by J. A. Saare
“I will keep this until I have total faith in your loyalty to the family. Do not speak of it and do not seek it out. Doing so will not bode well for you.” He righted himself, standing regally, as though he was delivering an important message. “We have a guest arriving this evening,” he said in an even tone, once again calm, with a face so expressionless one might think he was carved from stone. “When he does, you will show him respect, fealty, and devotion. If you don’t, I will no longer be able to help you.”
“Help?” I laughed even though it hurt. “You call this help?”
“You stupid, selfish girl.” It seemed so odd to hear Marius speak with so much vehemence when his face was so smooth and unreadable. “You think I’m the enemy here. You have since I arrived. I know Ethan tried to explain my reactions and treatment, but you still refuse to see. What I’ve done to you is nothing. A mere scratch on otherwise pristine armor. I hoped it would be enough to demonstrate why it was so imperative that you listen to me, the importance of your deference to those around you. Now I know nothing will cure you of your pride and recklessness but my sire.”
“His sire?” I looked at Disco for confirmation, making sure I’d heard right.
“Revenald Bhevencourt,” Marius answered before Disco could. “My maker, the true ruler of this house and the absolute authority over everyone who exists under its power.”
“I thought you said he wouldn’t come.” I didn’t dare glance at Marius, keeping my eyes on Disco. “I was told that giving you the dagger would end everything.”
I considered reaching for my back and handing the damned thing over, no longer feisty or consumed by fury, when Disco said, “He wouldn’t have, if you’d listened to me.”
He lifted his blond head and met my gaze. An emotion I knew like the back of my hand flashed in his eyes.
Dread.
“When you didn’t come home this morning, Revenald sensed it through his connection with Marius. He’ll arrive when the sun sets.”
“What’s going to happen?”
“I’ll tell you what’s going to happen.” Marius strolled over to us, footsteps leisurely. “He’s going to come here. You’re going to learn just how nice I’ve been to you. Then you’re going to retrieve the knife and bring it back to him like a proper servant. I suggest that when you do, you forget any and all grievances that occur during your time in his presence. Thank him for allowing you to live and don’t give him any other reason to pay you a visit.”
Paine returned, his dark eyes lethal. “She’s telling you the truth.”
“Finally, a breakthrough.” Marius stopped beside me and Disco. “Lying won’t do you any favors. Truth is your strongest weapon now. If you lie to my maker, he will know. He always knows.”
Every single bit of my control was tested as he stood over us. There was so much resentment in me, craving an outlet. I knew entering into a vampire family would change my life, but I never truly understood just how much. And I never asked for it. I never even fucking wanted it. My identity was being taken without my consent. I was being molded into with what they wanted me to be. And the worst part was Sonja’s warning that I’d been coddled—that I had yet to see anything when it came to the half-demon, vampire world—was spot-on. Research only gave a person so much information. Hands on experience was so much more enlightening.
Despite that, I softened when Disco moved closer, his hand still on mine. It had puzzled me how someone so understanding, so tender, could maintain control of a city that was so large. Joseph was a feared master of the New York, but he was far more violent, willing to do whatever it took to maintain his status. I’d learned that firsthand. Disco, however, was a deep thinker, taking his time, resorting to violence only when necessary. Recent events solved the mystery. Disco was powerful and dangerous, but his connections made him someone no one would fuck with.
“If you’re done here, I’m taking her to our room.” Disco gazed pointedly at the floor, refusing to meet the eyes of his maker.
“Take her to your room if you desire, but don’t allow your feelings to overcome reason,” Marius replied. “You knew what would happen if she didn’t take my warning seriously. We gave her the opportunity to do things my way, without interference. Now it is out of our hands.”
After Disco helped me to my feet, Marius placed a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t give Revenald a reason to hurt you. Do as you’ve always done and keep your morality out of vampire business.” There was genuine emotion—a mixture of love and fear—in the request. “Don’t tempt him to include you in his lessons. Tell her why it’s so important that she doesn’t fight tonight.” Marius stopped, squeezed Disco’s neck, and whispered, “Please, Gabriel. You know how this must be. Don’t do anything you’ll regret.”
