from the onslaught of sensations. I scooted forward on the seat even more, wanting to erase the distance between our bodies, but before I reached him, a low, strangled sound came from my right.
I broke from Rhys’s kiss, gasping for air, and West reached for me, angling my face toward him to press his lips to mine instead. Rhys leaned back, letting his pack mate claim his turn as the purposeful, steady movement of West’s lips stoked a slow-burning flame deep inside me.