Lionslayer's Woman

by Nhys Glover

  Nexus closed his eyes tight and fought down the arousal that shot up through him again. Her innocent curiosity was killing him. How could he remain unmoved by such a declaration? How could he not want to give her what she desired? Not love, she wasn’t asking for love. She was asking for experience. She wanted to know what sexual pleasure was really like.

  Could he give her that? Would Niobe understand if he gave her that? Niobe had understood when he’d taken Livia that night in the gladiator ludus. She’d said she was glad Livia had been there to give him some measure of peace when she could not. Maybe she’d understand…

  ‘Yes…’ came the whispered word from somewhere outside him. Not Galeria. She still lay silently at his side mortified by her temerity, he could tell. No, this came from somewhere else, but no spirits shared the room with them.

  Unless he no longer saw them. He’d thought they’d stopped coming to him once he reached manhood, but maybe they’d always been there and he’d just stopped being able to see them.

  But something… or someone was trying to reach him now. This was the third time he’d felt it. Was it Niobe? Could their connection still exist, even separated as they were by death? Maybe the reason he’d never felt empty when she wasn’t there was because she always had been there, inside him. His other half. And maybe she still was…

  He shook his head hard, trying to drive the crazy thought away. He was trying to justify his lust for the sweet patrician at his side. He was trying to give himself permission to have what he wanted. It was beneath him to use this kind of thinking to get the pleasure he no longer deserved.

  But didn’t Galeria deserve pleasure? If, after all she’d been through in the last week or more, she didn’t deserve the right to know pleasure he didn’t know who did. And if he were the only one who’d ever made her want to know such pleasure, surely he was being selfish to deny her.

  Justification! He was justifying his own lusts, his own need for sweet release in the arms of this innocent girl. What if he got her with child? That was a fear he’d known before. This time he might make it happen.

  And if it did? Said the voice in his head. You could give her your name, for whatever that’s worth. You could care for her as no one else would now do. Her father was gone; her life was gone. What was left for her once this was all over? She would have responsibility for her mother and sister if they were successful in getting them back, but who would take care of her? How would she support herself and family? There was a brother somewhere, he vaguely remembered, but who knew what he was like, and he was still very young, barely a man.

  No, Galeria was a woman alone and she needed someone to take care of her. If she had taken to him because he’d helped her, then maybe it was only right that he continue to do so once this was over.

  He shook his head again, astonished by the direction of his thoughts. He was thinking of marrying the girl now? That idea had never even crossed his mind with Niobe. And yet here he was, after knowing her for only a week, considering tying himself to her for a lifetime. It was as if his natural tendency to protect had gone rabid. She didn’t even want a husband!

  But if he gave in to her desire to know pleasure… no, call it what it was. Don’t make it all about her. This was a mutual desire. His body required it, even if he didn’t deserve it or truly want it. But if he did give in to it and she carried his child after all this, he couldn’t leave a highborn lady to bear the burden of disrespect and the financial hardship such a child would cause her.

  Better not to go there at all. It was just curiosity on her part. One day a man would come along who roused her sexual appetite again. A man more suitable. A highborn citizen. Not someone like him, just one up from a slave, the pond scum of the empire. His mistress had granted him citizenship, but liberti didn’t hold all the rights of a citizen, and patricians never married below them. Not like this.

  ‘I’m sorry… I don’t know what came over me… the wine. It must be the wine. I shouldn’t have said anything. You must do what you feel is right. I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was trying to talk you into…’

  ‘Galeria, stop!’ He spoke harshly and he felt her flinch away. He cursed his own lack of sensitivity. Why was he making this so much worse?

  He started again, more gently this time. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s just that you’re misunderstanding my silence. I’m doing what I always do – thinking through all the possibilities. If I… if we… do this… there could be ramifications other than the loss of your virginity. You might have a child. An unmarried patrician? Without a father to protect her from the rebuffs of society? That would be no life at all. Experiencing the short-term pleasures to be had in my arms or having your curiosity sated isn’t enough to balance out such an outcome.’

  ‘I’d like a child.’ Galeria looked suddenly excited by the idea. ‘I’d quite like to be a mother. I just never considered I could have a baby without marriage.’ Her eyes were glowing brighter the longer she considered the idea. ‘And after knowing me this last week, do you really think I care what society does to me? I’m the daughter of a Stoic philosopher who was put to death by Caesar. I have no standing in society anymore, if I ever did.’

  ‘Galeria, this is emotion running away with you. You’ve had too much to drink. You’re upset because your life’s been torn apart and left you adrift. You’re clutching at straws, trying to rebuild your life with whatever’s at hand, and I’m at hand. In six months, when there’s order again, you’ll be horrified that you ever considered someone like me to father your child. I’m merely a freedman and a drunken reprobate who has nothing left to live for. I’m beneath you!’