Disco regarded Marius over his shoulder. “I think we both know it’s too late for that.”
“That’s true, but I’m telling you just the same.” Marius moved closer, until his mouth was near Disco’s ear. “Don’t make things worse. It won’t help either of you. You have to be smart. Become the vampire you were intended to be. Your humanity will serve no purpose.” He lowered his voice, like he was sharing a shameful secret. “Trying to protect her could backfire, and then where will you be? Suffering alongside her? Unable to do anything but watch as she’s broken? If she survives the night, you have an eternity to mend her wounds. You can be there for her in the aftermath. Sometimes it’s not actions that count but the absence of them. Remember that.”
Disco weighed the words, countered with a curt nod, and wrapped an arm around me. He didn’t lift me to his chest, and I wanted to kiss him for knowing after everything that had happened I would want to walk to our room instead of being carried.
The family parted and made way. Goose tried to say something as we approached, but I remained silent when our eyes met. He had never been good at hiding his feelings, so it was easy to read his guilt. Paine took the lead as we slowly made our way upstairs. I was a teensy bit wobbly from the blood loss and lack of sleep, but I knew my body would stabilize soon. I just needed a hot shower and a serious power nap to recharge and pull myself together.
As well as one more, very important thing.
When we made it to the room, I paused in front of Paine. “We’re going to need time alone.” When he didn’t get my message, starting to walk past me, I put a hand on his chest and glanced at Disco. “Not the three of us.”
“You’re hurt.” I could tell he wanted to stay. He didn’t budge from his spot in the room’s entrance.
“I’m already on the mend.” I touched the spot on my head and showed him the drying blood. “See?”
“We need to formulate a plan,” Paine stalled. “Over half the day is gone. We don’t have a lot of time to strategize.”
“Soon,” I said. “I want to talk to Dis—” I quickly corrected myself, “I need to speak to Gabriel.” From this moment forward, until we were all safe, the nickname couldn’t be uttered. “We need time alone.”
“Oh.”
I could see the envy in Paine’s gaze. He had always been intuitive, able to read so easily between the lines. Even if Disco didn’t know what I intended, Paine did. It wasn’t the first time I was glad he didn’t have memories of our time together, and it wouldn’t be the last. He might want more than friendship but his loyalty to Disco was absolute. The Paine of the future had initiated more from me due to the fact Disco was dead. If he had lived, I was certain Paine would have kept his distance—no matter how difficult it was for him.
“I’ll be in my room,” he said quietly. “Come for me when you’re ready.”
The door closed, and I moved away from the man at my side. It felt too good to be so close to Disco, and I had to do something before I could tell him what I needed to say.
“He’s right, we have to talk,” Disco murmured. “I have—”
I stopped him by holding up my hand, resisting the temptation to place my fingers over his full lips. “I’m going to get a sho
wer. Then we’ll discuss everything.”
He didn’t like it, I knew. Space was something he didn’t want to give me when I was in trouble. In the past, when he felt me withdraw emotionally, he forced me back to reality. Before things had gone to shit, I loved that about him. He refused to let me hide from him or myself.
I felt his eyes following me as I walked to the bathroom.
“Don’t take long,” he warned, his throaty baritone dipping an octave. “It’s important we have a plan.”
“I won’t,” I called over my shoulder, entering the bathroom.
I closed the door behind me, leaning on the wood. Removing the blood and grime from the alley fight was part of the reason I’d decided to hurry into the other room. However, there was an even more important reason I’d rushed from Disco’s side, something that couldn’t wait. I surveyed the bathroom. There weren’t many good hiding spots for the knife, so I went to the counter under the sink. After I found a place to wedge Sucker—between a row of towels and a large bottle of shampoo—I quickly stripped away my clothing.
My fingers were useless, the material slipping from my grasp, making the task so much harder than it needed to be. Was I really going to do this? Would I end one battle before another started?
