The Resolution for Men

  Love, truth, and respectful fear go hand in hand.

  The Fear of the Lord

  God is love, but He is also to be feared. The fear of the Lord is a holy, reverent respect for God that causes us to take Him very, very seriously, realizing He is all-knowing, all-powerful, and completely holds our lives, our universe, our judgment, and our eternal destiny in His hands.

  To fear Him is to be soberly aware of His awesome authority over us, not going around thinking we can do whatever we want without real side-effects or consequences. As a result, fearing the Lord keeps a child’s and a man’s desires and life in check.

  Fearing the Lord transforms our thinking. It is a blessing and a protection to us.

  It causes us to guard what we say and helps us make wise decisions about what we do. It motivates a person not to steal, sleep around, or abuse his body with drugs and alcohol—because he knows a holy God is watching over him at all times and will judge him one day for his actions.

  King Solomon explained that “by the fear of the Lord one keeps away from evil” (Proverbs 16:6). It is a “fountain of life” through which “one may avoid the snares of death” (14:27).

  So don’t think of it as an anchor to carry around or a dark cloud of dread that takes all the fun out of life. The fear of the Lord actually causes our other fears to go away. It brings “strong confidence” (14:26) It doesn’t just keep us from negative burdens; it opens the floodgates for positive blessings.

  Wisdom, counsel, and understanding begin with the fear of the Lord. (Proverbs 8:14)

  Wealth, honor, and fruitfulness follow the fear the Lord. (Proverbs 8:17–19)

  Its fruits include humility and a proper hatred of pride and evil. (Proverbs 8:13)

  God’s presence, provision, and blessing are granted to those who fear Him. (Psalm 34:9)

  Maintaining a fear of the Lord actually helps us enjoy better and longer lives!

  Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord. Who is the man who desires life and loves length of days that he may see good? Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Depart from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. (Psalm 34:11–14)

  The fear of the Lord impacts future generations. It keeps us and our families engaged in things that lead to blessing. “How blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in His commandments. His descendants will be mighty on earth; the generation of the upright will be blessed” (Psalm 112:1–2).

  It is for this reason that we should prayerfully ask God to help us develop a strong fear of the Lord in our lives and in our children. Training them to fear the Lord sets them up to live with incredible wisdom and success.

  So teach them to take God seriously, to know He is omniscient and always watching them (Proverbs 15:3). To know they will reap what they sow (Galatians 6:7). To know He will judge them one day (Romans 14:12). And to know He is a great rewarder of those who diligently seek Him and obey Him (Hebrews 11:6).

  To fear Him—just like to love Him—is a very, very good thing!

  And as this sense of godly respect grows on us and our children, as we balance our love for Him with our healthy fear of Him, it naturally leads to something that is sorely missing in our society today—something each of us as men desire deeply to recapture and restore.

  That “something” is honor.

  Honor

  In years past, men would shake hands on an agreement and would keep their word. Being honorable was important to them. They took it seriously. Not that people in past generations had everything together, but when Christian influence was the norm, they were generally more attuned to what it meant to have a reputation as an honest, respectable man.

  They valued honor.

  When you see a row of soldiers standing at attention, with uniforms in pristine condition and an expression of resolution on their faces, it stirs something within you. Their very behavior raises the level of honor you feel for your country and your flag. These men are ready to defend, fight for, and represent their nation. They are disciplined and trained. They understand the necessity of carrying out orders and fulfilling their duty. There’s a confidence in their walk and a strength in their manner. They exude honor, and it makes those around them want to get their act together and raise their own level of respect.

  Honor makes a man stand up straighter.

  Walk taller. Win favor. Excel faster.

  To live with honor means you adopt a higher standard. You rise above the status quo and reflect a system of values bigger than you are as an individual. You keep your word and esteem other people highly. You avoid the shortcuts that would damage your integrity, and you focus on your duties with disciplined intention. You show respect. No matter how other people around you are behaving, you maintain your stance of honor.

  And fathers should learn to pass down these same qualities to their kids so they too can model what it means to live holy and honorably before the Lord.

  When children understand they’ve been created by a powerful, intentional God who knows them personally and desires to use them for His glory, this knowledge adds honor and purpose to every cell in their bodies. And when you train your children to treat God and all people with great respect and honor, you set them up to be greatly respected and honored and more influential.

