Conviction: Devine

by Sidebottom, D H

  I refused to spend Jake’s money. I would take what he offered for Henry, but apart from that I wouldn’t take any money from him because he felt he needed to give it to me.

  I blew out a breath as I turned and spotted the sopping wet bed where the rain had blown through the open window and drenched it through. Pulling the spare blanket from the cupboard, I ventured back downstairs. The sofa it was.

  I’d been asleep for about an hour when I suddenly woke again. My heart beat furiously when the floorboards above me creaked. I didn’t give myself time to think about anything as I tore the blanket off me and ran up the stairs to Henry, terrified I was too late and Gen or Seth had got to him.

  What I didn’t expect to see was Henry in the arms of his daddy, his smile wide as he giggled with Jake’s playful talk. At first I was sure I was seeing things, that the old house was playing tricks on my mind, but when Jake slowly turned to me, his eyes sad and full of heartache I knew he was actually there.

  “Jake.” It came out choked and a little high pitched, the restriction in my throat altering my voice.

  He remained silent, gazing at me. Henry squirmed in his arms and pulled at Jake’s beard—another new thing as well as the hatred he looked at me with.

  “Isla,” he said, his tone expressionless and uncaring, his face just as blank.

  Disappointment surged through me. I thought he’d come home but it was evident he had just sneaked in to see Henry. I wondered how often he had crept into his own house to avoid me and see his son.

  I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear when it fell in my face. “You don’t have to sneak in. If you wanted to see Henry you should have just called. I’m not going to cut you out of his life.”

  A cruel smirk moved across his lips, his eyes reflecting as much spite. “Oh, don’t worry, sweetheart. I won’t be cut out of his life. I’m cutting him out of yours.”

  The air in my lungs seemed to merge with the vomit in my stomach when both rushed up my throat at once and I slapped a hand over my mouth. “What? I’ve told you, it’s all lies!”

  Placing Henry back into his cot he walked towards me slowly, his long strides paced and methodical and his abhorrence of me clear in his gaze. When he stopped in front of me he leaned forward, softly brushed my hair over my shoulder and pressed his mouth to my ear. “Henry is mine. You don’t deserve to be loved by anyone ever again,” he whispered coldly, then gripping my chin, his lip curled and he glared right into my soul. “I’m going to divorce you, strip you of everything you have and I’m going to take Henry.” He ran his thumb across my bottom lip, chuckled callously and repeated my own words back to me. “Prepare to go to war with the monster you created, Isla Devine.”

  I didn’t watch him walk away. I couldn’t. I stood in the same spot, staring at my beautiful son for over three hours, the tears streaming down my face and the beat of my heart never starting.

  The man who had promised to love and protect me forever was going to watch me slowly die. He was going to do it cruelly and as painfully as possible.

  And I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I would fight him all the fucking way.

  Kill or be killed.

  LEAH NARROWED HER EYES on me, holding her cup to her lips. “Spill.”

  “Nothing. I’m just tired.”

  Her perfectly manicured brows rose high when I rubbed the back of my neck and squinted at the incessant throb in my head.

  “Another headache?”

  “Mmm,” I mumbled. “The doc’s given me new meds but they don’t seem to be working.”

  I jumped when Leah choked on her coffee, spitting brown liquid across the table and myself. She stared at me with her mouth open, her eyes watering and her head shaking from side to side. “Shit! Isla!”

  Turning round to look over my shoulder, I shot out of my chair thinking a huge spider had decided to join us for morning coffee. “What the hell, Leah? What?”

  She was still staring at me, mute and shocked. “Babe,” she whispered.

  Panicking, I moved to the mirror, checking my face to make sure a huge boil hadn’t exploded under my skin. The dark circles under my eyes weren’t great to look at but aside from that nothing horrific looked back at me.

  “Leah, what the hell is wrong?”

  “You’re . . .” She coughed to clear her throat. “The last time your headaches were this bad was when?”

