Desire

by Cassie Verano

  One by one, they were polished until they shined to perfection just before I hung them in their place.

  Damn! I’d wanted so bad to go to her. Especially realizing she had invited me to her place for dinner. Wasn’t that what I had wanted?

  No, I didn’t want to just enter into her space. I wanted so much more than that, and I didn’t want to accept that, and then have her push me away again. She needed to understand that I wanted more of her. Not just a dinner invitation here and there, but I wanted her to open her heart and share it with me.

  I wanted to know Karina Kendricks, the woman. Unbeknownst to anyone, I’d Googled her a couple of weeks ago and spent my spare time watching her YouTube shows.

  Karina or KK, as she referred to herself on her show had quite a personality. She was funny, charming, talented, and witty. It seemed as if she opened herself up to her audience more than she had to me. But even in those videos, I sensed a reserve about her that held in person.

  Some of the older videos I watched featured a few other women. One I learned was her sister, who didn’t look much like Karina at all. She was a dark-skinned woman with a thick cloud of natural hair and a curvaceous body. Her name was Lori, and I knew just like Karina, she turned heads wherever she went. But her manner was much milder than Karina’s.

  The other woman on the show was her cousin, Rhonda. She was a funny, spitfire of a woman who had a snappy tongue just like Karina. They gave each other hell on the show, but reading the comments, Karina’s fans loved it. She and Rhonda looked more alike than Karina and Lori, but they looked about the same age, whereas Lori was younger than them, closer to my age.

  A third woman appeared on the show. Sabrina was her name, and she was an Italian woman who was a good friend of Karina’s. She was taking a cooking class from Karina on this show, learning the basics of cooking. She had several mishaps that Karina eased over and exhibited patience toward her.

  She had a loving attitude toward Karina, but when I looked closer at some of the videos that she appeared in, she was almost watchful. As if she were looking deeper than what we could see when she watched Karina. As if she were scared that Karina’s shell would break.

  Watching Sabrina watch Karina, it seemed as if she saw what I saw. Her interaction with Karina was careful and tender, as though she wanted to protect her.

  From those videos, I learned a lot about Karina, but I ended with more questions than I started with. Karina was loving and a nurturer when it came to her interaction with her sister. A wilder, fun-loving, carefree Karina emerged when she was around her cousin. And a patient and cautious Karina was on display when she was with Sabrina, but what I saw that her fans probably didn’t was that she was vulnerable around this woman.

  Who was she? It was apparent that Sabrina and Karina cared for one another, but there was something deeper in their connection. A forced, sisterly bond in some respects, which was a contradiction in itself.

  The way that I had come to care for Karina, I needed to know all sides of her if I had a chance with her. I needed to protect her, but I couldn’t if I didn’t know her. Whatever secrets she held, I needed to get past them to have a chance at her heart.

  And that was the moment my eyes opened. I was falling in love with a woman I barely knew.

  CHAPTER 22 – KARINA

  I was clipping roses in my garden when the hum of a loud engine roared behind me. Standing, I adjusted the large straw hat on my head and slowly slid my sunglasses down.

  That was one beautiful, sexy car with a powerful engine under its hood. And the fact that it was black was some sort of turn on for me. I had caught a glimpse of it the last time I was at his house but hadn’t seen it in all its glory.

  Now it was shined up and glistening to perfection.

  Zymir pushed the door open and stepped from the car. A brilliant white t-shirt was clinging to his chest and arms like a drowning victim holding on to their savior. Grey sweatpants that instantly drew my eyes down.

  Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!

  I don’t know what the hell else he was wearing, and I couldn’t even tell the color of the sunglasses on his eyes. Ain’t no way in hell it should be legal for a man to do that shit.

  I mean, seriously. This brother had me thinking there needed to be a law passed against fine ass men in grey sweatpants. If not, I think some sistahs were about to catch a sexual assault charge, and I was one of them.

