Conviction: Devine

by Sidebottom, D H

  “But I wondered if you had ever seen Seb come to visit my mum with another woman.”

  He pursed his lips then shook his head. “Not that I can recall. He came in with another man, Marianne’s brother,” he said after thinking for a moment.

  I frowned and shook my head. “Unfortunately, my mother had no more family after her parents died.”

  “Oh.” Dr Lovejoy’s eyes widened with that revelation.

  “How many times did Seb visit with this man?”

  “Two, three times maybe.”

  “And how recently?” I knew I was bombarding him with questions but nothing made sense in my head anymore, the small snippets I was learning battling with each other.

  “Quite recently. I’d say over the previous three months.”

  “And you have no idea who this woman was?”

  He shook his head and sighed. “I’m sorry I can’t be of more help. I really can’t remember, plus Marianne could have had visitors when I wasn’t on shift. It’s impossible to say.”

  I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples in disappointment, my threatening migraine now a guarantee. Looking at him, I widened my eyes and pouted. “I don’t suppose you’d let me trawl through the CCTV?”

  He sucked air through his teeth and shook his head. “I can’t. All the recordings are confidential.”

  I shook my head, angered at the walls that seemed to build up as quickly as the clues that led to them. Dr Lovejoy leaned towards me, resting his elbows on his knees and tipped his head slightly, watching me closely. “However,” he continued in a quieter voice, as though his house was bugged. “One favour deserves another.”

  My eyes snapped to his as another violent shiver tore through me. My belly heaved with worry and my heart threatened to choke me when it started to hurtle up my chest and burst into my throat. “I’m sorry . . . I’m not sure . . .”

  “I asked you a while ago if you’d allow me to study you. Do you remember?”

  My whole body calmed when I figured out he wanted to play with my head and not any intimate parts. “I remember.”

  He tipped his head, not asking with words. I didn’t see any other option. I needed to find this woman, and as quickly as possible. If the only way was to allow the doc to analyse my dark side then so be it. Sighing in defeat, I nodded. “Okay.”

  “Excellent!” He grinned and clapped his hand. “I promise I’ll be gentle with you. But to study you will answer every question I have had in my head since I started at psych school.”

  I nodded, trying to smile in return but only managing to produce a grimace. “Okay, when do you want me?”

  “Tomorrow?”

  I gulped. “Wow, that soon, huh?”

  He chuckled and rubbed the top of my arm in a soothing gesture. “It won’t be as bad as you’re picturing. All we’ll do is talk. All I want from you is honesty and openness.”

  “That’s all? You won’t want to hypnotise me or anything?”

  He shook his head. “What? No, I need you coherent so you can be as candid as possible. Although if there are some points that your brain has locked away that maybe were too stressful then hypnotherapy might be an option to unlock those.”

  “No! No, everything’s in there.” I chuckled as I tapped my finger on my head. “I’m good.”

  He smiled and nodded before I swiftly hurried through his hallway and virtually fell through his front door when I yanked it open.

  “I’ll make a start on that CCTV tomorrow.”

  “Oh!” I spun around. “I thought you’d pass them on to me to look through.”

  “That’s something I can’t do, I’m afraid. Each copy is accounted for. I’ll check them and I promise to report back anything I find, even if it’s just a pizza delivery.”

  I laughed genuinely; my mother’s love of pizza had The Grange’s staff ordering chicken and mushroom pizza many times over the last ten years. “Okay, that’ll have to do. So what time tomorrow?”

  I hated that I’d have to lie to Jake again but I figured if I could tell him I was seeing a therapist then I wasn’t exactly lying to him. I was sure he’d understand after everything that had happened. Anyone would be in need of specialist help after their brother and mother had been murdered so cruelly.

  “About eight?” I nodded and turned to walk down the few steps from his house to the street. “Oh and Isla,” the doc shouted as I climbed into my car. I stopped and looked at him. He seemed almost embarrassed for a moment, his eyes lowering to the floor and his cheeks flushing faintly, but coughed and cleared his throat. “I just want to say, don’t believe everything you hear. There’s a reason for the saying innocent until proven guilty. I respect your life choices. Please show me the same courtesy.” He didn’t say anything more, just gave me another smile then disappeared back into his house.