  I pursed my lips in thought. Then I stumbled to the table and fell into the chair. “No,” I croaked. “I can’t be. Once was a miracle, twice would be the holy bloody divine.”

  I shivered against the cold trickling around my body, tears spilling down my face. Why the hell was I always in the middle of something dramatic whenever I fell pregnant?

  “You need to do a test.”

  I nodded slowly when she got up, snatched up her bag and disappeared.

  I couldn’t be. Not again. But I knew. I knew I was. My headaches had been troubling me for weeks and I’d gone off tea and back to coffee again.

  “Mam. Mam,” Henry babbled from his playpen in the corner of the kitchen. His bottom lip stuck out as if he felt my despair.

  “Hey, sugar lump. Mam’s okay.” I lifted him high in the air, he giggled and my heart soared.

  “Mammm.”

  Laughing with him, I sat him on the worktop and nuzzled into his neck, taking huge breaths of his unique scent to settle my nerves. “You’re gonna have a little playmate, Henry. How’s that?”

  He chuckled again. “Dadadada.”

  Closing my eyes to the tears his shouts brought, I smiled tightly. “No, not daddy. A brother or sister, silly.” When he yawned I chuckled. “Busy day, huh?”

  As I carried him through the hallway to take him up for a nap, someone tapped on the front door. Opening it, I smiled at Bill, one of the gate security guards. “Morning, Mrs Devine,” he said as he passed me the morning mail.

  “Good morning, Bill. Everything okay?”

  Nodding, he gave me his usual salute and ventured back down to his hut. I shouted after him. “I thought it was Richard’s shift today.”

  “Phoned in sick.”

  “Oh,” I mumbled, shutting the door and taking Henry upstairs.

  Leah burst through the door, waving a pregnancy test at me as I settled Henry down.

  “Sshhh,” I said, stroking his wispy brown hair until he closed his eyes again.

  “Hurry,” Leah whispered, taking my hand and dragging me to the bathroom. Shoving the box in my hand, she tipped her chin to the toilet. “Come on!”

  “Bloody hell, Leah.” I laughed. “You’re more excited than I am.”

  “Of course I am. I get to have a family through you. I will never in my life push a person out of my vagina. Vaginas are there for people to venture in!”

  Rolling my eyes, I pulled everything down, stuck the little stick underneath me and aimed as best as I could.

  Leah jigged about, her foot tapping on the floor driving me nuts as we both stood and stared at the tiny screen.

  “PREGNANT!” she squealed.

  “I gathered.” My heart thudded furiously against my chest.

  “Woohoo!” Leah sang, her arms enveloping me. When she didn’t get a reaction, she reared back and looked at the tears streaming down my face. Directing me onto the loo after she plonked down the lid, she took my hands. “I’m wondering why you aren’t jumping for joy. You’re having another little Henry, babe.”

  I managed a small smile at the thought of another Henry but then the despair came in more waves, my heart weeping along with my soul. “He’ll take it,” I whispered shamefully. Why I was ashamed about Jake’s behaviour, I wasn’t sure. I just knew it wasn’t him, that he would never treat me that way if he knew.

  “He’ll take what?”

  “The baby.”

  Leah scoffed and shook her head. “Of course he won’t! Why would he do that?”

  My sobs intensified when the memories from the previous night made me wince.


  “He came. He came last night.” I wasn’t sure she could understand me through all the hiccups but I rambled on. “He hates me, Leah. He’s taking Henry from me. He wants to divorce me. He hates me. . . .”

  “Isla!” Leah snapped, making me blink at her. “He won’t get the fucking chance to, babe. For one, I won’t let him and for two, no judge in the land would prove you to be a bad mother.” Framing my face with her hands, she sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”

  I shrugged. “Because . . . because it didn’t sink in until now. I made excuses for him in my head. That he’s angry and hurting and that it was all talk.” Leah nodded, agreeing with me. “But he will, Leah, I know he will. Especially now.”

  “No!” She shook her head firmly.

  I stared at her, my hiccups ceasing with the shock of her sternness.