  The way the grey material outlined that thick. Fat. Long. Juicy. Hard. Dick print had my mouth salivating. I was ready to drop to my knees right there in my driveway and bite and suck that bitch into oblivion. And I didn’t give a damn who was watching or who had something to say about it. Hell, they could record it and sell it for porno for all I gave a damn.

  I just wanted it. Wanted to hold it. Taste it. Feel it shoving between my thighs and every available hole I had on my body.

  But then he cleared his throat, which forced my eyes up.

  “Hey, there,” he said, a slow, easy smile covering those gorgeous lips.

  Damn! Why’d he have to be so sexy and a pretty boy!

  “I brought this to you; the postal carrier delivered it to my house,” he said, offering a package to me.

  For the first time, I realized he held a white Amazon package in his hand. How’d I miss that? Oh, I know how I missed it, I thought as he reached out a hand to give me the package.

  Because no sooner than he leaned forward, that damn dick print shifted, and I swear that motherfucker went swinging. Really, Zymir? He wanted me to not look at him as just a sex object, and he was dressing like this? I mean, you can’t even come to my house with a decent pair of underwear on?

  Damn tease!

  But I didn’t say any of that. Instead, I reached for the package and smiled at Zymir.

  “Thanks, Zymir,” I said, glancing at the package instead of his handsome face and those gorgeous blondish-brown dreads which were mostly covered by a ball cap that he wore turned backward.

  “You’re welcome,” he said, taking a step back, his hand reaching for the car door.

  When he opened the door, I found my voice again. I was desperate for any contact with him. Because it had been quite lonely since he’d placed distance between us.

  “How’ve you been, Zymir?”

  His brow creased slightly before he schooled his face into a blank expression. “I’m good, Karina.”

  “What about business? How’re things going at the shop?” I asked as he prepared to lower himself into his car.

  He stood again, resting one arm on the roof of the car, the other on the top of the door, and his one leg positioned inside of the vehicle.

  “The business is great. Never better,” Zymir replied. “How’s your cooking coming along?”

  “It’s been wonderful. I’ve made a few new dishes that I include in the cookbook. Would you like to try one? I had just finished it about half an hour ago, and I’m sure that it’s still warm.”

  He shook his head, making my heart stumble in my chest. What the entire hell was going on?

  “No, thank you, Karina. I have some business to handle, but I am sure that it’s delicious.”

  “Would you like for me to bring some over...maybe later?” I suggested.

  Because my pussy was just throbbing at the sight of that print in those sweat pants. I needed Zymir to stuff that inside of me and cure everything that ailed me.

  He licked those beautiful lips, pulled the lower one inside of his mouth, and then said words that hurt my core.

  “No, thanks. I already have plans with a friend tonight,” he said, lowering himself into the car.

  Just like that, huh?

  I nodded my head, turned around, and headed back for my rosebushes. I had all but begged the man, and I wasn’t going to keep doing that. If he didn’t want this, then fine. I had a friend who would take perfectly good care of me, and he never minded showing up whenever I called him.

  MY HIPS JUTTED FORWARD as I bit down on my bottom li
p while rolling my fingers back and forth across my nipples. Squeezing my eyes closed tight, I slowly slid my hand away from my breasts, gradually inching closer to my core. When I reached it, my fingers circled my clit, making that tiny bud a little harder.

  “Ahhh!” I groaned as he slid deeper into me, spreading my vaginal walls and filling me inside. I spread my legs wider, allowing myself to be completely open and giving all of myself to him.

  Slowly, in and out, the thrusts grew deeper, and my juices spread becoming stickier. I rubbed my nub as he filled me up.

  I was on the brink of an orgasm. My hips rose to meet his penetration in a perfectly timed thrust.

  “Awwww!” I moaned, pumping my hips and grabbing every bit of pleasure I could find at his mercy. My fingers slipped away from my clitoris to join him inside of my pussy.

  “Aww, fuck!” I moaned, pumping my hips up off the bed, basking in the thrill of the softness of my heated core and the pleasure my body received.