  With his curious statement bouncing around my head, I slid into my car and frowned to myself. Why did everyone have to be so cryptic? Why couldn’t they just tell it how it was? It saved a lot of confusion in the long run. However, I understood that not everyone was like me; some lacked the ability to be both honest and straightforward.

  I had never had any trouble on that front. Sometimes it was an easy way forward and sometimes it was a huge hindrance. My inability to be both tactful and reserved gave me a fight once or twice, but right then I needed truthfulness and directness because everything that spun inside my head was a jumbled mess of lies and secrets.

  MY EYES SNAPPED OPEN, the orgasm raging through my body waking me from the dream that had felt so real. My back arched, the breath in my lungs leaving me in a long moan.

  “Fuck!” I looked down and found Jake’s face between my legs, his eyes looking up at me intently, his tongue circling slowly around my clit.

  “Good morning, gorgeous.” He smiled as he climbed up my body, his mouth worshipping my hot skin as he made his way to my face. “Good dream?”

  I laughed, snaking my hand around his neck to pull him down to my mouth for a kiss. “Mmm,” he murmured as I devoured the taste of my own orgasm on his lips.

  My body pleaded for more and I slid my hands down his bare back until I found his delicious arse cheeks. “Fuck me, Jake.”

  For a brief second his expression completely changed, his face hardening and his eyes darkening but when he blinked, it had gone. He shook his head slowly. “Not this morning,” he whispered. “This morning I need to make love to you.”

  Slightly stunned by the emotion in his statement, I reached up and cupped his face with my palm. “Jake?”

  “Sshhh,” he breathed as his lips ventured down my neck, his tongue dipping out to taste me. “Just let me love you, Isla.”

  He thrust inside me, my internal walls struggling to accommodate his size. His teeth sank into his bottom lip as his gaze fixed on me. The look in his eyes as he started to move nearly brought tears to my eyes. Something was wrong, something Jake was struggling with.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He shook his head and slipped his arms under my body then rolled us over so I was on top of him. I sat up and moved as slowly as he had, giving him the tenderness he obviously craved. Gliding his hands up my thighs then body, he held my breasts in his hands, his stare now on his own actions.

  “You are so beautiful.” His eyes lifted to mine and the look of pain on his face this time brought with it my tears. “We were created for each other, Isla. Your soul was made to comfort mine in the nightmares and to dance with mine in our dreams.” My heart raced, my arousal fierce and my stomach full of an ache I didn’t like. “Our hearts beat in symmetry until we produce the perfect rhythm.”

  “Jake?”

  He shushed me again with a finger against my lips as he sat up, his chest pressed firmly against my own as he kissed me. Although full of so much tenderness, it was also a kiss brimming with an ache and sorrow that took my breath away.

  “Love me, Isla,” Jake pleaded, his voice tight and broken as he ran the tip of his nose along my shoulder
. “Show me. Give me a memory.”

  I didn’t like the way he was talking but I gave him what he needed, his emotions begging my soul for acceptance. Slipping my arms around him, I held him tight, pulling him to me as I made love to him. His eyes never left mine, his soul and mine dancing together as we fused and gave everything we had.

  His orgasm was as powerful as mine, both of us clinging to each other for support and release, our joined moans loud and free. His eyes never left mine, the adoration in them so powerful that I fought against the need to cry again.

  We both jumped when his phone buzzed on the nightstand, the vibration causing it to jump across the smooth wood and drop onto the floor with a heavy thud. He sighed, blowing out a frustrated breath as he gently moved me off him then leaned over the bed to retrieve it from the deep pile of the carpet. He swiped the screen then frowned. Moving quickly, he sat on the edge of the bed and held the phone to his ear.

  I climbed from the bed and made my way to the bathroom as Jake spoke to Adam. Their conversation was brief but I could tell by the urgency in Jake’s voice that something was going down.