  “If you’re willing to sit back and allow him to take everything from you that you’ve ever dreamed of, then you deserve to lose Henry and his sibling!”

  “What?” I screeched, her words cutting deep.

  “What the hell is wrong with you? This isn’t you! You never gave in, you never let anything bring you down, even . . . even after Dwaine. You fought back. You fought and you fucking won!”

  Her face was red and heated, her tears matching mine.

  “Where are you, babe? Where the hell is Isla Cormack?”

  She was right—as always.

  “Wars were never won by sitting back and allowing people to trample all over you. You need to find that side of you that craves the darkness.” When my eyes widened on her, she scowled at me. “Oh, don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. We both know it’s in there. Fuck, I’ve seen it in your eyes. For the first time in your bloody life you need to take whatever is in there and make it fight for you. Because to be honest, if you don’t then Jake Devine will take it all.”

  “I’m not sure I have the strength to fight him.”

  She smiled, her head tipping sideways as more tears plopped from her eyes. “Babe,” she whispered. “You’re a mother. The strength is there, ready to fight whenever your children need you. You won’t need to find it because it will come thick and fast as soon as someone tries to hurt your babies.”

  I nodded.

  “Now come on. It’s time to get off your fat backside, rumble up some courage and fight that man all the way into hell.”

  Taking a breath, I blew it out and stood up. “Okay, let’s do this.”

  “Woohoo! My bitch is back!”

  “I’m not your bitch, Leah.”

  “You’ve always been my bitch.”

  “That makes me sound like some butch lesbian.”

  “You could be my butch lesbian friend if you wanted.”

  “What the fuck? I have long hair for starters. And I wear nice lacy knickers.”

  “Hairdressers and Primark would solve that.”

  “Oh, fuck you, you mad bitch!”

  “I’m not your bitch, Isla.”

  “No, I’m your bitch.” I winked.

  AS I WAS DOING Jake’s finances on the laptop and enjoying some rare peace while Leah took Henry out for the day, a ping alerted me to an email.

  Frowning at the unfamiliar sender, I clicked on the icon and brought it up.

  My mouth dried, even the tears that wanted to flow from me dried. My skin seemed too tight for my body and my lungs released all the air in one sudden gush but it was seeing Jake’s email address in the ‘cc’ line that made me shoot up and tear from the house.

  “I swear to God, Adam. If you don’t move then I’m going to take your balls in there with me and leave the rest of you outside his fucking door!”

  “Isla,” Adam hissed. “I’m telling you now is not a good time!”

  “Don’t you dare take sides in this! You were my friend! Move!”

  When he shook his head firmly, I stepped into him and brought my knee into his nuts then punched him in the side of the head and knocked him to the ground. It was the first time Jake’s training had come in useful, but damn if it didn’t make me smile.

  “What the . . . ?” Jake spluttered as I burst into his office. The two Chinese fellas that sat opposite Jake stared at me.

  “Don’t worry, I’m not a terrorist,” I told them quickly. “I’m Jake’s wife. Well, on paper!”

  “What the fuck, Isla?” Jake seethed. “I’m in the middle of something.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “I wouldn’t worry, darling. Someone else will sell you the same pieces for half the amount these greedy fuckers will!”

  The sound Jake released reminded me of when you slowly pop a balloon and the air squeals as it deflates.

  Both Chinese men stood up quickly and I trained my gun on the forehead of the one that looked the most important. “I suggest you settle back down before I make you all nice and holey.”

  “What the hell are you doing?” Jake fumed as he stepped around his desk. Moving the gun to him, I curled my lip. “Don’t!”

  He laughed. The bastard actually laughed. “Gonna shoot me are you, sweetheart?”

  Narrowing my eyes on him, I shook my head. “Don’t try me, Jake.” I sensed Adam’s approach behind me and chuckled. “One more move, Adam, and you’ll be burying your boss and each of his Chinese friends.” Aware that he’d stopped, I nodded my head but kept my eyes trained on Jake. “Good boy. Now keep our visitors entertained please. Jake and I have something to discuss in private.”