It didn’t take long to decide that, yes, I would risk everything.
Who knew what horrors waited for me tonight. Things I would never be able to forget. Revenald already had too much information about me and Disco. The chasm that existed between us would only give him more ammunition, an easy way to keep us apart.
Divided we were less. Together we would be strong.
I didn’t dawdle when I stepped inside the steaming shower. One good scrub and a quick wash of my hair was all that was necessary. My heart was racing as I stepped out of the shower, patted myself off, towel dried my hair and wrapped the dampened cloth around my body.
Due to the steam on the glass, I couldn’t see myself in the mirror. I combed my fingers through my hair until I could no longer detect any tangles, hoping that I managed to look decent, trying to calm the frantic beating of my heart. Champagne fizzles tickled my stomach, making me warm all over as a faint buzz filled my ears.
This is it. No more waiting.
The heavy fog from the shower followed me into the bedroom when I opened the door. Disco was seated on the edge of the bed. His blond head was down, his hands cradling his face. He looked broken, defeated, and absolutely gutted. My anger returned. Revenald could hurt me, but I wouldn’t be his only victim. It took my breath away when I fully grasped the gravity of the situation and realized that, because of me, Disco would be hurt as well.
“I helped Sonja send Baxter to the other side today,” I said and he slowly lifted his head. “The entire thing was horrible. They were so sad.”
“You were able to do it, then?” He chanced a glance at me, bright eyes sharp as they took me in.
“Yes, I was.”
I took a deep breath. No risk, no reward.
Two steps back, a giant leap of faith forward.
“The thing is, helping them forced me to deal with things I haven’t wanted to think about. I had to take a good look at myself and the decisions I’ve made. Seeing the two of them made me realize something.”
He shifted on the bed and his attention danced over my towel-clad form. I saw the heat in his eyes, the tic in his jaw a testament to his control. To his credit, he recovered fast and averted his gaze. Ever the gentleman, my Gabriel.
“What might that be?” he asked hoarsely.
Our moment had arrived. “That I’ve been throwing away time with you. Time I would have given anything for a few weeks ago.”
He went completely still. Then he looked at me, hope flaring in his eyes. “If you’re trying to tell me something, please be clear. Don’t offer me what I think you are and take it away.”
“I’d forgotten how it felt when I thought I’d lost you.” Now it was my voice that was heavy with emotion, the pain of the past merging with the present. “Anger and hurt prevented me from remembering how broken I was when you were gone. I was so consumed by fear I lost sight of the bigger picture.”
“And now?”
“I’m still hurt, and I’m afraid to trust you.” The hope etched into his face vanished, and the heat in his eyes dimmed. I hurried to clarify, to take that enormous step and hope forgiveness would set us free. “But I’m ready to move past the things I can’t control. I’m tired of living in the past.”
“What are you trying to say, Rhiannon?” One single questioned revealed just how vulnerable the man seated before me was.
Taking a deep breath, I confessed on the exhale, “I love you.”
I’d almost forgotten how fast Disco could move when he wanted to.
Almost.
The towel hit the floor when he grasped me around the waist. He deposited me on the bed, careful not to jar me, cradling me as I sank into the softness of the comforter. His weight held me down, pinning my hips to the bed, and I basked in it. Our mouths met, a wild merging of tongues, a sensual dance I’d missed so damned much. I had been wrong about the dreams he gave me. The beach he created—the sense of security he provided—had always been there.
My safe place didn’t exist in dreams. Heaven was right here, in his arms.
“Again.” Disco’s breath brushed my lips, an intimate caress. “Tell me again.”
“I love you.”
He rose above me, an Adonis in my eyes, and destroyed the shirt masking the beauty of his body. Buttons flew across the room, a few bouncing off the wall. He didn’t slip the garment off; he ripped it from his torso. Cool skin met hot, our chests coming together and blending. Perfection. Fire and ice. Softness and muscle.
“Nothing else matters,” Disco murmured.