  An honorable young man keeps his word and fulfills his responsibilities. He learns to give up his chair to the elderly, avert his eyes away from immorality, and communicate with clarity. An honorable young lady learns to listen attentively, dress modestly, and speak respectfully and graciously. We instill this in our children partly through character training and partly through teaching them basic etiquette.

  Honor is attractive. It doesn’t demand respect; it quickly earns it.

  Fear grounds us.

  Honor inspires us.

  And one of the first places we teach these things and see them in action is in our and our children’s relationship with authority.

  “I Will Train Them to Honor Authority”

  No one likes to see blue lights in his rearview mirror, but if you’re speeding or breaking traffic laws, you’re accountable to them because they represent authority over you.

  If your boss calls you into his office at work to reprimand you for an action you’ve taken, you may or may not feel like his rebuke is warranted. But he is in authority over you, and you are accountable to honor him.

  The whole concept of authority comes from God. Earthly authority is His design and tool for creating order and for keeping us accountable and responsible, for honoring good and for punishing evil (Romans 13:1–4). Authorities on earth help keep us mindful of His superior, eternal authority—and to prepare us for the day when we stand before Him in judgment.

  Since God can turn the heart of anyone in a leadership position in any direction (Proverbs 21:1) and replace a leader at any moment, we should be like Jesus and submit to our imperfect, human authorities knowing that God uses them to carry out His purposes (John 19:11). The only time we should not submit to them is when they are asking us to disobey God and sin (Acts 5:29). A higher authority trumps them at that point.

  Both Romans 13 and Hebrews 13 give us insight into the importance of understanding and obeying the authorities God has placed in our lives.

  Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. (Romans 13:1–2 NIV)

  Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you. (Hebrews 13:17–18)

  Notice that Scripture does not tell us to obey them only if we agree with their judgment. It simply says to “submit” to authority, a
nd that whoever rebels is not rebelling against an individual but against God Himself.

  So if a person in authority is misusing his position, you can know that he will be required to “give an account” for his own actions to an authority higher than himself. He is more accountable to God because he must answer to Him not only for his own performance but also for his leadership of those under him. That’s a sobering thought—one that anyone in a position of authority should constantly remember.

  Handling and responding to authority is serious business.

  In fact, a biblical approach doesn’t merely mean not showing disrespect to your authorities. You should actually want your leaders to succeed. You should be eager to help them fulfill their roles capably—your employers, pastors, law enforcement, elected officials. You will be to them like a rare breath of fresh air. Helping them to win actually sets you up to win their ear and gain their favor. Then if they make unwise decisions, respectfully appeal to them and pray for them, but maintain an attitude of Christlike honor even when you disagree (1 Timothy 2:1–4).

  This is how we should treat those over us—with a clear conscience, in respectful ways—not only from a fear of God but as a witness and an example to our children. Our kids will most likely adopt our views on authority in their own lives as well. Whatever patterns we set for them will be the ones they use to train their own kids and so on.

  Like everything else in life, authority must be seen through a biblical worldview. We fail both ourselves and our children when we react on feelings alone, when we run at the mouth instead of trusting God and running back to His Word for wisdom, guidance, and direction.

  We are His creation. We are accountable to Him—both to love Him and to fear Him. Our lives, therefore, are not about our plans, desires, and opinions. We are not here for our own pleasure and preferences but to please God alone. Our families will degrade if we do not bring things like our attitude toward authority under the supreme authority of His Word and His purposes for us.

  When you teach your children to honor authority, you are teaching them to better honor God. Consider what you’re modeling to your children in the area of honoring authority:

  When you’re at home, how do you talk about your leaders at work and church?

  What do your children hear you saying about the government or elected representatives? Even if you disagree with them, is your attitude respectful?

  Do they see you praying for your authorities? (1 Timothy 2:1–4)

  How do they see you respond to speed limits and state troopers?

  Does this match your talk about how God places authorities in our lives for our benefit?

  It has been said that what parents allow in moderation, their children will do in excess. So every generation of fathers must “be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them” (Deuteronomy 4:9 NIV), helping them not “forget his deeds” but to “keep his commands” (Psalm 78:7 NIV).