  “Isla.” Jake’s head popped round the bathroom door just as I was wiping myself on the toilet.

  “Do you mind?” I grumbled, rolling my eyes when Jake’s stern but exasperated expression stared back at me.

  “We all piss.” Quickly his face changed. “I need a favour.”

  I nodded, switching on the shower before turning and catching Jake’s eyes on my arse. He blinked then looked back up to my face. “One of Adam’s friends needs a babysitter.”

  I frowned. “Adam has a friend with a kid?”

  Jake nodded with a look that told me he was as amazed as me. “Yep, new girlfriend. She has a ten-year-old. He needs someone to watch him for a while.”

  “Okay.”

  “We shouldn’t be long. Adam is on his way back but the boy is travelling down from Manchester with Kris and . . .”

  I held up my hand, nodding briskly. The thought of Kris minding a child brought shivers. “Yep, no problem.”

  “Good,” he said before turning back to the bedroom. “He’s on his way here.”

  I held up my hands and shook my head. “Well why bother asking then?” I murmured under my breath.

  “I have to go. Business has come up,” Jake shouted as I stepped into the shower. I pulled a face, the tone of his voice alerting me that this was the kind of business I didn’t want to know about. “Adam or his girlfriend will pick up the kid before lunch. I’ll see you at work later. Dress accordingly.”

  I peered out of the cubicle with a puzzled expression when I heard his voice come closer. “Dress for what?”

  He grinned at me, his eyes explaining everything. “No underwear, sweetheart. Makes it so much easier at work.” I laughed when he winked and blew me a kiss. “Love you!” he shouted casually as he left. My heart swelled and I couldn’t take the huge smile off my face. Silly little things and simple statements were to me the hardest thing to break into a relationship but with Jake, declarations and gestures came easy, the words sliding off his tongue as though he had been saying them for over a decade.

  “I love you more,” I shouted back.

  I ARRIVED AT WORK just after lunch with my mind racing and my stomach in knots. Carrie, Adam’s new girlfriend, turned out to be the new judge at the crown court. She also, apparently, turned out to be a bent judge. She sat me down when she arrived to pick up Joel, her son, and went through everything relating to my upcoming court case. She had put me in touch with a new solicitor, an expensive one, and informed me she would be doing her all to push her way in to the case, or at least find out the general progress including all evidence against me and who the ruling judge would be.

  I wasn’t sure I liked where this was heading. I’d never broken the law—well apart from the small matter of murdering someone—and I was terrified something bad was going to come of it all.

  Carrie had just smiled wryly before scooping up her son and disappearing with Adam.

  Now I was on tenterhooks, my nerves fraying with every passing minute. Every time the door to Adam’s office opened, where I was stuffed away sorting some paperwork, my heart surged up my throat and a sweat broke out on my forehead.

  Although I was aware I was going to be facing a prison sentence anyway, I was scared to death that I was dragging people into it that had nothing to do with my past. Jake, Adam and even Carrie were now accessories and I hated that the circle was growing bigger every minute.

  I was buried deep under a pile of papers in the late afternoon when I randomly looked up to stretch my neck. My eyes popped wide when Kris stood looking at me deeply.

  “Kris.”

  He didn’t frighten me but he was a surprise. Kris never gave me the time of day and to find him staring at me—he obviously had been for a while by the way he was leaning against the doorframe—came as a bit of a shock. I left my gaze on him, not backing away from his stare. He blinked and for a brief moment his eyes held a remorse I couldn’t decipher. He lowered his gaze then swallowed. “Jake wants you in his office as soon as you can.”

  “Oh,” I replied with a frown, mystified why Jake had sent Kris and not texted me. “Okay.”

  I smiled at Kris and stood, bending my back to massage the straining muscles from sitting so long. He stood in the doorway, blocking it when I walked over. His stare was stern, his eyes narrow. I gulped, my heart rate peaking as I looked up at him and waited for him to move out of my way.

  After a moment he moved aside and allowed me to pass but when I reached the top of the stairs leading down the management’s corridor where all the offices were situated, I jumped when Kris called my name out.