“Nothing else,” I echoed, wrapping my arms around his waist.
Our mouths touched again, only this time the kiss was sweeter. His taste was intoxicating, something I’d missed. He moved his hands over my body, molding them around my hips, whispering them up my torso, and settled over my breasts. I groaned at the sensation, waiting for what he planned next. His thumbs breezed around my nipples, moving agonizingly slow in light, steady circles. I writhed beneath him, aching for more pressure, and bit my lip to muffle the soft cries that escaped.
Disco lifted away, watching as he touched me. “Let me hear you,” he rasped, playing with the hard points, rolling them between his fingers. “I love the sounds you make.”
I gave him precisely what he wanted when his head dipped and those plush lips surrounded the nipples he’d played with. Back and forth, from one to the other. He used his mouth and teeth, nipping at the sensitive skin. He used enough force to create a pleasurable amount of pain before soothing the sting with gentle laps and swirls of his tongue, flicking the tip over the tender and electrified tissue.
“Oh God.” Praise his fucking name.
This was what I’d missed, what I wanted beyond reason but denied myself. Not only had I hurt Disco with my distance, I’d inadvertently hurt myself. How had I forgotten how right this felt? How strong our connection was?
I’d been lost without him, so fucking confused. Now everything was crystal clear. Love didn’t come with a guarantee. That’s what made it so special, so cherished—so rare. You believed in the truth of your heart, even at its worst, because you had no other choice.
After what had transpired between us weeks before, I didn’t expect Disco to take our lovemaking further. I knew he’d want to play with my breasts, touch and tease me and dive into the foreplay he’d always enjoyed. But when he started to venture to the land down below, I tensed. Suddenly the moment didn’t feel so sexually charged. Sex with him felt terrifying. Horrible visions of the past clawed their way forward, trying to lure me to the safety of the wall I’d built around myself.
“Maybe you shouldn’t.” My voice was deep. Not from passion but fear. I clearly remembered his anger, his outrage, when he’d learned I’d
made love to Paine. One firm swipe of his tongue against my sex had sealed my fate. I knew I should have told him—I should have warned him—of what had happened. But I’d been selfish. I was so happy to see him. To know he was alive.
“Shh.” Disco didn’t stop, continuing down my body, leaving kisses along the way. “Don’t be afraid. I’ll never hurt you again. I swear.”
My entire body was shaking when he parted my thighs and took the place I once adored between my legs. He enjoyed going down on me—always had—until the night I’d fucked it all up. Until then, I had relished his expertise. Now, it was something I dreaded. A reminder of my betrayal, something I’d done to ease another’s pain that had torn us apart.
“Gabriel.” My teeth were chattering, desire warring with terror. “Wait.”
“Shh,” he repeated and lifted his eyes. Our gazes met and he reminded me, “We’re together now. Nothing else matters.” He licked me in the next breath, all the way from bottom to top, taking his time. Then he closed his eyes, inhaled, and growled, “You’re mine. Only mine.”
I had a cheesy comeback, something along the lines of, “I always have been,” when his lips closed over my clit. The man was a master with his tongue, looping circles around the bundle of nerves before flicking the area with fast motions. My anxiety settled as he licked and sucked, allowing me to relax and enjoy his oral worship as I once had. As soon as my thighs went soft, parting wider to give him more room, he gave a hum of approval.
The vocal vibration caused the heat in my abdomen to build. Butterflies in my stomach became licks of fire. It has been so long since I’d fallen over the cliff, since I tumbled into ecstasy. If I’d had claws, the sheets would have been shredded.
I raked my nails over the linens, over and over again, in harmony with the deliciously smooth and hard rasps of his tongue. He waggled his head, humming as he paid attention to my clitoris, and pressed two fingers inside me. I jerked when he brushed the pads of his fingers against my G-Spot, gasping for air. Knowing he’d found the right spot, he moved the digits a come-hither motion. He applied pressure, moving in a steady pace, using his wrist to time the thrusts.