  She suddenly leaned over toward him, her grey eyes blazing with fire. ‘You dishonour me by this… this… argument. If you don’t want me then say so. I don’t need your pity or your excuses. I’m not asking for your love or marriage or any of those emotional frills that most women want. I’m not most women. I don’t need or want anything from you except your friendship and the pleasure you can give me. Stop planning ahead before we have even…’

  Nexus felt the instant flash of arousal. It took him by the throat and shook him hard. Thinking abruptly ended. He could barely remember his name or why he’d struggled against this. His hand shot out before he realised it had done so. He grasped the back of her neck, dragging her down to him roughly, cutting off her tirade with his mouth.

  She fought him for a moment, but when he continued to kiss her with increasing passion, losing himself in her smooth heat, her taste and her heady scent, she gave in, relaxed into him and opened her mouth to allow his invasion. He took what was offered and greedily demanded more.

  Nexus twisted his big body like a cat and had her under him in a moment. She gave a little cry of surprise but then she smiled against his lips. Then the moan that escaped her from between their clashing mouths only drove him harder. How could he have thought to keep her at a distance? This was what he’d wanted from her from that very first night. This!

  ‘You argue more than any woman I’ve ever known,’ he mumbled into her mouth. ‘This seems to be the only way to win with you,’ he joked, feeling light and humorous for what felt like the first time in his life. Was this joy, this expanding lightness within him?

  ‘It seems like I’m the one who’s won,’ she replied breathily between fevered kisses.

  Then her body stiffened in his arms and she went very still. His numbed brain registered the change in her and he forced himself to draw back so he could study her face. He needed to read her thoughts in her expressive eyes, because nothing made sense to him now. The world had suddenly turned upside down and left him sprawling, dizzy and confused in its aftermath.

  But all Nexus could read on her face was horror and disgust. It didn’t make sense. How could his kisses suddenly disgust her so?

  ‘What?’ he finally got out of his stunned mouth.

  She was silent for several long seconds, staring at him. Then she closed h
er eyes tightly as if she were in pain. ‘That’s what I was doing – winning an argument. I was trying to win, without thought of the outcome for you. I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…’

  ‘Galeria, what is this?’ He was exasperated and his need was fraying his already flimsy control. All he wanted was to bury himself deep inside her, not try to make sense of whatever was going on with her now. This was what she’d wanted, damn it. What was wrong with her?

  She struggled out from under him and he had to force himself to let her go. He watched in bemused disbelief as she curled up in a little ball against the wall, her head resting on her knees. Her breath was coming in sharp gasps and her hair, which was usually pulled back so primly, was flowing about her shoulders in sensual waves of rich earthy-brown. In that moment, she was every man’s temptation, and he wanted to give in to that temptation more than he wanted to draw his next breath.

  But something was wrong, and he wasn’t about to force her into continuing when she was now so obviously against it. What was she thinking? Why had she gone from lust to repulsion in an instant?

  ‘What’s wrong? I thought you wanted this…’ he demanded, raking his fingers through his short hair instead of letting his hands do what they wanted to do – drag her back into his arms.

  Her head shot up and her storm-cloud eyes were another kick in the gut. He wanted this woman as he’d never wanted another. His hands trembled as he fought the overwhelming urge to take what he wanted.

  ‘I want this! That’s the operative word in this. I am trying to win. I am trying to get you to do something that you don’t really want to do. As if you weren’t already buried under a mountain of guilt, I’m trying to add to it. Why? Because I want to know what sexual pleasure is like? How selfish is that when you’ve been so selfless with me? I don’t want you this way, Nexus! I don’t want for me to win and for you to lose. This is no academic debate… This is… not that.’ Words failed her and she buried her face in her knees again, her hair forming a curtain that hid her completely from him.

  His sex-drugged brain tried to make sense of her words. As the truth of it settled in, he felt his ardour diminishing. Was that what she’d done? Presented arguments to win her case? Had he given in to her selflessly?

  Yes, he would have the added burden of guilt on him after this. Not only because he didn’t deserve pleasure, but also because he’d be betraying Niobe. But it wasn’t an act of selflessness he was contemplating. He wanted this passionate, sensible woman, with her waves of unruly hair and her eyes like burning storm clouds. Not classically beautiful, certainly, but she had a beauty that shone out from within. A beauty that made him see her and want her, not just any pretty face.

  Didn’t he?

  His lack of response seemed to be the only answer she needed. With a defeated sigh, she lay down on the pallet with her back to him and pulled her stola up over her. ‘Go to sleep, Nexus. We have much to do tomorrow. This is no time to be distracted from what really matters, the only thing that matters. My mother’s in the hands of my father’s murderers. She’s been forced to withstand who-knows-what for over a week, and in the next days, if we’re right, she’ll be sold into slavery outside the empire. That’s what matters. Only that!’

  He felt the last of his arousal ebb away. She was right. Her good sense had won out for both of them. With an equally heavy sigh, he lay back on the straw mattress and threw his arm over his eyes.

  In the morning he’d be glad she let him off the hook. Tomorrow he’d be grateful she put his needs first in this. More guilt was not what he needed. She was right. He was buried under a mountain of it already. The last thing he needed was more.

  But tonight he felt no gratitude. Tonight all he felt was a bitterness that ate at him like a hungry wolf.