  “Isla, what the hell is going on?” Adam asked.

  Jake took the opportunity, thinking Adam had my attention. Stupid man. His mouth fell open when I fired and the bullet whizzed over his shoulder, taking a couple of centimetres of skin with it. The hole that appeared in the wall behind him had me grinning like a loony.

  “You stupid bitch!” Jake raged, his face reddening as he slapped his hand over the graze.

  “Oh. A big tough man like you! Or is the fact that the monster you created actually had the gall to shoot at you?”

  His eyes widened further with my bravado.

  “Adam, take these gentlemen with you and get out. I need Jake to see something.” When he didn’t move, I fired another shot into the ceiling and screamed. “NOW!”

  I ignored Adam’s huff and moved closer to Jake as he ushered out the arms dealers Jake had been mid-talk with.

  Jake stared at me. “How dare you?” His tone was quiet but full of fury.

  “Sit down!” I urged him onto a seat with a tip of the gun. “Now fire up your email.”

  He narrowed his eyes but did as I asked, his stab at the keys making me angrier with him.

  “Now,” I said quietly, trying to collect myself as my nerves came back to the forefront. “Open the mail from Nuke120.”

  Huffing and gritting his teeth, Jake opened the email and played the video. He watched and tapped his fingers on the desk as if bored. “And what, Isla?” he hissed when the video stopped.

  “Again!”

  “You’ve fucking lost it!”

  “Maybe. Play—it—again!”

  He growled as he hit play again. “It’s a woman crying for fuck’s sake.”

  “Look closer, Jake. Look at her!”

  He bit into his tongue and moved his face closer, mocking me. “Yes, and she’s still a woman crying.”

  Biting my own lip to contain my temper, I growled at him. “You stupid fool. Blind to every truth that’s put in front of you!”

  “Isla!” he shouted. “I don’t get it!”

  Shaking my head as my tears finally came, I prodded the screen, my fingertip blurring the display. “It’s you. It’s Tilly. It’s Henry. It’s your fucking mother!”

  MY HEART COULDN’T KEEP up with the pace of the blood rushing through my veins. My vision blurred and my gut twisted in shock.

  “What—the—fuck?” I puffed out as I stared at the paused video in front of me, the screen making my mother’s face flicker. “I don’t . . .” My tongue felt too thick, the roof of
my mouth sucking it upwards when I tried to talk. “It . . . it can’t be.”

  But it was. It fucking was.

  Turning slowly, I stared at Isla. My head shook from side to side as her eyes softened and she dropped to her knees before me. “She’s alive, Jake. She’s alive.”

  I covered my mouth as I replayed the video over and over. She was sat in a room, on a chair. She was obviously older, and the grey of her hair hurt me for some strange reason. She looked haggard. Nothing like the photo my dad had always showed me.

  Looking up at the sender’s name, I hit reply.

  ‘Who are you?’

  “Are you okay?” Isla asked softly from her position on the floor. Looking at her hurt, so I just nodded.

  Almost instantly I received a reply from Nuke120, Isla kneeling up so she could see.

  ‘We need to meet.’

  ‘Where and when?’

  ‘I’ll be in touch. This isn’t secure.’

  Isla looked at me. “Be careful, Jake. It could be a trap.”

  “I don’t care. That’s my mother. I need to find her.”

  She nodded, smiling softly as she accepted my need. “Why would your father tell you she died when she didn’t? What kind of animal could do that?”

  Looking down at her, the urge to touch her overwhelmed me. Reaching out, I ran my thumb under her eyes, the dark bags breaking my heart. “You’re exhausted.” She lifted her hand, covering mine. The choked sob that came from her made my stomach clench. “Why, Isla? I loved you so much. I gave you everything, even my soul. Why?”

  Shaking her head firmly, tears poured from her. “Baby,” she croaked. “I didn’t. I wouldn’t. You have to believe me. Kris loves you as much as I do.”