  Removing my fingers, I slipped one into my mouth to taste myself as he sped up. The saltiness of my juices on my fingertips gave me an erotic thrill.

  “Mmmm,” I moaned, writhing all over the bed as my hips jerked this way and that, moving in the opposite direction of my head.

  My legs clenched as I came and shuddered to a disappointing conclusion.

  I had expected that my long-time companion would take care of my sexual needs tonight and make me feel all right about Zymir’s absence.

  That wasn’t happening either.

  “You can’t fuck worth shit!” I griped.

  He remained quiet, never having a word to say to me. That was the only good thing about his sorry ass, he never complained, and he took mine in stride. But he never turned me away when I needed a dick to tighten this pussy up.

  I rolled my eyes at my vibrator as I pulled it out. I had tried. Honest to goodness, I had tried to imagine that it was Zymir between my legs and inside of my ass, but none of that had helped.

  It wasn’t the real thing. Not as hard as Zymir, or big as him, or venous as him, and his moves weren’t as smooth as Zymir’s.

  I simply felt empty. Had this young boy turned me out?

  I didn’t know. But the only thing that I did know was that I was in for another sleepless night.

  Somehow, I had allowed him to get inside of my headspace. While I had been running around trying to pretend that all I wanted was good, hot sex from him, he seemed to be hellbent on showing me that I needed more.

  My therapist’s instructions to invite him for dinner had failed. In some ways, I guess, but not completely. What it had allowed me to do was to see how vulnerable I was, despite the strong façade I tried to project.

  Inviting him over and having him reject me had served to do nothing but make me want him more. Now, I realized how lonely I was. Not having conversations with him and hearing his laughter or seeing the pleasure in his eyes whenever he ate my cooking. Or me.

  All of the things that I had taken for granted Zymir had snatched up in the blink of an eye. He had made me see just how much I had come to rely on him for those things in my life.

  I just couldn’t give in, though, not yet. Because if I gave in, it would be like giving up. I’d give myself completely to Zymir, and when he left, I’d be devastated.

  Hopping up from my bed, I headed to the bathroom to wash up and clean off my vibrator.

  Within twenty minutes, I was sitting up in bed, creating a profile on LoveMe.com.

  I’m sure that I could find a man that was willing to sex my body without requiring my heart. To hell with you, Zymir Espinola.

  CHAPTER 23 – ZYMIR

  “You need to get over this woman or either be with her.”

  “Over her? You act as if I’m madly in love with her or something.”

  Bishop’s head jerked up at that comment.

  “Try telling me you’re not, Zymir. We’re sitting in your kitchen. Two...excuse my language, grown-ass men, listening to Rose Royce’s I Wanna Get Next To You. I hope like hell you’re playing that because of her and not me,” he said, widening his eyes seriously.

  “I have no control over that. It’s playing on Pandora.”

  “As if your ass didn’t change it to a sappy station.”

  Bishop was right. I had been listening to this same station on Pandora for the past few days. Although I wouldn’t tell him that, but I was in my feelings about Karina.

  “When are you going to stop playing this game with her, my man?” Bishop asked.

  He had just stopped by my house after dropping his date off, who lived in a subdivision down the street from me.

  “I’m not playing games with her, Bishop. I just want her to take me seriously,” I said.

  “Well, maybe she was trying to. I mean, the woman invited you to her house for dinner. That was a major step for her, and you shot her down. She’s been throwing herself out there ever since, and you keep rejecting her. A lot of women don’t take rejection well.”

  “Neither do I, Bishop. That’s why I have to make sure that she’s serious before I let her back in. I don’t want her just to get close to me, have sex with me, and then she goes back to the way she was before. You understand?” I asked.

  “Well, I don’t know how serious she is or will be about you. Looks to me like she’s moved on,” Bishop said.

  “What are you talking about?”

  His face scrunched into a deeper frown as he stared at his computer.