  So obey the authorities in your life as unto the Lord. And teach your kids to do the same—as unto the Lord. It will help them obey you. If you don’t train them to respect authority, and then they in turn quit respecting you, you will lose your influence and everything that goes with it. Honoring authority is a hallmark of godly men and their children.

  But how do you instill honor into your children? How do you train them to respect your authority as a parent, as well as that of other leaders?

  Disciples and Discipline

  A major part of your role as a father is to disciple your kids, to teach them the ways of God and the realities of life from a mature, experienced, biblical perspective.

  But discipling your kids requires discipline.

  Discipline helps our children realize that sin is not only dishonoring to God and dishonoring to us, but it is harmful to them. As the book of Proverbs and Deuteronomy 30 reiterates again and again, the right choice is the smart one (the path to blessing), and the wrong choice is the stupid one (the path to punishment).

  And discipline is what brings this point home for kids. It gives a clear, negative connotation to sin’s costly consequences.

  Therefore discipline doesn’t feel good, nor should it. “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11 NIV).

  Discipline should be more on the father’s shoulders than the mother’s because of who we represent. Our loving discipline prepares our kids to respect and obey their heavenly Father.

  We had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness.” (Hebrews 12:9–10)

  So a father’s job is to take the long view, not the short one. Discipline withheld may seem momentarily pleasant to the child and the parent. But many fathers—even good men like Eli in the Old Testament, the wise, priestly mentor to the young prophet Samuel—are failing to heed God’s warning not to “withhold discipline from a child” (Proverbs 23:13). God said of Eli, “I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them” (1 Samuel 3:13).

  It takes no skill or courage to be a passive father—not when he knows that by failing to correct sin in his children, he is actually encouraging it. More than that, he is likely guaranteeing that uncorrected sin will follow his child into adulthood and follow his family into the coming generations. What takes courage is to faithfully and fairly dispense parental discipline—despite its momentary discomfort—knowing that sin will harm a child in far worse ways than even the painful discipline of a loving father. “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly” (Proverbs 13:24 NKJV).

  Our children—just like us—are sinners living in a fallen world. And if we don’t correct our own sinful tendencies as well as those of our children, each of us will stray further away from God’s instructions and be left to live with the terrible consequences.

  Scripture portrays a clear pattern: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6 ESV).

  He’ll walk right into the blessing of God.

  God has designed obedience and honor to be blessed with a full life and an easier yoke. That’s why He says:

  Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:1–3)

  It is a lie from the Enemy to believe that rebelling against and dishonoring authority brings more freedom and peace. Rather, Scripture says to “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). When we do, God will begin using their own consciences to convict them of a standard they know to be right and true.

  Correction builds character.

  Training leads to honor.

  So at its heart, discipline springs from long-range love—a father’s consistent promise to help correct his children and lead them toward a lifetime of blessing and responsibility.

  Discipline in Action

  Now let’s get practical: the level of discipline that a parent should give will differ depending upon the crime. Children that do something out of ignorance should receive more mercy and teaching than discipline. But when they know better and still rebel, the consequences should be greater.

  If your child has intentionally done something worthy of receiving discipline, then you are the primary one responsible to make sure it is carried out. And the most effective way is to follow biblical principles. There are many forms of discipline,
but God’s Word communicates that a father should not be afraid to lovingly spank his children, especially in their younger years. Physical discipline is mentioned numerous times in Scripture, and God has approved of it as an instrument of justice and cleansing. Note these verses from Proverbs:

  Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15 NKJV)

  The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. . . . Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; he will give delight to your heart. (Proverbs 29:15, 17)

  A loving spanking doesn’t warp a child; it humbles them and helps them behave. Our culture may frown on the spanking of children. But the culture is not your authority—God is. And His Word says it’s better that they experience the brief physical sting of a spanking for a few seconds than to grow up without an understanding of consequences throughout their lives. Our prisons are full of men and women who would trade their punishment for a child’s spanking any day. If children learn to talk their way out of receiving discipline by crying, negotiating, or manipulating, they will learn to do it all the more as an adult.

  And the more they do it, the less they will respect you or any other authority—the less honorable they will become. Ultimately this “fearless” view of authority will damage their image of God, the righteous Judge, who will not tolerate negotiating or manipulation on Judgment Day. By not disciplining them, we do our children a disservice by indirectly teaching them to dishonor God.