The Resolution for Men

  4. Praying repetitive, empty words. Why do we think God wants to hear canned, lifeless, unthinking prayers? Jesus said, “When you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words. So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him” (Matthew 6:7–8).

  5. Prayers not prayed. “You do not have because you do not ask” (James 4:2). It seems obvious, but one of the reasons our prayers don’t get answered is because we never got around to praying them.

  6. Praying with a lustful heart. “You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures” (James 4:3). God isn’t fooled by prayers that are more about how we can fulfill our sinful desires than how we can honor Him and fulfill His purposes.

  7. Praying while mistreating your spouse. “Live with your wives in an understanding way . . . and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). If you don’t listen to your wife, then God won’t listen to you.

  8. Praying while ignoring the poor. “He who shuts his ear to the cry of the poor will also cry himself and not be answered” (Proverbs 21:13). If we do not cultivate a generous, compassionate heart, we become spiritually impoverished and God ignores us.

  9. Praying with bitterness toward another. Jesus said, “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions” (Mark 11:25–26). Unforgiveness indicates a closed, resistant heart in us, which closes off our prayer life as well.

  10. Praying with a faithless heart. The man who wants to hear from God “must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways” (James 1:6–8). If we don’t really believe He cares or can, then He says He won’t.

  THE TEN KEYS THAT ENABLE PRAYER TO BE EFFECTIVE

  1. Praying by asking, seeking, and knocking. Jesus said, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. . . . If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!” (Matthew 7:7–8, 11). We should be specific and persistent and keep praying until something happens.

  2. Praying in faith. “All things for which you pray and ask,” Jesus said, “believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you” (Mark 11:24). When followers of Christ believe He can and will, then He likely will . . . in His way and in His timing. He invites us to be bold enough to ask for big things.

  3. Praying in secret. Jesus also taught that “when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you” (Matthew 6:6). When we pray alone, God knows it is more sincere and not for show. Seek to be close to Him even when no one’s watching.

  4. Praying according to God’s will. “This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us” (1 John 5:14). When we pray for what God wants more than what we want, He will answer us. You can ask for whatever you want, but you should trust His response since He knows what you really want and need better than you do.

  5. Praying in Jesus’ name. “Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it” (John 14:13–14). When we know Christ, we pray based upon His name, His reputation, His authority, and His track record, not our own worthiness. We don’t earn God’s ear, but Jesus already has it. Every time our heavenly Father answers us, He is glorified through what Jesus has done.

  6. Praying in agreement with other believers. Jesus said, “If two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst” (Matthew 18:19–20). United prayer works. To agree means to make a harmonious symphony. We pray in different ways, but we intercede together for the same beautiful result.

  7. Praying while fasting. Paul’s pattern was that after they had “appointed elders for them in every church, having prayed with fasting, they commended them to the Lord in whom they had believed” (Acts 14:23). After Esther’s people fasted and prayed, they had a major breakthrough. Come with a heart that’s hungry and thirsty for God instead.

  8. Praying from an obedient life. “If our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do the things that are pleasing in His sight” (1 John 3:21–22). An obedient heart is unashamed and at home in His presence, not afraid of being found out, not holding anything back.

  9. Praying while abiding in Christ and His Word. “If you abide in Me,” Jesus said, “and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you” (John 15:7). Praying while staying in close fellowship with Him and His Word sets us up to pray much more effectively. His Word renews our minds and lines up our prayers with His heart and mind.

  10. Praying while delighting in the Lord. “Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4). The word desires means “petitions.” When we are satisfied with Him alone, He feels free to give us things we wanted to pursue but didn’t.

  You can summarize all the locks and keys of prayer this way: if you will get right with God, get right with other people, and then get your heart right, you can get busy praying and watch God work in amazing ways. The bottom line is that “the earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results” (James 5:16 NLT).

  In prayer you can become a very dangerous man. For good.

  The Bible says that God wants us to have freedom and confidence when we pray (Ephesians 3:12). This means nothing is holding us back from praying and nothing is holding us back while praying. No guilt, no doubt, no fear, and no hindrance. When we pray, we are not talking to an impersonal, careless God but to a loving Father. So we just need to be patient and trust His heart that He is doing what is best for us and for His greatest glory.