  “She’s got a profile on Loveme.com.”

  “How do you know?” I asked, moving closer to where he stood and dropping the knife I had been chopping vegetables with onto the cutting board.

  “Because I’m a member of Loveme.com, and it just sent her profile to me as a potential match.”

  “What the hell?” I asked, reaching for his laptop.

  “Man...chill!” Bishop warned, pulling his laptop closer while rearing back and giving me the eye.

  “Okay, but let me see it,” I said, reaching again.

  “You can see it as long as you promise not to do shit, and don’t break my computer if your ass gets mad.”

  “Get mad for what?” I asked.

  “This,” he said, spinning the laptop around where I could see it better.

  There she was in all her ginger-colored glory in a bikini top and bottoms that had my dick instantly jumping to attention. I wondered how old the picture was because her hair that she normally wore hanging past her shoulders in a straight cut or either softly curled around her face was curly.

  Massive curls sprung out in every direction from her head, and she had her hand on her hip in a sassy pose on a beach.

  I glanced at her intro profile which read like a miniature porn bio:

  “There’s nothing better than being wet, sticky, and overheated. You should message me if you’re into sexy, steamy nights; wild, adventurous days, and love eating a hot meal. And that includes me.”

  “What the fuck is this!” I shouted, pointing my hand at Bishop’s laptop.

  Despite my outburst, I didn’t miss the way he slid it away from me.

  “It’s her intro profile,” he said as if I didn’t know.

  “I mean, why is she out here putting herself out like that?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe because that’s all Karina really wants, man. Just hot, wild sex. Maybe she truly isn’t looking for a relationship, and she was honest with you. You can’t fault her for that. All women aren’t looking for a serious relationship. Maybe she’s been hurt before,” Bishop suggested.

  I glanced grimly at him. “Oh, I know she has. I don’t know how I know, but I know she has, and that’s why I’m not giving up. This woman has issues trusting a man, and I just want her to see that I have her best interest at heart.”

  “By rejecting her and leading her to believe that you don’t want her? That maybe you’re seeing someone else because you keep having ‘other plans,’ or eating out ‘with a friend.’ I don’t see how you think
that will work,” Bishop said.

  “Because she’ll understand that I’m not into her just for sex.”

  “Damn, is the sex that bad?”

  “Hell no! This woman is...” I squeezed my eyes tight and tried to imagine worms and bears. Anything to get my dick to go down again.

  “Okay, I get the picture. But why don’t you just come out and tell her how you feel? Let her know that you want something serious with her, and you’re not okay with just fucking and sucking,” Bishop said with a shrug.

  “I’ve tried, Bishop. She doesn’t want to talk. I swear to you every time I try, she runs. She does something to shut me down, but she refuses to talk seriously. I’ve shared with her everything that I can think of about my personal life and not just throwing it all at her. But depending on the conversation, I might find a perfect segue to tell her something personal that relates to the topic. If I look to her to reciprocate, she slams the door in my face,” I said.

  Bishop shook his head. “Then maybe she’s not the one for you, Zymir. Have you thought about that?”

  Nodding slowly, I said. “I have, but my mind won’t accept that. Somehow, I know that Karina is. Every time I try to force myself to believe she’s not the one, it just won’t become a cohesive thought that aligns with the desires of my heart, man.”

  “Sheesh, bruh. I pray I never have it like you. I’m not trying to be that gone over a woman. Don’t get me wrong; I respect women highly. I think they are the queens of the earth and deserve to be cherished. But if they don’t want me, I’m fine with that. I only want to be with a woman who’s as interested in me as I am in her.”

  “Yeah, that’s how I used to feel, Bishop. Until Karina.”

  “So, what are you going to do about this?” he asked, giving me a grave stare as he pointed at his laptop.

  “Honestly, I don’t even know.”

  “If it were Kole, he’d tell you to create a profile of your own. I’ve met some pretty cool women on here, though. You might find someone you’re better suited for, Zymir.”