  I turned to find him still standing in Adam’s office doorway, silent and brooding. “Kris?”

  His expression softened and he sighed. “I need you to know . . .” He paused and I cocked my head at the regret in his voice.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s . . .” He held his hands up, his fingers clenching into fists. His eyes found mine and I shivered at the powerful emotion on his face, his glare appearing to seep into my bones. “I don’t think you should.”

  I peered at him. “I shouldn’t what?”

  He closed his eyes and the fiercest growl made my blood curdle. He shook his head and disappeared back into the office, the door slamming loudly behind him and notifying me that he was done and wasn’t about to shed light on what the hell he had been trying to say.

  I stared at the door, blinking rapidly as I tried to make sense of such a private personality. I had a feeling he was trying to warn me but the way he had looked at me, with both hatred and sorrow, made me balk at the twist in my belly.

  My nerves were on ice as I made my way along the corridor. For some reason Kris’ warning had buried deep inside me and I no longer wanted to go into Jake’s office. I had never pressed the lock sequence on his keypad as slowly as I did, hating the way the green light seemed to allow me access quicker than usual. The stairs ached my legs, my feet dragging up each step with a dull pain that made my toes hurt. Sweat trickled from my forehead yet a chill creaked my bones. The anguish in my gut oozed into my bloodstream, my veins constricting with the thick sludge that poured through them.

  Jake’s reception area was quiet and the pad of my feet across the room beat through my brain with every step I took.

  Reaching the table in the centre of the room, my head turned involuntarily to look through the window to Jake’s office, my eyes fixing automatically on the couple in the room. My veins no longer accommodated the race of my blood when it froze inside. The sweat on my forehead merged with the tears that rained down my face and my heart seemed to die inside me, the cold hatred inside me building walls around every surface of the organ that had refused to feel until Jake Devine came along.

  Everything felt surreal, as though I was in a movie, when Jake’s eyes lifted over the top of Genesis’ shoulder and fixed on me. I knew
the look of pure sorrow on Jake’s face as Genesis rode him on his desk would haunt me for a long time.

  He didn’t attempt to push Genesis away, nor did he attempt to chase me when I turned and fled.

  Nor did he try to contact me in the following two weeks of hell spent in my father’s spare room where I hid away and finally accepted that my life wasn’t worth living.

  Two hours later

  BLOOD SPLATTERED MY SHIRT, the crimson substance spraying across the grey cotton. I stared at the pattern as the coke finally hit my brain and started to take me where I wanted to be.

  Sniffing, I pushed the emotion back and hit the prick again, the crunch of his nose under my knuckles soothing my inner hatred for a fleeting moment. His screams when I took out his kneecaps placated the rage in my heart, my blood near boiling point as it tore through my hardened veins in attempt to burn into my hideous soul.

  Her tears, her pain, her horror, her despair, her misery, her utter devastation; they all hit me one after another, my heart weeping as I screamed and hit Dr Peter Lovejoy with one final staggering blow, his head hanging backwards on his broken neck.

  Two weeks later

  “AHH, COME ON, SUGAR,” he pleaded with an exaggerated pout. I couldn’t take my eyes off the hair sticking out of his left nostril. “I’ll put a smile on that miserable face of yours.”

  I sighed, ignoring him as I placed his plate of steak and eggs in front of him. I had been working at Wendy’s café for about a week and although Wendy and the rest of the staff were lovely, my heart just wasn’t in it.

  I’d moved back in with my father. Leah was still at the cottage but I couldn’t face living in a place that belonged to Jake. Adam, as much as he had fought with me over our contract, backed down and let me go, understanding my need for distance.

  I’d refused to cry. To be honest, it was my own fault. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted him. I couldn’t understand why Jake had professed his love for me so easily then eight hours later, hadn’t seemed bothered that I found him fucking another woman. I’d expected him to come after me, and although I was glad he hadn’t, I was hurt that he hadn’t bothered to come up with an excuse. I obviously wasn’t important enough.