  Then as we learn to pray more effectively, we will realize that one of the kindest actions we can do for others is to pray for them. To intercede on their behalf and seek His involvement in their lives is both compassionate and Christlike. If someone has ever told you they’re praying for you, it is very encouraging.

  Prayer doesn’t just “change things.” It changes us. Relating to God with new openness and consistency gives you not only a desire but also the ability to become a different “kind” of man—one who learns to treat others with true love and respect.

  “I Will Treat Others with Kindness, Respect, and Compassion”

  When Jesus was asked to boil down all of God’s commandments to their essential ingredients, He said that no commandments were greater than loving God with all that we are and loving our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:36–40).

  This raises a question for us. If the second greatest commandment of all is to love our neighbors (which is a general reference to all the people around us), then do our “neighbors” see a difference in us they don’t see in non-Christians? Are we demonstrating the kind of love that Jesus says we should be expressing toward others?

  What would it look like if we did?

  First, His love isn’t always soft and gentle. Love doesn’t mean being a pushover, someone that others can walk on because they know we won’t do anything about it. To truly love a neighbor means to do what’s best f
or them and help them get on right terms with God (or stay on right terms with God). And as we all know, this often calls for some straight talk and courageous conversation. In addition to serving, sacrificing, and going the extra mile, love means getting tough when necessary to show how much we really care about others.

  Jesus was gentle and kind, but when Peter took Him aside, telling Him that he would never allow his Master to be killed on his watch, Jesus rebuked him: “Get behind Me, Satan; for you are not setting your mind on God’s interests, but man’s” (Mark 8:33). Jesus’ decisions would come from aligning His actions and expectations with God’s will, not Peter’s desires. It took a sharp word from Jesus to get that through to him.

  But that’s love. That’s caring more about what someone else needs than about what they want or whether they like you or not. Most men don’t have the guts to do this. Demonstrating love often means doing something hard and uncomfortable if it’s what’s best for a friend.

  Second, His love helps you love people who are not like you. What difference does it make if the only people you choose to favor or be around are those who look like you, act like you, and agree with your religious and political views? How are you expanding the reach of God’s kingdom by keeping your attention contained to a tight, limited circle of like-minded friends?

  Loving others as Jesus loved them means recognizing everyone as being a creation of God. The Bible says God made us in His image, so when we devalue others in our minds because of their race, color, gender, or social status, it’s the same as telling God that He could’ve done a better job of making them. In contrast, Scripture says to “regard one another as more important than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). If Jesus could humble Himself to take on human flesh, walk in our shoes, and even give Himself to die on the cross for our sins, then who are we to judge others because they don’t have our education, financial status, or abilities?

  The Samaritan woman that Jesus met at the well was the opposite of Him in every way, but He still reached out to her in love and kindness (John 4:7–26). To put His love in today’s terms, it’s like a wealthy, heterosexual boss from America reaching out in compassion to his hurting coworker who may be a homosexual female maintenance worker from another country.

  Our love should know no bounds. Christ was a friend to sinners, died for all, and still shows no favoritism. That includes people of any nationality, any body type, any background, and any personality style. We are all sinners in need of His grace. And we should extend that grace freely to others He places in our paths.

  “So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Colossians 3:12)—not just for people you tend to like but those who are probably the most in need of somebody to love them in Christ.

  Third, His love makes you respectful. When Jesus presented truth to unbelievers, He left it up to them as to how to respond. He didn’t force it down their throats. He didn’t twist their arms to make them follow Him. He spoke the truth with love and grace while showing respect. Though rebuking or challenging a brother in the faith can often be the most loving way to treat him, our behavior toward those who do not believe should be graced with extra warmth, compassion, and kindness. This is the most effective way to reach them.

  As Paul said, “The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil” (2 Timothy 2:24–26).

  Don’t take judgment into your own hands. Put yourself in their shoes. Show love toward those who don’t recognize the Word of God as the standard to live by. Why would they adhere to rules they don’t believe? If they are spiritually blind (2 Corinthians 4:4), spiritually dead (Ephesians 2:1), and a slave to sin (John 8:34), why would we expect them to think or act like a Christian? Instead let your compassion demonstrate the God you serve and the Savior you worship. Expressing genuine love can crush the doubts of the skeptic and open the heart of the hardened prisoner. Let your heart for Christ be seen in how you treat them. If they are your coworker, relative, or neighbor, don’t be surprised if God gives them a great need and sets you up to meet it. Or a crisis where you can show compassion. This is the environment where truth takes root—where we “overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21).