  He thought he heard a tutting sound coming from the corner of the room, but he didn’t bother looking. There’d be nothing to see, and in this moment he didn’t give a damn what his invisible observer meant by the sound.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  14 June 82 CE, Antiochia, SYRIA

  Galeria came to wakefulness as the first rays of sunshine filtered through their tiny window and touched her face. Instantly she was galvanised. It was past dawn. What was she doing sleeping past dawn?

  Flipping over to face the man sleeping at her side, she saw that Nexus was still deeply under. There were heavy bags under his closed eyes, and even in sleep, his handsome face wasn’t relaxed. There was a deep line etched across his brow as if his dreams were troubling him.

  The urge to stroke away that line was powerful but she controlled it. He didn’t need her comfort or anything else she had to offer. Cyra had been right about him. Giving her heart or even her body to this man was a formula for heartache. Last night had proved that to her.

  She wanted to be glad she’d had the good sense to stop it before their passion got out of hand. She wanted to believe that she’d done the right thing by him and herself, but the regret she felt was immense.

  To redirect her emotions she reached over and gave his shoulder a shake. His eyes flew open and his big body was instantly alert to possible threats. When he perceived none, he focused in on her. The remorse she saw in his dark eyes strengthened her resolve; it had been the right decision. This man didn’t really want her and now he regretted everything that had happened between them. At least he wouldn’t be weighed down with more guilt because of her.

  ‘It’s late. We overslept. There are things to be done this day,’ she said with more calm than she felt. He nodded abruptly and shifted off the bedding.

  ‘I’ll leave you to your privacy for a few minutes and return with food. Then you’ll stay here while I make inquiries.’

  She nodded, studying his tired face. He hadn’t slept well if at all. Maybe she’d woken him from the only sleep he’d managed to get last night.

  My selfishness at work yet again, she decided with regret as she watched him leave.

  Waiting in the room for the rest of the morning proved to be agonising. At least on the ship she’d been able to watch the changing scenery as she waited. It had been a novel and interesting way to pass the time, as she hadn’t left Rhodos since she’d arrived there eleven years earlier. But this waiting was different, locked away in a space so small and stuffy it felt more like a sarcophagus than a bedroom.

  However, she wouldn’t complain. Her mother and sister were probably living through far worse. Although by this time, Galerianna should be safely back in Cyra’s arms and on her way to Sabinus’ estate in the Pontus region – if everything had gone to plan, that is. If the Dacian had been as good as Nexus had assured her he was, and he hadn’t taken off at the first opportunity he got, leaving Cyra to struggle on alone. There seemed to be a lot of ‘ifs’ in that scenario.

  Galeria’s thoughts and worries circled around and around like a dog chasing its tail until she felt ready to scream out her frustrations. When she heard the midday gong, she shifted expectantly. Nexus couldn’t be much longer, could he?

  When there was a quiet knock on the small door a short time later, she scrambled to open it. The breath of fresh air that entered with Nexus was as welcome as he was. While he closed the door behind him, seated himself on the pallet and placed the food he’d brought with him between them, she waited in silent agony.

  ‘So I’ve set up a network of spies who’ll alert me to the arrival of the Praetorians, whether it’s day or night. I’ve also checked into the Stoics in the area. It’s important to determine whom the Praetorians will target. One stood out immediately because of his outspoken questions concerning Titus’ death. He’s not as circumspect as you say your father was. Either he’s very foolish or very brave, I don’t know which.

  ‘I’ve also found out the names of the most influential slave traders in the area – the ones that bring slaves in and out of the empire via Osrhoene and the Euphrates River. It’s usual for a slaver to buy up suitable fair-skinned slaves from markets around the empire and then have them ready
for the next caravan heading east. He then sells off the slaves that are brought in. Most have multiple caravans operating on the route. One such caravan is expected in any day now.’ He paused as he opened the green leafed wrapping of a food package and offered Galeria the soft milky cheese dotted with pieces of what looked like figs within.

  She took the offering and used a crust of dark bread to wipe up the concoction and bring it to her mouth. Much to her surprise, it was a wonderful mix of tartness and sweetness. So, even though she’d eaten breakfast and had done nothing to work off the food since, she devoured the delicacy hungrily.

  ‘I thought you’d like that. I also checked on the water supply. The wells are considered pure. I filled a skin for you.’ He offered her the goat’s skin water carrier they’d been using for the journey. The first taste of fresh water was very welcome and she drank thirstily.

  ‘My thought is to position my spies near the Praetorians when they enter the city. Make sure they’re the ones the soldiers ask for information. They’ll be after the whereabouts of their quarry here, as well as the whereabouts of slave dealers. It’s unlikely they’ll go to the slave markets themselves but rather send someone to fetch a slaver. I’ll make sure I’m the one who’s sent for. I’ll have to pass myself off as one of the prominent traders in case they make multiple inquiries.

  ‘If that doesn’t work then I’ll have to find out where they leave your mother and go from there.’ He petered out, obviously unsure what the next step would be in that eventuality. He was clearly putting all his efforts into this one plan of subterfuge, and though it was risky to do so, it did sound like the most viable option. Not that she was any expert in making the kind of plans with which Nexus was coming up. Her life had never required this kind of strategy.