  Are you known for loving others? Do your children see you as a man who respects everyone and shows compassion for the hurting? Would they say you love your neighbor as yourself?

  Remember, your example will likely be adopted by your kids. If they see you acting with consistent kindness and compassion toward people around you, they’ll catch the desire and confidence to do the same thing. As you pray with them for opportunities to show love and share their faith, you will celebrate together how God works through you as a team.

  Which brings us back to the importance of prayer. You may not have put a lot of thought into loving the people in your life or the strangers on the corner. But in prayer, God can draw out of you His own love for others. He can tweak the consciences of those you know and meet, making them unexpectedly hungry for a relationship with your God. And He can turn you loose with a new freedom to care about them—something that honestly wasn’t there before.

  A coach looks for players to put in the game who are physically ready, mentally focused, and who know the plays. If you resolve to be prayerful, respectful, and loving toward others, God will give you more opportunities for ministry than you can imagine, making your life a real source of Christlike blessing and joy to people’s hearts—for God’s glory and praise.

  Let’s start praying about that.

  COURAGEOUS CHALLENGE

  Write a letter of appreciation to your father or pastor.

  MEMORY VERSE

  As those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (Colossians 3:12)

  Lazy people want much but get little, but those who work hard will prosper. . . . Work brings profit, but mere talk leads to poverty.

  Proverbs 13:4; 14:23 (NLT)

  CHAPTER 11

  RESOLVE TO PROVIDE FOR YOUR FAMILY

  I WILL work diligently to provide for the needs of my family.

  Blessed are the breadwinners. As men, we should consider it an honor to embrace our role as the primary providers of our families. This is part of our manhood and calling as representatives of God the Father—the One who established work as part of His creation and is still “working” (John 5:17) as an example for us to follow, continually providing for our daily needs.

  We could significantly reduce the poverty level in our country if every father who had checked out on his wife and kids would go home and start taking his role as provider seriously. “I will work diligently to provide for the needs of my family” is a desperately needed resolution that every man called “father” should boldly make. The word father means “source,” among other things. Jesus said that when we need something, we should pray and ask our “Father who is in heaven” to provide it for us (Matthew 7:11).

  Psalm 23, the most famous chapter of comfort from the Bible, is also a vivid picture of a loving shepherd providing for the flocks under his care: “The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want” (verse 1). Starting from that opening statement, this psalm describes how God not only provides us with food, water, and rest but also meets our emotional and spiritual needs as well. “He restores my soul” (verse 3). Bottom line, if we have a legitimate need, then God our Father is on it. Even when the path seems dark and difficult, He is there, watching over us, comforting us, and taking care of us.

  And for men—“shepherds” over our families—few things make us feel stronger and more masculine than knowing our wife and kids could say the same of us. “My dad is my shepherd, and I don’t lack anything
I need.”

  While many wives sacrificially help their families financially (Proverbs 31:16–24), husbands should always see themselves as the primary providers as shepherds over their homes. No, we can’t give our families everything they want or everything we wish we could. But by God’s grace, operating through our hard work, they don’t have to worry if their needs will be met.

  “My husband is a great provider.”

  Love hearing that.

  Some men, struggling to find good-paying work, may feel like failures for not being able to temporarily fulfill their desire to provide financially. In tight economies, in down seasons, God often allows families to go through lean times, testing their faith and discovering where their trust and priorities really are.

  These are the dark moments when courageous husbands and fathers must battle through their insecurities, fears, and feelings of desperation to continue offering the provisional leadership their families need, even as they scrimp and save. God knows what is in a man’s heart, and He will not fail to provide opportunities for us to physically care for our families as we seek Him. His promise to His children is that “God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).

  For others, however, this resolution comes with a grave warning: “If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). Some men are not providing for their families because they’re not willing to put in that much hard work and sacrifice. But a change of heart could ignite the motivation that pulls his family back from the brink of destruction. A man of lazy habits, transformed by God into a man of labor and faithfulness, can change the course of his family for generations.